An unstable ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?


0wlity's avatar
Hey guys, I was hoping you could help me out with a problem that my friend and I have been facing?

At the very end of July this year, I lost a friend because he was talking trash about my best friend to her MOM, of all people. I chose my best friend over him, of course, because some of the things that he had been saying were very nasty, not to mention, that he was putting himself on a pedestal and making himself look good. My friend is overweight, and he was complaining about how slow she was, how her arms hang down, and saying that she will never find someone; he went on and on and on...

Since then, he's been obsessed, according to my coworkers who have been telling me what HE has shown them. He has a flash drive of emails, pictures, texts, etc. of our conversations, but they are mostly of ME. He is bringing the problems to work (because we work together), and the head chef isn't taking this seriously. He is a very unstable individual and has told the chef about "taking things to the level" whatever that means. He won't give up, despite us telling him MANY times that we don't want to be his friend. He just doesn't understand whatsoever and he won't take no for an answer! He's written my best friend letters, tried calling her, the whole deal. He has lost MANY friends, probably because of what he has done to other people. He can't keep a stable relationship.

He only works 3 days a week, and not the days that I work on, but my other boss is trying to turn the schedule around for me in my favor.

He has a dA account, and he is always stalking my page every single day, even several times a day, though there isn't much I can do about that. I blocked him so he can't contact me anymore, but I still don't feel comfortable having him on my page.

Sorry for the wall of text, but what would you do in my situation? :( It's really creeping myself and my coworkers out.
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Mercury-Crowe's avatar
That's stalking. It's not serious now, but talking about the 'next level' sounds really ominous. I'd interpret that as actually physically stalking and/or harassing you and your friends. This needs to be ended as soon as possible.

Alright, I've been in this situation before. I had a super creepy guy stalking me for almost two years. He used to call me and tell me he was standing in my front yard (luckily he wasn't, but still).

That situation resolved itself when I got married. Probably not the rout for you.

I'd suggest going to the police in this case. They may not see this as serious enough at the moment to intervene, but making them aware of it will really help if he DOES start to escalate. Go get it on record that this guy is doing these things, so if they get called later or if it goes to court you have some context. He won't be able to get out of it if you have an official record that he's doing this stuff.

As for the emails and stuff, I don't know that there's really all that much you can actually do. Even if you do get them taken away from him somehow, that doesn't mean he didn't have copies stashed somewhere.

Concerning the account here, unless he's actually harassing you there isn't much anybody will do. If he is actually harassing you, he can be banned. I would suggest talking about this with a dA admin, though.
0wlity's avatar
Yikes, you've been through this too, huh?

Yeah, it's not like he's creating alternate accounts to harass me, but he DID create an alternate account pretending to be some girl from the UK and he tried to start up a conversation with me. I knew it was him because of the way that he writes, all of his favorites were the same, AND when he visited me, he came up as my city in my maps, so I knew that it was him. I blocked that account, too.

Thanks for the advice. If this continues for another month or two, I will probably have to file a police report.
toshiro12's avatar
if things get out of control contact the police.
0wlity's avatar
That's what I'll do. I'll need a lot of evidence, though. :/
toshiro12's avatar
you could get your fellow workers to testify and also tell the police about the flash drive with all that stalker stuff on it.
0wlity's avatar
That's true, because I literally have dozens of coworkers and friends that know about what happened and what he has told them. Granted, I'm sure he hasn't told them the whole story, either, but they can testify.
toshiro12's avatar
Glad to hear!!! good luck on ur case!
dorkface4's avatar
Tell him directly "I do not want to be your friend. Ever."
0wlity's avatar
I already did. He doesn't want to take "no" for an answer.
dorkface4's avatar
I knew a guy like that. I'd suggest trying to find a new job, cut him out of your life completely and have absolutely no contact with him.
0wlity's avatar
I may have to do that, unfortunately. I've already blocked him on here, on my phone and on Facebook. I'm just worried about what this obsession will make him do. He knows where I live. :/
dorkface4's avatar
Tell everyone you live with and your neighbours (if you're friendly with them). If he comes to your house, get them to note it down. Use it to get a restraining order if necessary.
0wlity's avatar
I will. They know what his car looks like, and my parents and sister do, too. If he does, I'll have no choice but to get a restraining order.
MileniaKitsuvee's avatar
After reading all the comments here upto now... This whole thing smells like "backwards-nice guy syndrome" imo. It sounds like he just wanted to be friends with you guys to get closer and see if "something more" flourished. It didn't happen, so he started bashing the non conforming party (you guys) while making himself look good. Now, I do not know the whole situation but this is what I get from what you're saying. And if he's telling the "incident" to everyone and their mother than there's something there that he doesn't want to let go. He needs to understand there are many fishes in the sea and you can't have them all! I suggest you watch him closely but from a distance (if that makes sense) if you want more suggestions feel free to note me!
0wlity's avatar
You're right, that's exactly what he is doing. He doesn't want to let go, and that's the problem. No matter how many times we tell him no, he still doesn't listen.
MileniaKitsuvee's avatar
Nng I had to deal with something similar once. It's super annoying. I hope you can resolve this soon! And don't stay alone in places.
0wlity's avatar
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this! ;;

And thanks, I won't be alone anywhere with him.
MileniaKitsuvee's avatar
It's alright, I dealt with it well. ;3 I hope it goes the same for you.Pepperspray is good companion.
0wlity's avatar
I hope so, too. It's probably good to carry around something to defend myself with, just in case.
MileniaKitsuvee's avatar
That is a good idea, nowadays you can't be too careful anyways.
DorkyGurl10's avatar
You should get a restraining order, and if it gets worse then you need to tell the police. I think a restraining order would be good, thought, because in some cases you can prevent them from talking to you, and if the guy does sit outside your house or something, you can talk to the cops and I think they will make him leave. This guy seems like a real problem though. I hope it gets better.
0wlity's avatar
A lot of people are saying the same thing, even my coworkers at work. I might consider it if it gets worse, but I probably can't do too much right now. :/ I'll keep an eye on him, though.

And thanks!
80sKidJoe's avatar
Hey Gina just give me the word and I'll call some of my boys back in Milford. We can have this little problem of yours handled. LOL jk This does sound like a major issue though. You need to handle this very carefully in my opinion. This guy sounds like a crazy to me. If things get any worse than this do not be afraid to contact police on this one. This kind of stalker thing always starts out just kinda weird. Quickly however with out your knowing it could get scary bad.
0wlity's avatar
Haha, thanks Joey!
Yeah, a lot of people think he's a little crazy. He's really getting obsessive, and that's what is frightening. I mean, what if that obsession never goes away? That's what I am worried about.