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November 12, 2012
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Hates how her mother see me

:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend for nearly 10 months. We talk every night on the phone, keep contact througout the day by texting and online, and get to see each other about once a month, if we're lucky. However, with the way her mother deals with us, I know it isn't good to her.

See, my gf's mother has 1: Been trying to keep us from seeing each other (and has succeeded). 2: Has been trying to break off our relationship. and 3: Has been trying to set her up with her best friend, like a brother to her.

I already know she hates me. I'm apparently a lazy kid with no future, in her eyes. She doesn't even know what I do, and am trying to do. I've never had any parents, or adults for that matter, who hated me. She's the first, and I could say she hates me with a passion. I don't know how to deal with her.

My gf and I are both 17, turning 18 soon. In grade 12, and have plans for college. Sure we have future plans, but I want to make sure she's still around when those plans come to action, and I feel like I can't do so if her mother is being like this. Is there anything I can do?
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Devious Comments

:iconshogun3540:
shogun3540 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Professional Artist
simple ....................................................... kill the mother
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:icondarktrot:
darktrot Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Dude you need to just run away with her. No joke man.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If only it were that easy
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:iconmangekyomarie:
MangekyoMarie Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Man, do I know where you're coming from. My boyfriend's mom hates me too. :) I know it hurts and you want approval, but if your girlfriend truly loves you, she'll stay with you. I'm also in a long distance relationship, 1 year now and my advice is just be patient and polite to your gf's mother. I know it's hard. Tell your girlfriend that you will not let anything come between you and her. That shows a lot. Good luck.
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:icontheawesomeshoexd:
TheAwesomeShoeXD Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm constantly being told I'm the antichrist by the practical entirety of mom's side of the family. I just stopped caring. it works and I would suggest you try it.
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:iconmatniky:
Matniky Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
yeah you lazy bum ;), we gotta talk more btw
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:iconshy-rage:
Shy-Rage Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
My dad is the same way. But omg. Idunno. Cuz pat. You've changed, and i know for that matter that you're not a lazy guy with no future.
Manyways keep it up.
Fight for love!
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:iconda1withdalongestname:
Typical mother reaction, don't worry about it. If you 2 actually love each other that much of course. My overseas friend's parents don't really like me either despite the fact they don't even know me & it's understandable since I'm a guy half the world away & they're simply protecting their daughters.
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
I have two questions.

1) What exactly did you do to the mother, and 2) what does your GF's friend have to say about this entire soup affair?
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
1) I have no fucking clue
2) Again, I have no fucking clue
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
Well why don't you ask him? 8( Maybe the problem is that he's had a crush on her, and her mom knew that, and took his side instead of her daughters. You'd want to clear that ground with him.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well, it's more complicated than that, and I'm not exactly at liberty to talk about it
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
Why not? It's your relationship on the line here, and if that guy have nothing going on with your gf, then he shouldn't have anything against reassuring you that he isn't interested. Or you'd get a confirmation saying that, yeah, he is into your girlfriend :p

I'm not telling you to go to his house while drunk and carrying an axe. But you could drop him an e-mail saying something like 'hey, why is it that [insert-gf's-name-here]'s mom is trying to pair her up with you? It seems like that to me. Do you know anything about it?'
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:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Long distance relationships are hard, bro. Take Jess and I for example. She lives in the bloody states. Do you know how often I get to see her?
I don't. But the love we share keeps us together through thick and thin, and the knowledge that one day we'll be free of the rat race that we call an education system.

So, what is a physical hug, a physical kiss? Is it any less powerful as saying you love each other, telling each other how much you value each other? They say actions speak louder than words, but I find that speaking is an action all in itself.

And you're probably like "Yeah, okay. You're not answering this!"

But here's the deal. You can't change a person or their views, no matter how wrong they are. And trust me, I know you, and they are very, VERY wrong. What you can do is see it as a rock in your shoe. Do you continue walking and let it hurt you, both of you, for the rest of time (As in, do you let her jurisdiction bother you, concentrate all your energy on something that isn't worth your time?) or do you take the time to remove it? ( As in, take the time to wait until her jurisdiction is not an option (When you both go to college), and move on without the problem?)

It's really up to you. Just remember that you can't change the restrictions. So you might as well make the best of what you're capable of getting!
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:icondittodude1211:
Dittodude1211 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Wow. i wish I had said that. sounds like something that I could have said in of my fits of philosophical mini-ranting. Great comment anywho!
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:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Had you said it, I would not have been capable of saying it, thus not reconnecting to my childhood best friend.

Thanks to your mention, I'm now interested in your philosophical mini-rants and what they entail...
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:icondittodude1211:
Dittodude1211 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ha! Well I suppose also had I said it the entire world would have had to happen differently. Though I suppose I could have thought of it and you said it?

Hmmm thanks! I guess I had better get on a new one.... soon.... sometime.... this weekend.... Gah I'm lazy.
But entertaining. Start with my already uploaded stuff. I'll get around to a new one if you like my stuff.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
..... You know something, reading this, I would never have expected this coming from you. And yet, I think this is something I needed to hear. It's true, I can't exactly change her point of view on me. But what I can do is deal with it until no longer necessary. Just wish I knew how, she keeps stopping me from seeing her when I get the chance. It's not so much as I can't see her, it's that I can, but she won't let me.

By the way, just out of reading this, makes me think you'd do good as a social worker. Never though I'd say that to you XD
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:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Actually, it is a very me thing to say.
I'm really just saying screw the bitch, prove to her that her efforts are in vain and that you and your lovely girlfriend can stay strong despite the restrictions she puts on you...

Just in a much nicer way. XD But still. I understand (And for the record, why not get her to visit instead? You have a nice, big house...)

Do you know how many social workers I have had? I've got their reactions down to a frickin' T. C:
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Her mother would never allow her to visit. Besides, she has no ride to the train station where she usually goes to come visit me, or vice versa. She also works.

From what I heard, people who have had success with work from a social worker have a better chance at becoming one than other people who have never needed one. You don't trully know someone until you've climbed into their skin and walked around in it, or so Atticus would say
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:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
So text, skype Video chat, ect ect.
You do know that, when you go to college, in less than a year, her mother's opinion won't matter at all... Assuming you'll be going to a school where you'll need to stay in dorms.
Which leads me to my next question. Where do you plan on going to school? I'm going to either University of Ottawa or Carleton U. Bet you never thought I of all people would go to university. XD

True. But I'm good enough at observing that I get the gist of it. Too bad I'm spiteful and hate most people. I might have actually made a good career out of that.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
There's actually been some developement with this whole thing... Is it possible to talk tonight? Somewhere more private maybe?

And I plan on going to la cité collegiale in Ottawa
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:iconmidnightsecho:
MidnightsEcho Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Absolutely! I'm online on skype right this instant!

Cool! You should come live with us and not have to stay in a ratty old dorm!
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'll be on soon... I'd just need to keep my voice down
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(1 Reply)
:iconbonnieknox:
BonnieKnox Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Boyfriends/girlfriends parents dilemma. Jesus...

Did you ever try to politely ask the mother what is the problem, face to face?. Sometimes that works. Sitting down and telling her you notice she does not like you and ask her why. Pretty often we made asumptions about other people based on a day or two encounter and we are wrong.

The problem can be that she does not like you for any reason she can put a finger on (it happens, and happens a lot). Sometimes a person dislikes you and, not even them, can explain why. I had seen that before.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wouldn't dare to ask over two things.
1) The chance that it sparks into an arguement that ends up with negative results over my gf. Her mother, I've known, gets to argueing with the smallest of things, pointing it towards something bigger as the arguement carries on.
2) I can't even imagine how awkward it would be for myself and her mother. Neither of us would like it.

And unfortunately, I've noticed that too. First impressions last a long time, something that isn't usually a good thing
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:iconbonnieknox:
BonnieKnox Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Gosh. Sounds like a demanding woman or at least a picky one. parents are like that sometimes. Shit, I had a mother not liking me because my hair was short or my clothes did not seem the correct ones for her cool as hell son (she was too fucking classy). One visit and I was done for her...ew

Unfortunatelym as you described the situation, it seems like the only one who can do anything is your girfriend. After all, she knows her parents better.The only thing you can do is try to avoid confrontations then.

I would play the nice fellow: "yes ma'am, no ma'am" kind of thing when asked. Smiles and everything. I know is hipocrytical as hell, but when you deal with in laws, you have to be hipocrytical sometimes

As somebody pointed, she can be worried you distract her daughter from her career or something. I know it sounds illogical, but parents not always act logically.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Everyone has their moments, I suppose
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:iconpandoraofbrushia:
PandoraofBrushia Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's more than likely she hates that her daughter is this caught up with you since you're only 18-years-old. She probably wants her daughter to focus on her studies rather than fall apart if you guys break up. So, she probably hates what you represent, so, I see why she would discourage her from meeting up with you.

I can see where her mother's coming from; though I think it's stupid the way she's going about it.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
So if I got this right, she doesn't want her to fall apart if we break up, so she tries to break us up sooner and replace me with a guy that my gf reveres as a brother, and is her best friend? Great logic her mother has.
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:iconpandoraofbrushia:
PandoraofBrushia Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
She doesn't think it's a, "real" relationship. You have to remember that her mother's from a different generation.

The fact is, that brotherly love for someone who isn't our brother can easily turn into something more, if given half the chance. The fact of the matter is she probably trusts this guy more. Does the mom know your mother? Does she know your family?
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
She has met my family, briefly at least. I'm not sure of what they talked about, if it even matters at all.

And regarding her ''brother'', it's a long and complicated story with him, and as much as my gf wanted a relationship with him in the 4 years they were friends, they both agreed that their friendship was too important to lose in a relationship.

Then she met me... Insane, yet lovable me...
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:iconpandoraofbrushia:
PandoraofBrushia Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
LOL, if it's any consolation, I am a product of a long distance relationship. My husband and I have been married for nine years. It takes work, and you'll have to overcome crazy relatives, but if you're made to last, you will, regardless of the amount of effort people put into breaking you up.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I suppose so
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:icondorkface4:
dorkface4 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Meet with her mother and get to know her so she'll stop making assumptions about you.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have met her before, I've been to her house, we've had our share of conversations. I believe it's how she got that opinion of me in the first place
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:iconevelyntaliette:
EvelynTaliette Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Writer
Well, there's several options.

1) You could approach her mother and confront her about why she dislikes you.
a)Say that who her daughter dates is her (the daughter's) decision
b)Say that you love her daughter and you hope you can be better for her
c)Ask her how you can be a better person in her eyes, to be worthy of her daughter.


2) Ask your girlfriend about her opinion about her mother
a)Ask her if she could handle the situation and tell her mother that she loves you, and to back off about dating her best friend.


3)Confront her father
a)Ask him his opinion about you
b)Ask him to handle the situation and calm his wife down


And, that's about it I think. Good luck!
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
She has tried to get her to back off. It hasn't worked at all, she still persists, and it irritates my gf. I could confront her, but there is always the risk of it causing an arguement, and the outcome would be taken out on my gf, which is already bad enough. I don't want to risk that.

And funny story about her dad, they're divorced. Her mother lives with her boyfriend, along with my gf and his two sons. I don't usually talk to him, I have nothing to say. If I were to just ask him out of the blue, I'd feel extremely awkward, and I'm sure he would too. And it's not like he's any better than my gf's mother.
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:iconmirroredsky:
MirroredSky Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm maybe next time you see her, you can offer to take both your gf and her mother out to eat. It would give you a good opportunity to show her that you're not a lazy layabout and let her see more of the person you are. It would also provide an environment where she is very unlikely (one would hope for her sake and her daughter's sake) to cause a scene or start an argument. Let her know your future plans (college etc), show that you have ambition and try to add in any examples of how you're a great guy.

My parents DESPISED my boyfriend for a very long time and it was only in the past 4 years or so that it has changed. Largely due to a medical issue that arose and they saw that my bf took incredibly good care of me. I wish you best of luck, but at some point you will have to confront this issue if you plan on this being a long-term relationship. Just keep a clear head and remember that she does love her daughter and wants what's best for her (even if she acts on it in a negative way at times).
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:icondittodude1211:
Dittodude1211 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
1: Romeo and Juliet awayyyy! (wait, that's probably a terrible idea....)

2: Wait, how old is her friend? 'Cause it seems kind of weird to be going out with your mother's best friend.

3: You could try and have your parents meet with her, I suppose. That seems like the best idea.

4: I don't really have a 4th thing, I just prefer even numbers.
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:iconkeychain-xiii:
keychain-XIII Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
1. Very bad idea, though that may be the case should it be worst case senario (I doubt it'll come to that)

2. No, not her mother's friend, my gf's friend. He's about my age, I'm not sure whether older or yonger.

3. My parents have met her, though not for very long. Not sure what that could do, all they know really is what I tell them.

Ha, I have an odd number of responses (This one doesn't count)
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:icondittodude1211:
Dittodude1211 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
1. Hmm. Well you could probably learn more on the entire subject of the problem. The supposed BF. The possible random hatred. The degree of said hatred. Whatnot to see both sides. Absolutely not saying to side with her, but find out in what possible way her argument could make sense to her.

2. Well, that's not much of a meeting. And It could do a lot ( though not all possibilities are good) if they find out what she tells them in addition to what you do.

Ah! But you have an even number of lines! Protect the sacred Evenism!
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