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November 23, 2012
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Relationship advice?

:iconlove-junk:
Love-Junk Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'll keep it short and sweet.

>Been with the Current boyfriend for almost 4 years
>We've always fought a lot, he's the most stubborn and selfish creature ever gifted with life.
>I still love him to death
>Long-Distance Relationship for the most part - His parents moved a while away about 3 months into our relationship, But we stayed together.
>We've fought badly many times and broken up once, but it didn't last.
>He's moving within arms-reach within the next couple of months.

At the moment, the fighting's hitting an all-time-high, and he can't ever seem to apologize or try to fix things without being prompted. It's getting to the point we're more defensive of each other then anything else. This has all happened before. Down to the letter. And every time I've gone back and fixed it. and I'm sick of cleaning up after his messes, and this time around am not solving anything. There seems to be more damage done to each other in this relationship, but.. This has all happened before, and it's gotten better.

So, should I stay? I can't view it impartially enough to decide - I do love him, and he'll probably always mean a lot to me. Or do I just wait till it gets better again and keep going?


(also, I lied about keeping it short. Sorry.)
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:iconkahlanamnell123:
KahlanAmnell123 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
Ok look, the fact that you love him mean so little when he sounds like an arrogant bastard. You should leave, and it will be hard and for the most part you will quesiton your decision but you have to trust yourself that you are making the right decision. For the sake of your future self, and your happiness there is no point in putting yourself through all this. Your always thinking maybe if I, maybe if he, maybe but no. You cannot change him, and you wont change him. He will always be like this, and one day (maybe not now, but when the glitters of being in love falls of his ass) you will see him for him and realise that you wasted most of your life being with someone like him when you could've been available for someone nice and stable to come in and sweep you off your feet. Look your going to have to wake up and realise that his mess is HIS mess, and whether you clean it up or not he'll always leave it on the floor. My advice, pick up your pride and walk out that door.
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:iconferaltao:
FeralTao Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
Well, you have to ask yourself if all the emotional stress is worth it for you and if you can talk honestly with your partner about how you feel? Because that's the most important thing. You shouldn't be tiptoeing around eachother, but rather be upright that there is a problem and now you're helping eachother fix it, even if the solution is to be friends rather than girlfriend-boyfriend. It shouldn't be impossible if there really is love and a genuine wish for the best of the other person.
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
stay or leave. Stop trying to be a white knight. You can't change people.
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:iconsaykha:
saykha Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Student Writer
I think you guys should give each other some space. Not a break-up. Just some time apart (not even talking on the phone) where you can clear your heads. Sometimes you get into a rut of just fighting all the time about rubbish. Time apart will make you forget about your anger, and then you can talk to him again (when everyone's cooled down). But talk to him about his stubbornness (and everything else that bothers in your relationship with him) - it might just be that he doesn't know how to say sorry - it might actually be a very small thing he struggles with. After you've spoken to him, having heard the truth from him, you can then make your decision of whether or not it will be best to stay with him.
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:iconamalaazula:
AmalaAzula Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012   Digital Artist
he sounds immature and not a find-a-solution-to-our-problems kind of guy. relationships will have some fights but if he never takes it upon himself to apologise or realise that he's in the wrong like you do, ask yourself why are you with him besides him being 'adorable'?
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:iconalleyinc:
AlleyInc Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've been through the SAME problem. Except for the time frame. But, from what I read, it seems to me that the bad times outweigh the good times. I was caught in the rut of constantly thinking to myself, "Well, he's a really awesome guy when he's not being an asshole...." and that always got me to get up and fix the problem MYSELF, whereas he would sit there and not try to fix it at all. Bottom line: if he really wanted to be with you, he would have NO PROBLEM trying to fix the problems you guys have. It shouldn't only be you trying. That's like a one-sided relationship. You're giving him your all and he's just receiving and not giving in return. Since you really like him, tell him that he needs to be willing to fix the problems you guys are having. If he doesn't want to, obviously he doesn't give a shit and you need to WALK OUT of his life. It's best that way, because then you're giving yourself the opportunity to go out there and find someone better who deserves your attention. Someone who will give you their all.
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:iconwizardofunseen:
WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
There are ups and downs in any relationships What makes you keep coming back to him?
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:iconlove-junk:
Love-Junk Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Because, he's adorable. I love the kid to death. That's why I go back to him, and when it's good it's great. we just have out weeks.
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:iconwizardofunseen:
WizardOfUnseen Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
How do his family treat him? Has he been going through a rough time? That impacts a relationship in many unpleasant ways
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:iconlove-junk:
Love-Junk Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
He's always had family troubles. He's a daddy issues boy, there's something you don't see every day. I think it stems from his family - none of his family really talk to each other, they're strangers living in the same house. and when they argue, they just get angry and then stop talking to each other.

Which is what I mean when I say he won't help. He just shuts himself down and won't talk to me at all until I all but force him to.
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