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November 13, 2012


Replies: 37

Girlfriendless 18-year-old needs help

PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm 18 years old and I have never had a girlfriend before and I think it's about time. I'm a little bit socially awkward so it's a bit harder for me to just go over to a girl and start talking than it might be for other people.
So here's my situation: There's this cute girl in my class and I've only rarely spoken to her in real life about superficial stuff like what class we have for example, but I've spoken to her a bit more on Facebook and there we had entire conversations about all kinds of stuff. However, to work towards asking her on a date I of course have to talk to her in real life more often but she is kind of secluded from the rest of the class, together with a couple of her friends, so it's really hard to approach her. Do you have any tips for me on how I can talk to her more in real life?
And since I have 0% experience in dating at all, perhaps some general advice?

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Devious Comments

RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Eh, if a guy hangs around me too much showing obvious interest and can't get the nerve to ask me out in a timely manner, I lose whatever interest I might have otherwise had in him, because that lack of nerve is such a turn-off it literally repulses me. I would crush those boys.

That said, I am not an 18 year old girl and appreciate a much more direct approach. And they tend to be the boys that do that pathetic timid gutless thing, not the men.

If you've had some FB conversations with her I don't see why that isn't enough to segue that into something more. Next time you have a good conversation with her on FB just be like, "Hey, I really like these conversations we get into. I'd love to talk in person over coffee or something."
AmericanGirlArtist Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah, dude, calm down.

If she is with her friends alot she probably doesn't wanna seem singular(don't ask how I would know that, besides the fact I am a girl) but tell her friends you would like to talk to her for a sec, don't be affraid about giving them an order, they will understand(usually the right thing as well) and once you got the girl alone to talk ask her if she would like to have lunch with you.

If that doesn't work and someone advises that you just tell the girl that you two will go on a date like in shows and movies, don't do it, this is real life. So just slowly hang out with her more and when you like, ask her if she would like to go on a DATE and if she says no, just mention to her that she might be missing out on having a great boyfriend... and don't forget to throw in some compliments about her when you talk to her ;)

Hope this helps, I am not a master, I am just 13 and I have some good and bad experiences with relationships and getting a boyfriend(pff, the longest 3 years of my life,jk it was 2 years)

Anyways, I don't mind helping people like yourself with things like this. Send me a note if you wanna talk more bout it, I am here for all deviants in need
Lyila Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student General Artist
You're 18 and never had a girlfriend? I'm 18 and never had a boyfriend! We should be friends, lol.

Now obviously you need to take my advice with a grain of salt, but this is what i think you should do. If you like the girl just ask her! Go up and just be like, "Hey, I know this is out of the blue and all, but would you want to grab lunch/go to a movie/ walk in the park/ ect. with me?"

After all, what happens if she says no? Nothing. You'll be in the same position you started. It's a net loss, so don;t be afraid to just go for it. YOLO.

P.S. If she does shoot you down, be a gracious gentleman about it. Others girls will notice, word spreads faster than lighting. ;)
Karinta Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student General Artist
Definitely: take ~Lyila's advice.
TheNecco Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student General Artist
See her before class
JZLobo Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're still a developing person, and now who you will be when you become an adult. Relationship at this stage only add to the turmoil of development. I understand that your hormones are a-ragin' and telling you t get a girlfriend, but all the more reason to avoid it right now. You're not thinking clearly. I didn't start dating til I was in my 20s and spared myself a lot of confusion and misery. You're not a lower, or behind any curb, for not having a girlfriend yet. And if you try to get one just for the sake of getting one, then you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
FeralTao Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
General advice? Alright:

1. Regarding the girl: Take it easy. Just because you decided that it's time to get a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you're all of a sudden dating material for everyone else. Don't put it up as the ultimate goal to ask her out just yet - you guys don't know each other yet and there's plenty of space for dealbreakers on both sides. And if you've known each other before and you're suddenly showing interest in her "because it's time to get a girlfriend", that's not a good way to go. You don't want "a girlfriend", you want that particular girl and if you're not sure about that, hang out with her until you're sure either way. Just remember, if the feelings are mutual, it will resolve itself quite naturally and if not, then you're better off as friends and she's better off with someone who wants her because she's awesome not just because they want "a girlfriend".

2. And for god's sake, if you ask her out and get shot down, be a man about it - not a dick, no matter how "close" you imagined yourself to be. If you can't handle the disappointment, just leave her be. I can not stress this point enough. VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. Especially since she's in your class. If you handle that badly, it will be known and you can kiss your chances goodbye.

Now that the hard parts have been slammed in, on to the fun :D : Relax, as said above, if there is a mutual interest it'll resolve itself quite naturally if you just spend time together. Should you guys get together, just remember honesty - always. Living in a relationship is rather difficult and maintaining and building it over time requires even more work - getting together is the easy part. Good luck!
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not trying to get a girlfriend just to be able to brag about it or anything. I am also not 'in love' with her or anything at the moment either though, I just think she's good-looking and she's cool and we have some things in common. So I hope that is not such a big deal, I mean you can just like each other at first and fall in love later, right? (or at least that's what I've heard because as I said I'm very inexperienced)
And what you said that it resolves itself if I just spend time together, that's the problem. I can't get any time together with her. Maybe I'm lucky and get put in the same group together with her in a project or something but I can't rely on that. Thanks for the comment, wise words! btw I can assure you I will not be a dick about it if I get turned down. I wouldn't do that anyway and I know it would result in a very bad social status :P
Raichupa Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My ex boyfriend asked me out by talking to me.
Then as a birthday gift he gave me Sonic I slapped him.

Don't make the mistake.
TokyoV Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Just going to reiterate others. Either join her and her friends, or ask to talk to her aside. If you realllly don't feel comfortable with that, just ask her out while you're talking online. It'd still be better than nothing.

As far as general dating advice: Look sharp, be nice, and read up on current events so you have some fallback conversation.
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