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November 11, 2012
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Telling my parents about boyxboy pairings

:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I need help with something that's been bothering me since September.

Ever since I got into Hetalia, I've wanted to draw the pairings, most of which are boy x boy. My parents are homophobic (more particularly my mom) and monitor my account once in a while. I have to explain these pairings to them because:

1. I'm not allowed to hide things from them or have secrets

2. My parents will check my account one of these days, and I don't want them to flip out and/or punish me, because they noticed I was posting boy x boy pairings (which I haven't yet).

My dad isn't too homophobic, but he just agreed with my mom on voting no to a question about gay marriage. I don't know his real opinion on the situation, but the good news is, the question passed in my state.


I'm not gay, but I LOVE boy x boy pairings. And what I'm looking at is shounen-ai, NOT yaoi. But I don't know whether my parents would find the pairings cute.

So this is how my mom's homophobia started. One time she was watching a movie, she saw 2 men kiss, and she was like "eww how disgusting". A few months later, I heard her say something that was against gay marriage, and I asked her if she was homophobic of not. She gave me a long lecture using the religious BS people have come up with as excuses.

It goes earlier than this. Sometime last year, my mom was like "I hope you're not drawing gay cartoons!" I wasn't too big for boy x boy pairings at the time, so I didn't care that much about her opinion back then.

I need help with this situation because I want to draw these pairings BADLY.
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Devious Comments

:iconshogun3540:
shogun3540 Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012  Professional Artist
start pasting your drawings on the fridge like when you're a little kid, just throw a wrench into the wheel and watch her flip the fuck out for fun
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:iconmultifire:
Multifire Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Explain to them that they are just drawings. I mean Jesus, why do they care about the rights and "sins" of people that don't even exist?
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know right? Like, on their terms boy x girl is acceptable while boy x boy is inappropriate. It's not like I'm pairing up real people. Since they're just anime/cartoons, they probably won't look as "disgusting" as it would in real life (not that I consider it disgusting, my parents do).
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:iconferricplushy:
FerricPlushy Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
You know my friend was an amateur novelist and I used to read his rough drafts. There was a teenage gay couple in one of the stories but he assured me he wasn't gay. Year later he came out to me, he said he didn't even realize he was gay. If you really love boyxboy you might want to take a good look at yourself. Btw he had girlfriends also.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm going to add some additional information today about the topic when I discuss it with my parents. I just want to let them know that this isn't like drugs, nor am I looking at porn and I will NOT become gay because of this. Also two boys kissing is NOT inappropriate. I treat it the same as a boy and a girl kissing, etc.
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:iconladyzelda1:
LadyZelda1 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
Lady, get a life.
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:iconmr-nik:
MR-NIK Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012   Digital Artist
Don't tell them a damn thing about it.

Look, they just don't want you to meet dirty psychotic men on the internet and end up pregnant or dead. This is their main concern.
Your mum has some backwards views as a result of childhood religious programming, its not her fault.
No good will come from sharing this information with them. My dad was pissed out to discover me drawing gory stuff and I'm fucking 31... There's no purpose telling them these things, they're old and out of touch and it's not important.

What you are getting involved in here is nothing to be concerned about. You are drawing some fan art, not sending nude photos of yourself around. They don't need to know. It's your secret.

You from this moment grant yourself permission to keep a secret.
Start a new account on the side and explore your interest to its fullest.
Become a STAR at drawing boy love. Make money from it.

When you hear your parents' bullshit stance on homosexuality, be strong about your opinion. Show your father what it means to exercise individuality by standing your ground. Question everything like she taught you, and if she complains you can tell her that you she taught you to do that and religion/politics and sexuality is not beyond questioning.
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:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student Filmographer
I personally wouldn't tell them anything about it. They won't accept it, so don't try. I'd try to get a secret account and post on there. I don't let my family at my dA, it's my sacred place.
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:iconk1k0r0:
k1k0r0 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Kids are supposed to have secrets from their parents, it's part of growing up. If you really want to draw this subject that badly, why haven't you already? I used to have a big suitcase full of drawings I didn't want my parents to see, of course this was before a time of constant and easy acces to the internet ;-) I sure as hell didn't show them to anybody. Seems to me the real problem for you is not being able to showcase what you create, which I understand, so get yourself a nice and big digital suitcase ^^ (read: incognito account) and draw to your hearts content. Don't feel guilty about it, you have a right to your privacy and a right to develop your creativity any way you like.
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:iconelmida:
Elmida Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
In fact, if you want to talk to your parents about male pairings I totally would NOT give shonen ai as an example, nor Hetalia. Those are examples of how homosexuality should not be, it's almost a parody of it. Also, it's a cartoon, parents really aren't going to feel sympathy for a bunch of pixels on a page. Give an example of two normal, every day guys that they could meet on the streets and like.
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:iconelmida:
Elmida Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012
You like what you like, problem solved. Even if you like to sacrifice baby squirrels in the forest at full moon it's none of their business. They can only prohibit things going on in their house and even that is to a certain extent.
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:iconnatsume-senpai:
Natsume-Senpai Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You know, I live in the Netherlands where homo's and lesbians can even be parents together...
I am straight and only draw straight couples yet, I accept them because you can't stop love...even it is unnaturel.

Because we have learned that a man and woman is needed for a family...we learned that from the beginning...
But we live in anno 2012, we need to accept there are people with love for the same gender...and are they hurting us with their love...I don't think so...We need love to survive...otherwise the world be covered in negative energy....
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Well, first of all I disagree strongly with your household's policy of you not being allowed to have secrets. Not only is it completely unenforceable, but it doesn't seem healthy to me. You're not a child. (I don't know how old you are, but you are, at the very least, a teenager.) You need to be able to live and grow on your own, without running everything by your parents and obtaining their approval first, or else you will enter the adult world as a very sheltered and completely unprepared individual— if you ever really enter the adult world at all.

My mother once told me that she never really became her own person until her mother died. By the time my grandmother died, my mom was 46, had been married and living with her husband for 23 years, and had two children of ages 20 and 17. My grandmother was not trying to impose upon her daughter's life by that point, but my mother was self-editing the way she lived her life based on what her mother would think, instead of really making decisions by herself.

That's really stuck with me, especially since I was a very sheltered teenager because I did the same thing. I held myself back from living because I was trying to live my life in a way that my mother would approve of if she knew every single thing I did. It leads to passing up a lot of fun, social development, and self-exploration because I didn't date, go to parties, hang out with friends, have friends, explore my sexuality, etc.

So once I was in my 20s and realized I was still living life based on my mother's approval, I cut her off from the information feeding tube. If she asked where I was going, who I was going to be with, or what time I would be home, I told her she didn't need to know any of that. And I explained this to her so that she knows I'm not just being a bitch. We are not friends on Facebook and I don't let her follow me on Instagram.

It's like...if you were having a conversation with your best friend about your love life and a five year old was sitting in the room and listening to you, you might edit out certain parts of the conversation that you thought would be inappropriate for the five year old to hear. But then you're not really getting as much of your friend's input as you could if you were able to discuss the topic freely, so the conversation is less effective. That's what life is like when your parents are in the audience, and sometimes you have to tell them it's time for them to leave the room so grown-ups can talk.

I realize you're much younger than me and you can't have total autonomy yet, but I assume you are at least 13-14 and that's certainly old enough to have some autonomy. Your parents still have the right to know where you're going and when you'll be home, and you're probably not old enough to drink yet, and you might be younger than prudent for sexual activity, but you certainly have the right to, say, have a crush on someone without your parents knowing, or reading a book about a subject that your parents might not approve of, or hold political views that your parents might not share. You can't grow into your own individual UNLESS you do these things, and if you don't do them now then you'll just end up doing them later and finding yourself developmentally behind all your peers.


I think your interest in slash pairings is something that you should have the right to not disclose to your parents. The very idea of "How do I tell my parents I'm into boyXboy pairings?" is so intensely bizarre to me it would be like if you came here asking, "How do I tell my parents that I enjoy it when my sexual partners tie me up and tickle me with a feather duster while licking my toes during foreplay?" The answer is that you DON'T tell your parents something like that. You don't NEED to tell ANYONE something like that. Your sexual preferences are the business of you and your sexual partners and no one else.

However, if there's absolutely no way for you to avoid your parents finding out that you're into boyXboy, I think it's time for you to have a revolution. There's no way they can stop you; they can only attempt to manipulate you by threatening you. And unfortunately there's a lot of things that parents can use as leverage over a child. They can take away your allowance, your toys (which could include your drawing supplies and internet access), and your permission to see the outside world, but they CANNOT take away your principles or whatever you feel in your heart. They can't even take away art from you. They can take away your pencils or paints or tablet or whatever else you're used to creating art with, but they'd have a hard as hell time taking away paper and pens if you're a student, an even if they managed that then you could still find some way to create art. If you're strong enough to brave whatever they might try to do to you in retribution, I say stand up for yourself and who you are no matter how much they might punish you for it.

Be loud, be proud, as they say... And don't cave to bullies, even if they gave birth to you.
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:iconmr-nik:
MR-NIK Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012   Digital Artist
Bravo Miss!!
love your finishing line.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student Digital Artist
:bow:
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:iconemmalennyeddie:
EmmaLennyEddie Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I agree with GrumpyTea. If you don't want that idea, then I'd just talk to your parents and try to help them understand. It's like that with me too. My parents aren't into me looking up slash and stuff like that.
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:iconbumsy:
Bumsy Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Can you seriously go without openly drawing/looking at yaoi until you're eighteen? Gawd.
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:iconraichupa:
Raichupa Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Just draw one of the more feminine characters and say it's a girl.
You could also make an alternate account for your pairing art and don't tell them about it.
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:iconsolum-ipsum:
Solum-Ipsum Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What brought you to this fetish? What is this subtle compulsion that urges you to draw something like that, even though your parents might even disown you for it (in a worst-case bigoted scenario)?

This is like jumping off a cliff in an attempt to prove that gravity can be defied. I mean, is earning the hate of your parents really worth drawing your kawaii shonen-ai? Or is there a more important reason behind all of that?

Of course, I'm not lecturing you, these are just questions to consider.

But actually, homosexuality isn't that important of a topic, it's never been until the 20th century. What about the Seven Deadly Sins? Such as Greed, Wrath or Pride? Are they so free of these demons? Also, if your mom's so proud of being Christian, why doesn't she protest against female rights and coeducation? For the restoration of proper hierarchy and antique slavery?

I'll tell you why: Us modern people are screwed up. Our feelings, thinking and physique are all poisoned by a global stupor toward the divine. Most of us are a semi-conscious, beastly mockery of our maker, a true embarrassment for what a human can and should stand for.

Believe me, in this wicked chaos, homosexuality is merely a superficial symptom of far greater issues beneath the surface, on a subtle, suggestive level, lurking under the physical concrete jungles of our society.
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:iconmapper3:
mapper3 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your mother is a bigoted, childish person. Don't get mad, though. Calmly explain yourself. Just talking to them could get them off your back a little.
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:iconcedarwoods:
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I would either:

1. Make a secret account.

or

2. Stand up for the LGBT community, and do stuff to say "I think this is alright." Do you know of any super homophobic churches? Get yourself a boom box, set up right in front, and blast Lady Gaga's Born This Way (you could either do the whole album, or just the song over and over). Perhaps you could secretly make a pro-gay playlist, and play that.


If your mom is homophobic, then stand up to her and do stuff to make it clear just how wrong you think she is. I say post the drawings, but have a secret account made so you can continue when they make you take them down.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I understand. I don't know of any super-homophobes in my area, because most people in my area are democratic(like I am). My mom is really conservative and she used to belong to a church that is NOTORIOUS for homophobia.
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:iconcedarwoods:
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry to hear that. Well just keep holding fast to your beliefs and don't let your mom hold you back.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
She told me to question everything I'm taught. I'm sorry, but I'll only do that for some stuff.
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:iconcedarwoods:
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well that is what you should do. So I have to say good parenting there. Question things or you'll become a mindless drone and be forced to join the military.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ok.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
"It goes earlier than this. Sometime last year, my mom was like "I hope you're not drawing gay cartoons!"

What the hell...?

On a more serious note, this problem has less to do with Hetalia and more to do with your parents being incredibly overprotective. Open communication between parents and children is healthy, vital even, but so are boundaries and, to an extent, having secrets. One thing that parents of any and all walks of life seem to struggle with is when their kids grow older, their boundaries start to expand. Kids don't rely on their parents to do everything anymore, they go out more often, the parents start to lose control. And this need for more space sometimes clashes with the parents' need to protect and control. This happens to damn near everyone to an extent, so at least you're not alone in this. What your mom's doing - monitoring your online behaviour - is fairly normal... if you were like, twelve years old.

Anyway, I gotta agree with some others that this is one of those things that's best kept hidden. It's a pretty personal thing that your mother wants you to share.

Maybe you could sit your mother father down about this, but instead of framing it as a fandom or GLBT issue, frame it in a "I'm becoming an adult and I need my privacy" kind of thing. That you let your dad know that you're going to have to keep secrets from them - the same way they keep secrets from you - but with the promise that you will be responsible, and tell them about things that are important to them and actually relevant (such as how your grades are doing).

I think your dad's most likely to listen to you. And when it's time to convince your mom, you'll at least have someone by your side :)
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah, in fact, I would be MUCH more comfortable telling him.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Good luck :)
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:iconforget-beam:
Forget-beam Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
well considering how in hetalia pairings there is always that one super uke most of the time, my suggestion draw yaoi and and make the uke (the female part) look really girly and if your parents ask say the uke is a girl whitch they pretty much are, so you wont be lieing. or draw genderbent hetalia characters. but your parents shouldn't judge you for not being homophobic, or even supporting gay pairings. anyways your parents should give you some freedom considering you are a teenager
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know. My parents egg me too much. They're overprotective, homophobic, and just plain strict. They try to deny it though.

I haven't even told them about Hetalia yet. The main reason I want to bring this up is because they're going to check my account someday, and I can't introduce them to Hetalia without mentioning pairings.
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:iconmegstiel:
megstiel Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student General Artist
Why can't you mention Hetalia without pairings? It's not like it's a huge part of the description of the show or anything. Hell, there's hardly anything canon about them a majority of the time.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know. It's just that's what the fandom likes the focus on.
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:iconmegstiel:
megstiel Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Student General Artist
Probably why I quit the fandom a long time ago. :shrug: Don't mention the fandom then. There are plenty of other reasons, too, mostly how embarrassing some people can be.
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:iconforget-beam:
Forget-beam Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow there is a huge difference in my parents (when it comes to APH) and yours, my mom doesn't care for it much she doesn't mind me drawing it or watching despite .... france. my dad, i actually showed my dad the first episode of APH i wanted to get him to like it, but the first episode was really dull so he didn't like it. bu he doesn't care if i watch it (he is also useful for historic info cause he watches the history channel a lot) but your parents, i don't know how they would react to it..... well the yaoi isn't clear in the show (unless they see the episode with sweden and finland) you gotta be a anime fan to pair the pairings ....
if your parents check your account then thats a problem you should just tell them the concept of hetalia and leave out the yaoi parts. if you really really wanna draw hetalia yaoi do what i did for keroro gunso yaoi, draw it when you're alone and when you're done admire it then rip it up and throw it out. if you don't mind me asking, what APH yaoi pairings do you want to draw anyways?
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
GerIta, USUK,PruAus, etc.
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Um, yes you can. What are the odds of your parents watching the entire anime if you mention it and they want to check up on it? At least the first 30 episodes (which is as far as I've watched) have zero to do with romance. It's history(though slightly warped into humor)than anything. I haven't read the manga yet of course, but if it contain anything they would deem inappropriate, you don't even have to mention that part.

As for your account.. well if it was me, I would simply put up a journal stating that 'this is it for me, and I'm leaving dA for personal reasons. I'll only use this account for (yada-yada-yada fill in blank space)'. Then you create a new account, and note everyone you want to keep in touch with that this is your new account. That way, when your parents check your dA, all they will find is a half dead profile.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I already told my parents. It didn't go out too well. I also explained that it only has moments like that once or twice (which is true).
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Aw, that sucks :(
But at least you were honest about it. The thing you are into is truly not something hardcore or anything, so don't feel bad about it. People will always have different opinions, and some people will be very harsh and vocal about theirs. It's always sad when one of those people happen to be a parent disagreeing with their child, but in the end you have to live your own life rather than taking on the life your mom wants you to have. Best of luck.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Even worse, they're gonna start monitoring my account everyday.

They said that if I keep doing "inappropriate" things, they'll make me go to church every weekend. BRAINWASHING.
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:iconeldingagunman:
EldingaGunman Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
Tell them that all this pressuring to go to church is really making you feel uncomfortable about Christianity as a religion. Then start wearing a Thors hammer as a necklace when you're at home. Or a t-shirt with the symbol on it. Threaten to wear it to church. They'll either have to tear it off of you, or suffer the shame of having a child who literally converted to heathenry.

Even better, paint the thors hammer on the back of your hand with paint that won't come off for a few days. Throw any gloves they make you wear through the car window, so that they can't make you hide it. You don't have to really convert to heathenry of course, but if I were you, I'd make damn clear that such behavior towards you isn't acceptable. You're going to share their home for several years before you're of age when you can move out, and they'll have to live with you as you are and respect you as a human being. It's literally their responsibility as your parents.

I don't know your family situation of course, so don't do anything reckless if you have parents who might get violent. Your other option is to simply stay low and create another dA account. You could also join another art site and keep it secret from them.
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:iconendeavor-to-freefall:
If your mother/parents is/are as manipulative, controlling and ignorant as you lead me to believe then I can't foresee an especially positive outcome to any number of hypothetical scenarios stemming from this. The way I see it, if you really want to draw them your best bet is to just do it, don't take measures to hide it but don't directly confront them with it either, go about it as if it's really not important at all. The positive outcome would obviously be that they see the uploads and aren't especially alarmed or concerned by them. The negative outcome would be they bring the subject to you and throw a bunch of accusations at you about hiding things and trust and all that bullshit. This is where you explain that it just wasn't something you felt it appropriate to discuss, you weren't hiding it at all, that argument is essentially your cover. Hiding something which is fairly innocent is just going to make it appear as though it's something worth hiding, in reality it's just something you don't generally share with your parents because it is somewhat of a sexual nature.

So yeah, in a nutshell, don't make it a secret, just treat it as something so unimportant you neglect to mention it. It'd be easier if you had a straight brother because then you could just say "well he likes lesbians" and storm off.
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:iconshannor:
shannor Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"Well he likes lesbians!" :rofl: It'd suck to be the straight brother in that scenario.
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:iconbullet-magnet:
Bullet-Magnet Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012
1. Do it anyway, openly stand against bigotry, accept the consequences but never stop.

or

2. Start a second, secret account and do it anyway without them knowing.

or

3. Kowtow to their bigotry.
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:iconbohobella:
bohobella Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
As someone who also drew a lot of gay pairings when I was younger and was really into that entire online world, I really never and would never tell my parents. And I have really open, liberal parents who talk about everything with us.

For me, it's just too sexual. Even though you don't want to be a gay man and have gay sex, it's still a sexual thing in nature, and I just don't feel the need to tell my parents about my sexual business. And honestly I have no idea how one would even go about that with extremely conservative parents that wouldn't end in huge drama over nothing.

I don't really want to say "Hide from them! Side accounts!" and the like because I also know what it's like to have very invasive parents and hiding things have never worked out for me. But a sit-down discussion about this, I just don't see ending well. Girls loving yaoi/gay pairings is so normal nowadays, but probably will rock their conservative worlds.
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I don't want to tell them about it. But I have to or I won't survive in this house.
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:iconnaariel:
Naariel Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, if you're old enough, maybe you can get out of that house?
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That house= my house.
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:iconnaariel:
Naariel Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh so you're planning on living there your whole life. Well my mistake!
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:iconschplitzkriegs:
Schplitzkriegs Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Actually, I'm not old enough to move out yet.
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