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November 17, 2012
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My bestfriend cuts....

:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Me and her are the same in a way. We're always stressing and worrying, just for different reasons and I told her that I had been thinking about suicide and she said that she had been too. Everyday I try to make her smile (which always succeed) and we goof off, but a few days ago, I touched her left arm and she pulled away. At this point I was getting suspicious and worried and I kept asking her what was wrong, but she kept avoiding the question.

Later that day, she showed me her scars and it hurt me to see her like that. Just the day before, her arms were pretty and now they have red lines all over them. I think about cutting and suicide too and I know I should think about how she feels, but I don't like seeing her cut herself. I know I can't control another person's action, but I want her to stop before it becomes a bad habit for her. What should I do?
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Devious Comments

:icontachy-on:
Tachy-on Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
:lock: by request of OP.
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:iconslippymagnus:
SlippyMagnus Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Tell her how you feel.

While it's not a good idea to make someone suicidal any more sad than you have to, this is a worthy cause. You have a good reason to make them sad, if it will save them later.

While having a fun time (goofing off, as you say) ask her what's up, and they'll say "nothing much". It's normal to react that way. No one wants to worry anyone.

Ask them questions. It will hurt to ask. it will hurt you BOTH. But if you ask her the questions that REALLY NEED to be asked, you'll get the insight you needed.

Have her explain it to you, and comfort her. Do NOT forget that part. It's not her fault.
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
First and foremost: What stuff worry you girls?
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:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
She says she has family problems and after she said that, I didn't push her further because I thought I might upset her. As for me, I don't have a father in my life(because he left), I feel like my mother doesn't appreciate me and my little sister was recently diagnosed with diabetes. I can't keep up in school and I have all of the teachers pressuring me and I fear that I might not be something when I get older.
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, as you couldn't tell much about her situation, I can only go into yours for now (though I'm not a shrink or anything):

Instead of grieving about a bad family you cannot change, make some good friends, such honest friends that you can rely on. I'm sorry for your sister, mine only has a bit of dyslexia, so I can't really give advice with that. About school, I can only tell you that nobody's good at everything, but everybody's good at something – or at least has the potential to become good.

In my opinion, try to think about your talents more than your interests, and figure out what subjects might support you in polishing those talents. Ask a reliable teacher for advice if you don't know what is related (jobs, skills) to the things you feel talented at. Luckily, you're still young and have some years to decide what you want to make out of your life.

When you have no aim, you can only stay passive and eventually drift away into nothingness; I know, because I've been down there for a long time, and had to crawl out almost only by my own strength. So having a goal in life (doing something, possessing something or becoming something) can be a thread you can row your whole on like beads. My depression ended when I found something to live for, and for me it was becoming someone better, though it might be something else in your case. Of course, you don't have to aim for things you can achieve: for me, it was setting a completely abstract idol that I wanted to come as close to as I could. You can think about basically anything, because it's the direction that matters, the direction where you advance in. Of course, the first step is the hardest to take, so be prepared to struggle and keep on striving for your dreams.

Well... I hope this helps. If you have any questions, I'm here. :)
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:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much. :)
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: You're welcome.
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Also, you need help as well. Medication and therapy for both of you.
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
self mutilation is often a symptom of depression and if it isn't treated, could lead to suicidal thoughts and/or attempts. Your friend needs serious help right now and if I were you, I'd call the cops on her and have her hospitalized and evaluated. She might hate you for it at first, but after getting the help she needs, she will be grateful.
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:iconkausawolf:
kausawolf Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
First and foremost, DO NOT cut yourself.
You DO NOT want to go down that road.

Second, for helping her, don't make her feel bad ever about it.
Google has many ways to overcome it, maybe tell her a few but never push, never stress, and never judge.
Be there for her always any time of night or day, and she'll overcome this in her own time.
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:iconlexi247:
Lexi247 Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Please, first step: Get help. I know, it probably sounds hard to confess to someone about this kind of thing, but please get help.

Next, you personally need to pull yourself together. Stay strong my friend :) Motivate yourself to stay strong, that way you can support your friend, and they can get help too.
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:iconshinseigo-takashi:
Shinseigo-Takashi Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Everyone has stresses in life, and I understand that some people have it worse than others...but regardless, none of that can really justify causing physical harm to oneself

Your friend, and yourself for that matter, need help. I'd suggest you get your own life back in order first, or use your friend as motivation to get your mind together.

As mentioned, you two are probably rather young, and it's during those times when everything feels like it's a huge deal and will be the end of the world. I doubt you'd believe me when I say it'll get better, and I doubt I'd be helping when I say that life can throw a lot more at you....even if both of those statements are true.

For your friend though...the key is really figuring out why she thinks that way...having someone to talk to is quite important...though not as important as having someone they really trust being the one listening...of course, that person should also be very reassuring. Help her get back into the rhythm of normal life and let her see that she's making progress with her life...that it's moving in a positive fashion...if anything, you can always try and convince her to talk to someone more experienced in the field about it...ie. a teacher, a parent, even calling a helpline....but it has to be HER choice, you can try and persuade her to do it...but you can't be the one to speak with those people first...at least, not about her situation
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess you are both very young. You need to tell an adult about the suicidal thoughts and the cutting. You need to get some help.
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:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't know who to tell really. I don't want my mom to know since she's against people who cuts themselves and she might tell me to stay away from her and my friend says that her mom is hard on her (and the reason she cuts is because of family problems).
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
How about a school counselor?
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:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can try to get in touch with her, but I don't know if my friend will e mad if I told someone or not. In the end, I hope she just knows that I'm trying to help and I don't wanna be to pushy about it either.
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This isn't just about your friend, you need help too.
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Digital Artist
Look I know ~LegendarySuperman is trying to help you do what's best. But going to a school counselor or someone like that, you might as well just take the knife and stab her in the back yourself, because you will be betraying her trust. I know if a "friend" did that to me, not only would it not make the situation better, I'd cut them out forever.

What it comes down to is common sense. Ask yourself how serious is she cutting? I've experienced a lot of bodily injury and none if it has been life threatening. Try to decide whether it's just superficial damage, which it most likely is, and is probably just a phase, and eventually she'll stop. But if your inability to deal with her situation is too great, remember, you're probably going to lose her as a friend, rightly so for betraying her trust. Also, considering she your best friend, imagine how worse she's going to feel when you do betray her.

Just leave her to her thing, because honestly, it's most likely 80% a phase that she'll get over when as she gets older.
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:icongemdrop:
Gemdrop Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh wow what a friend you are :B If your friend worries about you and tries to help, you'd cut them off?
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Do you realize how many people have taken their lives because no one spoke up to someone who could get them help when you couldn't help them yourself? No one is qualified to help by just reading a psychology book. And sometimes what you say does more harm than good. If they hate you forever and dump you, well that is sad but what price is there on a life? By doing that you are not really caring about them, but more for yourself and whether someone is mad at you or not. Someday when they have recovered and are happy they will look back and say thank you. No one will say "How sad, wish we knew or that someone would have said something."
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012   Digital Artist
Probably as many that so after someone overreacted and made a bad thing worse. :D
It's my opinion, you don't have to like it. But having been there and done that, I think I'm entitled to speak from experience.
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Do you realize you're talking to a 13 year old that says she and her friend have both considered suicide? This isn't just about cutting or ruining a friendship, or even "just a phase". They both need to seek help, real help, not advice from some random strangers on the internet. Advising a 13 year old to make a judgement call probably isn't the best idea, especially if said 13 year old is emotionally struggling already.
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
Supie, I think you hit that nail on the head. Can the ill help the ill?
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well they can certainly try, but it's best not to :B
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Digital Artist
Yeah actually I do realize that. It's also not our call to start recommending all kinds of people that are going to get involved and make their situation worse. Maybe you're right, and they're seriously considering killing themselves. But honestly, do you also think they are going to off themselves?

I've been where they are, I know that It's probably a phase, and I know that she probably has little more than cat scratches on her arm. If she had a papercut, her friend would still be overly dramatic about it, you said yourself, they're 13 year old girls.

I think it's a phase and they'll grow up eventually.
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:iconlegendarysuperman:
LegendarySuperman Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
In situations like this, it's far better for them to go to an adult and tell them what is going on. Someone that is there can make a better call than people on the internet that know nothing about the situation.
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(1 Reply)
:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I thought about that too. I don't want to lose her in the process of helping her. And you may e right about the phase too. If it escalates, I'll try to talk to her and see about getting help for both of us.
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Digital Artist
Well one besides the fact that cutting doesn't necessarily mean they are trying to kill themselves.
Honestly, you said you are just like her minus the cutting. If you can't take care of your own emotions, how do you expect to be able to help her? By taking on her emotional baggage in addition to your own you are only going to do more harm to both of you.

Don't try to fix someone else, if you can't fix yourself.
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:iconamaya-hikari:
Amaya-Hikari Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I guess I'd just rather it have to me than her. She's really important to me and I don't want her to hurt herself.
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:iconsiantjudas:
siantjudas Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012   Digital Artist
Then tell her that, but that's about all you can do. Anything else and you start being an overbearing hypocrite.

You should just try to focus on taking care of your own emotional well being, nothing worse than an also emotionally damaged person trying to fix another emotionally damaged person. Can you see how that would just be a recipe for failure?
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