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November 10, 2012
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Time and Stress: Driven to my last bleeding nerve

:iconriseofgreenbean:
RiseofGreenBean Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
I can't describe exactly how I feel right now. It's a mix of anger, frustration, sadness, shame, regret, and insecurity. It's not just school stress that is getting to me. At times, I want to yell to the world to SHUT THE FUCK UP and let me recollect myself.

I'm stressed about my grades. Even if I maintain good study habits and ask for help when I need it, I'm getting a B in physics because I goofed on the first 2 tests (then got A's and B's since). I know the stuff, but I mess up. I have a low A in art careers class while everyone else has almost 100%. I'm not as good as them and I'm hard on myself for the self-evaluations. It makes me feel nasty when I see everyone else so passionate and so skilled about their art while I'm struggling to achieve the same caliber in my art. Sometimes, I wonder why I stayed in art careers class when I'm not even planning to go into arts. My art teacher knows this and says she's not against it if I don't choose to study arts. I work hard, but end up with shit grades. Not cool.
Also, when I saw the results for my most recent (and first) debate tournament, I found out my speaker score was the lowest of all the seniors in my school's team. I didn't think I deserved such a low score.

I just don't have time or energy to do a lot of the things I want to do/start on/finish/catch up on. Why? Because schoolwork is a bitch that eats my time like crazy. 2 out of 5 days, I lose the whole afternoon because of art lessons and extracurriculars. I do homework until 12:30am or past 1:00am AND STILL get up at 6:30am the next morning to finish. I'm taking six courses, in the debate team, going to join business club and the workload is punishing. At the same time, there are people who cram their timetables with hardcore sciences or AP courses and major clubs (student council, debate, etc) and they still have time for a job and extracurriculars while maintaining near-perfect grades. They know they have the possibility of entering the best universities. I know this sounds selfish, but I feel so insignificant when those names and achievements are mentioned, and I'm jealous.

I want to do stuff. I want to find a job at the mall like most people do, I want to get my New Driver's license before it snows or before the end of March 2013, I want to not have to leave badminton practice early because of homework, I want to study for and take the final exam I need to get my RCM grade 10 piano diploma. I want to sleep at least 7 hours on a weekday night and not fall asleep in physics class the next day. I want to be ready for the direction I plan to go for the future. I want to be more satisfied with my life and myself.
This is not a hissy-fit rant. Please, any advice on time and stress management or sharing of past experiences are needed and greatly appreciated.


:icontealdeerplz: I'm not satisfied with my grades, my smarter peers make me feel crappy, I'm afraid I won't get into university, time is merciless, life wants to fuck with me, and I need help with time and stress management.

bonus complaints: my mechanical pencil that I use for school broke and my new BB cream squirted all over my hand.
anti complaint: I'm in the midst of a 4 day weekend, which is why I have time to write this post.
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:iconwaffles999999999:
waffles999999999 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
I know exactly how you feel. I used to always be stressed about grades, after school stuff, and just about everything. But i found a way to get my schedule organized. I worked out a daily routine, and made sure to add an hour or two were i could just relax. Also don't be so hard on yourself about your grades. You sound like your doing just fine. Just remember make some free time for yourself.
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:iconriseofgreenbean:
RiseofGreenBean Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
Lol I usually relax for around 45 min if I come home at 'regular' time because of no clubs after school. I want to spend more of that time practicing piano, cuz I like to do that and I've been getting worse since I quit lessons because of school :XD:

And I just have this constant fear that everyone applying to university has 95%+ or something. I'm pretty much mindset on one uni (but still applying to some others for backup) and if I don't get in, it'll be heartbreaking.

Did you go through the same thing while you were in high school?
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:iconwaffles999999999:
waffles999999999 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
I'm still in high school now, and you shouldn't be worrying so much. You sound like your doing just fine, and I'm positive you'll get into your university. To me all it sounds like is that you have way to much on your plate. You just need to relax more. Have fun. Were supposed to enjoy our time at high school, so enjoy it. Put aside some of the little things and have fun with your friends.
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:iconriseofgreenbean:
RiseofGreenBean Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
True, I am too high-strung about homework, extracurriculars, grades, time, sleep, university, etc. I planned to stop going to my art tutor in December until holidays start, but I'm still behind on my monthly art project and I still have to study hard for physics (I need that grade for university, even though I'm not going into sciences), among many other things which are too big to put aside.

My friends are probably equally stressed, more stressed but hide it, or not stressed at all b/c they have a lighter workload or better time management. Sometimes, we go out to play badminton, but that would be the most social activity we have until the holidays. I really am trying to find fun and memories through all this hardship, but it's difficult for a plethora of reasons.

Thanks for your advice ^^
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:iconwaffles999999999:
waffles999999999 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
Your welcome, and I'm sure you'll get everything figured out.
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
RiseofGreenBean;
As some other people here have already said, I really believe that you're trying to do too many things at once, and that is your problem. You need time to breath, to think, to meditate, and to rejuvinate your inner self. There is a rule which is called (I think) the tragic exclusion. In order to choose one path, you have to turn down another. I feel that in order to operate better in this crazy world, you ought to let go of something. maybe it's debate. Maybe it's business club. Maybe it's something else. It isn't at all necessary to be good at everything, and the people who are icons of success are usually people who are good at only one or two things.

So, try to pick out only a few things you want to focus on, and make sure to give yourself at least an hour of waking time in which you are doing something which calms you.

The key is: simplification! You are not superman. You are not god. You are not even your classmates. You are yourself, and you have your own talent. Don't get complicated. Let yourself have some down time. you are more likely to do better that way anyways.
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:iconriseofgreenbean:
RiseofGreenBean Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
The problem is, I want to take the chance to do a lot of these things so that I don't have regrets later on. Tragic exclusion is difficult for me because of this attitude.

I decided to stop lessons with my art tutor until holidays start, but that's only a minor stress reducer. Debate isn't my favourite way to spend 1.5 hours on Tuesdays after school, but it teaches me skills I'd find useful in the future. Also, I paid the member fee for that :p
And some people running debate team are all-around-good-at-everything people. They seem to sleep ok and have good time management.

As for down time, I'll need to mix that in with sleep time if I don't start managing my time better :XD:

Thanks
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
Tldr but I can say that you need to find time to relax. I was driving myself crazy with all my projects, school, work, and my parents are in the process of moving 10 states away so I've been pretty stressed out. It ended up catching up with me and I've been sleeping pretty much non-stop for the past 3 days, and I feel like utter shit. So take care of yourself.
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:iconriseofgreenbean:
RiseofGreenBean Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012
I can usually sleep 7 to 8 hours on weekends, but on weekdays, I'm lucky to have 6.5 hours. One Friday, my biological clock got fed up and I overslept and was late for school.
I don't have it the worst though. Most students in Asia only sleep about 4 hours a night because of all the schoolwork. They can handle it, and sometimes I feel bad for complaining while I still get more sleep and less stress than they do. There's a part of me telling me to deal with it, and another part asking 'how'?

Good luck with dealing your stresses, and thanks.
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:iconfirstxaidxkit:
FIRSTxAIDxKIT Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
Our culture and Asian culture are very different, assuming you live in the US.
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