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November 15, 2012
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My girlfriend posing as single on dating site

:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
I'm dating a girl, met her on a dating site actually.

We've been in a relationship for a few months. It's been going well, we've had only a few arguments which were not so bad, I've met her parents and they've taken a liking to me.

She did once tell me I could hook up with other girls if I wanted to, which I thought was odd of her to say and after talking to her about it, she started crying and telling me she believed other girls would be better for me than her.

Anyway,

The other day I happened upon her on a different dating site, with recent pictures, logged in recently and saying she is single.

I've ruled out directly confronting her about it because it would possibly bring out insecurities or something, and just make things worse

"Why are you stalking me?" "what are YOU doing on that dating site?"

Anyway, I wonder maybe she's lining up her rebounds in case I leave her? Or maybe she's looking for someone who she'll be more interested in, and leave me once she's found him?

Or maybe she just wants to have guys tell her shes cute, because she is the type who needs people to reassure her to make her feel pretty, and she openly admits it.

She's a pretty good girlfriend otherwise and is considerate for the most part. Not very good at the sneaking around though lol.

What would you guys do in this situation?
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Devious Comments

:iconsummitstars:
summitstars Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
If someone I was with posed as single on a dating site, I would leave the relationship. I would see it as being with me not mattering enough for them to not do that. Wanting guys to tell her she's cute is not an excuse to me, it's just unacceptable. I personally would confront her. I mean, it's a relationship, you have to be able to confront her about it. If I was you I would just move on though...
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:iconarnoldzoee:
arnoldzoee Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
You just leave it...


[link]
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:icondeltari2:
deltari2 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
well you are kinda being friendzone,or just being used I guess,there are many girls out there,it would take some time discover "your true lover" you just have to enjoy your life first.
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:iconmarx-man:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Professional Artist
"I'm dating a girl, met her on a dating site actually."
~sashafasha in My girlfriend posing as a single on dating site

"The other day I happened upon her on a different dating site, with recent pictures, logged in recently and saying she is single. "
~sashafasha in My girlfriend posing as a single on dating site

Guess how this ends. ROLL OVER FOR A SPOILER!!!

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:iconjust-call-me-c:
just-call-me-C Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
you can confront her by saying one of your friends happened upon her profile
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:iconchibifangirl01:
Chibifangirl01 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
She's not into you. Sorry.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
you're right, she broke up with me. It's okay, I was on a date a few days ago, and have a date with someone else tomorrow. I'll be fine
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:iconchibifangirl01:
Chibifangirl01 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You go, dude! :D
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:iconshogun3540:
shogun3540 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Professional Artist
leave her treacherous ass
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:iconpokiichi:
Pokiichi Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
Maybe she feels you don't like her, try to show more interest.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So... You were also on a dating site?

Maybe worry about yourself, before you worry about her.
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:icontristancody:
TristanCody Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Student Writer
Leave. Blunt, but the right thing to do.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Hit the eject button and when you land, don't stop running.
(and then bang her friends)
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
Yeah she wanted to break up with me.

her friends are ugly. I had a date with one girl and am going on another date tomorrow with someone else. I'm good.
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:iconebolabearvomit:
EbolaBearVomit Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012
It's not about them being ugly, it's about conquering a few more lands before you're totally done with her:P
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:iconadamkass:
AdamKass Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Professional General Artist
Get the hell out. You have a continent's worth of red flags staring you in the face.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012
yeah she wanted to break up with me. I have a date with a girl tomorrow anyway, and went on a date with another girl the other day. I'm not looking back lol
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:iconrobo-shark:
Robo-Shark Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Sorry to hear that she was doing this behind your back and too cowardly to tell you the truth about her feelings. My girlfriend did the same, pretending to be insecure but then strung me along for months. But you deserve someone who's honest and committed to you, and mature enough to tell you if she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, I hope you come along someone a lot better than her!
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
Yeah, I finally called her and told her she was being distant lately, and she told me she wanted to break up. She didn't give a very good explanation, and just said she lost feelings. I didn't know how to react so I wrote her a letter asking her to explain more, because I didn't want the relationship to end.

I also brought up the dating site thing. She admitted she was on it because she liked compliments.
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:iconrobo-shark:
Robo-Shark Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Sounds a lot like how things were going with my girlfriend for months, she was distant all the time and I had to end it. It appears she isn't ready for a committed relationship - you have to love yourself and have confidence in order to be able to love and support another person. Insecurities will always cause major problems.

I have an OK Cupid account myself and it's nice to talk to others on it, but when I was dating, I made sure to say so. The fact that she marked herself as single while still dating you is unfaithful and wrong, in my opinion. If she was confident and secure, then she wouldn't need to have strangers to tell her she's attractive. I wish you the best, sometimes moving on is the best option.
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:iconlowko:
lowko Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
I would forget about it.

Well that's not the truth, I wouldn't have been snooping anyways. I either trust the person I am with or I am not with them. If they choose to hide something from me, then I trust that decision. I don't need to know absolutely everything they are thinking and doing, I only need to trust them [and they me].
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
This is pretty much resolved, she wanted to break up with me, and was on the site for compliments.
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:iconmaltese101:
maltese101 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Student General Artist
You liked the wrong person.
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The other day I happened upon her on a different dating site
Wait, what were you doing on a dating site? :O

Now I have this story in mind: The protagonist finds his girlfriend on a dating site, and decides to toy around with her using a fake account, finally arranging a rendezvous, where he confesses his love to her once again. The girl bursts out in tears and loves him forever after. :love:

Of course, I don't mean that it would turn out like this. Many dark secrets could be revealed to you, and she might not find it as romantic as it seems by the above description. Reality might simply suck balls, man. :(
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Face book doesn't make anything official. The decision between two people makes it official. This is why I got rid of Facebook. Idiots.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
the decision was between us two though, and a few weeks layer made it on facebook
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ok but putting it on facebook doesnt mean anything
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012
it means other people know we're in a relationship.
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is why facebook is a joke. It doesn't matter if its on facebook or not.
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
facebook is a fucking joke and I wish someone would just destroy it completely.
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know right? I got rid of mine months ago and it feels great!
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:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yes, best decision I ever made.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
You have your opinion, I have mine. Let's not argue any further
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
Maybe you were the rebound and she's still looking for a better offer. Either way you look at it she's being dishonest. Do you really need that drama?
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:iconzedasiria-derazz:
Zedasiria-DeRazz Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012
I'd be pissed, it has happened before to me, she's playing with and you shouldn't let it get out of hand, straighten things out or just leave.
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:iconsparklywires:
Sparklywires Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I'd definitely talk to her about it. If you don't, it'll just eat away at you and cause problems. It's best to get it out in the open and talk about it. After all, no point stressing out over it until you find out why she did it.

Also to avoid all the tricky "why were you on a dating site" questions, simply say that your friend that uses it found her on it while looking for single girls and he informed you. There's not really anything she can say about that, and so you can focus on the "Why are you listed as single on a dating website?"
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
so I talked to her and she told me she wanted to leave me. she wanted to say it in person, but it doesn't really matter when we should say it. Oh well, I'll be fine.
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:iconsmilkey:
smilkey Featured By Owner Nov 17, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
In full honesty, i suggest that you two break up with her because she's playing you...
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:iconferaltao:
FeralTao Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
1. Obviously you're both not equally comitted to the relationship. Solve it or leave it because if it's coming from her insecurities, this is just a symptom and won't stop unless she works with it and you help her.

2. "You can see other girls if you want to" sounds to me like a mix of her fear that you won't love her enough/stop loving her and a biased feeling about your relationship, "I like you and we have it good, but I'm not sure whether I like you THAT much."

3. Don't sneak around with fake accounts or shit, if you want an honest relationship built upon trust, you must set an example. Talk honestly about how you feel about these things and set up boundaries you're both okay with, for example, dating profiles - sure, actually meeting people - no no, or whatever works for you. Good luck. :)
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:iconjessicaann87:
JessicaAnn87 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"why are you stalking me?" would be a way for her to turn the tables on you and make it seem like your fault because she was caught. Don't play that game with her. Be direct. My friends bf does this and he wonders why shes so insecure and doesnt trust him. I would break it off. She doesn't care about you enough to be honest with you, only complain. I want to fuck other people but i told my bf that from the start. He knows. No secrets. We have been together for 4 months now and not a single fight. I had my own meltdown of my own insecurity but that would of happening with or without him. iF YOU ARE FIGHTING THAT SOON maybe you should look elsewhere.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
alright, well I talked to her about it, and we're done. She wanted to break up with me and was being distant because she felt bad. Oh well. Time for me to meet someone else!
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:iconsimplylemie:
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
How long have you had your relationship? Are you dating or are you actually having a "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship? Do you both feel exactly the same on that point? Is the dating site ONLY for meeting partners or can it be that she has made friends there?

There is a lot of things that you need to work out with that girl if you ever want to have a proper relationship with her.

"I've ruled out directly confronting her about it..." WHY? One of the most important things in a relationship, and you'll hear this a hundred of times, is communication. If something is unclear - talk about it! Yes, she might ask what you're doing on a dating site, but if you're going to attack her over being on one you might want to have a good reason yourself. That shouldn't be a reason not to communicate.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Also, The dating site can be for meeting friends, but it is primarily a dating site, and the fact is she has displayed herself as single, when she knows she's in a relationship.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
We really are boyfriend/girlfriend. She was the one who brought that up, and we've been officially in a relationship for a few months now. Displayed on facebook and whatever, met each others parents, friends know, etc. It's established. Which is why the presence of the site a bit weird.

There are 4 possible reasons I thought for why she may be on the site"

1. She is afraid of me leaving her and looking for rebounds in case that happens

2. She's lost attraction for me, is looking for someone better, and will leave me when she's found him

3. She doesn't really want a relationship anymore and wants me to catch her and leave her because she doesn't want to be the one who leaves me.

4. She is insecure and wants attention from other guys (I hear about wives taking off their wedding rings and going to bars just to get attention).

It could be any of the above, or tons of other possibilities. I will never truly know.

I ruled out the direct confrontation because I don't think I will get the truth from her anyway. It will also show my own insecurities of the whole relationship, and I would come off as jealous and possessive, which is not very attractive anyway.
I was just confused as to her motives, but after talking to a few friends, I've decided that pretending I haven't seen it and avoiding a conflict may be the best decision at the moment. There is no obvious indicator that she's actually looking for someone else, despite her saying she's single on the site.

If she is looking for someone else, and leaves me, then whatever. I'll find someone else too.

But so far I'm fine with her :)
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
From what little information I read here, my guess is that she's doing this for reason #4. Telling you to break up with her to find someone better is not a normal thing at all, and that tells me she has some massive self-confidence issues. She probably believes you have the same opinion of her as she does of herself, which is not that high.
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
So i called her. It was reasons #2 (partly) and 4.

she wanted to break up with me, and she was on okcupid because she wanted compliments. But I'm pretty sure she was also looking for someone. Ah well, time to go meet someone else
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
Ah, that sucks to hear.

Good luck on your search. Hope you find someone with less baggage next time.
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:iconladychristina:
LadyChristina Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
... What WERE you doing on that dating site? Maybe she was doing the same thing you are?
Sounds to me like you need to learn how to communicate, and I'll say it again - COMMUNICATE!!!!
It's hard to imagine being in a situation, because I really don't understand why you're upset she's on a dating site when you are, too. But if I imagine that I was helping someone else find a girlfriend on a dating site and then found MY OWN GIRLFRIEND there - I'd be upset. And I would confront her. :)
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:iconsashafasha:
sashafasha Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I don't think I'm going to get the truth out of her by directly confronting her. I think at this point its probably better to just ignore it. If I google her username, her youtube comes up and so does the dating site profile, which is weird. Maybe she unconciously wanted me to find it and wants a conflict to test my love for her? who knows. All I can do is be positive. If someone who shes meant to spend the rest of her life with were to come along, there's nothing I can really do, I suppose.
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:iconladychristina:
LadyChristina Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I see you have become confident in what you want to do, which was the purpose of the tread :D SO congratulations on that, and let me just say it again: no commucation & no trust = no relationship. Good luck! :D
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