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November 13, 2012
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Girlfriendless 18-year-old needs help

:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm 18 years old and I have never had a girlfriend before and I think it's about time. I'm a little bit socially awkward so it's a bit harder for me to just go over to a girl and start talking than it might be for other people.
So here's my situation: There's this cute girl in my class and I've only rarely spoken to her in real life about superficial stuff like what class we have for example, but I've spoken to her a bit more on Facebook and there we had entire conversations about all kinds of stuff. However, to work towards asking her on a date I of course have to talk to her in real life more often but she is kind of secluded from the rest of the class, together with a couple of her friends, so it's really hard to approach her. Do you have any tips for me on how I can talk to her more in real life?
And since I have 0% experience in dating at all, perhaps some general advice?
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Devious Comments

:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Eh, if a guy hangs around me too much showing obvious interest and can't get the nerve to ask me out in a timely manner, I lose whatever interest I might have otherwise had in him, because that lack of nerve is such a turn-off it literally repulses me. I would crush those boys.

That said, I am not an 18 year old girl and appreciate a much more direct approach. And they tend to be the boys that do that pathetic timid gutless thing, not the men.

If you've had some FB conversations with her I don't see why that isn't enough to segue that into something more. Next time you have a good conversation with her on FB just be like, "Hey, I really like these conversations we get into. I'd love to talk in person over coffee or something."
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:iconamericangirlartist:
AmericanGirlArtist Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Woah, dude, calm down.

If she is with her friends alot she probably doesn't wanna seem singular(don't ask how I would know that, besides the fact I am a girl) but tell her friends you would like to talk to her for a sec, don't be affraid about giving them an order, they will understand(usually the right thing as well) and once you got the girl alone to talk ask her if she would like to have lunch with you.

If that doesn't work and someone advises that you just tell the girl that you two will go on a date like in shows and movies, don't do it, this is real life. So just slowly hang out with her more and when you like, ask her if she would like to go on a DATE and if she says no, just mention to her that she might be missing out on having a great boyfriend... and don't forget to throw in some compliments about her when you talk to her ;)

Hope this helps, I am not a master, I am just 13 and I have some good and bad experiences with relationships and getting a boyfriend(pff, the longest 3 years of my life,jk it was 2 years)

Anyways, I don't mind helping people like yourself with things like this. Send me a note if you wanna talk more bout it, I am here for all deviants in need
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:iconlyila:
Lyila Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student General Artist
You're 18 and never had a girlfriend? I'm 18 and never had a boyfriend! We should be friends, lol.

Now obviously you need to take my advice with a grain of salt, but this is what i think you should do. If you like the girl just ask her! Go up and just be like, "Hey, I know this is out of the blue and all, but would you want to grab lunch/go to a movie/ walk in the park/ ect. with me?"

After all, what happens if she says no? Nothing. You'll be in the same position you started. It's a net loss, so don;t be afraid to just go for it. YOLO.

P.S. If she does shoot you down, be a gracious gentleman about it. Others girls will notice, word spreads faster than lighting. ;)
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:iconkarinta:
Karinta Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Student General Artist
Definitely: take ~Lyila's advice.
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:iconthenecco:
TheNecco Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student General Artist
See her before class
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:iconjzlobo:
JZLobo Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're still a developing person, and now who you will be when you become an adult. Relationship at this stage only add to the turmoil of development. I understand that your hormones are a-ragin' and telling you t get a girlfriend, but all the more reason to avoid it right now. You're not thinking clearly. I didn't start dating til I was in my 20s and spared myself a lot of confusion and misery. You're not a lower, or behind any curb, for not having a girlfriend yet. And if you try to get one just for the sake of getting one, then you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
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:iconferaltao:
FeralTao Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
General advice? Alright:

1. Regarding the girl: Take it easy. Just because you decided that it's time to get a girlfriend, it doesn't mean that you're all of a sudden dating material for everyone else. Don't put it up as the ultimate goal to ask her out just yet - you guys don't know each other yet and there's plenty of space for dealbreakers on both sides. And if you've known each other before and you're suddenly showing interest in her "because it's time to get a girlfriend", that's not a good way to go. You don't want "a girlfriend", you want that particular girl and if you're not sure about that, hang out with her until you're sure either way. Just remember, if the feelings are mutual, it will resolve itself quite naturally and if not, then you're better off as friends and she's better off with someone who wants her because she's awesome not just because they want "a girlfriend".

2. And for god's sake, if you ask her out and get shot down, be a man about it - not a dick, no matter how "close" you imagined yourself to be. If you can't handle the disappointment, just leave her be. I can not stress this point enough. VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. Especially since she's in your class. If you handle that badly, it will be known and you can kiss your chances goodbye.

Now that the hard parts have been slammed in, on to the fun :D : Relax, as said above, if there is a mutual interest it'll resolve itself quite naturally if you just spend time together. Should you guys get together, just remember honesty - always. Living in a relationship is rather difficult and maintaining and building it over time requires even more work - getting together is the easy part. Good luck!
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:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the advice! I'm definitely not trying to get a girlfriend just to be able to brag about it or anything. I am also not 'in love' with her or anything at the moment either though, I just think she's good-looking and she's cool and we have some things in common. So I hope that is not such a big deal, I mean you can just like each other at first and fall in love later, right? (or at least that's what I've heard because as I said I'm very inexperienced)
And what you said that it resolves itself if I just spend time together, that's the problem. I can't get any time together with her. Maybe I'm lucky and get put in the same group together with her in a project or something but I can't rely on that. Thanks for the comment, wise words! btw I can assure you I will not be a dick about it if I get turned down. I wouldn't do that anyway and I know it would result in a very bad social status :P
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:iconraichupa:
Raichupa Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My ex boyfriend asked me out by talking to me.
Then as a birthday gift he gave me Sonic 06....so I slapped him.

Don't make the mistake.
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:icontokyov:
TokyoV Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Just going to reiterate others. Either join her and her friends, or ask to talk to her aside. If you realllly don't feel comfortable with that, just ask her out while you're talking online. It'd still be better than nothing.

As far as general dating advice: Look sharp, be nice, and read up on current events so you have some fallback conversation.
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:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Professional General Artist
Um...don't think that just because you're getting older you 'have to' date, go out or have a girlfriend. These things can't be forced and if you try to they don't tend to last because it wasn't done for the right reasons.

I've no shame in admitting I'm 28 years old and still havn't had my first kiss; I've had plenty of oppertunities and offers, but it's something I've always wanted to share with someone really special to me and I just havn't found that person yet.

Do what you want to do when you want to do it, not because of some standard or something.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I've no shame in admitting I'm 28 years old and still havn't had my first kiss; I've had plenty of oppertunities and offers, but it's something I've always wanted to share with someone really special to me and I just havn't found that person yet.

:lol: Boy are you going to be disappointed when you get there and you realize it isn't that special and you wasted all that time and all those opportunities. I'm sorry, hun. Better luck next life?
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:iconwhiskyomega:
WhiskyOmega Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
I'm a realist, I know alot of what people imagine about relationships is typically hype so it's not like I'm some nieve twit thinking it's going to be all magical and bullsht.
It's not the quality of the kiss that matter to me, it's who it's with.

I've already lived through alot of fuked up sht in my 28-years that many people have to live a lifetime to experience, if they ever do, and the majority of it I hope they don't. So believe me when I say I really don't give a fuk if I ever get kissed, but if I do it's going to be someone dear to me. If that person never comes, oh well.
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
Ask a girl to go get a shake with you!

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:iconkhirate:
Khirate Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
How come people never realize when they start a forum with "I'm (blank) years old and I have never had a girlfriend before..." I completely lose interest because honestly.....it sounds kind of pathetic. I'm sorry, but that's just what immediately comes to my mind.

Anyway. If you still give a crap about what I have to say about your situation, here's what else I think. Personally, it seems kind of awkward when a guy goes up to a group of girls and asks to talk to one of them alone for a while. It might be nice instead to get to know her and her friends all at the same time, and then just move from there. If you see her after school or something, ask if she'd want to hang out, get coffee, whatever she likes to do.

But going back to my first topic....RELAX. Just watch how things will work out, the apocalypse will not come early if you don't have a girlfriend. Gain some sort of sense of independence.
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:iconjericawinters:
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
If she's with friends, approach the group and ask if you can speak to her alone for a few minutes.
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:iconreinahw:
ReinaHW Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012   Writer
Never rush into love, rushing into it when you're not actually ready only results in mistakes and heart break. Take your time.
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:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
geez why does everyone keep telling me not to rush it, I'm not rushing it that's why I'm asking how I can manage to talk to her more before asking her out.
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:iconreinahw:
ReinaHW Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012   Writer
Because when we're 18, we all tend to rush without thinking first. Get to know her, make a friendship slowly. Sometimes someone who you may be attracted to might not be the right person for you as a lover, but as a very trusted friend.

Just talk to her, get to know her interests and let her get to know you. It's a slow process but it can be rewarding sometimes.
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:iconcedarwoods:
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't worry. I'm 22 (nearly 23) and I've never had a girlfriend either. It will happen when it's supposed to happen. Just take it one step at a time... Great now I'm quoting lines from Jordan Sparks. Seriously though, don't try to rush love, just be calm and take a deep breath and give it a try.
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:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sorry but that didn't help at all
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
When I was in school I would have loved to have a guy ask me out. Believe it or not, some girls just don't get asked out and wonder why. All I can say is time is wasting, so what are you waiting for? If you would feel more comfortable doing it on line do so. I would have rather someone do that than not at all.
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:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks, those were very wise words! My only problem with your advice is that it contradicts the advice I've received from some friends, that I should talk to her more, get to know her before I ask her out. First of all to be sure that I really like her, and second; not to waste my money on a pointless date, lol. Oh, almost forgot, they also said that the girl would be more likely to say yes if I had talked to her more. What do you think?
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:iconthegroovymurphy:
TheGroovyMurphy Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's crappy advice if you'd ask me. Yes, get to know her beyond "Oh, what classes you have?". Ask her what she's passionate about! Maybe share what you're really into to get her talking. Point is, ask her out, better sooner than later.
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
Well yeah, that would be the preferred way providing you can do it. I was under the impression that you did like her.
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:iconcedarwoods:
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
The point is, you'll never know what will happen until you give it a try. Don't worry I have faith you can do it.
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
I agree with =Self-Epidemic. Just tell her that you think she's a cool girl and would like to hang out with her sometime, maybe grab a cup of coffee with her and maybe her friends too. Being friends with her friends is key because it shows that you have a genuine interest in being a part of her life.
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:iconxanedil:
Xanedil Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Dude, I have zero experience as well, and I'm the same age, no less.
Just make the effort and talk to her. It will be uncomfortable, I know, but I think if anything it will help you with social situations in the future. Don't expect her to come to you all the time. Be initiative.
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
it's good that you've found someone you like, but when you say that you are 18 and it's about time, I start to think about some of my friends that are 20 or older, and never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not actually something you absolutely must have, and you can't tell when it's going to come. Anyways! To talk a lot is good, you show interest. Or maybe not talk all the time, but I mean that you talk often, e.g. you see her during a break, say hi, you see her after school? walk together and talk until the roads split you etc. The most common thing is to ask her, e.g. what's your favo movie? or, there will be this party at day () and time () ... (then she will probably understand that you actually ask her out, but are modest). Before you do any of this though, do you know if she is single? maybe she is seeing somebody, likes somebody? does she send you any signals at all? perhaps talk to you, smile, anything at all? how does she behave around you? this is important because otherwise you will make a fool of yourself and we don't want that, do we?
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:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the wonderfully caring and useful comment! :)
I know there are older people who haven't had girl/boyfriends yet, but I just really want a girlfriend, it's not that I just want a girlfriend to just be able to say like 'hey I had a girlfriend', or something if you know what I mean :P
When I see her on my way to school I do always say hi but I only rarely (actually almost never) see her outside of school, either on my way to or from school. In the breaks she often sits at a different table than the group that I hang out with, when she does sit with our group she's often quite a few seats away and generally doesn't talk with our group a lot, and when I do get to sit next to her in the break I don't know anything to say. Just randomly asking what her favorite movie is, is of course also a bit weird if you almost never talk to someone. The party thing is a good idea, the thing is just that there aren't any parties that I know of that I could ask her for. Wouldn't that by the way also not be a bit weird if I suddenly ask her to come to a party when we have only spoken on facebook extensively (and that not even regularly or anything)? Or am I just being paranoid in thinking these things are weird?
About your questions, she ís single, I know that for sure. Don't know if she likes somebody already.
I don't notice any obvious signals, she never talks to me out of her own accord, she doesn't smile randomly at me or anything. I do think she looks at me a bit more often than other girls do but this might just be in my head or maybe she just looks at me because I look at her, or I just think she does but actually doesn't because I almost always just see it out of the corner of my eye so it just looks like it.
Thanks again!
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
haha, well my suggestions were simply.. suggestions:) I'm sure you can find other things to do. But going to a movie or a party is such a general thing and it's not personal you know, you could always gather a group and go together, so it won't feel like a date, at least not in the beginning, to not make things too weird between you two. She seems quiet and you seem quiet so... yeah, nothing seems to happen. But on the other hand, I understand that it's good to have someone to share things with, but my advice would be, if you really like her, then of course try to reach out to her, try to tell her, but don't try to make her your girlfriend because you want a girlfriend, to not be alone or whatever the reason. That's what I was trying to tell you before, let it come whenever it is the right time. My friends are the same, wish they had partners, but I guess that their stories differ, not everybody is meant to have a partner too soon, some find at a later stage, some never find :S I think that it might be because you are both nervous, too shy to speak to each other? which is sweet actually hehe. Or maybe there are other reasons, maybe she is a quiet person, introverted, or maybe it's just a phase in her life when she feels bad and doesn't want to be so social, I could keep on guessing many reasons. Usually girls at that age are shy but if we are interested, we show it. You can come up with many subjects come on:) talk about your homework? school? future? sport? hobby? interests? series? films? games?!:D avoid subjects like religion or something, but the subjects I suggested are more general that people generally talk about anyways. It's good that you know that she is single, of course you can't know who she thinks about or who she likes, but I think you can notice if she is around someone too much, whom she stares at, if she talks about someone too much (maybe you can overhear something:P). These are common signs that we (girls) like someone. Since she doesn't speak too much and doesn't really fit in a group, I can't really say, there could be lots of reasons. But I think that if you speak to her often, she will realize that you like her. Of course friends speak every day as well, but maybe you could do more, I mean, speak more often? even for a short time, show that you care. You could smile at her? Offer to help with homework perhaps? maybe you could study together? it should be easy for you since you go to the same school and see each other every day, have the same classes, or even if you don't, you could always say that you could lend a hand (just to try and approach her of course).
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:iconphanthom-art:
PhanThom-art Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for all your advice! You are so right, I will definitely take all of your advice into account and then I'll have to think about my situation a while :P
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
hehe yeap, plan plan plan :) but don't plan too much, you know what they say, thinking too much about something becomes its undoing. Do what you feel is right and what you are ready to do. It will be alright:) and even if things don't become the way you want, you could still have her as a friend, better than nothing, right?;)
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:iconself-epidemic:
Self-Epidemic Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Talk to her outside class, or just tell her you would like to hang out with her more. Its not all about sneaking and quickly pouncing. Just say, I would like to hang out with you a bit more, wanna do something sometime? What do you and your friends do?

Thing is, if you're potentially interested, it would mean a lot to her ( if she did date you ) that you actually cared about her entire life, her friends included. Making an effort and talking to them all would help you.
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
No! Stand up in front of class, disrobe, and scream at the top of your lungs you want to have Amish sex.

That's how a man does it:P
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:iconkandroid96:
kandroid96 Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Professional Photographer
Absolute DA gold right here.
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:iconthegroovymurphy:
TheGroovyMurphy Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
A real man wouldn't ask but grab her, pick her up (I mean that's where the term comes from, amiright?!) and leave with her!
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