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November 26, 2012
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An unstable ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?

:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Hey guys, I was hoping you could help me out with a problem that my friend and I have been facing?

At the very end of July this year, I lost a friend because he was talking trash about my best friend to her MOM, of all people. I chose my best friend over him, of course, because some of the things that he had been saying were very nasty, not to mention, that he was putting himself on a pedestal and making himself look good. My friend is overweight, and he was complaining about how slow she was, how her arms hang down, and saying that she will never find someone; he went on and on and on...

Since then, he's been obsessed, according to my coworkers who have been telling me what HE has shown them. He has a flash drive of emails, pictures, texts, etc. of our conversations, but they are mostly of ME. He is bringing the problems to work (because we work together), and the head chef isn't taking this seriously. He is a very unstable individual and has told the chef about "taking things to the level" whatever that means. He won't give up, despite us telling him MANY times that we don't want to be his friend. He just doesn't understand whatsoever and he won't take no for an answer! He's written my best friend letters, tried calling her, the whole deal. He has lost MANY friends, probably because of what he has done to other people. He can't keep a stable relationship.

He only works 3 days a week, and not the days that I work on, but my other boss is trying to turn the schedule around for me in my favor.

He has a dA account, and he is always stalking my page every single day, even several times a day, though there isn't much I can do about that. I blocked him so he can't contact me anymore, but I still don't feel comfortable having him on my page.

Sorry for the wall of text, but what would you do in my situation? :( It's really creeping myself and my coworkers out.
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Devious Comments

:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
That's stalking. It's not serious now, but talking about the 'next level' sounds really ominous. I'd interpret that as actually physically stalking and/or harassing you and your friends. This needs to be ended as soon as possible.

Alright, I've been in this situation before. I had a super creepy guy stalking me for almost two years. He used to call me and tell me he was standing in my front yard (luckily he wasn't, but still).

That situation resolved itself when I got married. Probably not the rout for you.

I'd suggest going to the police in this case. They may not see this as serious enough at the moment to intervene, but making them aware of it will really help if he DOES start to escalate. Go get it on record that this guy is doing these things, so if they get called later or if it goes to court you have some context. He won't be able to get out of it if you have an official record that he's doing this stuff.

As for the emails and stuff, I don't know that there's really all that much you can actually do. Even if you do get them taken away from him somehow, that doesn't mean he didn't have copies stashed somewhere.

Concerning the account here, unless he's actually harassing you there isn't much anybody will do. If he is actually harassing you, he can be banned. I would suggest talking about this with a dA admin, though.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Yikes, you've been through this too, huh?

Yeah, it's not like he's creating alternate accounts to harass me, but he DID create an alternate account pretending to be some girl from the UK and he tried to start up a conversation with me. I knew it was him because of the way that he writes, all of his favorites were the same, AND when he visited me, he came up as my city in my maps, so I knew that it was him. I blocked that account, too.

Thanks for the advice. If this continues for another month or two, I will probably have to file a police report.
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:icontoshiro12:
toshiro12 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
if things get out of control contact the police.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
That's what I'll do. I'll need a lot of evidence, though. :/
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:icontoshiro12:
toshiro12 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you could get your fellow workers to testify and also tell the police about the flash drive with all that stalker stuff on it.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
That's true, because I literally have dozens of coworkers and friends that know about what happened and what he has told them. Granted, I'm sure he hasn't told them the whole story, either, but they can testify.
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:icontoshiro12:
toshiro12 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad to hear!!! good luck on ur case!
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Tell him directly "I do not want to be your friend. Ever."
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I already did. He doesn't want to take "no" for an answer.
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I knew a guy like that. I'd suggest trying to find a new job, cut him out of your life completely and have absolutely no contact with him.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I may have to do that, unfortunately. I've already blocked him on here, on my phone and on Facebook. I'm just worried about what this obsession will make him do. He knows where I live. :/
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Tell everyone you live with and your neighbours (if you're friendly with them). If he comes to your house, get them to note it down. Use it to get a restraining order if necessary.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I will. They know what his car looks like, and my parents and sister do, too. If he does, I'll have no choice but to get a restraining order.
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:iconmileniakitsuvee:
MileniaKitsuvee Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
After reading all the comments here upto now... This whole thing smells like "backwards-nice guy syndrome" imo. It sounds like he just wanted to be friends with you guys to get closer and see if "something more" flourished. It didn't happen, so he started bashing the non conforming party (you guys) while making himself look good. Now, I do not know the whole situation but this is what I get from what you're saying. And if he's telling the "incident" to everyone and their mother than there's something there that he doesn't want to let go. He needs to understand there are many fishes in the sea and you can't have them all! I suggest you watch him closely but from a distance (if that makes sense) if you want more suggestions feel free to note me!
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
You're right, that's exactly what he is doing. He doesn't want to let go, and that's the problem. No matter how many times we tell him no, he still doesn't listen.
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:iconmileniakitsuvee:
MileniaKitsuvee Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nng I had to deal with something similar once. It's super annoying. I hope you can resolve this soon! And don't stay alone in places.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I'm sorry that you had to deal with this! ;;

And thanks, I won't be alone anywhere with him.
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:iconmileniakitsuvee:
MileniaKitsuvee Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's alright, I dealt with it well. ;3 I hope it goes the same for you.Pepperspray is good companion.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I hope so, too. It's probably good to carry around something to defend myself with, just in case.
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:iconmileniakitsuvee:
MileniaKitsuvee Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That is a good idea, nowadays you can't be too careful anyways.
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:icondorkygurl10:
DorkyGurl10 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You should get a restraining order, and if it gets worse then you need to tell the police. I think a restraining order would be good, thought, because in some cases you can prevent them from talking to you, and if the guy does sit outside your house or something, you can talk to the cops and I think they will make him leave. This guy seems like a real problem though. I hope it gets better.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
A lot of people are saying the same thing, even my coworkers at work. I might consider it if it gets worse, but I probably can't do too much right now. :/ I'll keep an eye on him, though.

And thanks!
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:icon80skidjoe:
80sKidJoe Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey Gina just give me the word and I'll call some of my boys back in Milford. We can have this little problem of yours handled. LOL jk This does sound like a major issue though. You need to handle this very carefully in my opinion. This guy sounds like a crazy to me. If things get any worse than this do not be afraid to contact police on this one. This kind of stalker thing always starts out just kinda weird. Quickly however with out your knowing it could get scary bad.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Haha, thanks Joey!
Yeah, a lot of people think he's a little crazy. He's really getting obsessive, and that's what is frightening. I mean, what if that obsession never goes away? That's what I am worried about.
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:iconranaelaseim:
RanaElaseim Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
If he's disturbing your workplace, sadly it has to be internally taken care of. Go as high up the chain that you have to to make it stop. If it starts coming outside the workplace, go to the police. Might even be best to do that regardless, so they have a record of your concerns in case it escalates. Good luck!
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
That's what I'll have to do. I'll have to keep climbing the ladder until someone actually takes this seriously. And thanks!
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:iconmachu:
Machu Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Filmographer
If it's affecting your work, your boss needs to take it seriously. It's definitely misconduct for him to show coworkers e-mails about you, and I'm surpised nothing has been done about it already.
I'm sorry to hear that he's jealous/bitter, and I hope he gets help as soon as possible, because not only is he hurting others, he's going to hurt himself.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Oh, I know. One of my bosses is taking it seriously, but my boss, who is above her, doesn't seem to take it too seriously. He told him to back off, and to leave me alone and let it go, but that's about it.

not only is he hurting others, he's going to hurt himself.

Exactly, and that's what everyone is worried about.
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:icondragonquestwes:
DragonQuestWes Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I don't know any advice to give since everybody else pretty much said it already.

I'd talk to your manager/boss about this and try to get him fired too.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
It's gotten to the point where my coworkers won't let us be alone at work.

I have two bosses: One of them cares and is doing her best to change my schedule so that we don't work together. The other, isn't taking this seriously enough. I'll have to speak to somebody higher if he continues to pester people about me.
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:iconsawyerhookah:
sawyerhookah Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
If it you feel scared enough and have the proof you can get a restraining order i think. im sorry that some people are horrible like that. I hope he will stop.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I think it needs to be more serious. If he was constantly calling me or finding ways to contact me when I don't want him to or sitting outside of my house, then I might have to.
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:iconsawyerhookah:
sawyerhookah Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I hope you can get it figured out :c i wish i could do something
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I hope so, too. He has to stop.
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:iconkatimusprime:
KatimusPrime Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This isn't an all the time thing, but when I had to block some people at the beginning of this year, I had to take down my visitor's widget so I wouldn't get upset. You've made the decision to discontinue contact with this person. You are under no legal obligation to change your mind. If this is IRL, the best course of action would be to get a restraining order. It probably won't stop him from being a creep about the good times you guys used to have together, but he also made his choice when he started bullying your friend.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Yes, he did, and he knew exactly what he was doing when he made those rude comments to her mother. If he really wanted to talk to her, and I'm sure he did, why go to her own mother of all people? I just don't understand that.

If things do get serious, I will, unfortunately, have to get a restraining order against him.
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Artist
I think it is about time I cut through some of this crap...
"I chose my best friend over him, of course"
=owlify in An unstablle ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?
You didn't mention that you were playing favourites, because that makes his actions of...
"putting himself on a pedestal and making himself look good"
=owlify in An unstablle ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?
...make sense.

I also don't think your "friend" has been entirely honest about what has been going on, because the picture you have painted, doesn't fit right.

Why would he want to associate with you so badly if he treats your friends like shit, perhaps he treats them like shit because they treat something close to him like shit (His feelings for you), why else would he have:
"a flash drive of emails, pictures, texts, etc. of our conversations, but they are mostly of ME"
=owlify in An unstablle ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?
...and perhaps...
"some of the things that he had been saying were very nasty"
=owlify in An unstablle ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?
...because he thinks the reason he is loosing you is because; he thinks your friend is poisoning you against him, which appears to have worked because:
"I chose my best friend over him, of course"
=owlify in An unstablle ex-friend who is obsessed with me ?


I don't think you are aware that he is holding onto something that makes him feel good whilst you and your awful friend play childish games with a guys feelings, you may paint nice pictures but this forum post isn't one of them.
So he either: Has feelings for you and he justifiably thinks your friend sabotaged him or he might genuinely be a crazy person.
I wonder which one of those is a 2D character.
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I agree with the playing favourites part, I don't see why the OP had to choose one or the other. However, I very much disagree with your belief that she is playing games with the guys feelings. She states she has told him she does not want to be his friend, she is not leading him on. None of her actions have shown that the guy has a chance, in fact most of her actions show that she detests the guy. So even if her friend sabotaged him, she's obviously not interested.

Regardless of whether or not it makes him feel good to hold onto the OP, it is making her uncomfortable, it is affecting the work place and his continuation of it after her making it clear she is not interested is inappropriate.
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:iconowlity:
owlity Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
This post is 100% correct. Thank you. I had no idea where he got the idea that I was "leading him on", as my friend and I are not interested in him at all.

His actions are inappropriate, especially for the workplace. One of my bosses does not want me to be alone with him, and she is doing everything that she can so that we don't work the same shifts together, but that's difficult because we are understaffed. It's gotten to a frightening stage where he asks my other friends on Facebook about what we are saying in our posts, not to mention that flash drive he has containing pictures, texts, and emails. If that isn't an obsession, I don't know what is.
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Artist
That may be so, however, speculation without his side of the story is going to be dubious.
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Why do we need his side? She is not interested in having any kind of relation (friend or otherwise) and is not interested in having contact with him. He needs to leave her alone/stop making her uncomfortable, regardless of whatever his story/side is.
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Artist
If you cannot see why we need his side of the story then why should a jury listen to your lawyer when you are accused of something?
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
That's a completely different situation. Sure, the OP is saying he's creepy/crazy/whatever and there's a chance that he's not.

But that doesn't matter. Because whether he's creepy, crazy or it's all in the OP's mind, she wants to be left alone. She doesn't need any kind of justification for that other than that she simply does not want any contact/relation with him.
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Artist
Is it really so different, OP came to a public forum with this, it isn't personal messaging a case has been put forward against a person, the person has a right to face his accuser and be defended in his actions.

She can ostracise him but until there is a balancing of the viewpoints, the forum doesn't have to take a side.
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
She asked for steps to take, and most people gave her steps. That's not taking a side.
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(1 Reply)
:icondragonquestwes:
DragonQuestWes Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Do you actually know what it's like to be stalked?
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Artist
Yep.

It turned out the reason I was being stalked is because the person got an idea of me into their head that didn't match the reality.
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:icondragonquestwes:
DragonQuestWes Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Yeah, what a convincing story. Aren't you special.
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Professional Artist
You must have a problem with reading...

The moral of the story was, I wasn't that special, the person only thought I was.
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:icondragonquestwes:
DragonQuestWes Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
*looks at the posts you've made to others*

No I don't have a problem with reading.
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