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November 26, 2012
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Help with an annoying sibling

:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My brother is being quite judgemental towards me since some time ago.

His problem is that he believes I am lazy and do nothing else than being on the internet all day. However that's not true, actualy both him and my dad don't help in the household and my mom is at work, so I do most stuff myself, but he doesn't listen to me when I tell him.

I used to ignore him at first, but he talks about me to everyone, even my friends. He once yelled at me for this reason in the middle of the crowd -_- The worst is that I live in a small society and it's pretty easy to be stigmatized, and now some people laugh at me behind my back.

Of course you can say I shouldn't care about what others say at me, but I didn't expect my own brother to do such a thing.

So my point is: How can I convince my brother to stop judging me 24/7 and leave me alone?

btw, if you ask he is +20 years old
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Devious Comments

:iconvaletdepik:
Valetdepik Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hehe, I like the way people came here to talk to you.
That's nice ^^

Keep your guard up and always wear your armor.
ħEND¤CONNEXIONħ
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yeah! To be honest I was surpised as well :) And I felt a lot better, especially since I thought I had no one to talk to.

will do mate!
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:iconvaletdepik:
Valetdepik Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm happy that there's people for you.
ħEND¤CONNEXIONħ
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
me toO
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:iconvaletdepik:
Valetdepik Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
heuheuha, clever, as always.
ħEND¤CONNEXIONħ
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
of course since we are the same :P
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:iconvaletdepik:
Valetdepik Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yoooo, flattery!
ħEND¤CONNEXIONħ
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
it's more than flattery. It's fact! :highfive:
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(1 Reply)
:iconkristennoelle:
KristenNoelle Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I would try to sit down and talk with him. My sister is 27, and I don't really understand, because me and her are like 2 peas in a pod. But try and talk to him and tell him that it bugs you a lot and ask him nicely to stop and if that doesn't work, why don't you talk to someone? I mean like sit down with an adult and talk about your problem, because they might know how to solve it.
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
He never listens to me, especially when he is angry. You have no idea, it's like talking to a wall.

I tred to talk with some people about the matter, but most of them told that I should try working more, or that he is just joking and I took him too seriously. That's why I posted my issue here.

Fortunately, =SaturnGrl helped me enough with her comment.
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:iconkristennoelle:
KristenNoelle Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Alright
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:iconvenetia-th:
Venetia-TH Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Κάτι τέτοιο μου κάνει ο αδερφός μου! XD

Έχω μια ιδέα! Πήγαινε και καθάρισε και ζήτα του να σε βοηθήσει. Αν πει όχι πέτα του το πανί στη μούρη και πες "Αυτό ήταν! Είσαι τεμπέλης! Δεν ξανακαθαρίζω για σένα!"

:XD:
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
καλή μου Βενετία, ευχαριστώ για τη συμβουλή αλλά δεν θέλω να πάω στο ΚΑΤ :P
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:iconvenetia-th:
Venetia-TH Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Σε αυτή την περίπτωση, μπορείς να παραλήψεις το πέταγμα της πετσέτας και να κάνεις τα υπόλοιπα! LOL
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
τότε δεν θα πάω στο ΚΑΤ αλλά στο Θριάσιο. Δεν πειράζει τους ξέρω εκεί :P
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:iconvenetia-th:
Venetia-TH Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Έλεος! :lmao: Τόσο επικίνδυνος είναι?
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
πολύ! είναι επικίνδυνος, είναι επικίνδυνος, έτσι ακούγεται, έτσι λεν' όλοι γι αυτόν!
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:iconvenetia-th:
Venetia-TH Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Πρέπει να με διδάξει! XD
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
γιατί για να με στείλεται και οι δυο στο ΚΑΤ?
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(1 Reply)
:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
My brother is 26 years old and until now we have been like cat and dog. He tries to make me jealous of him, he likes to tease me, tells me that I don't have a life, no job, no boyfriend, while he has everything (a girlfriend, an apartment, a car, a job). He talks to people behind my back and likes to have everybody's attention, he likes being in the spotlight. For quite some time I felt horrible about it, I couldn't stand him, I told my mom about it but she kept telling me that he didn't mean it, but she didn't realize how much it bothered me. The joke of the year was exactly the same thing you state - that I'm lazy -, he tells me the same thing, funny, isn't it? xD But I read in another post here in DA forum about a situation similar to this and it made such big sense, there was someone who replied that when a person communicates, it's either about something positive, or a cry for help. I think your brother has the same problem as mine. They feel bad and try to compensate by reflecting their sadness to someone else. They can't stand their failures, facing every day is a big burden for them, has to do with low esteem and insecurity. Instead of criticizing themselves, they guard their low esteem and place the blame to someone else. Everything he says actually reflects the way he feels, it doesn't matter if he has all those things he claims to have, deeply inside he feels horrible. He tries to make himself feel better by stamping on your feet, telling you that you are lazy, but in fact it's he that doesn't know what to do with his life, and I know for a fact that my brother is lazy because he always chose and still chooses the easy way out, while I'm struggling for something extraordinary, hard to get, and I try to work hard and have patience. My only solution was to close myself inside my room, he then complained that I was not social, but I couldn't care less.
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I see. It's pretty much what =SaturnGrl tried to explain to me in her comment. Now that you mentioned all these things, I can solve the puzzle.

He always believed that being interested in art, as an artist or as an appreciator, is just a waste of time and he often tells me I should do something more important than serfing da. However, he doesn't have any hobbies to pass his time which I believe it's sad.

and I think he once said something like: "I may not have studied in a college like you, but I am not a lazy scapegrace like someone I know." I think it's obvious what's his issues at this point.

Not to mention that he is facing many problems with his job lately :/
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
There you go, haha, exactly the same thing he tells me :P he knows I wanna be an artist, and he teases me behind my back, says I will paint like picasso lol. I won't be painting like him, I will be painting better than him in a few years ;) To be in DA doesn't necessarily mean that you waste your time, in fact it's like you say, an Art website where people become inspired and also learn a lot about art and give and take, I've learned a lot from this site so for me it's not simply a hobby.

Oh yes that too, he is so damn jealous that I've studied for years in college while he hardly made it, sometimes he tells me that it's good that I study (when he is normal), other times he says that I'm wasting my time and should go and find any job out there (he is not himself), so it sort of depends on his mood, which side of the bed he woke up towards lol. He wants me to do the same job he does because he is jealous, again, because I have a better life.

He is also facing problems with his job, he is unstable, likes to chat a lot instead of work, many complain about his job quality and he has lost a few jobs until now.

I know for a fact that he is unhappy, because he only tries to show that he is someone special, he wants to be in the spotlight, everybody must congratulate him, confirm that he is awesome and he needs this confirmation from his family. He has moved out a long time ago, but every time he comes for a visit, he eats the whole house and makes such noise, everybody must hear that he has come and we must hear his news, everything is bad always, he becomes depressed even about small things, his car always has problems, it's an old rusty shit and he thinks he bought ferrari or something, makes such big deal of it. And about his girlfriend of course, he must tell us what he will buy her for Xmas, and how badly he wants kids because he likes the family-kind-of-life. I know something else, all these things are based on one thing, jealousy. Many of our friends are getting married these days, they work and they buy houses and have kids etc, he wants to be the same. He constantly wants to prove that he is someone of great importance. You know what? my mom never tells him this but she told me that I'm the clever one because I make wise decisions, he is spontaneous, he might be happy one day, the next day he might be drowned into his sorrow.

Once he asked me when I would move out (just because he did), he thinks I can't. Of course I can't (at the moment), I have no job. On the other hand I have the opportunity to study and work hard in order to get a better job than his (which he constantly complains about...).

In the end as you see, patience is always being rewarded in one way or another. He tries so hard and yet is unhappy. I never become jealous of his life, it's of no interest to me, I would never want to have his life, simply because I strive for something much better, I know it will take time. This game he is playing - I have this, do you? - .e.g I have a car, do you have one? is only because it makes him feel better about himself, thinks he has achieved more than I have.
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:iconscillock:
Scillock Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I have a 23 yr old brother who I don't get along with. Not being around he is the easiest solution for me. Me + college = No brother and me happy
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I already finished my college, so no more hapiness to me XP
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:iconsaturngrl:
SaturnGrl Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My older sister would do that too. I think its an older sibling thing.
In truth, if he is judging you over minor flaws, he's probably trying to compensate and draw attention away from his own flaws and faults. You can't change people, they must choose to change himself.
If he's in his early 20's, more or less he's letting his testosterone overload condone acts of attention and macho-ism, but he doesn't realize he's ostracizing himself. In other words, he's immature for his age.

Your best option is to not confront your brother about it. Let him dig his own hole and make a fool of himself. If he starts making a scene in public, ignore him. If anyone asks, just say he's having some "personal issues" and that he should be ignored. If you react to his outbursts, you're just getting involved in the scene and also made the fool.
I would recommend addressing this to your parents about his attempts to embarrass you in public over just his claims. Actions speak louder than words, thus his actions in public are more damaging to the family's reputation in public versus his claims to lazy family members.
Even if he makes a scene in public, people who don't know you probably are not judging you at all. They are probably looking at him as a goofus.

Don't worry about his friends. Groups of friends will stick with their buddies. If the issue is with your friends, then you need to tell them that taking your brother's word over yours they should re-evaluate who they truly view to be their friend. Rumors and gossip are not evidence of truth, and they should know that.
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
thank you that was very helpful :)

and you are right there is not a reason for me to pay attention to him. He never listens to what I have to say anyway.
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:iconfuyuko7:
Fuyuko7 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
My brother is scary :fear:
He's 22

And yeah, if I punch/hit him he'd hit me back
I'm trying to master the art of ignoring him :lol:

Hm...I don't think you can convince your brother to stop.
Unless he's the type to listen to you....
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
he is the grandmaster of ignoring, so no I can't conveince gim XD
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:iconfuyuko7:
Fuyuko7 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
:shrug:
Grin and bear it?
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yeh, i can't see any other solution
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:iconfuyuko7:
Fuyuko7 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
yeah....
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:icontiganusi:
tiganusi Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional
1) Walk over to brother.

2) :icondickkickplz:

3) ????

4) PROFIT
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
if I do that then I will suddenly dissapear from the face of the earth the next day :P
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Honestly, you're either going to have to point out he is a hypocrite, learn to deal with it till you move out, or explain to your Mum that hes a douche.
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:icongreekstyle:
GreekStyle Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If I do that he is totally going to beat me.

I am trying to deal with it, but you see sometimes he is being way too harsh, and I am not a machine, I can't turn off a button and completely ignore him. I am a human and I hate it when someone is trying to tell me what to do and judges me all the time.

Sometimes he yelled at me in front of my parents. My mum didn't do anything and my father agreed with him.
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