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November 16, 2012
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Unrequited Love...Blah-Blah-Blah...

:iconavatar-720:
Avatar-720 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Been in love with the same girl for the past 5 years or so. She's been in a relationship with the same person (as far as I can tell) for 5 years (as far as I can tell), and she keeps appearing everywhere, I see her in other people, as fleeting reflections, in my thoughts, dreams, and Facebook seems intent on shoving her picture in my face at every opportunity.

Nothing has worked to get my mind off her, probably because as much as I want to be detached from something that will never work out (at least in the near future) I am reluctant to let go, because she means so much to me, and letting her go would be like a part of myself dying there and then.

Since this is more of a rant, and a thread like this in the rants forum would draw trolls and idiots like a rotting turd draws flies, I'm forced to ask: has anyone else been in this situation (empathy ftw!) or does anyone have any tips to help out (even words like "hang in there" or somesuch)?

I've never felt the way I do about her, about anyone else; not even close. "Close" doesn't even appear on the route map. I'd really rather be able to let go than keep going like this but... Yeah, it's difficult--considering I've spent 5 years trying to do it, and it only sees to have reinforced my feelings, "difficult" is a bit of an understatement.

So yeah, advise/empathise away, but I really just needed to get this out without being verbally attacked for it. I fully understand that this sort of thing is not a quick fix or anything like that, I'm not as 12 year old asking about first kisses and whatnot, so yeah, just <insert clichéd 'unrequited love' moan here>.
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Devious Comments

:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I won't say try dating, but instead I suggest you try making friends with women to see if you get closer with any of them. Starting a friendship is the best way to find someone else, trust me.
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:iconiliveasidream:
iliveasidream Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I will first say that what I believe you are going through is what happens to "artists" who get bored.
I've gone through some really out-there periods of infatuation/obsession, so I will go out on a limb and say I know exactly what you are going through. The mind kinda goes crazy, the thoughts snowball and pile up and stuff. One thing you should consider is to not resist your thoughts and feelings. By resisting who you are or how you feel, you basically feed into a greater sense of shame and guilt. And ultimately, the shame is what destroys you. No one wants to be creepy, but the secret to creepiness is that someone's shame is what actually makes them creepy. People can tell when other people are not comfortable with themselves, they sense it in their hesitation and their distance. Be confident and unafraid of who you are in the inside.

Facebook intent on shoving her picture in your face? That's bs. You spend too much time on facebook. You probably look for her there, and look forward to seeing her and indulging in the fantasy. You could remove her from your newsfeed, but you won't, because dreaming is the only way you can endure the unimaginable sorrow of wanting something that can never be. At least, that's how it's gone for me.

In short, imagine you are a boat, and your feelings are waves. Do not resist the waves, let them move you up and down and pass below you. They only become an obstacle when you resist them. They will do their work regardless, just as time is passing by regardless. If you are consumed by feelings, do not feel that this is wrong, because all other people are also consumed. (An artist is always fixated, sometimes you need to let your fixation drift off to better things than idealized versions of people, for instance, Einstein was obsessed with physics)Do not feed into the construct that you have a problem to be "solved" in any specific way, just learn to enjoy learning and change. Feel wonder for more things!
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:iconedarlin:
edarlin Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
First of all, are you assuming she will never like you?
Second, if you haven't dated or gotten to know other women, then you're not likely to develop feelings for anyone else. The feelings you have for this girl aren't really for her as a person, but for an imagined version of her. I don't know how well you know her (not in an online stalker way, but in a face-to-face, spending time together way), but she's probably not as perfect as you imagine her. Try making friends and spending time with other women your age and you might suddenly find that someone you have a IRL relationship with is more attractive to you than the unattainable, glorified girl of your imagination.
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:iconninick-the-demon:
ninick-the-demon Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I've been in this situation too. My advice would be to keep your mind busy and try to meet other people, other girls... ;).
I know moving on might seem like the hardest thing to do right now and your feelings for her will probably never completely disappear but I can tell you your efforts won't be wasted :). Just repeat yourself that you will meet tons of girls that will be way better than her (might be hard to believe for now but I know what I'm talking about :) ) and that you have so much more to do with your life than think of her, love her etc.
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:iconstarlit-sorceress:
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Sounds like a bad case of "One-itis". Here's a very helpful post: [link]

"Sufferers from oneitis become fixated on one person and believe that nobody else in the world could possibly measure up to how perfect they are."

"At least with typical crushes, you’re still interested in other people. Not with oneitis. When you’re suffering from oneitis, you haven’t just put them up on a pedestal, you’ve elevated them to the state of being The One."
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:iconavatar-720:
Avatar-720 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The One she is not, I don't believe in the concept of 'The One' (assuming you mean the lone person out there who you could possibly be with, probably the most mentioned thing ever on 'How I Met Your Mother'). Out of every human being the chances of there being only a single true compatibility is far too high to even consider.

I just haven't met anyone who can top her at the moment. I don't believe I never will, because that's a stupid assumption to make, especially at 20, it's just a little annoying that I can't stop seeing her in this light and get on with life, you know?
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:iconstarlit-sorceress:
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
I understand. :) And I don't think the article was written for people who are positive that there's statistically only one match for them.

I think it was also written for people who know for certain in their head that there are thousands of potential matches out there, but when they try to explain that to their emotions, their emotions aren't buying it.
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:iconbraineater0:
BrainEater0 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Well, there's the thing: You gotta BELIEVE that there really is somebody who can "top her".
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:iconjuliabohemian:
Juliabohemian Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Photographer
You need to discuss this with a professional. Because after that length of time, it’s more like an obsession than a feeling.

If it is highly unlikely that anything would ever come of this, it is in your best interest to find some way to put it behind you. I am not saying that would be easy or implying that it should be. I am just saying, this doesn’t sound like something that is having a positive effect on your life.
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:iconiliveasidream:
iliveasidream Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
A professional? What kind of redundant, bull shit advice is that? Of course everyone is better off with a therapist, but telling them to go somewhere else for feed back when they come here completely defeats the purpose of the forum.

You know what people need a lot more than "professionals?" They need people who genuinely listen and give a fuck about them.
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