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November 14, 2012


Replies: 21

don't know how to react to flirting

DangerAt20000ftplz Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Hi, i'm an 19 year old girl using an anonymous account. So a few times I've had people flirt with me (creepily /strongly and also subtly) and I never know how to deal with it. I know that sounds like a stupid problem but it makes me really uncomfortable. It hasn't happened often, but twice i've had people flirt with me way too strongly. The time when someone did the most was when I was in a bar with a few friends. A guy (much older than me) kept touching my neck and whispering things to me that kinda freaked me out. I tried to act as uninterested as possible but this guy wouldnt get the hint. He even tried to make me dance with him. I stood still and he grabbed me hard and even kissed my forehead at one point and I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't help but laugh cause I've never had something like that happen to me before and it made me uncomfortable and I didn't know how to react ( I also absolutely hate stepping on people's toes. I hate making other people upset with me and i know i need to fix that) .My friend eventually stepped in and told the guy to leave me alone.

I'm asking because I told my boyfriend about this once (long distance boyfriend) and he got really upset. He didn't want me to act like nothing was wrong and to let the person know that I don't like them. He knows I'm kind of a pushover and I don't like hurting people so I think he mainly wants me to stand up for myself but I don't know how to when people are flirting. Someone did with me today quite obnoxiously and the same thing happened, I laughed or smiled or whatever and felt really uncomfortable but I didn't know what to do. I mean maybe this is a really dumb problem but I just don't know how to react if I really don't like what the person is saying. Also I don't wanna just assume that they're flirting if they're just being nice (but this guy today was definitely flirting ughghdsghf). Can anyone help me to know how to deal with these types of situations ? I want to let the person know the next time this happens that I'm not interested without being mean. thank you.

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Devious Comments

CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My advice? If some guy is harassing you like that (repeatedly touching your neck in this case), take 3 actions.

1. Calmly say "Stop it please."

If he persists

2. "Sir stop it right now or I will rearrange your face."

If he does it again

3. Drive your elbow into his face real hard.

Then get up and walk out (he'd have to be real stupid to try anything again). If that does happen though all bets are off.

4. Kick that fucker straight in the crotch, then when he doubles over in agony, drive your knee as hard as you can in the solar plexus, then calmly walk out.

Sounds violent I know, but hey, it's better than what might happen if you don't protect yourself.
Starlit-Sorceress Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Professional Artisan Crafter
Have you ever played Ultimate Frisbee? Whenever someone on my team catches the frisbee, pretty much everyone on the other team always crowds around them. At that point, it's pretty much impossible to pass the frisbee without getting it knocked out of your hand. And it's not fair. The rules say the other team has to stay at least two feet away, but nobody ever listens.

Know what I always shout at my teammate? "Hit them with the frisbee! MAKE them back up!" (A great way to measure out the minimum two-foot distance is with your arm and a firm grip on the frisbee!)

You know what usually happens? The guy with the frisbee doesn't listen, lets himself get crowded, and drops it. Because it's not an action that comes naturally. When you're hanging out with your friends in the park, throwing the frisbee around, and one of your friends walks too close to never jab the frisbee into their chest and shout in their face.

When you're hanging out with your friends or shopping at the mall, there is hardly ever a situation that requires you to break the rhythm of whatever's going on, get in someone's face and say (slightly louder than usual) "Hey! You need to stop doing that. NOW." You have zero muscle memory for this sort of thing. So you freeze up. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's the reaction that comes most naturally. That's why police officers, soldiers, etc. do so many drills. They're developing muscle memory.

I'm not saying you should drill for this. :) Just remember it next time you're in that situation. You don't even have to wait until someone touches you. Unwelcome flirting? Mention that you have a boyfriend in casual conversation. Doesn't stop? Say, "Hey! Tone it down. I told you I have a boyfriend." Tries to deny it? Say, "I don't care! You were still making me uncomfortable." Still doesn't apologize? Leave.

It's perfectly justified. Just remember that you're the one who's right.
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Touching random intimate bodyparts is not flirting in my opinion. Lack of interest can be misinterpreted as "she's fine with it". Douchebags aren't even 'people', I mean would you let your dog hump you? Well, I assume that if you're not a pervert then you wouldn't.

Anyway, I think flirting is okay as far as words go. Touching is past the fine line of child's play. That's more of a move on you.

I think it's polite to dump others with modest honesty:

"Sorry, but I have a boyfriend."
"Sorry, but you're not my type."
"Sorry Mario, but your princess is in another castle."
"Could you stop bothering/touching me? It's embarrassing."
Ivan-P Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Im 29 years old and still dont get what girls "expectations " towards flirting is, quite frankly i dont get it, its like a little game i find irrelevant sometimes, maybe its because im more direct towards what i want and i like cut through the bs.
2lazy2talk Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm really "sensitive" in these kind of things. If it's someone I'm chasing, flirting is awesome, if it's a friend then I politely say "thank you" but if it's someone I don't know...boy does my brain sound the alarms. I hate it, I truly do. The last thing I advise you to do is to smile. You never know who is that person and how he might perceive that smile of yours. Next thing you know you are screaming and running down the street
Oh-Cherie-Cherie Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student General Artist need to stand up for yourself. This is not flirting, this is harassment.
You need to tell them to stop, and leave you alone.
SimplyLemie Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
Some random old creepy guy acted all creepy and you only stood and acted "uninterested"?

Next time anything like that happens tell them off and move away. If they keep bothering you, slap them. Or if you can't stand up for yourself, just leave.
shadee Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Sorry, I'm taken." / "I have a boyfriend"
/stern look
/move away
LadyZelda1 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
I must be hanging around in the wrong places because no on ever flirts with me. You didn't know what to do as it hadn't happened before, but I'm sure you will know what to do next time it happens.
Oh-Cherie-Cherie Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student General Artist
Or maybe you're hanging out in the right places.
Do you want to be harassed? Kids these days.
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