Call a meeting. obviously things aren't going well right now. have a reasonable discussion with her. (not a confrontation, a reasonable discussion)
Before the meeting, write down the things she is doing that you have a problem with. also write down your own shortcomings. thirdly, write down at least 2 ideas which might be helpful in this situation.
present this paper in its entirety to her. then try to work out the kinks of this living situation.
one idea for a possible help to your problems:
-Establish consequences for things undone. (monetary repayment, or extra chores could be options) this would keep her from doing stuff like taking pictures of jars or leaving things in front of your door.
-take over some other responsibility yourself and leave her the cleaning duty. example: you could take out the trash and buy foods, and she could do the cleaning. that way you would both be doing what you were better at.
these are just ideas. you may come up with some of your own.
be polite, and smile and make the meeting a friendly affair. don't get in a fight, that would not help anything.
Did you sign something saying she could kick you out if you didn't do everything she told you to? If not, she has no right to treat you like a kid.
Politely explain that you have different values when it comes to free time vs. neatness.
Politely explain that if she feels like sacrificing her free time for neatness, then she's free to do so.
Politely explain that it's rude to send passive agressive notes and reminder photos, and if she sends any more, you'll ignore them.
If you don't feel like telling her these things in person, you can write her a note. If you don't feel like communicating this to her at all, just remember you have every right to tell her this whenever you feel like it.
Seriously, some people are neat freaks, or not freaks at all and just raised to clean up after themselves. That not only means cleaning dishes after you have finished with them - not 4 days later, but also pots and pans being washed and put back in their place. I think girls can be as or more more messy than guys. But it all depends on what you are used to doing at home that you carry with you. You have an agreement, the same as a written contract. If you can't keep it than you are in breach of contract and there should be penalties. Washing the dishes for the other person when it is their turn for instance. When you have had enough of that I guarantee you will be cleaning up after yourself on time. Learn to respect each other, and that means the door swings both ways.
Honestly, I was on your side until you started to get to specifics. Leaving dishes for two days and open containers of food sitting around are disgusting. And maybe she doesn't want to trip over your boyfriend's shit, wherever in your rooms he decided to dump it.
If SHE isn't doing her chores but is taking all this trouble to call you out when you leave something undone, then you're justified in using similar tactics, but if not -- stop being such a slob.
I'm honestly not a slob. Usually, I get to my dishes within 4 days. I'm at school for most of my day, so when I'm home the last thing I want to do is dishes. Whenever I make a mess while cooking, I clean it up as soon as I'm done. And since she bleaches the entire place every other week, you could usually eat off all surfaces at any given time. I can understand leaving a note. I can understand yelling at me, giving me the cold shoulder, or even charging me a dollar each time I forget to do my chores. But in the time it took her to gather all my boyfriend's shit and the peanut butter and dump it in front of my door, she could have put the cap on the pb and written a pissy not or left a bitchy voice mail. Nope. No reasonable thought from that one.
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