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November 5, 2012
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:iconantmholic:
ANTMholic Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
I need to rant. I'm becoming one of the things in this world that I hate the most - a sexist fuck. Actually, I'm pretty sure I already am one.

It just seems like every man I've ever encountered has been a sexist douche, undermining and belittling women because of our genitals. I've never had a good relationship with anybody of the male gender, whereas damn near every woman I've encountered has been nothing but good to me.

Just some of my relationships/experiences/whatever with men:

-My older brother, who has flat out said that women are stupid and useless on more than one occasion. Refers to them as bitches. I've overheard him say to his friends that he would rape a girl if it wasn't so frowned upon, and they found it amusing. What the fuck.

-Dad also believes women are stupid and useless and are all whores.

-Shut the fuck up about your dick. I couldn't care less.

-Cat callers. Really, getting hollered at on the street isn't a compliment and doesn't make me feel "good." No, I feel threatened and sickened and I want to hide.

-Boys I've had the misfortune of talking to in general. They ask me to hang out, and I'm friendly - they don't know that in my head I'm trying not to judge them just because they're male. In one way or another, they find out I'm not open to a relationship with them, and that's the last I'll ever hear from them. No loss really, but it just reinforces this shitty idea I have that they only talk to me to get in my pants.

-A woman can't ever truly love another woman or be solely attracted to someone of the same gender? Well then neither can men, nor can they solely be attracted to someone of the opposite gender. Shut the fuck up. (I guess this is more of an lgbt issue, though I've only heard this sort of thing from men who get offended at the idea of actual lesbianism.)

-No, I don't find kitchen or rape jokes funny. Men don't seem to understand why, but then again maybe I take these things way too seriously.

-My World War 2 class. Ooh boy. I've never been in a room so full of sexist pricks in my life. Kitchen/women-are-stupid jokes galore. Fine, I get it, boys in high school are morons, but I can't help but get extra offended when even the teachers join in. Fuck that class.

There's a lot more, but these are things that have happened quite recently. I guess another reason I'm putting this here is because I don't want to be this way. I hate that I prejudge half of the entire human population before I even get to know any of them. But no man has given me a reason to respect them or to believe that they don't think they're better than women. Where are all of these amazing fairy tale men I hear of that respect women as equals? It's gotten to a point where if a guy seems like a good person, I'll subconsciously try to look for anything to hold against him. And I feel sick and disgusted with myself because of it. Some advice on how to not be a sexist ass would be very nice.
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I'm sorry you live in such an awful place. I've never been in a place THAT sexist outside of maybe World of Warcraft, where I had trouble finding guilds even though I was a very good player because most of them were environments such as you described and I had no desire to be there. And of course if I announced that I was looking for a guild but stipulated that I wanted to be in an environment that does not disrespect women, I was ridiculed for being one of those awful, pathetic, and unattractive "feminists" and no one would want to play with me because I was "too sensitive" and "couldn't take a joke." (Funny how no one in an MMO will believe you're a female until they have the opportunity to label you as an unreasonable oversensitive "feminist," or a bad player.)

But on the occasions when this would all make me rather depressed about the current state of society and the way that women are regarded by men, I was able to remind myself that the sample of male humanity that I was surrounding myself with by playing WoW was perhaps one of the worst examples of the entire population and did not accurately reflect the average. After all, a thing like WoW attracts douchebags, so of course its subset population is going to have a higher concentration of them than the whole. I understand the basic principles of statistics. If you've never taken a class, you should read up on it too. Not even necessarily the math part, just the principles in chapter 1.

I have no idea what it is about your environment that attracts douchebags to it, or encourages douchebaggery from those who would otherwise not be douchebags. Maybe it's the place where you live, and your local culture encourages sexism. I have always lived in very liberal areas in the US (Boston, New York) and so my offline environment is fairly tolerant...on the surface. It puts on a polite face for politically correct society, at the very least, and yours seems to lack even that.

There are times when I am convinced that even this is all just a farce, a lie that the boys agree to tell, when in actuality they hate us and would rather that we did not exist at all except to have sex with us. This is reaffirmed for me whenever a male friend ceases to be my friend when he learns I am not going to have sex with him, or a new study or poll or anecdote reinforces that belief that guys only want to be friends with girls that they would like to have sex with. When they don't want to have sex with you or have given up on the hope, they will not bother being friendly to you. This, to me, indicates hatred. They do not even truly want us around. To use an analogy to racism it would be like if I only befriended black people if I had some vague hope that they would come home and pick my cotton fields for me, and otherwise I just ignored them and tried to exclude them from my environment as much as possible. It indicates that you dislike a person (an entire demographic, even) outside of what you perceive they can do for you, and it's hateful.

But perhaps this too is just a sampling error. It's hard to look past a trend when 90% of experiences indicate a certain thing, and you try to convince yourself that maybe you're just looking at a disproportionate sample of the whole population and maybe the larger population only exhibits that behavior in about 50% of them. Then why would your sample indicate the population so poorly? There must be some bias.

In World of Warcraft, it was the game that created the sample. The types of guys who are drawn to play WoW, and then who are drawn to be vocal about their views on women within the game (because you have to consider there are also people playing who will never draw your attention to them), have a strong correlation with douchebaggery and sexism. Essays could be written on speculations of the reasons why. But the population of an actual physical place should be more random, right? It's not like most people are choosing to live there because of some quality that appeals to their douchebaggy personality traits.

However, we all live in microenvironments. And these microenvironments are created by ourselves. We can't invite everyone that we encounter into our personal space; there are too many people. So we pick and choose some to interact with and then we forget that this is only a sample of the larger population around us. And often there is a bias that influences who makes it into our microenvironment and who doesn't: you. You're the one choosing, usually. So maybe there is something about the people you choose to interact with that draws sexist assholes to you or vice versa.

On this note, I refer to this: [link]

It's an examination of the NiceGuy™ "phenomenon," a certain personality trend that guys tend to exhibit when they only surround themselves with certain type of women. They tend to bring shallow, manipulative, and demanding women into their microenvironment, and so they think we're all shallow, manipulative divas because they're extending the trends of their self-selected samples to apply to the entire population of women, overlooking the fact that they made this selection themselves and with a bias.

And there's nothing to say that we're not doing the same thing. Like you, I try to remind myself to be fair. I am very aware of the negative opinions I have been left with by an unsavory sampling and logic/faith tells me that I can't fairly assume this applies to the whole population. But it's a leap of faith every time, and you know what they say about the definition of insanity being to attempt the same thing over and over again while expecting different results...

Another bias to consider is that the people who are more likely to end up in your microenvironment are the people who make some effort to be there, whether they're the people who smile at you and say hello while you never meet the people who don't, or the people who actually reciprocate in conversation rather than giving one word answers, or the people who agree that yes you should hang out sometime and follow up on it rather than saying it just to placate you and the invitation.

Of course, the sample of your family members is somewhat random. Actually, only the personality traits of your father is random. The personality of your brother is a product of that. If your father was not an asshole, your brother would be less likely to be one.

The sample of your classmates should be pretty random, unless you're taking an elective that is likely to be chosen by people with specific personality traits. But also consider that, like I mentioned with the players of WoW that you notice only being the ones who socialize, there could be quiet guys in your class who aren't chipping in when the sexism runs rampant, but you don't notice them because the loud assholes are the ones who draw more attention.

Anyway, I don't have the answers. Just a different way of looking at the question. I hope that at least helps.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
Let me guess... you played Alliance? :paranoid:
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Also when I was Horde I was playing with IRL friends that provided me with a guild of people who mostly respected women, whereas when I was playing Alliance I was on my own and had to find guilds of people I didn't know. I was able to find a guild of mature individuals on my Alliance server but they weren't the best players.

And that's the shitty compromise that female players are often faced with in WoW. Sometimes you can't play in groups as good as the ones you could be playing with because they create environments that are hostile to women.
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:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012
My question wasn't meant to be entirely serious =P
Alliance gets a bad rep for being the more childish faction, but the two aren't that different. Especially not after the ban of creating characters of the opposite faction was lifted. Still, as a long-time Horde player I would've liked it better if you had said yes x)

Also, you gave some good advice up there, even if you did make the OP's problem sound a bit like a scientific experiment =P
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:iconravynnenevyrmore:
RavynneNevyrmore Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2012  Student Digital Artist
I've played both in equal amounts I think. I might have spent more time raiding and guilding as Horde tbh. I didn't find one side to contain more sexist assholes than the other, although the Alliance contained more female players as far as I could tell.
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:iconilovebigcats:
ILoveBigCats Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I think you need to move.
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:iconprosaix:
prosaix Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
I dont think people belittle women because of their genitals...
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:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012
"need to rant. I'm becoming one of the things in this world that I hate the most - a sexist fuck. Actually, I'm pretty sure I already am one."

Hey Im sexist too. I dont suspect a woman when I would definitely feel suspicious if it was a man etc

"It just seems like every man I've ever encountered has been a sexist douche, undermining and belittling women because of our genitals. I've never had a good relationship with anybody of the male gender, whereas damn near every woman I've encountered has been nothing but good to me."

Are men douches because they think about women genitals or because they do horrible things?

"-My older brother, who has flat out said that women are stupid and useless on more than one occasion. Refers to them as bitches. I've overheard him say to his friends that he would rape a girl if it wasn't so frowned upon, and they found it amusing. What the fuck."

When a man talks like that it means that he was hurt by a woman really deeply. We do these "im cool and dominatrix" talks to hide out the crying child inside. And we believe that we should at least verbally support our friends and be on their side no matter what the subject is when they are feeling very crap. Im sure that was the case wit your brother.

"-Dad also believes women are stupid and useless and are all whores."

Probably also trying to say that he got hurt by a woman.

"-Shut the fuck up about your dick. I couldn't care less."

I hate dick chatter also.

"-Cat callers. Really, getting hollered at on the street isn't a compliment and doesn't make me feel "good." No, I feel threatened and sickened and I want to hide."

I try to beat up those. But than its women again that condemn me for doing that lol.

"-Boys I've had the misfortune of talking to in general. They ask me to hang out, and I'm friendly - they don't know that in my head I'm trying not to judge them just because they're male. In one way or another, they find out I'm not open to a relationship with them, and that's the last I'll ever hear from them. No loss really, but it just reinforces this shitty idea I have that they only talk to me to get in my pants."

Dont lose hope. Someone nice is bound to come.

"-A woman can't ever truly love another woman or be solely attracted to someone of the same gender? Well then neither can men, nor can they solely be attracted to someone of the opposite gender. Shut the fuck up. (I guess this is more of an lgbt issue, though I've only heard this sort of thing from men who get offended at the idea of actual lesbianism.)"

Why not actually find a girlfriend?

"-No, I don't find kitchen or rape jokes funny. Men don't seem to understand why, but then again maybe I take these things way too seriously."

Those jokes will get old soon dont worry. Nobody likes them. Its just another hype.

"-My World War 2 class. Ooh boy. I've never been in a room so full of sexist pricks in my life. Kitchen/women-are-stupid jokes galore. Fine, I get it, boys in high school are morons, but I can't help but get extra offended when even the teachers join in. Fuck that class."

They probably think thats sexy..

"There's a lot more, but these are things that have happened quite recently. I guess another reason I'm putting this here is because I don't want to be this way. I hate that I prejudge half of the entire human population before I even get to know any of them. But no man has given me a reason to respect them or to believe that they don't think they're better than women. Where are all of these amazing fairy tale men I hear of that respect women as equals? It's gotten to a point where if a guy seems like a good person, I'll subconsciously try to look for anything to hold against him. And I feel sick and disgusted with myself because of it. Some advice on how to not be a sexist ass would be very nice."

Not all men are like that.. Actually certain type of social defections can happen in social things like towns and or certain parts of cities due to interaction thing. Women of that section play a part in this as well, though not as the direct negative factor. Theres no way to prevent to become a sexist ass. You can only throw out the ass part and try to cope with the sexist in you. But often justified feelings like this are best to be fed instead of trying to hold them back.

I actually challenge you about me being a person who at least tries to treat men and women equal.
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:iconantmholic:
ANTMholic Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Sorry, I didn't read through entirely.

Dont lose hope. Someone nice is bound to come.

Trying not to lose hope.

Why not actually find a girlfriend?

Because I don't want one, and I don't think I actually implied that I did.

Theres no way to prevent to become a sexist ass. You can only throw out the ass part and try to cope with the sexist in you. But often justified feelings like this are best to be fed instead of trying to hold them back.

Is it really right to just settle for coping, instead of trying to change?

I actually challenge you about me being a person who at least tries to treat men and women equal. / Hey Im sexist too. I dont suspect a woman when I would definitely feel suspicious if it was a man etc

You lose.
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:iconantmholic:
ANTMholic Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2012
Are men douches because they think about women genitals or because they do horrible things?

What I was getting at was that they treat women like shit just because they're women. I guess what I said wasn't clear/didn't make sense in hindsight.

When a man talks like that it means that he was hurt by a woman really deeply. We do these "im cool and dominatrix" talks to hide out the crying child inside. And we believe that we should at least verbally support our friends and be on their side no matter what the subject is when they are feeling very crap. Im sure that was the case wit your brother. / Probably also trying to say that he got hurt by a woman.

Not entirely sure what you're getting at with the first part. As far as family goes, my brother was treated just fine, especially by my mom and sister, but I can't say I know how he was with his peers or teachers who happened to be female. He and dad never got along with each other. / So you're saying it's women's fault that men treat us like shit.

I actually challenge you about me being a person who at least tries to treat men and women equal.

I don't know you. But if you treat women and men with equal respect, then good for you! :iconfreeinternetplz:
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