Girlfriendless 18-year-old needs help
I'm 18 years old and I have never had a girlfriend before and I think it's about time. I'm a little bit socially awkward so it's a bit harder for me to just go over to a girl and start talking than it might be for other people.
So here's my situation: There's this cute girl in my class and I've only rarely spoken to her in real life about superficial stuff like what class we have for example, but I've spoken to her a bit more on Facebook and there we had entire conversations about all kinds of stuff. However, to work towards asking her on a date I of course have to talk to her in real life more often but she is kind of secluded from the rest of the class, together with a couple of her friends, so it's really hard to approach her. Do you have any tips for me on how I can talk to her more in real life?
And since I have 0% experience in dating at all, perhaps some general advice?
So here's my situation: There's this cute girl in my class and I've only rarely spoken to her in real life about superficial stuff like what class we have for example, but I've spoken to her a bit more on Facebook and there we had entire conversations about all kinds of stuff. However, to work towards asking her on a date I of course have to talk to her in real life more often but she is kind of secluded from the rest of the class, together with a couple of her friends, so it's really hard to approach her. Do you have any tips for me on how I can talk to her more in real life?
And since I have 0% experience in dating at all, perhaps some general advice?
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Eh, if a guy hangs around me too much showing obvious interest and can't get the nerve to ask me out in a timely manner, I lose whatever interest I might have otherwise had in him, because that lack of nerve is such a turn-off it literally repulses me. I would crush those boys.
That said, I am not an 18 year old girl and appreciate a much more direct approach. And they tend to be the boys that do that pathetic timid gutless thing, not the men.
If you've had some FB conversations with her I don't see why that isn't enough to segue that into something more. Next time you have a good conversation with her on FB just be like, "Hey, I really like these conversations we get into. I'd love to talk in person over coffee or something."
That said, I am not an 18 year old girl and appreciate a much more direct approach. And they tend to be the boys that do that pathetic timid gutless thing, not the men.
If you've had some FB conversations with her I don't see why that isn't enough to segue that into something more. Next time you have a good conversation with her on FB just be like, "Hey, I really like these conversations we get into. I'd love to talk in person over coffee or something."
Woah, dude, calm down.
If she is with her friends alot she probably doesn't wanna seem singular(don't ask how I would know that, besides the fact I am a girl) but tell her friends you would like to talk to her for a sec, don't be affraid about giving them an order, they will understand(usually the right thing as well) and once you got the girl alone to talk ask her if she would like to have lunch with you.
If that doesn't work and someone advises that you just tell the girl that you two will go on a date like in shows and movies, don't do it, this is real life. So just slowly hang out with her more and when you like, ask her if she would like to go on a DATE and if she says no, just mention to her that she might be missing out on having a great boyfriend... and don't forget to throw in some compliments about her when you talk to her
Hope this helps, I am not a master, I am just 13 and I have some good and bad experiences with relationships and getting a boyfriend(pff, the longest 3 years of my life,jk it was 2 years)
Anyways, I don't mind helping people like yourself with things like this. Send me a note if you wanna talk more bout it, I am here for all deviants in need
If she is with her friends alot she probably doesn't wanna seem singular(don't ask how I would know that, besides the fact I am a girl) but tell her friends you would like to talk to her for a sec, don't be affraid about giving them an order, they will understand(usually the right thing as well) and once you got the girl alone to talk ask her if she would like to have lunch with you.
If that doesn't work and someone advises that you just tell the girl that you two will go on a date like in shows and movies, don't do it, this is real life. So just slowly hang out with her more and when you like, ask her if she would like to go on a DATE and if she says no, just mention to her that she might be missing out on having a great boyfriend... and don't forget to throw in some compliments about her when you talk to her
Hope this helps, I am not a master, I am just 13 and I have some good and bad experiences with relationships and getting a boyfriend(pff, the longest 3 years of my life,jk it was 2 years)
Anyways, I don't mind helping people like yourself with things like this. Send me a note if you wanna talk more bout it, I am here for all deviants in need
You're 18 and never had a girlfriend? I'm 18 and never had a boyfriend! We should be friends, lol.
Now obviously you need to take my advice with a grain of salt, but this is what i think you should do. If you like the girl just ask her! Go up and just be like, "Hey, I know this is out of the blue and all, but would you want to grab lunch/go to a movie/ walk in the park/ ect. with me?"
After all, what happens if she says no? Nothing. You'll be in the same position you started. It's a net loss, so don;t be afraid to just go for it. YOLO.
P.S. If she does shoot you down, be a gracious gentleman about it. Others girls will notice, word spreads faster than lighting.
Now obviously you need to take my advice with a grain of salt, but this is what i think you should do. If you like the girl just ask her! Go up and just be like, "Hey, I know this is out of the blue and all, but would you want to grab lunch/go to a movie/ walk in the park/ ect. with me?"
After all, what happens if she says no? Nothing. You'll be in the same position you started. It's a net loss, so don;t be afraid to just go for it. YOLO.
P.S. If she does shoot you down, be a gracious gentleman about it. Others girls will notice, word spreads faster than lighting.
See her before class
You're still a developing person, and now who you will be when you become an adult. Relationship at this stage only add to the turmoil of development. I understand that your hormones are a-ragin' and telling you t get a girlfriend, but all the more reason to avoid it right now. You're not thinking clearly. I didn't start dating til I was in my 20s and spared myself a lot of confusion and misery. You're not a lower, or behind any curb, for not having a girlfriend yet. And if you try to get one just for the sake of getting one, then you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
General advice? Alright:
1. Regarding the girl: Take it easy. Just because you decided that it's time to get a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you're all of a sudden dating material for everyone else. Don't put it up as the ultimate goal to ask her out just yet - you guys don't know each other yet and there's plenty of space for dealbreakers on both sides. And if you've known each other before and you're suddenly showing interest in her "because it's time to get a girlfriend", that's not a good way to go. You don't want "a girlfriend", you want that particular girl and if you're not sure about that, hang out with her until you're sure either way. Just remember, if the feelings are mutual, it will resolve itself quite naturally and if not, then you're better off as friends and she's better off with someone who wants her because she's awesome not just because they want "a girlfriend".
2. And for god's sake, if you ask her out and get shot down, be a man about it - not a dick, no matter how "close" you imagined yourself to be. If you can't handle the disappointment, just leave her be. I can not stress this point enough. VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. Especially since she's in your class. If you handle that badly, it will be known and you can kiss your chances goodbye.
Now that the hard parts have been slammed in, on to the fun
: Relax, as said above, if there is a mutual interest it'll resolve itself quite naturally if you just spend time together. Should you guys get together, just remember honesty - always. Living in a relationship is rather difficult and maintaining and building it over time requires even more work - getting together is the easy part. Good luck!
1. Regarding the girl: Take it easy. Just because you decided that it's time to get a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you're all of a sudden dating material for everyone else. Don't put it up as the ultimate goal to ask her out just yet - you guys don't know each other yet and there's plenty of space for dealbreakers on both sides. And if you've known each other before and you're suddenly showing interest in her "because it's time to get a girlfriend", that's not a good way to go. You don't want "a girlfriend", you want that particular girl and if you're not sure about that, hang out with her until you're sure either way. Just remember, if the feelings are mutual, it will resolve itself quite naturally and if not, then you're better off as friends and she's better off with someone who wants her because she's awesome not just because they want "a girlfriend".
2. And for god's sake, if you ask her out and get shot down, be a man about it - not a dick, no matter how "close" you imagined yourself to be. If you can't handle the disappointment, just leave her be. I can not stress this point enough. VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. Especially since she's in your class. If you handle that badly, it will be known and you can kiss your chances goodbye.
Now that the hard parts have been slammed in, on to the fun
: Relax, as said above, if there is a mutual interest it'll resolve itself quite naturally if you just spend time together. Should you guys get together, just remember honesty - always. Living in a relationship is rather difficult and maintaining and building it over time requires even more work - getting together is the easy part. Good luck!Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not trying to get a girlfriend just to be able to brag about it or anything. I am also not 'in love' with her or anything at the moment either though, I just think she's good-looking and she's cool and we have some things in common. So I hope that is not such a big deal, I mean you can just like each other at first and fall in love later, right? (or at least that's what I've heard because as I said I'm very inexperienced)
And what you said that it resolves itself if I just spend time together, that's the problem. I can't get any time together with her. Maybe I'm lucky and get put in the same group together with her in a project or something but I can't rely on that. Thanks for the comment, wise words! btw I can assure you I will not be a dick about it if I get turned down. I wouldn't do that anyway and I know it would result in a very bad social status
And what you said that it resolves itself if I just spend time together, that's the problem. I can't get any time together with her. Maybe I'm lucky and get put in the same group together with her in a project or something but I can't rely on that. Thanks for the comment, wise words! btw I can assure you I will not be a dick about it if I get turned down. I wouldn't do that anyway and I know it would result in a very bad social status
My ex boyfriend asked me out by talking to me.
Then as a birthday gift he gave me Sonic 06....so I slapped him.
Don't make the mistake.
Then as a birthday gift he gave me Sonic 06....so I slapped him.
Don't make the mistake.
Just going to reiterate others. Either join her and her friends, or ask to talk to her aside. If you realllly don't feel comfortable with that, just ask her out while you're talking online. It'd still be better than nothing.
As far as general dating advice: Look sharp, be nice, and read up on current events so you have some fallback conversation.
As far as general dating advice: Look sharp, be nice, and read up on current events so you have some fallback conversation.
Um...don't think that just because you're getting older you 'have to' date, go out or have a girlfriend. These things can't be forced and if you try to they don't tend to last because it wasn't done for the right reasons.
I've no shame in admitting I'm 28 years old and still havn't had my first kiss; I've had plenty of oppertunities and offers, but it's something I've always wanted to share with someone really special to me and I just havn't found that person yet.
Do what you want to do when you want to do it, not because of some standard or something.
I've no shame in admitting I'm 28 years old and still havn't had my first kiss; I've had plenty of oppertunities and offers, but it's something I've always wanted to share with someone really special to me and I just havn't found that person yet.
Do what you want to do when you want to do it, not because of some standard or something.
I've no shame in admitting I'm 28 years old and still havn't had my first kiss; I've had plenty of oppertunities and offers, but it's something I've always wanted to share with someone really special to me and I just havn't found that person yet.
Boy are you going to be disappointed when you get there and you realize it isn't that special and you wasted all that time and all those opportunities. I'm sorry, hun. Better luck next life?
Boy are you going to be disappointed when you get there and you realize it isn't that special and you wasted all that time and all those opportunities. I'm sorry, hun. Better luck next life?I'm a realist, I know alot of what people imagine about relationships is typically hype so it's not like I'm some nieve twit thinking it's going to be all magical and bullsht.
It's not the quality of the kiss that matter to me, it's who it's with.
I've already lived through alot of fuked up sht in my 28-years that many people have to live a lifetime to experience, if they ever do, and the majority of it I hope they don't. So believe me when I say I really don't give a fuk if I ever get kissed, but if I do it's going to be someone dear to me. If that person never comes, oh well.
It's not the quality of the kiss that matter to me, it's who it's with.
I've already lived through alot of fuked up sht in my 28-years that many people have to live a lifetime to experience, if they ever do, and the majority of it I hope they don't. So believe me when I say I really don't give a fuk if I ever get kissed, but if I do it's going to be someone dear to me. If that person never comes, oh well.
Ask a girl to go get a shake with you!
How come people never realize when they start a forum with "I'm (blank) years old and I have never had a girlfriend before..." I completely lose interest because honestly.....it sounds kind of pathetic. I'm sorry, but that's just what immediately comes to my mind.
Anyway. If you still give a crap about what I have to say about your situation, here's what else I think. Personally, it seems kind of awkward when a guy goes up to a group of girls and asks to talk to one of them alone for a while. It might be nice instead to get to know her and her friends all at the same time, and then just move from there. If you see her after school or something, ask if she'd want to hang out, get coffee, whatever she likes to do.
But going back to my first topic....RELAX. Just watch how things will work out, the apocalypse will not come early if you don't have a girlfriend. Gain some sort of sense of independence.
Anyway. If you still give a crap about what I have to say about your situation, here's what else I think. Personally, it seems kind of awkward when a guy goes up to a group of girls and asks to talk to one of them alone for a while. It might be nice instead to get to know her and her friends all at the same time, and then just move from there. If you see her after school or something, ask if she'd want to hang out, get coffee, whatever she likes to do.
But going back to my first topic....RELAX. Just watch how things will work out, the apocalypse will not come early if you don't have a girlfriend. Gain some sort of sense of independence.
If she's with friends, approach the group and ask if you can speak to her alone for a few minutes.
Never rush into love, rushing into it when you're not actually ready only results in mistakes and heart break. Take your time.
geez why does everyone keep telling me not to rush it, I'm not rushing it that's why I'm asking how I can manage to talk to her more before asking her out.
Because when we're 18, we all tend to rush without thinking first. Get to know her, make a friendship slowly. Sometimes someone who you may be attracted to might not be the right person for you as a lover, but as a very trusted friend.
Just talk to her, get to know her interests and let her get to know you. It's a slow process but it can be rewarding sometimes.
Just talk to her, get to know her interests and let her get to know you. It's a slow process but it can be rewarding sometimes.
Don't worry. I'm 22 (nearly 23) and I've never had a girlfriend either. It will happen when it's supposed to happen. Just take it one step at a time... Great now I'm quoting lines from Jordan Sparks. Seriously though, don't try to rush love, just be calm and take a deep breath and give it a try.
Sorry but that didn't help at all
When I was in school I would have loved to have a guy ask me out. Believe it or not, some girls just don't get asked out and wonder why. All I can say is time is wasting, so what are you waiting for? If you would feel more comfortable doing it on line do so. I would have rather someone do that than not at all.
Thanks, those were very wise words! My only problem with your advice is that it contradicts the advice I've received from some friends, that I should talk to her more, get to know her before I ask her out. First of all to be sure that I really like her, and second; not to waste my money on a pointless date, lol. Oh, almost forgot, they also said that the girl would be more likely to say yes if I had talked to her more. What do you think?
That's crappy advice if you'd ask me. Yes, get to know her beyond "Oh, what classes you have?". Ask her what she's passionate about! Maybe share what you're really into to get her talking. Point is, ask her out, better sooner than later.