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November 20, 2012
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Passive-Aggressive Roommate

:iconlaarka:
LaArka Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So my roommate is this girl who on the outside is a really nice person. But she has 2 major flaws: She's EXTREMELY obsessive and passive-aggressive. I'm a fairly easy-going person, to the point where usually I'm a pushover, so when one day she came home with a white board and decided that every other week we would alternate cleaning the apartment, I just agreed with it. But now, this chart has become law, and if the chores aren't done by the written date, she begins to leave a list of the chores I need to complete. Honestly, I can understand her being mad; I forget to do the chores most of the time, but they get done, and they would get done regardless of her reminders. But now, she's becoming unreasonable. Leave a dirty dish for longer than 2 days? Takes a picture of it and sends it to me. And it just became too much today. This morning I wake up with a missed call from her and a picture of an open peanut butter container. When I go to leave my room, I find that she has placed the container, along with my boyfriend's backpack, jacket, and headphones in front of my door. And beneath his backpack were my glasses, which were luckily not broken. I know that is wasn't a huge deal since no harm was done, but she has her boyfriend to back her up, even though he's not even supposed to be living here. She's really starting to make it uncomfortable to live there, but I can't move out until next July. I hate confrontation, but at this point I have no idea what to do. I don't think she would be willing to listen to any reasoning, and I don't mind her pointing out the things I do wrong... I just wish she wouldn't have such a hostile attitude about it...

Sorry for bitching and the wall of text... I just don't know what to do...
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Call a meeting. obviously things aren't going well right now. have a reasonable discussion with her. (not a confrontation, a reasonable discussion)

Before the meeting, write down the things she is doing that you have a problem with. also write down your own shortcomings. thirdly, write down at least 2 ideas which might be helpful in this situation.

present this paper in its entirety to her. then try to work out the kinks of this living situation.

one idea for a possible help to your problems:

-Establish consequences for things undone. (monetary repayment, or extra chores could be options) this would keep her from doing stuff like taking pictures of jars or leaving things in front of your door.

-take over some other responsibility yourself and leave her the cleaning duty. example: you could take out the trash and buy foods, and she could do the cleaning. that way you would both be doing what you were better at.

these are just ideas. you may come up with some of your own.

be polite, and smile and make the meeting a friendly affair. don't get in a fight, that would not help anything.
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:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
Just mess with her mind until she breaks and move out.
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:iconstarlit-sorceress:
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Did you sign something saying she could kick you out if you didn't do everything she told you to? If not, she has no right to treat you like a kid.

Politely explain that you have different values when it comes to free time vs. neatness.

Politely explain that if she feels like sacrificing her free time for neatness, then she's free to do so.

Politely explain that it's rude to send passive agressive notes and reminder photos, and if she sends any more, you'll ignore them.

If you don't feel like telling her these things in person, you can write her a note. If you don't feel like communicating this to her at all, just remember you have every right to tell her this whenever you feel like it.
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:iconcammieobscura:
CammieObscura Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
Seriously, some people are neat freaks, or not freaks at all and just raised to clean up after themselves. That not only means cleaning dishes after you have finished with them - not 4 days later, but also pots and pans being washed and put back in their place. I think girls can be as or more more messy than guys. But it all depends on what you are used to doing at home that you carry with you. You have an agreement, the same as a written contract. If you can't keep it than you are in breach of contract and there should be penalties. Washing the dishes for the other person when it is their turn for instance. When you have had enough of that I guarantee you will be cleaning up after yourself on time. Learn to respect each other, and that means the door swings both ways.
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:iconlytrigian:
Lytrigian Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
How about you do your chores?

Honestly, I was on your side until you started to get to specifics. Leaving dishes for two days and open containers of food sitting around are disgusting. And maybe she doesn't want to trip over your boyfriend's shit, wherever in your rooms he decided to dump it.

If SHE isn't doing her chores but is taking all this trouble to call you out when you leave something undone, then you're justified in using similar tactics, but if not -- stop being such a slob.
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You could confront her about it or stop being a slob...
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:iconlaarka:
LaArka Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm honestly not a slob. Usually, I get to my dishes within 4 days. I'm at school for most of my day, so when I'm home the last thing I want to do is dishes. Whenever I make a mess while cooking, I clean it up as soon as I'm done. And since she bleaches the entire place every other week, you could usually eat off all surfaces at any given time. I can understand leaving a note. I can understand yelling at me, giving me the cold shoulder, or even charging me a dollar each time I forget to do my chores. But in the time it took her to gather all my boyfriend's shit and the peanut butter and dump it in front of my door, she could have put the cap on the pb and written a pissy not or left a bitchy voice mail. Nope. No reasonable thought from that one.
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I would of just capped the jar myself too
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Tell her to stop being so anal over it. I would assume you know how to clean up after yourself and can see why it irks her, but leaving it in front of your door? really?
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