Difficult for me to bond with others
Although the title says most of it, I'll take my time to explain a bit more carefully.
It's terribly hard for me to bond with other people and have close friendships with them. As I started college, I thought things would change, but it seems like I'm only the friendly girl who greets at people and socializes, but after school never manages to get involved in after-class activities (hanging out, parties etc). Now I've been there almost a semester and people are already enjoying friendships while my relations to them never get more than rather shallow. I doubt, my class-mates would even care to keep in touch with me if I would drop out.
And the worst part of this whole thing is that it's not just in college, it's everywhere I go. Even in other activities not related to school, people bond faster with each other than with me. In the end, I'm always the awkward outsider.
What am I doing wrong? How can I establish friendships with other people without becoming too clingy and annoying? I'm so afraid my peers will see me as a wuss if I make some greater efforts.
Are there also other people on dA with the same problems or am I alone?
It's terribly hard for me to bond with other people and have close friendships with them. As I started college, I thought things would change, but it seems like I'm only the friendly girl who greets at people and socializes, but after school never manages to get involved in after-class activities (hanging out, parties etc). Now I've been there almost a semester and people are already enjoying friendships while my relations to them never get more than rather shallow. I doubt, my class-mates would even care to keep in touch with me if I would drop out.
And the worst part of this whole thing is that it's not just in college, it's everywhere I go. Even in other activities not related to school, people bond faster with each other than with me. In the end, I'm always the awkward outsider.
What am I doing wrong? How can I establish friendships with other people without becoming too clingy and annoying? I'm so afraid my peers will see me as a wuss if I make some greater efforts.
Are there also other people on dA with the same problems or am I alone?
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This sounds way too familiar. In college I just compensated by spending every bit of time improving and competing. Nowadays I have better social charisma, however I prefer to keep people at arms length. The closer I get, the more disappointing the social relationship becomes for one reason or another. That being said I really don't know how to solve your problem, because I can barely solve it by myself.
The most success I had in the past is to take a legitimate interest in what people do or say, find ways to relate with them and follow up but expressing an interest in their activities. It's easier to invite someone if you already want to go to the same place. It's a good thing to at least keep in mind, but thats as much as I can say in terms of actual advice at the moment.
I'm not too certain if this is advice, this is just personal experience that you might or might not relate to. But having that kind of lifestyle, where everything felt like a social failure (amongst other burdens of life). There was a lot of anger and rage that came with it. For a while I never caught on because I did my best to mask everything, but a good amount of people picked up on it. For a short period of time I let go of all of that and everything was at its best. Figured that nothing beats a fresh start. The reason why I say this is that if you're problem is anything like mine, then a major problem could be how you're viewed based on how you view other people or life itself.
Anyways, you most likely read all of this a thousand times over from other people. I hope it helped none the less.
The most success I had in the past is to take a legitimate interest in what people do or say, find ways to relate with them and follow up but expressing an interest in their activities. It's easier to invite someone if you already want to go to the same place. It's a good thing to at least keep in mind, but thats as much as I can say in terms of actual advice at the moment.
I'm not too certain if this is advice, this is just personal experience that you might or might not relate to. But having that kind of lifestyle, where everything felt like a social failure (amongst other burdens of life). There was a lot of anger and rage that came with it. For a while I never caught on because I did my best to mask everything, but a good amount of people picked up on it. For a short period of time I let go of all of that and everything was at its best. Figured that nothing beats a fresh start. The reason why I say this is that if you're problem is anything like mine, then a major problem could be how you're viewed based on how you view other people or life itself.
Anyways, you most likely read all of this a thousand times over from other people. I hope it helped none the less.
i know how you feel, although the difference is i feel everyone hates me, i try to talk to people and be friends but i just get completely ignored, my only close friend moved schools, i tried to keep in touch but her bf took her over and didnt let anyone talk to her, i do have my bf but everyone hates him and tells him to fuck off when he's just trying to be nice and caring, and that also doesnt give me a good image but i still love him, i guess just try and get out there, like im in a symphonic band, i have made a few friends there but none im really close to, i love art (well duh of course why else would i be on this site) and music and dancing and acting, so the arts in general, and i also like badminton, oh btw im 15 and only in year 9, everyone tells me it will be better once i go to uni and stuff but im so scared of being one of those adults with no friends that does nothing and ends up having a horrible life (sorta like my mum but in a way not) but i do know how you feel
I wish I could help you 
also, if your best friends bf doesn't let anybody talk to her, then their relationship might be strongly dysfunctional. you should keep an eye on her.
also, if your best friends bf doesn't let anybody talk to her, then their relationship might be strongly dysfunctional. you should keep an eye on her.
yea, but according to her he fixed all her mental problems, (she has depression, anxiety, psychosis and a few other things)
But still, it's hard for me to understand why a guy is interested in isolating his girlfriend from her friends. A loving person, who respects her/his partner, doesn't have to do so unless there is a good reason for it.
Have you also tried to speak to her about what she thinks about him trying to keep her away from you?
Have you also tried to speak to her about what she thinks about him trying to keep her away from you?
i have talked to her, and lately she has been able to talk to me more, thankfully, i have been trying to meet up with her but she isnt very lenient in giving up time
You actually have to keep in touch with people on a regular basis. Having things in common certainly helps. Don't judge yourself or worry what others are going to think, there's nothing you can do, people are going to make decisions about you that you disagree with no matter how you look or act, it's better to try things out then not.
You can ...
A) Attempt new things to make friends and form lasting relationships.
B) Don't, and change nothing.
Perhaps it's your perception. Do you have proof that people are 'bonding' faster with each other rather then you? They might also feel the way you do, their friendships may be superficial.
I am, however, an introvert so my advice beyond inflection is practically useless. I've accepted and come to embrace my hidden nature. I can be friends with every single person at work without anyone knowing a thing about me, and when I leave the job I simply disappear like dust to the wind.
You can ...
A) Attempt new things to make friends and form lasting relationships.
B) Don't, and change nothing.
Perhaps it's your perception. Do you have proof that people are 'bonding' faster with each other rather then you? They might also feel the way you do, their friendships may be superficial.
I am, however, an introvert so my advice beyond inflection is practically useless. I've accepted and come to embrace my hidden nature. I can be friends with every single person at work without anyone knowing a thing about me, and when I leave the job I simply disappear like dust to the wind.
Still, your reply made me feel better. Your advise isn't useless after all.
try superglue
What's so great about friends and bonds anyway? 
The connection and the fun stuff they do together. It makes me incredibly jealous to see how most people have it but me
Meh, I think it is overrated.
You just have to wait until you find the right group for you. It might take a long time, and it might not be where you think you'll find it, but eventually you'll find a group of people that you can bond with the same way you feel everyone else is. It took me forever to find it, and honestly I had to stop looking and end up in the weirdest place to find it.
I would honestly not be suprised if it would happen to me too.
It will, eventually, you just have to stop looking so hard. Just be yourself. I never had and still don't have that many good friends from my college. Most of mine are scattered and between 5 years younger and 20 years older.
But in the other hand, it kinda sucks being the most introverted kid with the least amount of friends in class. It's like you failed by the standars set by sociality.
Well introversion is fixable. Least amount, who cares, quantity doesn't denote quality. And fuck societies standards. If that's what they are, I want no part of them.
I completely understand how you feel and am currently in the same position as you are. The only difference between you and me is that I have come to accept my own social awkwardness and isolation. Unfortunately not only am I socially awkward but I am also a workaholic, so my busy life does not allow me to have a social life anymore. I am tired of trying to maintain relationships that people no longer want to make any effort to and it does not help that everyone else is busy and our schedules do not match either. We are separated by distance and circumstance. I am tired of being friendly and social, and my only saving comfort is working behind my computer screen. Yet it is because I accepted myself that I am happy. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me a lot and friends who do not want to leave me alone despite our distance. The more I stopped caring about the amount of people that I interacted with, the more I had social interaction. I became more of myself rather than the social 'model' that society expects us to be. Many artists by nature are introverts despite our emotional bursts of mood swings and creativity. To be honest, I do not know what kind of person you are apart from the post you have described yourself, but from what I am reading it sounds like you are trying too hard to make friends. And I do not blame you because you are feeling lonely and want the interaction that many artists and people crave, sharing the same ideas and doing fun things together, I too want that and often times I will feel jealous and lonely that I cannot have that same interaction with any of my artist friends or my boyfriend for that matter. In the end though, I have accepted that I cannot be like everyone else because we are different and that instead of trying to be part of a group, I would rather be my own group. Call it cynical or selfish but at least I am happy and I control that happiness. No one can take that from me, my "friends" are either with me or not.
My perspective may not exactly be your cup of tea but it is another way of looking at your situation. Rather than conforming to society's standards of attaining friends, make friends on your own turf. Stop trying to please everyone because in the end you will not feel fulfilled and the feeling of loneliness will not go away. You will become your own emotional slave. If the people around you do not want to interact with you, leave them be. There are billions of people around the world that could potentially be a better friend for you compared to those people, heck even online. Be happy of your loneliness, it gives you a chance to pursue your own ideas and projects that make you happy and could potentially attract people to you. So chin up and face the world in a new perspective. Be more confident of yourself and wow... this is a long post. I hope you don't mind the long read but I could not help but relate to you deeply. I hope my post and the others that have posted before me have helped you in your endeavor. Be happy~
My perspective may not exactly be your cup of tea but it is another way of looking at your situation. Rather than conforming to society's standards of attaining friends, make friends on your own turf. Stop trying to please everyone because in the end you will not feel fulfilled and the feeling of loneliness will not go away. You will become your own emotional slave. If the people around you do not want to interact with you, leave them be. There are billions of people around the world that could potentially be a better friend for you compared to those people, heck even online. Be happy of your loneliness, it gives you a chance to pursue your own ideas and projects that make you happy and could potentially attract people to you. So chin up and face the world in a new perspective. Be more confident of yourself and wow... this is a long post. I hope you don't mind the long read but I could not help but relate to you deeply. I hope my post and the others that have posted before me have helped you in your endeavor. Be happy~
Thank you for taking your time to write this long post.
Personally it feels like I would give up if I would accept that I might be better of lonely because I'm really trying too hard right now perhaps I'm only into it because it's human to go for something you can't get.
Personally it feels like I would give up if I would accept that I might be better of lonely because I'm really trying too hard right now
perhaps I'm only into it because it's human to go for something you can't get.
I used to have this problem, but I solved it by just trying something new.
Being a bit more open with people. You may want to be careful doing this, as one of my deeper secrets was ripped apart in front of me, but, if it works, it does well.
Greet lonely people especially, but don't exclude anyone. If you want, I'm always open to chat (give or take a day, I'm not on 100% of my life) about you and yours. I'd rather help someone else I've never met than make my day by eating a donut or whatever else.
Virtue is it's own reward.
Being a bit more open with people. You may want to be careful doing this, as one of my deeper secrets was ripped apart in front of me, but, if it works, it does well.
Greet lonely people especially, but don't exclude anyone. If you want, I'm always open to chat (give or take a day, I'm not on 100% of my life) about you and yours. I'd rather help someone else I've never met than make my day by eating a donut or whatever else.
Virtue is it's own reward.
Thank you so much for your comment and kind offer. I'll definitely think about it.
/Tips hat
I have the same problem. I was always a nobody or a backup friend. Now that I'm in college I have people I talk to and are sort of friends with, but I have yet to have a close friendship with anyone. Don't give up trying to socialize- I did that in high school and it didn't end well.
Then I'll keep the socializing going on, even if it feels unrewarding and meaningless sometimes.