Wow, too many confessions! I kinda understand what you mean, I mean, it's not about having 10 PC's, a palace for home, none of that matters. During my whole life, I have wanted to stop existing at least 2 times. Both times it was because of big processes that I felt had no ending, which wore me out very much. Once when I was 17 and had problems at home with my parents, I woke up in the morning and didn't want to get up from bed. The second time I actually wanted to commit suicide, was standing in the kitchen with a knife in my hand when everybody was outdoors, because of love-related problems. But I didn't harm myself, thought that I still had much to live for.. I got over it, but I'm still not through with love and it has really worn me out, want this guy for 7 whole years and still can't be with him.. obstacles after obstacles, feels like I'm cursed and will never feel happiness. I keep on believing that someday things will change, I want to find hope somehow, but every time I start to expect things and see even a small light in the tunnel, it all disappears in the end, fades away, and I drown into my sorrow and tears. But what can you do when you are in love, right? struggle, give it time.. ANyways! he he, enough about my love life xD I think that when you deal with deep problems for many years, in the end you become affected in ways you couldn't predict in the beginning. During the last years I realized that I became depressed for no real reason. Just like that I became so sad, I didn't want to go out, stay inside, talk, see anyone, everything was dark, I didn't want anything. It has happened to me a couple of times and it scares the heck out of me every time, I haven't figured out what the heck it is, I believe it has something to do with love once again, just because I've been sad, anxious, tormented for a very long time. Lately things have changed to the better, I feel better, and so the sadness has disappeared.

I understand your mom, mine is the same. I don't know about your mom, but mine has a lot of luggage from her past, and everything tears her apart. So many things that affect her, it's like she has lost the lust to live, everything is dark, everything is a mess. Mostly she laughs and jokes, as a mechanism to deal with her real problems, which I hate most of the time, because some things need to be taken seriously. Sometimes she laughs at problems I find serious. And then there are times when she is so dark and twisty, everything in her life is wrong, a catastrophe, she doesn't want anything, or anyone. I don't listen to her because I don't really deal with such problems (except love.. but I'm trying to hang on), and I think that I have much to live for.

in the end, I can provide an inspirational quote 'be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now but it can't rain forever'.

Write loads and loads. And not just depressing topics. Every and any topic. Its all about finding something that means something to you, so that gives you a reason to want to be around.

I've never cut myself, but I did have a period of letting my emotions out in other self-destructive ways. I eventually broke out of it and I think you will too. Talking about it is a really good idea both online and in person. The more you can get it out, the better.

As others have said, feel free to message me if you like

I know life can get stressful and depressing and you feel like you have no one to turn too. I've been there, 5 years ago or so was depressed, alone and all the rest. Enough about me though, I've overcome it. I want to help you so please feel free to note me.

send me a note? I have helped with people through suicidal episodes before and I would love to just have a chat with you, if you want to let it all out I can be your shoulder.

Have you told anyone at all? Keeping your feelings and thoughts to yourself can make things worse. Is there someone you trust in your life you can share a bit of your thoughts with? You need to tell somebody before things get serious (as in you try to take your own life). All troubling times pass, for me, I felt like the things I went through wouldn't end. But all things pass. Time goes on..there is a lot of negative things out there in the world, but I think overall, life is worth living. Whatever you are going through now will pass. I applaud you for having the strength to post this online. Some people cannot talk about their problems as easily. If you take your life now, you won't know what happens in the future, because you won't have one, you'd be dead. It's easy to be pessimistic in today's world, but to be optimistic about life, and to smile takes courage. I hope I could be of some help, as I can relate you what you are going through..

You'll be fine, and eventually you'll grow out of it.

All I can offer is the trite: "Don't give up yet, life gets better". Getting better from depression is all about learning to like yourself all over again, so I know what I say won't be as effective as I hope it will, because getting better is on you. Even though it seems impossible to you, it's not, that's your depression talking, not you, remember that.

When I had depression, I went on a low dose of antidepressants and went to counseling. Some study evidence shows that together, they're more effective than alone. If you can look into it, I suggest you do. At first, my antidepressants kind of sucked, I slept a lot, and missed a good chunk of school because of that, but at no point did I become an emotionless robot like I feared I would, and I didn't lose my creativity, so if you're worried about that, bring it up with a doctor. Some antidepressants are better tolerated by some people on that front.

Suicidal thoughts were a large part of my daily life about a year ago. Turned out to have an entirely different cause than I originally thought.
... which is my peculiar way of saying that I'm sure you'll manage to find a solution to your problems. I understand that such a statement must sound empty or pointless; I felt the same way when I was being given the same advice over and over again.
But I've really come to believe that it is true. Reality is created in the self. Nichi nichi kore ko nichi: every day is a beautiful day. Around us there is immeasurable beauty and incredible ugliness - what we focus our attention to is our choice.
Try to find out what really makes you happy, complete - what every fiber of your existence strives for. I'm sure you can do it.

I've tried to commit suicide 9 time. I'll lend an ear.

Sounds like you need someone to talk to.

I know it sounds trite, but it really is easier to deal with problems when you are talking, face-to-face with a friend.

Some other advice, avoid sugars, when they wear out of your system, you will crash, and that will contribute to depresion. You know you, if watching a sad movie helps you cry and get it all out, watch one, if it will just make you sadder, do not watch one.

Finally, you need to decide that you are a cool and wonderful person. That will take time and effort, in the months-years range in time. But you are ultimately the person responsible for you, and the only person who can really take care of you.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time, I can understand. I've been struggling lately myself. I would ignore the first reply you got regarding you being a "spoiled brat", that person is a making a lot of assumption s solely based only on what they see here. One's deviantART page is only a tiny glimpse into someone's life, not the whole story. Are you depresed because of something particular that happened or due to a chronic situation perhaps? I'm really sorry you're having a tough time. Whatever it is, I'm sure it will get better, even though it may take time and healing. You are beautiful, intelligent and talented, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Be strong and don't give up. You can send me a note if you need someone to talk to.

You didn't really give much of a back story as to what is oh so wrong. I'm sorry to sound insensitive, but what I see right now is a teenage girl that has a lot of privileges most people don't have: home, food, PC, internet, a pretty good camera, laser tag gear and friends. OH MY GOD, MY LIFE'S SO HORRIBLE. You just come off as a spoiled brat. I really don't see a reason for depression or self harm other than all the stuff you have right now isn't enough and you just want more more more.

Do your parents hate you?
Did your boyfriend/girlfriend cheat on you?
Are you being harassed?
Is someone abusing you or your friends/family?
Was everything you ever loved been taken away from you?
Is someone you really care about terminally ill?
All of the above?

Give me a reason to feel sorry for you, because right now I just want to slap you.