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November 21, 2012
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What should i do with ex?

:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Me and my ex girlfriend broke up few months ago because of the distance between us when she moved out of state. She says she is still in love with me and that i'm her everything. Then a couple of days ago she called me and asked me how i was doing. I told her that i was about to sign up for a volunteer program for the Israeli army. She bursted into tears telling me that she doesn't want me to go because it's way to dangerous. I have a feeling that she's toying with me and before the break up i was always there for her and supported her no matter what I also accepted her despite her flaws. We were together for a year and a half :/ and idk what to do.
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   Digital Artist
"I also accepted her despite her flaws"

Easy, never ever in the history of being in love, do you truly love someone, despite anything.

I was with someone despite a whole bunch of shit. Despite anything always turns into a festered mess in the end.

Now, I'm not saying that you end up falling in love with a flawless person, but when it works, it's not despite them. In fact I could argue that it is because of them.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Well, if she's playing games with you, don't play into them. You broke up, so do what you want to do now. If she didn't want that to happen, then she shouldn't have (I'm assuming?) broken up with you. If you're the one who broke up with her, then tough cookies for her.
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
You assumed correctly and thank you. Also why would she say that she's still in love with me yet like someone else? To me it's just weird :?
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I don't think I ever said she' still in love with you but likes someone else. I don't even think I said anything remotely like that. Care to quote me please?
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
no no no. She says that shes still in love with me yet likes someone else. I wasn't saying that you posted that. My apologies. And what i meant by "you assumed correctly" was because she broke up with me.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Student Digital Artist
OH. I read that as "why would YOU say that she's still in love with me" etc. etc. Like 3 times. :dummy: Carry on.
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:iconthecoin-operatedgirl:
theCoin-operatedGirl Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
If you're going to break up with someone, it's best to break contact and move the hell on. If you can't then you probably shouldn't have broken up. If you're both so convinced that it won't work with the distance even if you both care that much, you have to let yourself heal instead of talking to them about your feelings for one another. There's really no exception to this. Neither of you will move on into functional relationships if you're going to sit around and miss the other while holding each other at a distance (metaphorically) because "it just won't work."

Obviously if someone cares about you they'll be concerned for your life, but if you both can't mutually put the effort into being together then they should probably not influence your choices.
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:icondamaimikaz:
DamaiMikaz Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Don't let her hold you back from realizing your dreams.
This may sound harsh: but if she really loves you, she'll realize that this is your dream, and she will give you your freedom to do what you want.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Why would she be toying with you? It makes no sense.

You two broke up, because you didn't think the relationship was strong enough to be long-distance.
That doesn't mean she suddenly stopped caring about you.
Of course she'll be sad and scared of the thought of you joining the army.
Nothing indicates that she's toying with you.

Do what you will, but don't make her look bad just because she still cares about you. Why would you do that?
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
I left out a part from my post because i was in a hurry and i apologize. She spoke to me when i told her about it and was sayin that she's still in love with me yet likes someone else. idk what to make of that.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Did she say "in love" with you, or that she still loves you?
Being in love is that crazy feeling of being so intensely into a person. Loving someone is deeper and much calmer. (Imagine an old married couple - they love each other, would die for each other even, but you won't find them making out every chance they get - that's 'love', but not 'in love'.)

Anyway, it's clear what's going on, and I still don't see why you're confused:
- You two broke up, not because you didn't want each other, but because of the long distance thing.
Logically, she can't just switch off her feelings for you. So, there are still feelings there.
- But you're removed from each other, and she is single, so when another attractive male came along, she felt attracted to him and possibly has a crush on him.

How is this confusing?
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:iconknightster:
Knightster Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
First of all: I lol that you signed up to such retarded organisation :lol:

Secondly: Tell her that she can't stop you? It's nice that she worries and all but you've made your choice based on (hopefully) solid amounts of research. It sounds like she didn't completely moved on yet.
It's your life. Do what you want and don't let others stop you.
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Thanks for your input. Btw i have not singned up yet because i am still researching it and talking to a friend of mine who joined the program not to long ago my friend says the program is worth it if you want to travel and experience new things, But in all honesty i don't know if i want to risk my life since Israel was recently attacked and is about to attack Iran. Pardon the long post and once again thanks for the input.
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:iconknightster:
Knightster Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
No worries mate.
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:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Do what YOU want. It is your ex.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Your ex is still in love with you and you're joining the army, and you think her reaction was just so she could emotionally blackmail you into staying? Dude, I'm pretty sure her feelings are real, not some kind of ploy to make you do her bidding. I find the whole line of thought that "if she truly loved you, she would support you no matter what!" to be incredibly simplistic. People who love you want whats best for you, and they want you to be safe. They also want to protect you from harm and what they feel are stupid decisions. If it was for instance your mother who didn't want you to join the army, would anyone in their right mind accuse her of not loving you enough?

Which is not to say you should do what she wants you to. You broke up with her, and if she tells you that "you are her everything", then that tells me she has problems moving on. But ultimately that's her problem, not yours. But her being concerned about your life because you're joining the army? That's not emotional blackmail, that's normal.

But anyway, this isn't my attempt to talk you out of this, it's me trying to explain how she feels.
If you don't want anyone to hold you back from doing what you want to do, then don't let them. Whether or not you stay friends with your ex is up to you - whether you and/or her can deal with it emotionally. But I see no point in assuming the worst from a person who still loves you. And I don't really see a dilemma, either. It would be nice if she would support you, but it's not something you need. And if she doesn't change her mind about it, then so be it.
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:iconthecoin-operatedgirl:
theCoin-operatedGirl Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
:shrug: it may not be her toying with his emotions, but it's really shitty to break up with someone and then not let them go.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
I don't disagree, but I don't think I suggested anywhere that her behaviour is good or healthy? At best, that it's understandable.
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:iconthecoin-operatedgirl:
theCoin-operatedGirl Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Yeah, very true.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconthisplz:

People seem to blindly jump on the hate-the-girl wagon, without even attempting to think.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
That doesn't seem to be uncommon unfortunately. People taking the OP's post at face value no matter what it says happens more often than it doesn't.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So true. I even made a rant about it (sort of): [link]
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Everything you wrote there is spot-on. And that "people are mean to me for no reason" is a pet peeve of mine at this point, it's so common.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:nod:
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
I understand what you're trying to say and i forgot to add one more part to my post so my apologies. She also told me that she liked someone else but was still in love with me. I honestly don't know what to make of that.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
That means she has some issues to work out for herself.

FWIW, most of the time when people say stuff like this, they're trying to get a "I still love you too" kind of response. In other words, she hasn't fully accepted that your relationship is over, and that you're not getting back together some time in the future either.

It's kinda cruel, but next time she tells you she still loves you, just tell her that you've moved on and that she should do the same.
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Thank you very much for your help.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
No problem, glad I could help :)
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:iconkingsolidsteveii:
KingSolidSteveII Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
If she truly loves you, then she will accept your decision to go into the army, even if she doesn't like it. She might come around eventually; who knows? Personally, I say do what you feel is right whatever that may be.
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Thank you steve. The Israeli sar el program is just a volunteer program to aid in supplying israeli soldiers with the items they need. She heard about the recent rocket attacks and all the other wars israel has fought and that is why she is scared.
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:iconkingsolidsteveii:
KingSolidSteveII Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
I'm sure if you two have the time to thoroughly talk everything over, she will understand.
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:icontatianna-may:
Tatianna-May Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
If it's your dream to be in the army, then go for it. Don't let her hold you back because in the end, you'll end up resenting her for it. Try just being freinds with her, you never know, it might help put things into perspective a little :)

I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago, one of the reasons was that he wanted to go into the army, and I didn't want him to (this wasn't the only reason, it was better that we broke up in the long run), but I knew and understood that that was his dream and I wouldn't be prepared to hold him back so I support him as best I can, being his friend and I hope he achieves his dream.

Good luck <3
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:icontodesengel18:
Todesengel18 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Thank you so much! :)
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:icontatianna-may:
Tatianna-May Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem, I hope you find a way to work things out :)
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