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November 24, 2012
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I can't take this anymore!

:iconmulta21:
Multa21 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've been emotional suicidal ever since 6th grade.Its seems like I was just born randomly. I just don't want to be alive anymore. I mean, just look at the broken bones I bear. I have two boys that mock me at school, My dad won't love me like he should, and whenever I do a forum, someone has to tell me I have no reason to live.And then going back to thinking about my parents. If they love me, then why am i going though this? I did nothing wrong to them, why would people hurt me like this? I am seriously crying as I type this. I am also watching emotional videos. I always watch emotional videos when I've had a heart breaking moment. I just feel like there is nothing left to live for. I know in heaven i'll be happy. I want to be in a place where I am happy and away from those who dare harm me. This is how bad things are. That is also why my icon is now an eye crying blood.
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:iconangelxxuan:
angelxxuan Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student General Artist
thinks which make you sad stop? that's what I do, sure a good cry is nice and all, but sometimes when my depression gets really bad good comedy movie is better. laughter is good. report the people at school who torment, avoid your parents, if they are mean/cruel they probably won't even realize you're avoiding them. they might actually be thankful/blessed. trust me, I got family like this. listen to headphones, don't talk to them unless you really have to. do something else creative with your time. force yourself for a few minutes, sometimes you can realize how a few minutes can turn into hours. Journals are useful, therapy as well, if you're still at school talk to your counsel about your problems, they can help you, remain unbiased and they are free. only you can force yourself out a funk no one really can, they can give you tools, but it's all on you.

and if you're not religious then let me be helpful, a lot of people who commit suicide don't even cross over, so, basically, you're still here just not in physical form so it could go from bad to worse. don't be a statistic in this situation, prove them all wrong that you can live and not show them victory by taking your life.
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:iconphillterunfiltered:
PhillterUnfiltered Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
Thats the funny thing about life, it's not supposed to be easy. You're not going to want to hear this, but it doesn't seem like you have it that bad. I've met people who started with close to nothing and all of the things they held close to them were stripped away for one reason or another. Yet they find the strength to live and invent new reasons to keep their lives happy.

I'm not going to make any more comparisons, this is not a vanity battle. The simple message is you have to be stronger to have a better life. I understand that you are young, things don't make sense, so depressed that the most menial comment will feel like a gunshot. But having mental strength is like growing muscle. Keep it toned an healthy and it will only get stronger and stronger.

With all of that being said, here's some advice: Do something every day that scares you, eventually you will have done so many of those things you will be more resilient. Stop asking things for yourself, the more you look back on what you don't have, the more you will miss thats right in front of you. Count your blessing rather than your obstacles, you have 2 bullies and some trolls, but how many people do you talk to and get along with? And if none, how do you plan on gaining friends like that.

As for the bullies the most you can do is stand up to them.

Once again you might not like this comment... I empathize for you, but I dare not sympathize. Thats one of life's cruel lessons. The more you ask for sympathy, the more people turn you away.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
You're still young - in school. It'll get better when you get out of school. Make a deal with yourself and hang on until then, okay? My darkest times were in high school and middle school. It has to do with how you're still not independent and you can't escape whatever is tormenting you if you need to. As soon as you get a job and a paycheck, you can leave anything (except the job and paycheck, but you can always hunt for a different job). You'll have the freedom to move to a different country if you want, or just many miles away - you can never speak to people that are rude to you, you can invest in your hobbies and spend your time only with friends that you like (if you don't have any now, don't worry - it's not you, it's this time period in life). Like someone else said, it gets better - and that's why. It's nothing magical, it's just independence. So hang on until then, at least. Give yourself that.
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:iconshogun3540:
shogun3540 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional Artist
what do your parents do that is so bad?
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:iconmithrendune:
MithrenDune Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I'm jealous of you. I've hurt for so long I no longer remember what It's like not to.

Let me tell you a little story about myself. I was born into a family albeit a dysfunctional one only to have it torn apart by my parents divorce five years later. As a baby my meals where filled with anger, frustration, hurt, and emotional turmoil as my father learned that was the only time my mother couldn't or wouldn't run away from him instead of facing up to all the frustrations she caused him. As a child all I wanted was to be loved but each time I opened up I was betrayed or hurt. Even after my parents got divorced they still fought though now through my brothers and I. So at a young age I learned that to care was to be hurt. I can go on and on describing the pain I went through year after year to the present day where I'm twenty five years old been out of work for several months and will be homeless come Saturday.

I learned that to open myself up to others and care for them meant that I would be hurt. Because of this I don't truly connect with others and miss out on the happy moments that come from time to time even if only fleetingly to those that have others they care about. I miss feeling joy which is ironic seeing as I can't remember a time when I felt that way. How could I miss something that I've never felt?
I've been asked from time to time why I'm not suicidal and my response is that I don't want to miss out on the opportunity to feel joy again for I must have felt it once if only fleetingly.

I don't know what awaits a person upon death but if it's more than just death, if there is a hereafter. What's to say that it's any better then here? If there is a hereafter and you're judged by your works while in mortality then I will earn a place for myself rather then risk being shunned for my actions or lack of actions while living.

You stated that "My dad won't love me like he should" and I ask you how do you know how a person should or shouldn't love? We each are struggling through life, your parents included. I sincerely hope that if or when I learn to connect with others to the point that I love someone that person doesn't tell me that I don't love them like I should. Rather I hope that person will except me and my love.

My plea to you is that you don't perpetuate your pain. That you learn to overcome your pain and help others that they might not have to experience the hurt you felt.

Some have gone through worse then you and me and came through it just fine. Others experienced less then either of us and never recovered.
The individuals that made it through their struggles looked for a brighter future and made goals to work towards, the ones that failed to recover from their struggles saw only the negative and simply gave up.

I would write more but I'm already long winded as it is. If you have questions that I might answer please ask.
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:iconcammieobscura:
CammieObscura Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
Multa and Mithren. My favorite verse in the Bible was "It came to pass" I'm totally glad that it came to pass and didn't come to stay. You won't always feel this way. Life circumstances sometimes dictate how you feel about yourself and sometimes that causes scarring. I look at a scar as not so much as a scar but a remembrance of a healing. You hurt once, but now you feel better. I think both of you just need some good counceling and maybe even get away from the circumstances you are in, if you are able. I don't know your ages but if you are at least 18 you have the option of getting your own place, or maybe a place with some room mates. Anything for a change of scenery and to get away from those indifferent to you or that hurt you, either physically or mentally. But remember again, things won't always be as bad as they seem now, but you have to take the initiative for that change. By the way, have you ever talked to your family about these problems and are they willing to change too? Do they know you feel like hurting yourself?
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:iconspookyink:
SpookyInk Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your emotions are YOUR OWN reactions.
If you want to stop feeling sad then simply stop.
It's your mind that believes you can or its not that easy.
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:iconsamuelearl666:
SamuelEarl666 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist
Since you believe in heaven you must be religious. Have you ever read Dante's inferno? According to the book suicide is actually considered a sin and you would go to one of the worst parts of hell for doing it. Believe me from what I've heard in stories, if heaven and hell actually existed i would definitely not want to go to hell (even though i probably would). I am interested about how your parents treat you, how bad is it?
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Live to have fun. Watch and read all the comedies you can get a hold of.
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:icondamian-blaze:
Damian-Blaze Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's exactly what I do and I started getting my mother to do. Laughter is food for the soul. Laughter really helps break that negative pattern in your head.
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
Comedy is good stuff for sure. Having a pizza now and then doesn't hurt either. :la:
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:icondamian-blaze:
Damian-Blaze Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Having a pizza now and then is actually good for your metabolism. I use to weigh 210 lbs. Now I'm 140 with muscle. People look at me eating pizza and wonder how I did it. I eat clean most of the time so my metabolism starts to get slower, especially after losing so much fat but then I throw in a cheat meal which is usually pizza, it shocks my body and I start burning a little more fat AND mentally, it's good for you, as well. I love my cooking. My recipes are delicious but sometimes you just want a cheesy pizza lol. Pizza with comedy is therapy :)

I like to get together with my friends and order pizza while we watch stand up comedy and comedy movies. Good times :)
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I probably exceed "now and then" with the pizza eating. :giggle:
I had some books on eating clean by Tosca Reno but each recipe took a ton of ingredients which made the costs of cooking too high.

Movie nights are great fun.
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:icondamian-blaze:
Damian-Blaze Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You don't need to spend that much to eat clean. I lost weight by just eating rice and beans and chicken. That's about it. I started making a little more money so I searched for free recipes online that are affordable and they taste really good and easy on the wallet and I still saw results.

Now my friends are coming over and keep harassing me to cook lol.
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
I wish I could get motivated to eat like that. I tend to go after the flavour packed foods (salty, sweet, fattening). LOL, your friends will be skinny in no time.
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:icondamian-blaze:
Damian-Blaze Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Skinny and ripped lol. They see my muscle now they want me to train them. I'm cooking for them and training them, man they better start paying me lol. Now I miss my friends lol.
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:iconglori305:
Glori305 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
If you believe in heaven, I am assuming you believe in some form of Christianity. The "thou shalt not kill thing" applies to suicide as well.

It is best to get to a happy place by building it inside yourself.

Get to like you. Learn what a cool person you are. It is not easy, and it will take years of effort, mistakes and wrong turns, but it can be done.

There are people out there who are now living happy lives, who were where you are when they were younger. It can be done, and life can get better. WAY better. But not if you are not here.
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:iconruwich:
Ruwich Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Never give up! Keep moving forward! -The Robinsons, Disney
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:iconferaltao:
FeralTao Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Look for help from the school, from a professional psychiatrist. Life is tough and you're just one of many, many people going through emotional abuse from your peers and your parents (involved yours truly) - a lot of them fight back or persevere and they GET THROUGH IT. Because IT GETS BETTER once you turn old enough to move out and detach your life from the people who harm you. But in order for that to happen you have to ENDURE and show yourself the respect of not letting your spirit break. It hurts, but you'll be fine if you fight for it. It's just pain. It can only break you if you let it.

So toughen up and look for help, get involved in activities where you can make new friends to support you, nothing is ever helpless.
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
It really does get better.
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:iconthecoin-operatedgirl:
theCoin-operatedGirl Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
You continue to go through it in the hopes that some day it will get better.

And it will never seem like it will, and life will keep throwing you shit even after you start to feel better.

But you won't know if the future holds something better unless you make it there.

Like previously stated, most christian faiths don't believe you go to heaven if you take your own life.
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Something that could help is to change your thoughts and actions. Watching emotional videos may justify your hurt but you should try to change your thoughts to positive ones. Depression is very much in the mind. Yes it can do with imbalances but it can also be worsened by negative thoughts. Try talking to someone about your feelings. Express yourself. Also know that not everyone is against you. Your parents do love you.

Find something to live for. If you need someone to talk to (but know that I believe in tough love and telling the truth even when it isn't the easiest thin to hear) I'm willing to listen and be there.

I've seen many of my friends go through this. Suicide will severely hurt your friends and family. It is also permanent (which most teenager's brains can't comprehend fully until they are completely developed, usually by age 25). You don't want to go down that path.
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Most religions don't believe that people who kill themselves go to heaven. It has something to do with not having the power to give or take life.
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