Social Anxiety Disorder
I started a thread in this very forum a few years ago, thinking I had 'Avoidant Personality Disorder'... and was promptly brutally and insensitively shot down by dozens of people for daring to self-diagnose and so on. It scarred me!
Since then, I've found out that it's not 'avoidant personality disorder'... Instead, it's called 'Social Anxiety Disorder', and it's not uncommon.
It's really crippling... I'm scared of talking to people or of 'doing things wrong', and rather than just being 'all in my head', it's literally led to panic attacks before. So I fear making a fool of myself, and having a panic attack as a result of it, which would make me even more scared of doing the sorts of basic things that everyone does every day without thinking about it...
I'm seeing a therapist, and I've made some progress over the last year... sort of. But it's really tough because I only leave my house like once a week, to see that therapist, and I have no friends, no job (I've never had one due to my anxieties, instead trying to make a living from home making Flash games), and, well, I've tried 'going to classes' and things like that to meet people, but I never bond with anyone. Feeling 'different' from most other people in my age range in terms of interests and views doesn't help at all.
I've been on a social anxiety forum before, but I suppose I'm curious about how many artists here can relate to this condition!
So I'm mainly asking whether people 'know how it is' rather than 'what should I do?'... Empathising is always more valuable than advice for me.
Since then, I've found out that it's not 'avoidant personality disorder'... Instead, it's called 'Social Anxiety Disorder', and it's not uncommon.
It's really crippling... I'm scared of talking to people or of 'doing things wrong', and rather than just being 'all in my head', it's literally led to panic attacks before. So I fear making a fool of myself, and having a panic attack as a result of it, which would make me even more scared of doing the sorts of basic things that everyone does every day without thinking about it...
I'm seeing a therapist, and I've made some progress over the last year... sort of. But it's really tough because I only leave my house like once a week, to see that therapist, and I have no friends, no job (I've never had one due to my anxieties, instead trying to make a living from home making Flash games), and, well, I've tried 'going to classes' and things like that to meet people, but I never bond with anyone. Feeling 'different' from most other people in my age range in terms of interests and views doesn't help at all.
I've been on a social anxiety forum before, but I suppose I'm curious about how many artists here can relate to this condition!
So I'm mainly asking whether people 'know how it is' rather than 'what should I do?'... Empathising is always more valuable than advice for me.
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I had this when I stopped taking drugs in my earlier years, I sympathise with you as it was horrible.
I had it for around 2 years, I saw a behavioural therapist but it never really helped
me at all. Probably cos i had to suffer the 45min bus ride to get there.
The only thing that helped me in the end was getting any job that someone was willing to give me & force myself to do it.
It was hell for the first 3 months, but slowly the anxiety reduced until i was fairly comfortable around my work mates, then finally i became fairly comfortable around the customers.
I am still proud of myself for getting that job, it may sound small to most people, but i think it is at the top of the list of the most difficult things i've ever done.
I had it for around 2 years, I saw a behavioural therapist but it never really helped
me at all. Probably cos i had to suffer the 45min bus ride to get there.
The only thing that helped me in the end was getting any job that someone was willing to give me & force myself to do it.
It was hell for the first 3 months, but slowly the anxiety reduced until i was fairly comfortable around my work mates, then finally i became fairly comfortable around the customers.
I am still proud of myself for getting that job, it may sound small to most people, but i think it is at the top of the list of the most difficult things i've ever done.
I remember that I started to have my anxiety attack after one artist banned me on her Livestream chat that changed my life for good. She started spreading my name to other people saying I was the "Awkward of all penguins" and not legit. After that, one person already blocked me in DA, another one blocked me in MSN, three of my friends left and never come to the anime club and cancelled it and one of them blocked me on my cell phone, then my best friend who moved away, blocked me out of Facebook that lead me into a anxiety attack at college and the police took me to the hospital, and after that I got a probation, got banned from a Steam chat and blocked due to the fact that my speech is disturbing so many people, and then one person who hated me, called security on me. I was in great fear that I would easily get banned in DA, arrested in real life, and/or posted my name into 4chan to treat me like a Chris-chan due to the fact that I have a high-function autistic disability.
I was looking to help and give advice but okay... I know exactly what you are talking about. I have anxiety problems. I worry if I'm doing something wrong and if I'm not I go very hard on myself. Which is weird for me, for I am the type of person that doesn't care what other's think of me, but I learned it's more how I view myself. Don't be hard on yourself, doing that led to deep problems for me. "I'm trying my best" is what get's me through not having anxiety. "Take it one day at a time" I tell myself when anxious about the uncertain future. And most importantly "If they can't accept me for who I am, they're not a true friend." 
I just gave advice didn't I? I just know how you feel, from experience this is what I've learned to do. Good luck. 
I just gave advice didn't I? I just know how you feel, from experience this is what I've learned to do. Good luck. 
You'll never get over your phobias without facing them
Like, without "seeing a therapist" or trying "'going to classes' and things like that to meet people"? ^^'
I have a nagging feeling that he already *does* know that. Might be just me, though.
I have a nagging feeling that he already *does* know that. Might be just me, though.
I know I have to take out the trash but don't do it unless I get nagged again and again 
Okay so from what i've seen most of the people on this thread really need to pick up a psych book and try to really understand this kind of syndrome can do to people. I've dealt with all sorts of psychological maladies since my dad;s accident. I feel for Pseudo and give 'em major grats for getting out there and trying to deal with the issues that come with it.
I know how you feel. Last year I had lots of issues with it especially. Somehow over the summer it seems to have gotten better, but there are a few moments when I can still really feel it. The most annoying thing for me, being in high school still, are those people who feel the need to ask why I'm so quiet. But the way they do it really puts me on the spot and I can hardly find enough of my voice to answer.
my doctor said i have smething llike this, but not sure if same. i used to want to not be looked at and to be invisible. i just wanted to live by myself in a dark hole. i take nardil right now. i can work, little bit. i think i still need help but i can live.
umm... this is how they try to fix me. otherwise i would be crazy.
maybe doctors will help you?
umm... this is how they try to fix me. otherwise i would be crazy.
maybe doctors will help you?
I'm 25 & female.. and I have the exact same thing you're experiencing. Everyone is different, but I have found talking to other people who are like that helpful. Most of my insecurities draw from me being over 320+lbs a few years ago. I'm 143 now and still suffer from my panic disorder. Don't take to heart any negativity some people come to you with. It's not so much ignorance as they don't know how you feel maybe because they never been to the specific point your at. If you ever want to talk or anything, I would love to be your friend! Keep your chin up.. and although some comments come off harsh, it's very true when they say you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and let new things in. Things can't change unless you do. <3
Uggh, I know exactly how you feel. Granted, I've gotten just a bit better at it since I've been working customer service for about 5 years, but some things are still harder. Like when dealing with a difficult customer, I try to stand my ground but when they start staring (you know, that moment when you tell someone something they don't want to hear, they stare and don't say anything for a long time) I get so uncomfortable and feel like my awkward self again.
I absolutely hate eye contact, even with people I know and trust. It's like looking directly into the sun. >.<
I'm 24 and there are some days I feel like I'm still going through that awkward phase. It's a little shameful to know that there some tweens that are more confident, outgoing, and can hold a better conversation than I can. Granted, I've never had a panic attack (although there have been days it felt like I was going to), but I hate those little moments that you mentioned where I constantly think, "No, I'm going to make a fool of myself. I'm so slow. I'm stupid. I'm not as smart as they are. I wanna leave. Kbye."
High school was the worst, though. I would always walk with my head down and rarely respond to anyone who spoke to me. I used to have paranoia where I always thought people were making fun of me and talking about me. Some days I still have that, though not as bad. Oh, and you know how people say, "No one will care what you did in high school"? Wrong. Somehow I always seem to be stuck around people who want to talk about the crazy shit they did in high school. All I can really say about myself is, "I did nothing." Which makes my social sutuation even more embarrassing and shameful. I can't even say I was a smart nerdy kid who never went with the crowd, which would have been a lot better than saying I was a C-and-D student who just didn't want to be there or do anything.
Aside from all this, I'm still trying to take it a day at a time. I've taken time off college to find myself a little more, and letting go of "what-ifs?", "should-have-beens", and "could-have-beens". I'm hoping one day I can have a good, meaningful conversation with a complete stranger and not worry about how I look and what I say. It's all I really can do.
I absolutely hate eye contact, even with people I know and trust. It's like looking directly into the sun. >.<
I'm 24 and there are some days I feel like I'm still going through that awkward phase. It's a little shameful to know that there some tweens that are more confident, outgoing, and can hold a better conversation than I can. Granted, I've never had a panic attack (although there have been days it felt like I was going to), but I hate those little moments that you mentioned where I constantly think, "No, I'm going to make a fool of myself. I'm so slow. I'm stupid. I'm not as smart as they are. I wanna leave. Kbye."
High school was the worst, though. I would always walk with my head down and rarely respond to anyone who spoke to me. I used to have paranoia where I always thought people were making fun of me and talking about me. Some days I still have that, though not as bad. Oh, and you know how people say, "No one will care what you did in high school"? Wrong. Somehow I always seem to be stuck around people who want to talk about the crazy shit they did in high school. All I can really say about myself is, "I did nothing." Which makes my social sutuation even more embarrassing and shameful. I can't even say I was a smart nerdy kid who never went with the crowd, which would have been a lot better than saying I was a C-and-D student who just didn't want to be there or do anything.
Aside from all this, I'm still trying to take it a day at a time. I've taken time off college to find myself a little more, and letting go of "what-ifs?", "should-have-beens", and "could-have-beens". I'm hoping one day I can have a good, meaningful conversation with a complete stranger and not worry about how I look and what I say. It's all I really can do.
Social Anxiety Disorder? That's just SAD.
Okay, pun aside (no offense intended), this is something you can only learn by experience. I've been a bit like that, so I understand what you're going through. Yes, there will be awkward situations, and if possible, ask those who are closest to you for advice on what and why is normal, and don't grieve over faceplanting. Observe others and try to understand them.
Okay, pun aside (no offense intended), this is something you can only learn by experience. I've been a bit like that, so I understand what you're going through. Yes, there will be awkward situations, and if possible, ask those who are closest to you for advice on what and why is normal, and don't grieve over faceplanting. Observe others and try to understand them.
It kind of contradicts how you say you have a social anxiety disorder when you post so openly about yourself on these forums. You know why these people shoot you down? Because it sounds like attention whoring. How do you even know you're too socially awkward to get a job when you don't even try? And how do you think that's going to work out in the future? You'll let other people pay for you because you're not willing to get off your ass and try something? Hasn't your therapist told you that?
Eugh, I wish people wouldn't be so completely insensitive... I don't know what this is meant to achieve other than hurting me. So much for the 'love and support' that this forum is supposed to be about.
Social Anxiety seems to affect different people in different ways. I've been baffled by the way it affects other people who claim to have it; some of them can perform easily on stage in front of a crowd, for example, which I never could, but they also hide their problems from those closest to them (I read about one sufferer who only first told her *husband* about her anxiety after they'd been together for four years; to me that seemed incomprehensible), while I talk about my feelings and issues openly. Both me and them have anxiety, but our upbringing and personality types lead to a different approach to handling it.
My social anxiety largely stems from feelings of incompetence in situations that have a specific sort of 'ritual' involved, where something is 'normal' and something else isn't. It's deeply painful to do the 'wrong thing' and get the weird looks and things like that; I want to curl into a hole and die out of shame when that happens, and it can lead to panic attacks. However, when I'm in a place where there's no 'wrong or right' as such, I can talk about my feelings openly... It's just unfortunate that insensitive people like yourself feel the need to kick me for doing so. It's not nice... but thankfully I can at least understand why it happens and take comfort from that.
Other people seem to experience anxiety about being perceived as 'weak' in some way, which isn't like my own but can lead to similar avoidance issues.
It's irritating that you're assuming that since I don't have a job, I'm a moocher who doesn't contribute. I spend most of my time working on my own personal projects, games, which I've successfully sold several of and I make money from them every day. I've made a name for myself in the Flash game community through effort, hard work, and devotion.
I'm carving a path for myself... but I am scared of getting a 'normal job' for reasons that I suppose would be difficult to properly communicate to someone who doesn't have anxiety themselves.
Anyway, do you feel good about yourself when you talk to people with that kind of tone?
Social Anxiety seems to affect different people in different ways. I've been baffled by the way it affects other people who claim to have it; some of them can perform easily on stage in front of a crowd, for example, which I never could, but they also hide their problems from those closest to them (I read about one sufferer who only first told her *husband* about her anxiety after they'd been together for four years; to me that seemed incomprehensible), while I talk about my feelings and issues openly. Both me and them have anxiety, but our upbringing and personality types lead to a different approach to handling it.
My social anxiety largely stems from feelings of incompetence in situations that have a specific sort of 'ritual' involved, where something is 'normal' and something else isn't. It's deeply painful to do the 'wrong thing' and get the weird looks and things like that; I want to curl into a hole and die out of shame when that happens, and it can lead to panic attacks. However, when I'm in a place where there's no 'wrong or right' as such, I can talk about my feelings openly... It's just unfortunate that insensitive people like yourself feel the need to kick me for doing so. It's not nice... but thankfully I can at least understand why it happens and take comfort from that.
Other people seem to experience anxiety about being perceived as 'weak' in some way, which isn't like my own but can lead to similar avoidance issues.
It's irritating that you're assuming that since I don't have a job, I'm a moocher who doesn't contribute. I spend most of my time working on my own personal projects, games, which I've successfully sold several of and I make money from them every day. I've made a name for myself in the Flash game community through effort, hard work, and devotion.
I'm carving a path for myself... but I am scared of getting a 'normal job' for reasons that I suppose would be difficult to properly communicate to someone who doesn't have anxiety themselves.
Anyway, do you feel good about yourself when you talk to people with that kind of tone?
Holy moly, such judging! I didn't mean to come across as insensitive, more as insulted because I am a person that actually suffers from extreme panic attacks including hyperventilation and you know why? Because I keep encountering things. I'm going to see a shrink for the third time to get him/her to help me through this nasty business because I'm sick and tired of not being able to function in society. What I see you doing here is locking yourself up indoors and completely avoiding any situation that triggers your social anxiety (which sounds more like huge failure anxiety and lack of confidence anyway) whereas you should continue to fight because it's the only way to get it to get better.
I know very well how it feels to be afraid to be a failure in front of others because I have the same problems that lead to panic attacks and hyperventilation too (on top of a sickly fear of death and hypochondria) and how it only comes along in certain situations. Making a test in school, on paper on my own, doesn't bother me one bit while practical assignments such as group work, a presentation or internship completely cripple me. But should I then just quit an education I like because I have trouble getting these things done and sit at home and become a hermit (which I have been close to several times)? No. That doesn't solve shit, that is running away and putting your head in the sand.
I know very well how it feels to be afraid to be a failure in front of others because I have the same problems that lead to panic attacks and hyperventilation too (on top of a sickly fear of death and hypochondria) and how it only comes along in certain situations. Making a test in school, on paper on my own, doesn't bother me one bit while practical assignments such as group work, a presentation or internship completely cripple me. But should I then just quit an education I like because I have trouble getting these things done and sit at home and become a hermit (which I have been close to several times)? No. That doesn't solve shit, that is running away and putting your head in the sand.
"Holy moly, such judging!", that's exactly what I thought reading your first post. Well, actually I didn't, but if I did, it wouldn't be exactly unfounded, now would it? ^^'
While you didn't mean to come across as insensitive, I can see why you could be perceived as such, especially if the person you're speaking to doesn't react well to bluntness. Now if a complete stranger burnt your kitchen trying to make pancakes especially for you, would you think it's so adorable that they tried to do something for you or rather complain about their clumsiness?
I probably would stand dumbfounded and wonder what the hell happened there and why that stranger came into my home, anyway. But that's me, both of you might react other way, because we're all different. Which was the point of my pancake analogy, yes.. I think? O.o'
Err, anyway, since people are different, I'm not really convinced by statement that "[he] should continue to fight because it's the only way to get it to get better". Usually what works for one person, doesn't for another, and the other way around: if some solution doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean that it's completely useless; hardly anything has "universal" or "only one" solution, maybe except puzzles, and even those not always.
Also, maybe I have some sort of huge failure disorder, but I fail to see "completely avoiding any situation that triggers [his] social anxiety". I mean, does seeing a therapist weekly count as complete avoidance (yes, it could be better, but it could be far, far worse... probably)? Does trying "'going to classes' and things like that to meet people" count as complete avoidance? I'm not saying that such state is perfectly fine and there's no need in improving it, but rather than telling someone that they're losers or that "they're not willing to get off their ass and try something", perhaps it's sometimes better to cheer for them when they actually do something right (like, "Maybe you'll find some course where you'll be more able to relate to people", but maybe in a less awkward manner O.o')? Encouraging rather than ordering around, so to speak? ^^'
Providing emotional support is an art, too, as well as frying pancakes. Or something.
While you didn't mean to come across as insensitive, I can see why you could be perceived as such, especially if the person you're speaking to doesn't react well to bluntness. Now if a complete stranger burnt your kitchen trying to make pancakes especially for you, would you think it's so adorable that they tried to do something for you or rather complain about their clumsiness?
I probably would stand dumbfounded and wonder what the hell happened there and why that stranger came into my home, anyway. But that's me, both of you might react other way, because we're all different. Which was the point of my pancake analogy, yes.. I think? O.o'
Err, anyway, since people are different, I'm not really convinced by statement that "[he] should continue to fight because it's the only way to get it to get better". Usually what works for one person, doesn't for another, and the other way around: if some solution doesn't work for you, it doesn't mean that it's completely useless; hardly anything has "universal" or "only one" solution, maybe except puzzles, and even those not always.
Also, maybe I have some sort of huge failure disorder, but I fail to see "completely avoiding any situation that triggers [his] social anxiety". I mean, does seeing a therapist weekly count as complete avoidance (yes, it could be better, but it could be far, far worse... probably)? Does trying "'going to classes' and things like that to meet people" count as complete avoidance? I'm not saying that such state is perfectly fine and there's no need in improving it, but rather than telling someone that they're losers or that "they're not willing to get off their ass and try something", perhaps it's sometimes better to cheer for them when they actually do something right (like, "Maybe you'll find some course where you'll be more able to relate to people", but maybe in a less awkward manner O.o')? Encouraging rather than ordering around, so to speak? ^^'
Providing emotional support is an art, too, as well as frying pancakes. Or something.
Good thing none of us is a shrink, then.
I have social phobia, so I can kinda understand. I get too nervous to the point that I feel sick if I even think about trying to engage someone I'm not comfortable around in casual conversation. Some might criticise me for suggesting this, but I've started using hypnotic suggestion to help me deal with it. Maybe you can use it to supplement your current course of action.
This (as well as general anxiety disorder) runs in my family and I used to have it and related depression. I saw a therapist for it for a while as a formality but didn't really like therapy. My therapist always managed to make me feel bad about the only things I still felt good about and I stopped seeing her because I dreaded it. But I was prescribed some Paxil and needed to attend the therapy in order to get the prescription and fortunately she kept renewing my prescription even after I stopped seeing her.
The Paxil helped, and I also made some changes in my life. I moved out and moved far away from my parents. At the time I was living with a boyfriend but the drugs helped me get a stable job and the stable job helped me get enough independence that I outgrew that relationship. Working is probably the thing that has really "fixed" me since it made me less afraid to talk to people and gave me the confidence to feel that I could take care of things and function in society. But I wouldn't have been able to keep a job without the drugs. They're like crutches. The broken leg can't heal right if you don't use them for a while, but once you're better you don't keep using them.
I'm still a pretty awkward individual socially, sometimes a little shy, but I don't have panic attacks or anything anymore and I'm not afraid of social situations. I'm just laughably bad at them.
Although I still get anxious about using the telephone sometimes.
The Paxil helped, and I also made some changes in my life. I moved out and moved far away from my parents. At the time I was living with a boyfriend but the drugs helped me get a stable job and the stable job helped me get enough independence that I outgrew that relationship. Working is probably the thing that has really "fixed" me since it made me less afraid to talk to people and gave me the confidence to feel that I could take care of things and function in society. But I wouldn't have been able to keep a job without the drugs. They're like crutches. The broken leg can't heal right if you don't use them for a while, but once you're better you don't keep using them.
I'm still a pretty awkward individual socially, sometimes a little shy, but I don't have panic attacks or anything anymore and I'm not afraid of social situations. I'm just laughably bad at them.
Although I still get anxious about using the telephone sometimes.I've been thinking of my anxiety as fairly severe, but reading peoples' replies here makes me wonder if it's not as bad as I thought...!
I should be thankful that my own therapist is really nice; I don't even know if she's a *qualified professional* or anything, or just some nice friendly person who guides people through CBT... The great thing though is that she's conquered social anxiety herself (while still being sort of awkward and shy and stuff), so she actually knows how it all is rather than seeing me like some broken specimen to fix. I've probably come a long way since I've been seeing her, just because of the positive support and understanding that she provides. "I know how that is" is such a magical thing! To me, anyway.
I'm really very reluctant to even consider drugs, since my early life was a wreck due to my father's dependence on medication... I'd definitely rather solve the issue through psychology stuff than by altering my body's chemicals, though I also understand that that approach is very useful for people...
I'm also reluctant to get a job, but it's entirely because I don't know what job to do. I'm already sort of doing my dream job - making games at home and having complete artistic control and freedom - so anything else would be like a frustrating step down, and a 'waste of time' or something, even if it'd be very valuable in terms of life experience. Perhaps it's something I should very reluctantly think more about though, if it was as useful to you as it was...
But currently, while my anxiety does lead to me avoiding things because I 'don't know what to do', the panic attacks are very rare (I've not had one in over a year), and I'm able to talk to people when I need to (though usually I don't want to because of who they are rather than because it's a social situation, which is a horrible thing to say!1 o_O). So maybe my anxiety isn't all that terribly bad after all?!
I should be thankful that my own therapist is really nice; I don't even know if she's a *qualified professional* or anything, or just some nice friendly person who guides people through CBT... The great thing though is that she's conquered social anxiety herself (while still being sort of awkward and shy and stuff), so she actually knows how it all is rather than seeing me like some broken specimen to fix. I've probably come a long way since I've been seeing her, just because of the positive support and understanding that she provides. "I know how that is" is such a magical thing! To me, anyway.
I'm really very reluctant to even consider drugs, since my early life was a wreck due to my father's dependence on medication... I'd definitely rather solve the issue through psychology stuff than by altering my body's chemicals, though I also understand that that approach is very useful for people...
I'm also reluctant to get a job, but it's entirely because I don't know what job to do. I'm already sort of doing my dream job - making games at home and having complete artistic control and freedom - so anything else would be like a frustrating step down, and a 'waste of time' or something, even if it'd be very valuable in terms of life experience. Perhaps it's something I should very reluctantly think more about though, if it was as useful to you as it was...
But currently, while my anxiety does lead to me avoiding things because I 'don't know what to do', the panic attacks are very rare (I've not had one in over a year), and I'm able to talk to people when I need to (though usually I don't want to because of who they are rather than because it's a social situation, which is a horrible thing to say!1 o_O). So maybe my anxiety isn't all that terribly bad after all?!
I have social anxiety disorder as well. I used to be so bad that I would have a horrible anxiety attack any time I tried to interact with people, online or off. Going to the store would require weeks of psyching myself up, and even after getting the courage to go to the store, something like, 'Hi, how are you?' at the cashier would freak me out totally to the point that I would stammer and leave the store with a panic attack.
So I know how you feel, and I will say it does get better. I still have the social anxiety problems always running in the back of my head, but I'm actually very functionable socially now.
The only thing that helps is exposure therapy. You have to expose yourself to socialisation to undo all of the shit in your brain that prevents you from exposing yourself to it.
I have a new policy implemented, where, unless I have a legit reason to do so, to stop making excuses any time I had something social offered. Instead of saying, 'sorry, I have to study' when I really didn't or whatever, or 'I have plans, sorry', I force myself to endure social activities and eventually they get better.
I would really recommend getting a job where you have to interact with people.
And uh, maybe go to a weekly social anxiety support group if you can find one. Interact with a small group of people weekly. That's why I recommended a job too -- you need to be out interacting every day with more than one person if you can. Exposure to socialisation is the only reason I got better.
So I know how you feel, and I will say it does get better. I still have the social anxiety problems always running in the back of my head, but I'm actually very functionable socially now.
The only thing that helps is exposure therapy. You have to expose yourself to socialisation to undo all of the shit in your brain that prevents you from exposing yourself to it.
I have a new policy implemented, where, unless I have a legit reason to do so, to stop making excuses any time I had something social offered. Instead of saying, 'sorry, I have to study' when I really didn't or whatever, or 'I have plans, sorry', I force myself to endure social activities and eventually they get better.
I would really recommend getting a job where you have to interact with people.
And uh, maybe go to a weekly social anxiety support group if you can find one. Interact with a small group of people weekly. That's why I recommended a job too -- you need to be out interacting every day with more than one person if you can. Exposure to socialisation is the only reason I got better.
That sounds horrible, having had that level of anxiety... D:
I should feel glad that mine's not nearly that bad; I've only ever had a handful of panic attacks, and only in really extreme circumstances; my last was well over a year ago. I certainly feel *uncomfortable* doing things like talking on a phone, going into a shop, etc, and I tend not to go out of my way to do them if I can help it, but when I do need to do them, I suppose the worst I feel is a fluttery feeling in my chest, a sort of light-headedness, and thoughts that last for the rest of the day about every little thing I did or said wrong or whatever.
I know that exposure is the only real solution... though currently it's proving elusive since there's not really anything that I *want* to go out into the world to do. If I felt like I *had* to do things, though, I could; anxiously, maybe, but I suppose my anxiety isn't ultra-crippling to the level that yours seemed to be...? (Wow, it seems strange thinking that my own anxiety might be *mild* in comparison to someone else's, since I've always thought of it as fairly severe!)
I just wrote another comment about how I recently went to do this part-time art course at some college thing, and I was able to do that well enough for the brief time I was there (I dropped out, but not because of anxiety). I was one of the most chatty in the group, even (though I assume the things I said were sort of weird due to inexperience).
Things like that show that I *can* do things when I really set my mind to it; it's just that most of the time, there aren't things that I feel any great desire to do.
Getting a job, for example... Anxiety is a big reason why I've never had one, but it's not the only reason. Mainly I just don't know what I'd do, and I spend almost all my time currently working on games anyway, so it's not like I sit around twiddling my thumbs and wishing I had a life. I feel like I can't fit a job in anywhere, and it wouldn't be as satisfying as my current work even if I did.
Going to *social gatherings* isn't something I desire to do either; not just because of anxiety, but because if they weren't people I wanted to talk to, it'd be a test of endurance, and if they *were* people I wanted to talk to, I wouldn't feel anxious.
I have been wishing that the place I go to for therapy had an anxiety group, but even if it did, I wonder if I'd actually feel relatively normal compared to the others who'd attend... if their anxiety would even *allow* them to attend. o_O
It doesn't do an anxiety group though, unfortunately. I actually asked the staff if they'd run one a while ago, but nothing came of it; maybe I should mention it again.
I should feel glad that mine's not nearly that bad; I've only ever had a handful of panic attacks, and only in really extreme circumstances; my last was well over a year ago. I certainly feel *uncomfortable* doing things like talking on a phone, going into a shop, etc, and I tend not to go out of my way to do them if I can help it, but when I do need to do them, I suppose the worst I feel is a fluttery feeling in my chest, a sort of light-headedness, and thoughts that last for the rest of the day about every little thing I did or said wrong or whatever.
I know that exposure is the only real solution... though currently it's proving elusive since there's not really anything that I *want* to go out into the world to do. If I felt like I *had* to do things, though, I could; anxiously, maybe, but I suppose my anxiety isn't ultra-crippling to the level that yours seemed to be...? (Wow, it seems strange thinking that my own anxiety might be *mild* in comparison to someone else's, since I've always thought of it as fairly severe!)
I just wrote another comment about how I recently went to do this part-time art course at some college thing, and I was able to do that well enough for the brief time I was there (I dropped out, but not because of anxiety). I was one of the most chatty in the group, even (though I assume the things I said were sort of weird due to inexperience).
Things like that show that I *can* do things when I really set my mind to it; it's just that most of the time, there aren't things that I feel any great desire to do.
Getting a job, for example... Anxiety is a big reason why I've never had one, but it's not the only reason. Mainly I just don't know what I'd do, and I spend almost all my time currently working on games anyway, so it's not like I sit around twiddling my thumbs and wishing I had a life. I feel like I can't fit a job in anywhere, and it wouldn't be as satisfying as my current work even if I did.
Going to *social gatherings* isn't something I desire to do either; not just because of anxiety, but because if they weren't people I wanted to talk to, it'd be a test of endurance, and if they *were* people I wanted to talk to, I wouldn't feel anxious.
I have been wishing that the place I go to for therapy had an anxiety group, but even if it did, I wonder if I'd actually feel relatively normal compared to the others who'd attend... if their anxiety would even *allow* them to attend. o_O
It doesn't do an anxiety group though, unfortunately. I actually asked the staff if they'd run one a while ago, but nothing came of it; maybe I should mention it again.
Yeah, it was pretty crippling, haha. I'm a lot better now. Like, very close to completely functional socially. It took like three years and it was very slow, but things are fine now overall. I still have social anxiety, and I can feel those parts of my brain light up a lot, but I'm able to move past it now a lot more than before. I still get some days here and there, though...
I used to get the thoughts after social interactions too -- they would last weeks sometimes and I would agonise over every little, tiny, insignificant detail. Everything was blown up into mammoth proportions. Turns out nothing is really that big of a deal and no one you interact with really gives a fuck, haha.
Those thoughts do go away eventually, too, with exposure... I still sometimes have the thoughts, but they don't last weeks anymore; a day at the most when they do come.
It wouldn't hurt to ask the staff again, or maybe post an ad online or where ever and see if there's interest. You really don't need a lot of people to get together a group and talk; and it might give you guys a way to socialise and relax a bit with people who get it, maybe meet some friends.
I don't know, haha. I just wanted to say, even when it's really bad, it does get better.
I would say 'ask someone to hang out, like in the art course! Make friends blah blah blah', but I know it's not that easy. Just keep yourself open to social stuff when it's there. You don't have to push ridiculously hard, but boundaries need to be pushed if it's ever to get better.
And remember not to make excuses. It took me a long time to admit a lot of the things I was saying to myself were excuses, but they were, and they were just a way out to keep myself in a rut.
I used to get the thoughts after social interactions too -- they would last weeks sometimes and I would agonise over every little, tiny, insignificant detail. Everything was blown up into mammoth proportions. Turns out nothing is really that big of a deal and no one you interact with really gives a fuck, haha.
Those thoughts do go away eventually, too, with exposure... I still sometimes have the thoughts, but they don't last weeks anymore; a day at the most when they do come.
It wouldn't hurt to ask the staff again, or maybe post an ad online or where ever and see if there's interest. You really don't need a lot of people to get together a group and talk; and it might give you guys a way to socialise and relax a bit with people who get it, maybe meet some friends.
I don't know, haha. I just wanted to say, even when it's really bad, it does get better.
I would say 'ask someone to hang out, like in the art course! Make friends blah blah blah', but I know it's not that easy. Just keep yourself open to social stuff when it's there. You don't have to push ridiculously hard, but boundaries need to be pushed if it's ever to get better.
And remember not to make excuses. It took me a long time to admit a lot of the things I was saying to myself were excuses, but they were, and they were just a way out to keep myself in a rut.
Also, when I say 'any time I tried to interact with people, online or off', I mean it... I mean like, posting this thread you posted would freak me out and would've required weeks of planning and rewriting. Chat rooms? Nope. Online games? Too panic-attack-inducing.
Things do get better if you put yourself in the right situations to improve.
Things do get better if you put yourself in the right situations to improve.