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November 24, 2012
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Relationship Advice. Sorry :c

:iconlovebehr:
lovebehr Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Photographer
I've been in a healthy relationship with this guy for two and a half years. On November 5th, he told me he wasn't happy anymore because I was simply too pessimistic and he couldn't handle my extreme emotions. I understood completely, and after crying for two days about it, I promised him I would change.

Since then, he's told me he's happier now. He's seen a huge change in me and that he's very proud. What scared me though, was that he told me he had thoughts about / almost broke up with me. Since then I could never imagine life without him, blah blah blah.
A week after the 5th of November, I began thinking of how life would be now without him. It's not happy, but I realized I would be okay. I've also realized how I've been more frustrated with the relationship rather than happy. I've talked to him about it. We both agreed that we're not the same people we fell in love with, and things have definitely changed. Most for the worst.

I don't want us to break up. I love him very much, he's my best friend. But I feel like I can't go on like this if things are going to continue this way. I'm terrible for this because he's never miss-treated me. He's been the most wonderful, supporting, and best boyfriend I've ever had in my life. I've never put so much trust into him as I have any other human.

I love him. And I know all relationships go through shit, but only the strongest can get out. There are days when I wonder why I even feel like this. But most of the time I feel like how I've just explained.
Do you have any advice for me? All is helpful and much appreciated. You have no idea.

:icontealdeerplz: After two and a half years, I'm wondering if I'm still happy. We're in a rut and I need advice. I don't want to lose him, but I don't feel like I'm strong enough to go on this way.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student General Artist
Did your boyfriend ever try to understand why you were sad? did he ever try to fight for your relationship? I mean, it's no reason to break up a relationship because someone is sad. You said that you cried over what he said, which tells me that you weren't ready to let him go. Maybe you just think that it will be easy, to simply say that you could live without him is different than actually making sure that you do break up and live alone. I think that you need to communicate better. If your relationship makes you miserable, of course you need to think whether it's something worth fighting for. If it's just a phase, something temporary that is, that possibly makes you uncomfortable or sad or whatever, you need to discuss it, be patient etc. It all depends how you see it, how you feel about the relationship. I don't think that there is a point to stay in a relationship if you are unhappy, being in a relationship isn't supposed to be a burden. Assuming of course that the relationship makes you feel that way.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
If you two still share interests and things that make you both happy there is still a chance.
Do you share goals that do not tear you apart?

You have to refocus on the relationship, the good things, the things that bond you, and work on
dropping the things that bring you down (if you can).

If you're open and honest about it you two can probably figure out what to do on your own.
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:iconmidwinter-sun:
Midwinter-sun Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
A healthy relationship isn't always an all-the-time-happy one. Yes, there are periods when things suck and you're generally unhappy, sometimes all the time. To help you figure out the situation, you need to ask yourself if you see light at the end of the tunnel, whether you expect things will change for the better, whether you have a plan for how to fix what's broken. If you have a positive answer, then you have a strong relationship. You need to have faith in him and to be able to trust him with you happiness and your future... basically, your life. If you can do that, you'll manage to get better. If you don't, you have a serious deal breaker present.

What I see here as a potential red flag is you changing yourself.
This is something I've had a fair share of experience with - changing myself to fit the other person's expectations.
Change can be good or bad depending on the reason behind it. Being pessimistic is a nasty quality to have and whenever I meet a pessimist, I always try to teach them a little optimism to balance things out. But still, were you happy the way you were before? If it wasn't for him, would've you wanted to change? Did you really believe being a pessimist made your life worse and that it was something you needed to fix about yourself?
Because if you were happy the way you were and wanted to stay that way, change is the thing that made you unhappy, not him or your relationship. Not wanting to change and being forces to leaves a feeling of under appreciation, of him not loving you for who you truly are and basically of not being good enough for him. Being in such a state of mind is horrible... last time it happened to me, I couldn't feel the slightest drop of desire to connect to and be with anyone new for nearly two years, that's how long it took me to repair the damage I'd done to myself. So be sure you don't make the same mistake.
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:iconlovebehr:
lovebehr Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Photographer
Thanks. :)
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:iconannamae411:
annamae411 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My suggestion would be to attempt distance from each other for about a week and then, when you go back, see how you feel then, if you still feel frustrated, tell him and talk with him, if he feels the same then it might be time to throw in from the towel. If you feel truely happy to see him and he feels the same then you guys are set. Also try doing a handful of new things, I know you guys play alot of games together, try some other stuff. Even iff you guys end up breaking up you guys sound like the couple that actually CAN still be friends. You could also try gradually breaking off from each other, if you end up breaking up. In any case hang in there sweetie :glomp: I'm here for ya^^

on another note; hows it goin with the creeper? Do I need my chainsaw :chainsaw:?
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Filmographer
Eh, if it's just that you're stuck in a rut, how about you do some things that you've not done before? Bake cakes, be experimentive in the bedroom, take a dancing class, buy new lingerie. You never know, it might just be the little things.
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
In the 3-5 year range, most relationships go thru this. That is why most divorces happen in the 3-5 year range.

Also happens again in the 7-10 year range.

And is more likely to happen if you are "stuck in a rut" if you do the same things for fun, and go the same places. I would suggest trying something different, take ballroom dance classes together, or take up archery, or a try a new resturant every month. And THEN when you have shaken things up a little, see if you are still thinking about breaking up.

Figuring out that you could live without the other person is not neccesarily a sign of the end of the relationship, it is just the reality.

People fall out of love too. It happens. Might be happening to you two, or you might just be going thru a blah stage and things will continue on with a happy relationship.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If you've been dating for 2 years and you're 18 now, I can only assume you started your relationship at around 16, which is when all dems hormones mess with your head. So now that you've gotten older, you started seeing things the way they actually are instead oh LALALALA I'M IN LUUUURRRV :iconhurrdurrplz:. When I was at around your age, I'd just be blinded by emotion, completely disregarding the problems.

Just sit there and think about the relationship. Weigh the pros and cons. Would you really be happy staying with this person or is it just because you got so attached over the years that you can't imagine living without him?
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:iconcammieobscura:
CammieObscura Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
Maybe you both just need a time out to re-evaluate your relationship. Time apart will give you that chance. If you can't live without each other you will both know after a couple of weeks. Sometimes what you think is best for you simply isn't, and there obviously is a problem, at least on one's side.
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:iconshogun3540:
shogun3540 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional Artist
seeing as your 18 i'll presume you're sexually active......
if you want to get out of a rut..... try anal or bring another person to bed
Then all your problems will be fixed






sincerely yours "The Internet Bastard"
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