I went through that period when I was a freshmen in high school. It made me terribly depressed, so I decided to just start trying new things. I joined several school clubs, started hanging out with my friends more, and took up new hobbies (one of them being drawing more often than I was. By the time I graduated, I was in the newspaper twice, voted most artistic, painted a mural in our library, and had two pieced put into the school's permanent art collection). You just gotta find your calling and go for it. Don't be afraid to try new things. And for the record, the party scene isn't all it's cracked up to be. I started to follow that crowd in late high school and the first two years of college and I regret ever doing it. I did a lot of irresponsible things, one of them being getting engaged to some guy that didn't give a rat's ass about me in the end. I would give anything to erase that and replace it with just me spending time on a computer. Don't be jealous of those kinds of people. This is the time to discover yourself. It's totally okay to go out and have fun every once in a while, but don't become one of those people that takes it to the extreme like a lot of my classmates did. In the end, it's not worth it.
i felt the same way for a long time, i went to work (A dead end nowhere job, becase i lost my old dream job to a girl yonger than me who will do it for cheaper), i went home and ate dinner in silence with my girlfriend neither of us looking t eachother or even caring what the other had to say.
so one day i was sitting at home waiting to go to work (i worked as a telemarketer) and on the tv came an ad for the navy, i went into the recruitment centre and applied, i'm now waiting to be accepted into the australian air force, and now i feel better, i am excited about life and my girlfriend and i have never been happier/chatty with eachother.....
the point isnt to go and join the army or navy or whatever, the hardest thing is getting off the computer, going otside and realising that there is more to the world and jst looking for an adventre is an adventure in itself......
(sorry my U key on my keyboard dosn't work so well)
I was in the same exact position you were when I was around 19 or 20. Spending all my time on the computer doing internet and anime. After I while I had a similar thought. "Dude, I'm really friggin' bored. I wanna go out and do stuff. Enter the club scene or go to some concerts or something." Problem was, all of my friends were (comfortably) in the same boat as me. None of them did anything away from their computer and were very content with that. So it's not like I could go out and do shit on my own. My advice is hit up one of your old friends or make some new, more socially active ones and try their lifestyle out a bit. It all depends on who you hang out with. Yeah it'll be uncomfortable and awkward in the beginning. I stumbled like crazy on my way to a far more social life. But I tell you, it's worth the effort. I'm more satisfied with my life now then I've ever been. Almost every weekend I'm out doing something with friends. There's always something to look forward to. I think someone said this already but, if you really want your life to change, it's up to you to change it. I say this to everyone: If I can do it, any moron can do it.
I stumbled upon this and noticed you'd been taking a bit of a beating here. I think the solution to your problem actually lies within the fact that people are giving you a hard time for talking about issues that, in all likelihood, they once had, are now much older, and see your problems as 'childish and immature, and hardly worth their time'.
I myself am 18 (nigh on 19) and finished highschool last year. I, too, dealt with the same problems as you do now. I was always a bit of a loner. That's not to say I was a nerd with no friends. I was relatively well liked, I had a few girlfriends, I did well with my grades, and I was well on track to getting an excellent mark in my end of schooling exams (I live in Aus. Not sure what your equivalent is).
With this in mind, I HATED my life sometimes. I felt like I was wasting all my time on computer games. I felt like I should be spending more time studying, or working on my friendships and relationships, taking up a hobby, anything. I became a dark, bitter person for a long time.
So the question, really, is this. If everyone keeps on saying 'it'll pass. get over yourself', then how can you get through it, and more importantly, why are they being so cruel about it? The sad truth is that, in my experience, life doesn't really get much better or worse. It just gets different. I don't worry about how I spend my free time anymore. I'm not worried about my social skills, because I'm very close to my friends and that's really all I care about But I worry about why I'm working in a job I hate. I worry about how I'll pay the rent. I worry about why I'm doing a uni course that will never get me a job (studying philosophy), and why I'm so sociopathic.
People are giving you a hard time over this question because they can't answer it. If they could, they'd be living the perfect, happy life. Unfortunately, they aren't, and they need to take out that frustration on you. But... if that isn't the answer you were hoping for... Then try this. If you have any hobbies at all (drawing, music, anything that creates something) then spend more time doing it. especially if it's a hobby you enjoy, and can replace gaming/online chatting time with. Spending time improving a hobby is productive and often recreational.
If talking to 'people you'll most likely never meet' is something you really enjoy... Good! You are spending this time developing important social skills you will need later on in life. You aren't going out to parties and drinking and getting laid all the time? Good! Your brain cells will applaud you for it. Time spent 'having fun' is time you regret wasting later on. I don't know many people that drank their way through highschool and didn't regret it.
I hope that any of this was able to help. If I had more time (I'm going to be late to work D I'd write more. As it is... You'll get through it in the end. It's rough, yes. But at the times it feels the worst, do the things you like the best. And eventually... it'll be gone. Because if there is anything you can get from the 'teenage problems are a myth' and 'your problems don't really matter' people, it's that these things DO go away. Best of luck, friend.
No-Faith-In-BrooklynFeatured By OwnerNov 21, 2012Student Digital Artist
I have to say, this is one of the most down-to-earth comments I have ever got. :') Thank you.. I was just about to give up deviantART all together with it's help in the "help with life" department, but this really helped.
Thank you so much. I'll keep this in mind for tomorrow & for days on :') Really, this actually really did help, and I can't thank you enough.
I'm glad I was able to be of assistance, friend. Even if this is one of the friendliest sites around, it is still the internet. When people feel they can act without consequence, they will act. DA is a good place overall, because the vast majority of us are here because we like art or make art, or like myself, wish we could make art
Now what is more true? The world you perceive in your mind, or the world you believe that you touch? What if everything you touch is also in your mind? Technically it all is. Touch is just an electric current sent to your brain, sight is just in your mind... So technically, everything is in your mind, thus making problems just as concrete as anything else you can see, smell or touch.
i've thought like that for a long time. In the end you have to ask yourself: do you like to stay that time on the computer? In my case, I like to do both, although my computer wins most of the time. It's just a hobby that I have and that I love to do. bottom line is: If you like to do it, do it. Nevermind what society says is correct.
I've never believed that your teenage years are the best years of your life. That implies after highschool, it's all downhill, and considering how quickly that time goes by, I don't see why that has to happen. Learn to make your own happiness. If anything, my life has gotten better since highschool.
Well if you're not happy with your life now, I don't see how making a forum about it online and talking to random people will change that. Considering it seems to be the part you're not happy about. It's contradictory. Nothing's going to change unless you MAKE it change, so go out and do something useful instead of sitting here on the forums.
I never implied that you were a loner with only internet friends. You stated yourself, "Spending my Saturday nights on my computer.. talking to people I'll most likely never meet in real life." that you were unhappy that the only thing you did was spend time on the computer and talk to random people. Yet the fact that you created this forum is contradictory to that idea. So what exactly do you want to do? I guess I didn't quite understand
PS: "internet" has never been synonymous or described as either "respectful" or "kind."
So I gave you advice. You seemed to dislike it. I still don't understand.
Well at first I didn't even think I was being disrespectful or rude, but I guess that's just how I naturally voice my opinions. Painfully blunt. If you're going on the internet, expect the worst, and that way, you won't feel offended in any way by anything
There's certainly nothing wrong with wanting the most out of life. But one of your best benefits right now is that you're young, and you can take a chance on trying more new things, with many years ahead of you! . As far as what you can do to dull the boredom and empty feeling... I suppose you can invest on exploring new hobbies and such first. Take it day to day, set new goals for yourself, and work slowly towards that one thing that you're looking forward to accomplishing.
I'd lie if I said your teenage problems happen to all teenagers, they happen to quite a few people but everyone goes through their own personal drama during their teenage years, some dramas seems more or less distressful than others but no one really gets away with going through puberty without crying themselves to sleep a couple of times.
What makes you a winner or a loser is whether you're going to cling on to the things you've missed out during the past years which can't be repaired anymore, cause you can't turn back time, or whether you're going to realise that you're still a living being, still able and open to many other opportunities and you can make up for whatever holes you think you have in your life from now on. Every stage of your life that you're in will be the most important at said moment, and you just need to be aware of what stage you're at and what you need to do today and how that's going to affect what'll happen tomorrow. If you spend your 20s thinking about your teen years, then you'll end up in your 30s thinking about how you missed out on your 20s because you were to busy crying over your teen years, and so on. It's never too late until you're dead really.
Try joining a volunteer group for kids your age - maybe one that isn't specifically for your school, so you can meet people outside. There's tons of awesome people who will love the same things you do, but it's tough to find them as a teenager and younger, because school is pretty much your life. I think if you volunteer, you will also find you have a cool experience you will enjoy looking back on when you are older, if you are worried about wasting your time.
But also remember, many of your big experiences are in front of you. Some of the things the other kids in your school are rushing into (parties/drinking/sex/etc.) are really much better and less regrettable experienced as an adult. Don't do anything that makes you feel unsafe or in danger - you have instincts for a reason!
And keep drawing - this is such a great time to building up your skills if it is something you are serious about!
I'm 25, and while I sometimes wonder why I didn't party more before I was 18, I'm also super glad I got out there and hung out with my true friends, spent time with my volunteer group, and that I spent my childhood/adolescence working on my art! (Though I often think I could have done much more of that last one!)
"I'm just not living up the years that should be the best years of my life."
This is toxic bullshit. For most people, the teenage years are some of the hardest, most complicated years, and this line of reasoning certainly isn't helping people to look forward to the rest of their lives. Things get better once you're out of highschool, and they get better yet again once you're out of college (or if you skip that step and start working right away). Most people who say (or believe) that highschool are the best years are old people who remember the days of having free time on their hands and little financial obligations, but they forget all the stuff that made the teenage years so hard, what it's like to be in adulthood-purgatory.
If you want to do something more, make something of yourself, or have more fun... then go out and do it! I don't know what your ambitions are, what your idea of having a good time is, or what you want to get better at, but the best way to never achieve anything of value is to decide early on that everything is "set in stone" already and that changing yourself isn't possible, or to give it a go and then give up after the first minor setback. Nothing worth having ever comes easy, but if you put in the effort you can achieve a lot more than you thought possible.
That said, what are some of the things you want to do? Can you name some specific goals you'd like to reach?
Just try to make new friends at school. And I know that isn't always easy, but you had friends before and you can do it again. And as a general rule of thumb, people hang out with others who enjoy doing the same things, so you'll have a new group you can hang out and go to parties with soon enough.
This is the beginning of your life. You have plenty of time to do things you consider "worthwhile"
And how is going to parties worthwhile? Oh great I accomplished getting shitfaced and puking in the bathtub! Then passing out in it!
If you want more out of life, find out what you can do with it. For me, once I get time off from school, I'm going to drive my friends and myself to a mountain and we're gonna climb it. I love doing little things like that, but for the most part I spend most of my time on the internet. But we're both young still. You've got plenty of time. Don't stress out over it
Lola-FerricksFeatured By OwnerNov 18, 2012Hobbyist General Artist
Dude, don't beat yourself up like that. You're a teenager, you're not going to accomplish anything just like that. You need to be patient, you'll be able to do lots more when you're older.
As for the fact that you're staying on the internet instead of going to parties, not going to parties doesn't mean you're not having fun. If talking to people seems more interesting than going to parties, then that's fine. If you really feel like you'r being selfish, you could go to a party now and then to keep your friends happy, but don't force yourself.
The only people who think their teenage years were the best years of their life are people who marry and breed before they're 22. You know not everyone thinks parties are fun. Binge drink then fool around with a girl you just met, sounds like a blast. Don't get me wrong but I went to a lot of parties in high school, our neighborhood and my group of friends was conducive to throwing parties. Not only did I go to way too many parties, but I was obsessed with Morrowind the Oblivion, I played yugioh, and played Phantasy Star obsessively. But that didn't stop me from going out and having a good time. I also received an academic letter and graduated on principal's list.
There's basically nothing you're going to accomplish before you're 22, like what do you thinks out there? Underage pregnancy? DUI? Juvie? Just fucking finish school, plan for college, use protection, and don't get black out drunk.
Teenage years suck. I'm still an awkward geek but shit got a lot better out of high school, trust me.
Anyways, what I really wanted to say is that I only party like, less than once a month. At twenty. And that's the most I've ever partied. Never in high school. And it's fun, sure. Being social is fun. But the truth is, deep down, I have to accept I fucking love a saturday night alone on my computer. I need to be alone. I like being alone. I love being alone. Now I sound crazy, but it's the truth I've tried to ignore for most of my life, because being a hermit is considered strange. But there's nothing wrong with spending a night in when everyone else is getting drunk.
Now, don't think I'm telling you to just shut up and accept it. I do my fair share of getting drunk with friends, but I've also accepted I don't WANT to do that all the time, and that for me - personally - giving into that social urge to go clubbing and get wasted isn't as satisfying as I thought it would be.