I know exactly how you feel. I used to always be stressed about grades, after school stuff, and just about everything. But i found a way to get my schedule organized. I worked out a daily routine, and made sure to add an hour or two were i could just relax. Also don't be so hard on yourself about your grades. You sound like your doing just fine. Just remember make some free time for yourself.
Lol I usually relax for around 45 min if I come home at 'regular' time because of no clubs after school. I want to spend more of that time practicing piano, cuz I like to do that and I've been getting worse since I quit lessons because of school
And I just have this constant fear that everyone applying to university has 95%+ or something. I'm pretty much mindset on one uni (but still applying to some others for backup) and if I don't get in, it'll be heartbreaking.
Did you go through the same thing while you were in high school?
I'm still in high school now, and you shouldn't be worrying so much. You sound like your doing just fine, and I'm positive you'll get into your university. To me all it sounds like is that you have way to much on your plate. You just need to relax more. Have fun. Were supposed to enjoy our time at high school, so enjoy it. Put aside some of the little things and have fun with your friends.
True, I am too high-strung about homework, extracurriculars, grades, time, sleep, university, etc. I planned to stop going to my art tutor in December until holidays start, but I'm still behind on my monthly art project and I still have to study hard for physics (I need that grade for university, even though I'm not going into sciences), among many other things which are too big to put aside.
My friends are probably equally stressed, more stressed but hide it, or not stressed at all b/c they have a lighter workload or better time management. Sometimes, we go out to play badminton, but that would be the most social activity we have until the holidays. I really am trying to find fun and memories through all this hardship, but it's difficult for a plethora of reasons.
RiseofGreenBean; As some other people here have already said, I really believe that you're trying to do too many things at once, and that is your problem. You need time to breath, to think, to meditate, and to rejuvinate your inner self. There is a rule which is called (I think) the tragic exclusion. In order to choose one path, you have to turn down another. I feel that in order to operate better in this crazy world, you ought to let go of something. maybe it's debate. Maybe it's business club. Maybe it's something else. It isn't at all necessary to be good at everything, and the people who are icons of success are usually people who are good at only one or two things.
So, try to pick out only a few things you want to focus on, and make sure to give yourself at least an hour of waking time in which you are doing something which calms you.
The key is: simplification! You are not superman. You are not god. You are not even your classmates. You are yourself, and you have your own talent. Don't get complicated. Let yourself have some down time. you are more likely to do better that way anyways.
The problem is, I want to take the chance to do a lot of these things so that I don't have regrets later on. Tragic exclusion is difficult for me because of this attitude.
I decided to stop lessons with my art tutor until holidays start, but that's only a minor stress reducer. Debate isn't my favourite way to spend 1.5 hours on Tuesdays after school, but it teaches me skills I'd find useful in the future. Also, I paid the member fee for that And some people running debate team are all-around-good-at-everything people. They seem to sleep ok and have good time management.
As for down time, I'll need to mix that in with sleep time if I don't start managing my time better
Tldr but I can say that you need to find time to relax. I was driving myself crazy with all my projects, school, work, and my parents are in the process of moving 10 states away so I've been pretty stressed out. It ended up catching up with me and I've been sleeping pretty much non-stop for the past 3 days, and I feel like utter shit. So take care of yourself.
I can usually sleep 7 to 8 hours on weekends, but on weekdays, I'm lucky to have 6.5 hours. One Friday, my biological clock got fed up and I overslept and was late for school. I don't have it the worst though. Most students in Asia only sleep about 4 hours a night because of all the schoolwork. They can handle it, and sometimes I feel bad for complaining while I still get more sleep and less stress than they do. There's a part of me telling me to deal with it, and another part asking 'how'?
All I can say is stop doing the things that are really fruitless/not really of a big benefit or help to you. Stop doing the things that unrightfully take up too much of your time..and don't stress much. Don't be hard on yourself.
I'd rather not drop anything, but if I absolutely had to, then I'd have to stop going to my art tutor. Quitting my job is not going to give me as much extra time and de-stress, and there's no way I'm giving up badminton.
I honestly am not too clear on what 'unrightfully' eats my time. Everything has its pros and cons. I went to business club today, but had to miss the debate club meeting for that. I like what we do in business club, but debate gives me knowledge I need (though I like it less).
In the last year of high school, you just want to take the chance and try these clubs and events out. You may not get the same chances or experiences in post-secondary. That's my attitude anyway.
In my opinion, choose the ones that will really benefit you and the ones that you really like... Yes, I agree, you're really not too clear. But I also agree with you. I know when college comes, you will be busier and you won't have time and the opportunity anymore. And I really like your spirit, a lot of students there just wave off the opportunity and do more fruitless stuff...
If I were you, I'd drop the art tutor. You can learn MORE when you take a self-course and improvise. At least, I'm basing this from personal experience.
Idunno, maybe I want to try new things now and even start a new hobby in university because I didn't go out and try a lot of things when I was a kid.
Next month, there are 3 weeks of school before holidays. I could go to my art tutor only during the holidays. Through the university art course and reading photoshop tutorials here and there, I can improve (but slowly). I already signed up for a two-lesson oil painting class at the local art center (starts tomorrow, ends next Sunday) and I don't want to spend any more time on art classes. I'm not thinking of going into arts for university anymore, so maybe I won't lose a lot by stopping art lessons for a while.
I'm gonna stop going to my art tutor until holidays, so that frees up three hours on Monday. But still, I need to manage my time well so I can sleep early like my classmates who sleep at 12am or earlier, finish their work, and get better grades.
TheMarcherFeatured By OwnerNov 11, 2012Hobbyist Photographer
Well I had a similair problem in school. And I did just say fuck it and I stopped giving a shit about some of the subjects. I got good grades on the rest though. A year after school when I had finished my military training I re-took those courses and got full marks.
So chill, do your best and say fuck it to the rest. There is lots of time when you can fix things up. This is not your only chance to succeed in life. And just allowing yourself to say fuck it, I will deal with this if I feel like it will make i o-so-much easier to deal with.
And your peers are not you. They might be good a studying but they will without a single doubt suck badly at something you are good at. I used to go in to a room and compare myself with everyone best abilities and feel bad that I was not as good as them. But if I compared myself to them one at a time I found it much easier to find my own worth.
just allowing yourself to say fuck it, I will deal with this if I feel like it will make i o-so-much easier to deal with. You can get away and say you'll do something when you feel like it, ut you can't always stay away. I really want to say and do that right now, but I'm still in the grasp of reality. It does help to take breaks though.
Yes, one man's strength is another man's weakness, but have you ever had one or a few classmates that seemed to be perfect at almost everything and your performance in class or socially was always one level under theirs? I could hang out with friends more often, but that takes time...
TheMarcherFeatured By OwnerNov 13, 2012Hobbyist Photographer
Yes you will have to deal with everything. But it helps to deal with them one at the time. Something that seems monumental can be cut down in to smaller pieces making it a lot easier to work through. I am not talking about running away here.
Yeah, cutting everything down into chunks and keeping a level mind will make the problem much more manageable. Sometimes, I want to get away from all of my stresses, but I know things will get worse if I neglect them.
It makes me really sad to see someone else like this.
Alice, listen to me, you are AMAZING! You're taking a university course! You teach piano! And above all that, you're actually a good person.
I know from experience what it's like to have friends who are perfect. They seems superhuman in the way that they do everything. And it's good to hang around motivated people, but at the same time, it takes its toll on you. Look, just because your friends are being superhuman doesn't mean you have to be. And I guarantee you, your friends are breaking down too.
Just remenber, even thought it might be hard for you to accept, that Ceibita is right. "Learn that there are people who are smarter than you and that you can't be the best at everything. Instead, think about the things that make YOU special." There will always be superhumans, and if you're not one of them, THAT'S OK. You have friends who will still love you. You have people that will still look up to you. You're human, Alice, and that's a really great thing to be.
I know even as I write this that you may not change anything in your life. But I hope that you think about what really makes you happy, not just what makes you look good for scholarships or universities. I hope that you drop the things in your life that you really don't need, whether that's a school club, relationshipswith friends that are making you hate yourself, or an idea that you have to be perfect. Life gets better than this.
Those friends I mentioned are either really good at hiding their breakdowns, or are thriving at school. And it's not always trying to be a superhuman. You naturally feel bad when you're the loser in a group of winners, when you're the omega wolf of the pack. That's how I feel in school art class, the university art class and the debate team (which I'm beginning to think is elitist cuz of all the high-achieving ppl that run it).
I'm not trying to be number one at everything. I just want to be good enough at those things I do so that I can find them less stressful and time consuming and be able to get along with people who are great at those things. But now, I feel a step backward from where I want to be. Maybe many steps backward. All those people have great achievements and leadership to garnish their uni apps with, and if I live in a generation of university applicants THAT amazing, I feel that I have to be that amazing too, or else I won't reach my goals. It's a dog-eat-dog world and I don't want to be someone else's meal.
If I drop anything at this point, it would most likely be art tutoring. I hope I don't have to drop anything though, because my schedule really isn't the most intense one that I know of. I don't dislike most of the extracurriculars I'm in right now anyways.
And I do want to find the strength to feel better and more confident about myself. I can't do it now.
Thanks for your support. I appreciate that after reading all my ranting, you still think I'm actually a good person.
I get how you feel (actually, I think you put it a lot more elegantly than I could have ). I think the ONLY thing that you can do to feel better right now is rant, and that's ok I wouldn't trust anyone who doesn't rant occasionally, they're most likely aliens or something.
Just try to do your homework during classes, such as when the teacher is talking. I tend to read the books I need for class when I'm eating, and that saves some time. I think it's little things that make a difference. And of course, schedule for breaks (mental AND bathroom breaks .
That's a great idea, but I can only do that for physics. I'm in 4th block, and I can read the notes and find out about hwk from my friends in 2nd block. Sometimes, the teacher gives us a schedule and we know exactly what all the covered topics and homework is and what day the test will be.
Even if I'd like to eat and socialize through lunch, some things just have to get done
I do schedule and use my agenda, but things come up and that means I can't finish other stuff. Ugh...
He doesn't always give us a written schedule. I don't think he will for this unit. And lol, sometimes I don't use the agenda and try to keep track of stuff mentally. Most times, that works. Other times, I forget things.
You sound just like me and all my friends in high school! I did about 5-10 clubs/year, a sport, had some leadership positions, took AP and dual enrollment, did theatre, piano, French, art... And I beat myself up over getting less than a 95 on anything. And somehow, I came out alive. Now I'm a junior in aerospace engineering at a state university.
1. Ignore the super smart smarty-pants in your class. Hard work is far more admirable than pure intelligence without effort. I actually can't stand smart people who never put any work into anything. Seems like a waste of talent.
2. I had classmates who got into Ivy League/fancy schools and looked down on me for going to a state school. tbh, they use the same textbooks in all universities. The only difference is that fancy colleges get better research opportunities and funding (and you pay shitloads of money for tuition). But you can have an amazing experience at any university. You will get in, trust me, and with your grades (even with a B here or there), you will totally get scholarships. You will be fine!!
3. Learn that there are people who are smarter than you and that you can't be the best at everything. Instead, think about the things that make YOU special. What are you good at, what's your thing? Concentrate on the things that make you happy and make you stand out. Once you get to college, you take more specific classes related to the things you do like, so you don't have to feel like you have to be good at every subject under the sun.
I suck at literature, chemistry, and programming. So I concentrate on what I'm good at: math, physics, and languages. I might study for a programming test for 10 hours and get a 49, but none of my classmates can say they speak 3 languages fluently. BE POSITIVE! It's so hard sometimes, but getting upset only makes things worse.
4. Time management in college is a little easier because you're not in class 35 hours/week. The first year of college isn't nearly as hard as people make it out to be. Teachers really try to scare you your senior year but really it's just to get you to work hard. You already work hard by the looks of it, so you'll be ok.
5. I'm still trying to learn this lesson: Being competitive is good, but once you've done your best and your best isn't perfect, it's OK. Really, it is. In the grand scheme of things, a few Bs won't kill you. Once you're IN college, what you did in high school doesn't really matter anymore. And once you get internships in college, employers care more about that than about your grades.
6. A C is not necessarily "bad". It's just... "average". For over-achieving people who want to be great, being called just average hurts. It really does. But if you try your best and that's what you get... it's ok. Move on to the next class and keep trying.
Hard work is far more admirable than pure intelligence without effort.
-I totally agree with this, but society doesn't always work this way. You get people who do jack shit and end up with high salary jobs because of connections or whatever. Anyway, I should just pick up the motivation to work hard and go the honest way.
Being competitive is good, but once you've done your best and your best isn't perfect, it's OK. There are people who are smarter than you and that you can't be the best at everything. Instead, think about the things that make YOU special. What are you good at, what's your thing?
-I'm not obsessed with getting 1st place in everything, but just like many people, I don't like being last or worst. I don't have fancy rankings or awards under my name. I play badminton, but only as an amateur (I don't even join the school team cuz of how much time it eats). I play piano, but have never competed in city-wide competitions or anything. I know bits and pieces of other stuff, but I have never 'rose above the stars' in any specific area. It's not that my family wants me getting the best ranking in anything. I'm just more competitive than relaxed.
Also, what are some tips you have for time management? I feel that I'd have so much more time to relax and spend with my family if I could manage my time well.
Lol Alice, don't compare yourself with those inhumanely smart Asian people. They're just like that and will probably end up going to some ivy league place, so unless you're planning to go there too, you don't have to worry about them as competition.
If you don't think you're gonna be able to keep up with everything, it doesn't hurt to drop a few extra stuff, does it? Extra stuff only counts towards scholarships for most universities. I dropped Psychology lol. Life has been 20% less stressful since.
And if it makes you feel better, our class average for chem 12 is like 75-80%. And that's with all those smart people included. xD
Venting is a great way to reduce stress. So, you have taken a step in the right direction already.
Please don't compare yourself with anyone else. They are them, you are you. And, you are amazing. You're driven, dedicated, and extremely talented. We all have our insecurities. We all wish we could be better at things. We all think that there are so many people out there much better at things than we are. Just take a look at yourself. Truly look. Out of 5 billion people on this planet, there is only 1 of you. Only you can see the world as you do, think the way you do, experience the way you do, live life the way you do. Don't be so hard on yourself, because you truly are important and very special.
It seems as tho you take on too much for you to handle. That puts undue stress on you and distracts you from getting the things you want, like good grades and sleep. Reevaluate what activities you are in or want to join, what classes you are taking, and where you want to be in a few years. This will certainly help, in the long run.
In the short term, have more confidence in yourself. Focus on you and your life, not other people's. You have to learn to let things go and just roll with the punches, so to speak. It will help you immensely.
Focus on you and your life, not other people's. You know the feeling where you just know you did the best you can? Sometimes, your best is somebody else's half-assed effort. They still get the same result or even better with almost half the effort you had to put in. For me, this applies in math and science classes. I study for hours and end up with, say, a 92%. The dude next to me could be gaming on his iPhone through class and get 98%. We're humans. Competition is part of our nature.
It's not just me, but a lot of people who take on workloads that I couldn't dream of handling. There are people who take 7 school courses in one semester (in school hours, there are 4 courses per day)and join/lead major clubs as well as do extracurriculars or part-time jobs. I'm in five school courses, a university foundation art course (1 night a week for 3 hours), I work as a piano teacher (maybe an hour a week), I'm in a badminton club (four hours-one night a week), I go to an art tutor (two hours-once a week), and I just got accepted into a youth mentorship program (one meeting a month, but they give 'homework'). Like everyone else, I still do chores, spend time with my family, get my New driver's license, and have to apply for scholarships/university. I'd rather not drop anything, but if I absolutely had to, then I'd have to stop going to my art tutor.
Some people just deal with stress and time better than others. I need to learn to gain back control on the steering wheel of my life.
Glad you overcame your adversity I know that high school won't count for much of what you do in university and as a career. I may end up somewhere completely different from where I wanted to go.
I was pretty much adamant about wanting to study art in junior year (grade 11) but I panicked at the start of this year and decided that I don't have the skills and determination, so I'm trying to study communications with multimedia (kinda has to do with art).
If I didn't struggle so much with that decision, I would have been a lot more chill. It's so hard changing your mind at the last minute.
Just take a chill pill for like 5 seconds dude I have crappy grades I only got one C and 6 D's got into college and now Im going for university and I dont exactly have the most awesome art either so just do your best and stop feeling crappy cause of your peers are smarter and stuff.