I do understand what would have been going though your mind at the time, having been in a similar (but not as serious) situation myself years ago. Hopefully you've learned from this mistake and it doesn't happen again. Maybe you could speak to a counselor and find out if there is any action you can safely take about this?
I'm sorry, but this reads like a teenager's badly written angst story.
1) You met a guy who you seemed to like and made a point of sexualizing yourself for his sake. 2) Despite barely knowing him you willingly did drugs with him with no concern for your wellbeing. 3) You claim that you said no, and yet you continued to participate in precursor sexual activity, including mounting him. 4) You had the presence of mind to think his kissing sucked and worry more about work than your wellbeing, as well as was physically capable of putting a stop to it, and yet you still imply that you actively participated. 5) Rather than seeking out a community/group focused on support for victims, you chose a forum that you knew would spark controversy and drama.
I'm calling bullshit on the rape claim. Based on all of your posts, I'm guessing you're either mad because he sucked or you made the entire story up to fill some sick desire to be the centre of a dramafest.
That's rape. I mean, it sounds like you've talked to him about it, and I honestly don't think reporting it would get you anywhere, because of the drugs and such. Oh, man, that's hard. Do you want to get counseling, maybe?
This thread is like a cluster-fuck of bad advice and foot-shooting.
I will keep this short.
It's going to be hard to get a conviction if he pleads the 5th
The drug use makes it even harder because it undermines your testimony to an extent.
Consent is not an issue with drug involvement as consent cannot be given under the influence of drugs! (You were being raped even if you said yes.)
The circumstances leading up to the suspected rape are pretty dire.
Voluntary intoxication isn't a defence for assaulting somebody, let alone raping them.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear, a date-rape drug is any drug that loosens your inhibitions including hash and alcohol, in fact alcohol is the number 1 date rape drug as all sexual encounters under the influence of alcohol are actually rape, as highlighted in the earlier comment.
With that all said and out of the way.
I want you to think about this small chain of logic.
You were lonely, so you gave a guy who gave you a 'strong come on' some face time and got sexually assaulted, you then think that guys aren't worth your time, until you get lonely again...
Then what, repeat?
Make a change, find a guy you like and take things steady, it makes you less vulnerable to people like the guy you mentioned in your post and stops the cycle from repeating.
I mean why make a point of the fact you were wearing a low cut top? This sounds like a controversial fiction about a girl that made every single poor choice imaginable and was raped. Guy you just met, go to his house where there are more men you don't know, you get extremely stoned and let him kiss and fondle you? This sounds like bs
you realize many reports of rape are fake to avoid some kind of "trouble" the victim was in, I had a friend that was fucking raped numb nuts and her account didn't sound anything like this. Why don't you fucking learn something before you say anything
It's your attitude some people are concerned about. You don't even seem to care about yourself, let alone the situation. Rape isn't something to screw around with, I mean it doesn't even sound like you care that you were used by some strange guy. I'm wondering where your feelings are, because you say you are a victim to this horrible act. If you really don't care about either of those things then you shouldn't get upset over what anyone says to you. In fact most of the posts and responses I read, you only seem to care about those who tell you it's not your fault. And for those who are neutral, give logical advice to help you.. or say that it was a screw up on both parties, you couldn't give two shits less, pardon my language. I find it hard to trust what you've posted as true simply because nothing connects or makes sense, and I think some others feel that way also..it just didn't come out the right way.
It's not her fault. That's the whole reason for starting a thread like this. She needs to know, to be told by people that it's not her fault. She said in the OP that she felt like it was her fault, but later on she seems to get real pissed. That's a good thing. It means that she's not just letting it ruin her life like a pathetic whiny person. She's actually trying to move forward.
Everyone reacts different, and perhaps acting like she doesn't care, is a way of putting a wall between herself and the event. Eventually though she will have to face what she's afraid of (she said she didn't want to be around men for a long time) if she wants to truly heal.
So what should I sit in a corner and cry like a bitch and be forever traumatized because of what happened? Would that make me sound more convincing? Well I'm not going to do that. Yeah I was taken advantage of and I'm pissed but I'm not going to let it destroy me. It's just sex. And it's not the first time men have taken advantage of me.
Everyone is giving me advice to go to the police, well I already stated I don't want to do that and I'm not going to do that, because I don't think it would make me feel better. Some other person told me to get revenge on him. I'm not going to do that either. I think he may have stopped if he wasn't under the influence of drugs but who knows. I didn't really come here to get advice on how to report him to the cops I just wanted to talk to people, feel like I'm not alone in this.
I have very mixed feelings about this situation. I do feel like I led him on majorly and I am to blame for the most part.
If people don't want to believe me that's fine but I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you it happened.
I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to sympathize with the recounting of events. Yes, he is a jerk for continuing to push the issue, but based on what you wrote you participated even though a) you knew you didn't want to, b) knowingly remained in a potentially dangerous situation, and c) were physically capable of putting a stop to it.
Please keep in mind that I in no way condone rape, assault or harrassment. As a rape survivor I have no tolerance for it, but the information you have presented sounds more like you made some bad decisions and now are trying to place more responsibility on him than is due.
In the end, the only people who know what all happened are you and him, so if you were actually forced into it, I apologize and empathize deeply. If it was a case of bad or lazy decision making and you consented, that doesn't excuse him for the sexual harrassment prior, and you should definitely be filing a complaint with the police for this. On the flip side, if you were actually forced to have sex, then you need to report it immediately. The more time that goes by, the less the authorities can do. There is no such thing as closure after someone has been wronged in such a terrible way, but speaking from experience, not reporting means it can and will eat away inside until either you implode or break.
You can report this to the police but you might also get into trouble for drug usage I feel sorry for you as someone I knew had been in a similar situation I could tell you to be more careful but I guess that would be useless now I am sorry you had to go through that
Please don't listen to any of the people trying to criticize your decisions or make you feel any more ashamed for what happened to you. No low cut top, drug use, or anything else is EVER an excuse to violate someone.
I know what you are going through and I'm here if you need someone to talk to who won't judge you.
Doesn't matter that you gave him your number, went to his house, smoked whatever, let him kiss you. You said no to sex, he did it anyway, and that's called rape. Get the police involved before he does it to someone else.
That's all well and good, but first she has to get him back, and make sure he never hurts another woman again. I've already suggested tazing him and then carving the words: I AM A RAPIST on his chest and stomach with a razor blade.
Then she can leave a hallmark card with a little message reading "You're my bitch now" inside.