THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION LADIES AND GENTS! *drumroll* What is LOVE?
Okay... love is different for everyone. Cliche, yes, but that's true. It's like a really addictive drug; you have it, you feel like the top of the world. ... and when you don't, you just want to jump off a cliff.
I think it's completely fine that you haven't dated anyone yet, despite your age. I think the reason is you are completely content on your own, which is great, independent and all.
But really? Do you ever feel alone? Lonely? Empty? Missing?
Start going out and make new friends. But also remember to chill and no rushing to it. You can't force attraction, you can't force feelings, you can't force love.
So it will hit you one day like a brick hitting your head out of the blue. It will. K?
Love is different for everyone. You won't find a single true answer.
Personally, for me, love is all-consuming. It makes me happy, it makes me sad, it makes me cry, it makes me laugh... it all depends on the day, but love enhances every damn feeling I have. Right now, I am not in love, but I'm broken-hearted. So it feels this way for me.
same here..i never experienced any of those love stuff.
im already 22 single since birth i was thinking that maybe its because im too fat to attract someone,too childish or too shy haha and also, im an introvert and i suck at conversations. the most common people who are always in a relationship are the bubbly ones.. well im emotionless most of the time.
a friend told me, just wait and it will come to you someday.
I am 22 and never dated anyone. I know society tells us that such things are weird and should be frowned upon, fact is they are not weird.
The fact that you say you have not really questioned why before tells me that it isn't an inability to socialize or that you are some sort of repellent to people, but that you are simply content with yourself. And I can tell you that is quite a good thing. You are able to make yourself happy, and don't rely on others to dictate your feelings.
I know someone who after breaking up with his girlfriend had to move back in with family because he just couldn't handle dictating his own life. He never goes out, tries new things, tries to meet people. It drives me nuts because he was on a collage campus with lots of activities to do, and I am stuck at home most nights because there is nowhere to go where I live (and no money to do anything with...) But despite having multiple girlfriends, a room with one of his best friends on a busy collage campus (He could have gone to a free lecture by David Letterman and OPERA! But instead he called home to complain how lonely he was). he fails to find any amount of happiness because he puts his whole self confidence and personal view of himself in his relationships.
Sorry for the rant... It's just he has dragged everyone around him through his mopey little world for the past few months and I'm getting a little tired of it.
OK back to my point. You are doing just fine. Better than fine, there are quite a few people who would love to be able to find the kind of self contentment you have, you don't feel the need to have a relationship, you are happy with yourself. How you are feeling now isn't because you are incapable of love, you are simply over thinking why you haven't been IN love yet. That hollow robotic feeling isn't an inability to love, it is just self doubt because you haven't felt it yet, trust me, I've been there. It's you looking through your life and wondering why you've missed a step. But there are no steps to love in reality. Despite what the media or society says, it happens when it happens, not when you hit age X or Y.
Will you find love someday? Well that's not for me to say. What I can say is that if you do, you will be in a much healthier relationship than many people. You will fall in love because you are with someone you want to be with, not just to fill a social quota. You are likely to find love through friendship, and I think that is much better than being forced into it by some pseudo social obligation or a simple crush. You will find someone you want to make happy, and who you honestly believe will make you happier for playing a bigger role in your life.
Thanks. The end of your comment really got to me in a very good way... Its true. Im not ever eager to start a relationship at all. Hell, i wont even be the one to decide it when i find someone i like be ill be respectful of the will of others to not push things at all.
I could describe a normal and usual approach to this, I mean how dates usually start. You see a girl standing at the bar or something, you go and talk to her, buy her a drink, (assuming she is single of course xD). What to talk about? hmm, Hi how are you, I noticed that such a beautiful lady was drinking alone.... (introduce yourself maybe? talk about what you do, your interests etc, of course ask about her too, it's a dialogue you are supposed to have, not monologue XD). This is how it usually starts, and then things might go farther or not. If you are in college I'd say it would be easier because you might attend the same classes as someone hot there and it's easier to start a conversation, e.g. ask about the schedule, about the exam you might have at the end of the month, and somehow start to introduce yourself and get a bit closer. So you see you are not supposed to just go in front of a lady and say 'will you date me?' you could if you wanted but I wouldn't advice you to lol.
And it's true what they say, there are different kinds of love. I will try to not get into too many details, because in the end it's better that you someday experience it on your own at first you feel attracted to someone, by looks, you might like the way she walks or what she wears, smells, how her hair looks like etc. Something drags you to her, she catches your attention. You will start to stare at her a bit too much, too often. This is the stage where many are too nervous to do something about, the next step is to actually speak to the person. Let us assume that everything is going perfectly fine, she shows signs that she is interested too. You actually like her, that's it. After that comes the 'I have crush on ~love' phase, which is not love, but something a lot more intense than just to like, you won't want anyone to say something bad about her, you won't listen to anyone who tells you that she is trouble, and you are somehow 'blind' to her flaws. She seems to be perfect. And you will continue to see her that way for quite some time. You will want to spend time with her, become happy when you see her or talk to her. This is a phase where you actually learn whether the relationship will hold or not, that is why many break up a relationship after a few months, maybe a year or two. The second phase cannot hold on forever, someday you will wake up and realize that this person isn't perfect, and is not who you thought she was, and she doesn't make you happy anymore, and she might be annoying etc. To love a person means that you respect and value her. Many think that after the second phase, everything is ruined and therefore there is no love and that you must stick to this person you've chosen, but it's not true. You don't stop loving the person. What I've learned the past years is that when you love someone, you forgive. And I have experienced the same thing, I'm a living proof of that so don't buy all these things you might hear that maybe a couple broke up because the woman was like this and like that and did this and that, if you truly love someone, you forgive. Love unites a couple.
And of course the kind of love you feel for your friends, kids, family etc differs from the kind of love you have for your partner.
Whoa...god explanation there. But it also makes me afraid to have a relationship the way you put it. I dont know if i can handle all of that...its just, way to heavy to play on my feelings and emoticons...
you see it's not really the same when you are truly experiencing it, and it's hard to explain also. Think of it this way, if you don't experience everything in life, how have you lived? you haven't lived at all you are still young so don't worry about it, just be cool, let it come when it decides to come maybe it would be easier if you didn't ask this question and instead experienced it? just like everything else love can either burn or warm you, but either ways, you learn and become stronger and you become an experienced man ^^
I can understand that. But im not sure if ill ever be ready for it. I dont want to be a hurt man you know? Im scared of that.. My good friend of mine just went through something like that as well... i think i would just need to find someone that i can really trust if that were to ever happen.
Love is what you think it is, but then you find out it was all an illusion, and you weren't really loved at all. People who love you want the best for you and won't cheat on you. That said, it will come to you in due time, most likely when you least expect it and aren't actively seeking it.
I think that you are analyzing it too much, I have a couple of friends with the exactly same thoughts, one is about 23 and the other is 25, never dated someone in their lives. It's kinda hard for one that is in love, to explain something like love to someone who has never been in love. It's different to try to explain and to really experience something. There is nothing wrong with you, it just wasn't meant for you to find someone, simple as that. Some find at an early age, some find at a later stage. I know it can feel badly because you see other couples around you, even close friends, but see it from another perspective, find out things about yourself, your interests for example, find something you are good at, become better at it. Love is not something you can find, you just let it come to you When the right time is in, you will find out what it feels like.
I wouldn't concern yourself over-much about it. Despite what Disney and every single chick-flick would have you believe, love, sex and romance are not necessary for a happy and fulfilled life. Everyone is different, don't feel as if you have to behave a certain way just because it's the norm. If you want to do more research, some keywords that may or may not interest you are 'aromantic', 'grey-romantic', 'asexuality', 'social anxiety', and 'apathy'. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you're a sociopath as some people do, some people just don't feel much emotion, it's certainly not a disorder. It can however be a side-effect of certain disorders like social anxiety and depression.
If you want to be in a loving relationship with someone one day, then I'm sure you can make it happen. But if such a life doesn't interest you, you're not alone, there are many people out there who cannot/will not invest in a romantic relationship for a variety of reasons. Who knows, you may even feel differently in the future.
You know how they say it is different for everyone? Well it is true. There are a number of different kind of loves too. The attraction love is a good start and the first time you date someone you will learn the differences between love. The first person I ever dated was only, because I was provided attention I had never felt before. He made me feel special. There is a pyramid for how people pick others. It is difficult to accept emotion. I would suggest giving a date a try, but if possible try not to date fellow employees. That got me in trouble. No one is good at it.
Thats good advice. And I will keep it in mind. Maybe one day I guess. I think Im scared what will also happen if I date. There's risks, and chances as well that goes along with it. But what do I do? How do I even start to begin of what I can also feel when I cant even feel it like how some people do? I swear, theres like some mental block from me even falling in love or caring for some one besides my own family. It just doesnt make the slightest sense.
I will line everything out that I have learned for you. Bad Parts About Dating: -You could find that the girl does not have similar interests. -You could develop an emotional connection with someone who is unhealthy. -Avoid high maintenance and controlling women. (or if you do happen to stumble across them leave immediately) -She could be an idiot. ( Believe me there are too many of them out there) -She may not want to go on a second date. Good Things About Dating -You have an opportunity to have someone to hug and kiss! -You will have someone to fall back on. -You may begin to feel love. -You won't be lonely. -You have someone who will care about you and your family as much as you do. -There are a bunch of other positives.
Where to start?
I have had a similar problem to you when it comes to expressing who we are. The truth is we never know until we try. I managed to break through the emotional block by seeking out someone despite my lack of emotion or connection. In most cases the first relationship you will experience will be awkward. An it may take a broken heart or two to pull it out of you. Let me tell you I was crying after my first relationship ended wondering why I put up with my EX's jerk behavior. He had told me that I was "unemotional" which is funny because I was the sweetest girlfriend and was not a b***h. Anyway enough ranting on my side.The point is you don't know until you give it a try. Dating is suppose to be fun. There are not necessarily strings attached. Though it would be nice if both parties mutually decided to call each other back for a second date. I am now on a second relationship and as emotional as ever, because I finally found what it means to care for someone so much you would get beat up for them and someone who will hopefully marry me someday. It takes a while. Life is an experiment.
Love is great! It is one of the most awesomest things in the world! But it is also highly variable. Different people feel love in different ways, so that is why it is hard to describe. I'll share how I feel it though!
Love is waking up in the morning, and feeling really good inside, because no matter what could possibly go wrong today, you still have the love of a person that cares very much about you! In fact, nothing else matters as long as you have that person to care about you! And when you can return the affection, it makes you feel good about yourself as well as good for the person you are affectionate with! Compassion, nurturing, warmth, laughter, smiles, and joy are all words that make me think about love .
And, let us not forget the... (ahem)... fringe benefits that being in love with someone can bring! (hint: usually X-rated stuff)!!!
I'm not sure i follow, but i think i can understand i know what you mean... at times it really does bother me being just like a mindless robot with no feelings for love. I dont know what in the hell is wrong with me...
There's nothing wrong with you, you just haven't dated someone yet. Which is perfectly acceptable. You just need to ask yourself some questions on what you would like to happen.
- Are you comfortable with yourself? This is important because if you are not, how can you be comfortable with someone else?
- Do you want to go out on dates?
- Is there anyone you would like to take out on a date?
- Would you feel comfortable communicating, or sharing portions of your life with another person? This includes talking on the phone, emailing, seeing the person every once in a while, meeting people you don't know who are related/friends of the person, etc.
Once you got that figured out, apply it and see what happens. If you are ready to go out on a date, and do have someone in mind, think about asking the person out! Don't expect anything to happen, after all a date is just a date, with no commitments or expecatations on either party. Think of a date as a short outing with another person, with the point being of getting to know them better. You are testing them just as much as they are testing you. If there is a connection, then try to schedule another date! But if you don't feel a connection, then that is ok, you can move onto another person and give them a try with a date.
Just be comfortable with yourself, and try to be comfortable with the person you want to date. I think once everything falls into place, you'll know what you want and what you wanna do. After all we are only human. We all had to start somewhere, all of us, and pedastals are for statues, not people. That goes for all people. Everyone. So there is no reason to be intimidated either!
Of course im happy with myself. I never do feel like going out on a date. I think its just that i much rather perfer to always be alone in my life i think...ive always liked that for some reason. Just me. Do i get lonely? No, i never do. And thats why i question myself these things... perhaps I will never find love. I live for myself but not to be with others it seems. I dont allow myself to ever become emotional over someone that would reflect my self onto it. I dont know why it is to be honest. I remembered this one girl though at my work place. She was cute..but then i felt strange inside. Like something that didnt feel normal to me at all for the first time. Am i detached from having myself a relationship from what i look back on here??