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November 18, 2012
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Need advice, please... I don't know what to do

:iconsunnyeclipse:
Hi. I don't want to make a long story, but here is my situation...
It is about my boyfriend. He is 18 and I am 15. He tells me occasionally about how he think I'm a nice person and that I'm pretty, and we usually play videogames and other stuff together. He's also very, very cute imo and hilarious. However, he's rude to people, and a huge pervert... he doesn't know how many girls he's, err, had intercourse with before, which disturbs me a bit when he tells me some stories about experiences he's had, and what he'd like to have with me when I'm ready for it.

We are long-distance. I met him though an online game I play a lot, and we talked through voice-chat while playing. Someone also talking with us began to bring up weird topics and sexually harass me for being a female gamer, etc. My bf stood up for me... and got me out of the situation. We kinda became slight friends after that. Net day, we started talking about more personal things between each other and connected a whole bunch. We started crushing... talking to each other every day... we admitted to how we liked each other.

He told me about how his parents used to abuse him, and about all the bast gfs he's had, half of them cheating on him. I want to make him happy and made a promise things were going to be better for him from now on.

But... I get so awkward around him. I never know what to say anymore unless we're playing games, unlike with the rest of my close friends where we can chat so easily. His perverted comments make me feel more and more... like he doesn't appreciate what kind of girl I am, rather the fact that I have boobs+vagina. I wouldn't mind it if he didn't bring it up everyday, or if we could start a topic without talking about that stuff... which I'm not interested in yet... at all.

I think sex is gross right now. He's done it more times than he could keep track of. Idk, overall, I care a lot about him... but I don't know what to think anymore. He says that it's not all he thinks about, but that's all he says. I am afraid to open up to him about my feelings, because I get awkward... and only awkward around /him/. It is awful, I love him very much, but I don't understand if I'm just being childish or not. Maybe selfish...


I posted this on an account 3 years older than my main. Please comment.
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:iconmangekyomarie:
Okay... I have been in your exact situation. Met a guy online, he had many previous gf's/sex partners that cheated on him and his family life sucks. Moving on to the topic of being a virgin with a boyfriend who has had sex. has had sex a lot. has experience in the bed... you get the idea. Moving on...

1.) Make sure this guy is legit, not some online creep aka sex offender.

2.) If he loves you, he'll wait. You do realize eventually you have to reward him for waiting though, don't you? MEN WANT SEX, from age 13 and sometimes younger. Cyber and phone sex even makes em happy. Men are perverted and male virgins are hard to come by.

3.) If it bothers you to talk about sex, tell him. "Can we please talk about something other than sex, please" thats an honest relationship. If the relationship only has lust and no love... IT WILL FAIL.

Sorry to be blunt. He'll understand it's awkward and annoying you and if he loves you and wants to stay with you, he'll do it. You have the power, not the man. Remember that. Good luck.
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:iconsmileyvizard:
SmileyVizard Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Have you ever met this guy in person? Do you know what he looks like? Or does he only know what you look like?
Now, not to sound like an old person preaching, because, y'know, I'm 15, too, but I think the age difference between you might be part of the problem. He's 18, so for someone his age to constantly act like a perv is common (going from experience), considering it seems mostly what guys ages 15+ think about is just banging chicks. (not saying you can't date guys older than you— that's your choice and not anyone else's. But you have to keep in mind that someone older than you— as in, three years older and up— might try and take advantage of you.)
But, the fact that he keeps bringing it up is kinda creepy to me, and if I were you, I'd be suspicious. If he keeps bringing it up, you can be 90% sure that's all he wants from you... I'm sorry to have to tell you that...
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Dec 4, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
How do your parents feel about this situation? If you are hiding it from them, it is a good chance that it isn't the right thing to do.
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Dec 4, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
"You do know a lot of sexual predators hang on line trying to meet girls that they can have sex with. The fact that you have never seen this guy, and he is talking like a pervert to you should raise a red flag or two. If I were you I would break off all contact with him, because before long he will be pressing to meet you and then your face will wind up on a milk carton."

:iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz::iconthisplz:
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Nov 19, 2012
You do know a lot of sexual predators hang on line trying to meet girls that they can have sex with. The fact that you have never seen this guy, and he is talking like a pervert to you should raise a red flag or two. If I were you I would break off all contact with him, because before long he will be pressing to meet you and then your face will wind up on a milk carton.
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:icontashawnmc:
Let me just say my little sister is 15, and if I found out she met an 18 year old online and started dating him, and he even THINKS about sex with her, I'd track him down and castrate him. But that's just cos she's my sister. Alot of my friends have found older guys in similar situations..(chatrooms blah) And I don't think I could ever agree with that... but that's their business. So I won't judge. I think you should find someone you have more in common with... There's an obvious age difference so you guys probably have different things on your mind... But if sex is all he can think about, then he may eventually try to convince you to do it. (Which is just a horrible idea for a highschooler, trust me.) And since you're not yet 16, he could go to jail, and be labeled a pedo... Plus you don't know what diseases this boy has...
Honestly I say drop him. Meet someone in real life you can connect with. I don't believe the "love" you feel now, can last forever... you're still young, you'll make so many more mistakes before you graduate. But don't make letting some guy you have like nothing in common with, who brags about sex to a 15 year old, take up time you could've spent on finding another more decent guy who'll respect and wait for you be one of them. You could always just talk to your parents.... they may no be happy about it...(i know I wouldn't) But they could probably offer you the best advice.
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:iconsunnyeclipse:
Haha X'D I'd probably be very mad at my own sister... if she did such a thing...

I don't find many men I'm attracted to. He's the only one I've really become close to before, and have thought about so often... but, I will try to talk to him...

If he doesn't like me after I open up, I just don't know what I'll do or how our relationship will go. I at least really, really want to stick as a close friend of his.

Lol too scared of my parents sorry haha
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:icontashawnmc:
"I don't find many men I'm attracted to. He's the only one I've really become close to before..." Trust me, someone WILL come along. If not, go find a guy. He may be cute, and you may play the same game... but if you can't really relate to him otherwise, then there's probably no reason you should be together.

"If he doesn't like me after I open up, I just don't know what I'll do or how our relationship will go. I at least really, really want to stick as a close friend of his." I'd say break it off with him. No guy is worth the trouble. And if he's not okay with just being friends, then drop him all together.

"Lol too scared of my parents sorry haha" I understand that. :) but never rule them out as an option. It's better they trust you to come to them in a time of need, than to make bad choices and come to them after the fact. Parents always want what's best for their kids. This may sound like a cliche thing to say, but it's true. My sister was walking down our neighborhood at 12 in the morning one time with her friend(we have 1 light on our street) and my mom was sooo mad at her, she was grounded for weeks. And my sister was pissed at her. But my mom was only looking out for her. Should she have done that at the wrong time, and we could've never seen her again. These are the things they truly worry about.
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:iconadamjamescooper:
adamjamescooper Nov 19, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
If I were you, I'd get out of that relationship. You're young and have a lot of time to find someone who's right for you, but this guy looks like he's not only going to take your time, but also destroy your confidence.
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:iconferaltao:
This guy has a big ego and it will show in your relationship, especially when you'll have arguments. If you think he respects you, confront him about how his perverted attitude and rude comments are making you uncomfortable and say that you might never feel "ready" for sex with him and see how he reacts. THEN you'll know whether he respects you or not.

Turning 18 is not magically going to make you "ready for responsible sex" or more resistant to selfish coercion and manipulative behaviour unless you practice self-respect early on. If you turn 18 and still don't feel that this guy is responsible or trustworthy enough to have sex with, will he be cool with that, or will that be a big deal, like you're just a "future investment" for him? I'd think real hard about that if I were you.

You seem to feel for him because you "saved" him, but in all his past "bad" relationships he's been the common denominator. That is also something to think about. He might think he's been super-duper-nice and wonderful while he's actually been overbearing and putting his girlfriends on uncomfortable piedestals. Even if he did get treated bad by bad people all those times, it's still something for him to work out and putting up with bad behaviour from him because you pity him will put you in a really, really bad place.
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