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November 14, 2012
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Dealing with a horrible flatmate/friend/classmate

:iconzouai:
Zouai Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Hi!
I'm wondering if I can get some advice, as my family have already given me their view but I feel I'm still stuck.
Basically, I'm in my 2nd year at University, this year me and a classmate decided to live together. I got along with her and thought that, even if I preferred to live by myself, living with her would be alright. Bad assumption.
I'll have to put things into bullet points because there's a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I HAVE tried my hardest, but living together is about compromising both ways of living and coming to an agreement. I am living with her, not living together :/

I would write the problems but there is a lot. She's basically, arrogrant, over confident, aggressive, IGNORANT, SELFISH, petty, LAZY, and a huge hypocrite.
I try and stay calm and relaxed but there is an issue everyday, where I feel like crap. I only feel fine if I'm away from her, but it's now I'm angry and want to cry all the time. I'm in the library until midnight, but she took that as offensive, so I stopped going.

It's got to the point that I need to move out. I can move out around christmas/new year time but the problem is... we're classmates. So I'd have to feel guilty every single lecture we're in and put up with the crap she's saying behind my back :/
Most of the class knows she's not a nice person but didn't realise she caused me so much stress as I have no freedom and my classmates classed it as bullying. Still, if I moved, I'd be happier, BUT I would feel sad that I left her, because I know she doesn't listen and think she needs to change, but she (and her parents) would be so angry.
What should I do? Moving is what I want, but I dunno if it's for the best.
I am so stressed here, on sleeping tablets and COMPLETELY ignored.
Why do i have to put up with it and then when i stand up for myself, she still doesn't try to change. it's about compromising our both ways of living, but i've had to adapt to her for most of it.
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Devious Comments

:iconprosaix:
prosaix Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
Have you thought about making a list oabout what's wrong with YOU? Maybe you're lazy too?@
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:iconzouai:
Zouai Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
I have thought about that. I'm not lazy. At all. I do things as soon as they need to be done. I'm up before 12PM every day. I clean after myself. I go to lectures. Sorry but I know for a fact I am not lazy.
The only thing I can see that she has probably thought about, is that I'm being blunt. Because I've had enough of her, and I have been kind and sensitive, and she still ignores me. I be blunt, she still ignores me. I could do anything and I feel she would still ignore me.
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:iconladyzelda1:
LadyZelda1 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
If she won't talk or listen you can write her a letter. Tell her things need to change or you will be moving out. Who knows, maybe she is trying to get you to move. But you are giving her a chance to change. If she doesn't than it's on her and you need not feel guilty. Frankly with someone that rude I wouldn't have stayed longer than a week. What they need is a roomie swap and put like people together. That way they can bug each other. By the way, doesn't anyone else complain about the noise of loud music?
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:iconnephenee:
Nephenee Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Okay, here's the thing:

THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CONTROL/CHANGE IS YOURSELF.

Don't feel guilty that she's such a heinous bitch that she drove you away. You need to do what is best for you, and fuck her. Boo-hoo, she doesn't like that you go to the library to get away from her, she can fucking deal. It sounds like you don't want anything to do with her anyway, so what do you care what she thinks?

Stop taking responsibility for her issues and focus on what you need to do to get your life where you want it. You are paying to go to university for your education, not to be her friend, so do what you need to do to get the most out of it.
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:iconzouai:
Zouai Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
I know, but it's just the horrible feelings >_< I guess I just need to stop being a doormat and put myself first.
I only care what she thinks because she's a very big hypochondriact and so I fear what she might say and then I'm cornered by her parents and friends.

Thank you for your reply :)
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:iconnephenee:
Nephenee Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012
:thumbsup:

Sometimes you need to not be a nice person in order to do what's needed.
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:iconheavenhairsixes:
HeavenhairSixes Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It is always worth getting some perspective.

I fell out with my first flatmate over (in hindsight) silly things and we were both (in hindsight) fairly silly about the whole business. We basically split the flat in half and stayed to our own halves. I had the toilet in my half. My flatmate was attempting to dispose of bodily waste without access to the toilet. This state of affairs carried on for some months with both of us trying to ignore the various problems it was causing. But by then the bodily waste thing had gotten way out of control.

Obviously it didn't work. In hindsight I'm sure we could have found a way to talk to each other and compromise and it would all have been much easier.

I'm not telling you what to do. Just think about what is the sensible thing to do and think how silly you will feel in several years time if you don't do the sensible thing.
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:iconzouai:
Zouai Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
I don't feel like I'm being petty, I feel like I'm showing her what she's doing to me. Not all the time because I chicken out but something as simple as noise control. She blasts the TV and her music until silly hours, yet she knows she plays it loud, I ask her to turn it down, she does by 1 bar... so I left the tv on loud in the morning, whilst she was sleeping (we had to be up for a lecture anyway) and she came in and moaned at me, so I said "that's how it is for me. It's really loud and my room is closer" but she still didn't click and on the same night, blasted music until 2am :/ doesn't really make sense, she doesn't listen or understand that she's making any problem.

I don't think I'd feel silly in the future about the way she treats me, but I might do about how I've handeled it... still being walked over and not standing up for myself enough.

Thanks for your reply!
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
"that's how it is for me. It's really loud and my room is closer"

This will only cause more contention. IF you want to talk to her then do so. Don't be a passive aggressive, self-righteous prick. Talk thinks out instead of trying to force her to see your opinion.
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:iconeuterpe-the-egret:
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
*things
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