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November 9, 2012


Replies: 52

Difficult for me to bond with others

Blue-Harvey Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Although the title says most of it, I'll take my time to explain a bit more carefully.

It's terribly hard for me to bond with other people and have close friendships with them. As I started college, I thought things would change, but it seems like I'm only the friendly girl who greets at people and socializes, but after school never manages to get involved in after-class activities (hanging out, parties etc). Now I've been there almost a semester and people are already enjoying friendships while my relations to them never get more than rather shallow. I doubt, my class-mates would even care to keep in touch with me if I would drop out.
And the worst part of this whole thing is that it's not just in college, it's everywhere I go. Even in other activities not related to school, people bond faster with each other than with me. In the end, I'm always the awkward outsider.

What am I doing wrong? How can I establish friendships with other people without becoming too clingy and annoying? I'm so afraid my peers will see me as a wuss if I make some greater efforts.
Are there also other people on dA with the same problems or am I alone?

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Devious Comments

Phlip627 Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
This sounds way too familiar. In college I just compensated by spending every bit of time improving and competing. Nowadays I have better social charisma, however I prefer to keep people at arms length. The closer I get, the more disappointing the social relationship becomes for one reason or another. That being said I really don't know how to solve your problem, because I can barely solve it by myself.

The most success I had in the past is to take a legitimate interest in what people do or say, find ways to relate with them and follow up but expressing an interest in their activities. It's easier to invite someone if you already want to go to the same place. It's a good thing to at least keep in mind, but thats as much as I can say in terms of actual advice at the moment.

I'm not too certain if this is advice, this is just personal experience that you might or might not relate to. But having that kind of lifestyle, where everything felt like a social failure (amongst other burdens of life). There was a lot of anger and rage that came with it. For a while I never caught on because I did my best to mask everything, but a good amount of people picked up on it. For a short period of time I let go of all of that and everything was at its best. Figured that nothing beats a fresh start. The reason why I say this is that if you're problem is anything like mine, then a major problem could be how you're viewed based on how you view other people or life itself.

Anyways, you most likely read all of this a thousand times over from other people. I hope it helped none the less.
Manami-yukihara Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i know how you feel, although the difference is i feel everyone hates me, i try to talk to people and be friends but i just get completely ignored, my only close friend moved schools, i tried to keep in touch but her bf took her over and didnt let anyone talk to her, i do have my bf but everyone hates him and tells him to fuck off when he's just trying to be nice and caring, and that also doesnt give me a good image but i still love him, i guess just try and get out there, like im in a symphonic band, i have made a few friends there but none im really close to, i love art (well duh of course why else would i be on this site) and music and dancing and acting, so the arts in general, and i also like badminton, oh btw im 15 and only in year 9, everyone tells me it will be better once i go to uni and stuff but im so scared of being one of those adults with no friends that does nothing and ends up having a horrible life (sorta like my mum but in a way not) but i do know how you feel
Blue-Harvey Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I wish I could help you :(
also, if your best friends bf doesn't let anybody talk to her, then their relationship might be strongly dysfunctional. you should keep an eye on her.
Manami-yukihara Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yea, but according to her he fixed all her mental problems, (she has depression, anxiety, psychosis and a few other things)
Blue-Harvey Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
But still, it's hard for me to understand why a guy is interested in isolating his girlfriend from her friends. A loving person, who respects her/his partner, doesn't have to do so unless there is a good reason for it.
Have you also tried to speak to her about what she thinks about him trying to keep her away from you?
Manami-yukihara Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
i have talked to her, and lately she has been able to talk to me more, thankfully, i have been trying to meet up with her but she isnt very lenient in giving up time
lowko Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
You actually have to keep in touch with people on a regular basis. Having things in common certainly helps. Don't judge yourself or worry what others are going to think, there's nothing you can do, people are going to make decisions about you that you disagree with no matter how you look or act, it's better to try things out then not.

You can ...

A) Attempt new things to make friends and form lasting relationships.
B) Don't, and change nothing.

Perhaps it's your perception. Do you have proof that people are 'bonding' faster with each other rather then you? They might also feel the way you do, their friendships may be superficial.

I am, however, an introvert so my advice beyond inflection is practically useless. I've accepted and come to embrace my hidden nature. I can be friends with every single person at work without anyone knowing a thing about me, and when I leave the job I simply disappear like dust to the wind.
Blue-Harvey Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Still, your reply made me feel better. Your advise isn't useless after all.
0rg Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
try superglue
Martinoice Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What's so great about friends and bonds anyway? :P
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