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November 25, 2012
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Anxiety Disorder & crushes(Late bloomer)

:iconpandawalker:
PandaWalker Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I feel that my shyness school wise has been getting been better, but as the title suggests, my anxiety has been having me bugged and as much as I hate to say it... yes, it has to do with a boy.
I never really wanted to go out with guys. I guess you could say that when the other girls in high school cared about what the boys thought, I was still in that elementary, "boys are icky" kind of stage.
Although I hate being the shy, anxious person, boys have never been so much of a issue for me when I was in middle school and high school. And even though I'm 19 and have never even gone out with a guy or have even kissed a guy, my single status has never bothered me. I've had crushes in the past, but because I was so focused on making friends and my art, I felt that anything more than that was unnessecary. So I've never had a problem with being single and I still don't for the most part cause I feel like friends and family are more important. Although I will admit that some of it has to deal with my parents that never really approved of dating and most of the guys at my high school were um... nothing but turn-offs. My "crushes" having always been based off of looks and because I've always been too shy to do any about it, I just let it go if me and that guy never. But I feel like for the first time in my life, I've developed an actual crush on somebody and it's driving me nuts. When this semester started, I never had any feelings for him at first. I had gotten along pretty well with his ones friend but we hadn't talked too much. I've always thought that he was a fatastic artist and nice, but even though we had started talk more, my feelings were still the same as when we had first met.
My animation department had a guest speaker at my school and my social phobia was taking it's toll on me that night, to a point that I was almost in tears. I had brought a porfolio but I was too scared to show it to the guest speaker. But then the in my department cheered me up and encouraged me to show the guest my work. He was so nice and it really suprised me, and I've had a crush on him since. But not that I have a crush on him, it's impossible for me to tak to him now. Even when I try focusing on my film I can't stop thinking about him. And as mushy as this shit sounds, he's everything that I could ever want in a guy. This of course makes me feel worse knowing that he problably doesn't like me. And even if you he did like me and I told how I feel, all the thoughts of what can go wrong in a relationship terrifies me. I've always had that fear about all the bad thing that could happen in a relationship, but I have always put in this back of my mind be cause I had never met someone that had liked so much. And with my anxiety disorder still being an issue, I don't want to try being in a relatinship if I don't feel like I can handle it. But again, that's if he lkes me at all.
I'm just tired of having this feeling and honestly, I just want to go back to only thinking about school, but I don't know what I should do. Should I tell him how I feel? Should try getting over him and if so how?
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   Digital Artist
If you never dive in and get hurt then you never learn. Yeah a lot of things can, and will go wrong. You'll probably end up broken hearted and hurt at the end, but all those failed relationships are learning experiences that help you not just to have better relationships, but also help you realize who you are, and what you are really looking for in someone else, not just what you think you are looking for.

Why don't you just try and see where it goes. Nothing says that if you try this out, that you're stuck with it forever. You can end it at anytime. Why not just explain to him how you feel, all of it. In fact, if he really is as nice as he seems, you can basically tell him exactly what you said right here and he'll understand.
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:iconcammieobscura:
CammieObscura Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I wouldn't do that as it will only make your anxiety worse. Girls always get crushes on teachers and that. It is part or growing up and dealing with your blooming sexuality. And some are just,well, late bloomers. It would be real awkward if someone I really didn't know outside of a brief meeting told me he had feelings for me. I would honestly not know how to respond to that and it would put me between a rock and a hard place. I mean you don't even know anything about this person- if he is married, in a relationship, is gay, or maybe just a misogynist. Don't do it, don't put anyone on the spot like that. It can only end badly. Do some homework first and find out more about this person before you even think of doing this.
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:iconpandawalker:
PandaWalker Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
Yeah, I hear you. I have talked him before and from what I know he is single(and straight) and he's only about a couple of years older than me. But like you said, I don't want my anxiety to get worse. And a guy isn't worth having that happening. I would like to become better friends with him aleast. We were sort of introduced to each other through his best friend, which I am good friends with. I just don't to get my hopes up. How would I get over him? Sorry if I'm asking to many questions. Thank you for responding.
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   Digital Artist
I assumed that she knew him a little bit, but going back over it, she only really had a small exchange with him. So yeah, it would make sense to find out more first, try to build up an actual friendship first.
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