Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

Details

Closed to new replies
November 4, 2012
Link

Statistics

Replies: 179

My sexual is none of anyone's business?

:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok this is kinda a mix between needing advice and just bitching but read on.

I guess you could call my mostly straight, I mean I'm a little attracted to men but not much. My problem? I'm FtM transgender.

People often tell me my sexuality is no one's business yet I'm constantly ask if I have a boyfriend, if I'm looking for a boyfriend, what kind of relationship I want with a man, etc... And when I say constantly I mean pretty much any situation where I'm with another adult, especially a male, that isn't in a professional environment like a workplace... and sometimes even then I get those "so ya got a boyfriend yet, herp herp."

It's getting really hard to not just blurt out the fact I like pussy. ._. I mean I could do that but sometimes I worry, considering sometimes I need to work with these adults later, that they may actually be homophobic an while my attraction to women is considered straight my definition I doubt homophobic people would see it that way.

Also on another note it's possible if I admit I'm into women they may actually know someone I could get together with if they aren't homophobic. Its not really easy finding pansexual women or lesbians that don't care about my gender and more about my equipment in this area so being vague about my interest in men might actually be to my disadvantage.

So yeah should I just keep going "nah nah not looking for a man" without explaining why I'm not looking for a man or just go out of my way and say the truth?
Reply

You can no longer comment on this thread as it was closed due to no activity for a month.

Devious Comments

:iconcedarwoods:
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I think you should be honest. This will help you to just get the crap over with and separate the assholes from your real friends.

Also, you are welcome to note me or check out my It Gets Better playlist (free download) anytime

[link]

There's also a video that I made for an original included in the playlist:

[link]
Reply
:icontokyov:
TokyoV Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
If you're confident in peoples tolerance, you could simply tell them you're into girls and leave it at that. If you go into being transgender, people will probably question you more than they do now. Even tolerant, open-minded people don't really understand it.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
._. Indeed. I'm nervous about anything, unfortunately I've had some bad experiences with homophobic people in the past so it has me being extra super careful in the present.
Reply
:icontokyov:
TokyoV Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
I totally understand. Even though I know that where I live, homophobia is the exception, not the rule, I'm still hesitant to tell people I'm gay. The bad experiences just weigh so much more than the good ones.

I know telling people you're transgender will be even more nerve wracking, so I wish you the best with that.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks :3
Reply
:iconaltairflame:
AltairFlame Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
[link]

You might want to watch this ;)
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
uh... o.o I know this stuff already? Its a nice video an all and its very education for people that don't know this stuff but I don't know why you're linking it to me.
Reply
:iconaltairflame:
AltairFlame Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I guess it could help? no offence meant, thought it might've helped ;)

(nerdfighter or just know them?)
Reply
:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
"So yeah should I just keep going "nah nah not looking for a man" without explaining why I'm not looking for a man or just go out of my way and say the truth?"

I think the former's just easier for you. If you keep saying you're not looking for someone right now then yeah, people will continue to poke and prod you until you do - because to them, the whole "I'm not looking" phase is something that will come to pass.

But imagine the bullshit you'll have to deal with after your workplace colleagues finds out you're gay or bisexual. And that you're looking for a "pansexual girlfriend". And that you're FtM transgender. Giving them a serious answer will not sate their curiosity, it will only raise more questions. Not to mention the assumptions people will make about you because of your sexuality from that point on.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
True enough :/ the whole situation is dildos. I really wish people would just... stop and think before asking questions about this stuff.
Reply
:iconarmonah:
Armonah Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
To most people (straight, cisgendered people) this is just a normal subject to talk about. They probably never second-guessed that you might just not be comfortable with the subject, beyond thinking you don't want to talk about it because you're single. From what I can tell, people aren't picking up on your sexuality being different from theirs, and their prodding into your personal life doesn't strike them as any ruder than if they did it to anyone else who's single.

There is not a whole lot you can do about that beyond either dealing with it, or coming out of the closet about it. I would personally choose the former because it's just less hassle to deal with, I think, but that doesn't mean there won't be any hassle at all. The second option means you take a risk, but you're probably well aware of that.

I'm sorry I can't really offer you any better advice than that. But, good luck with whatever you do :hug:
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: thanks, what little advice you can give is good.
Reply
:iconladyzelda1:
LadyZelda1 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
Then why are you advertising it here for the world to see?
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What do you mean advertising? Do you honestly think anyone on this site knows me irl? :lol:
Reply
:iconspookyink:
SpookyInk Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*sexuality
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know. I corrected myself below.
Reply
:iconspudfuzz:
Spudfuzz Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Mmk. So this will probably be harsh but anyways. If you did come out with the truth, and those people flip their shit and get all homophobic on you, are they really worth being around?
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
this is true.
Reply
:iconthenecco:
TheNecco Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student General Artist
No one needs to know about your private life, and they are no one to judge you. So if anyone judges you for it or asks you about it just ask them about their sex life and see how they like it. Make sure to go into all the details they would ask you, make them feel extremely uncomfortable, and then ask them how they like it.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:o good advice.
Reply
:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Filmographer
I don't think we as a society are fully capable of everyone being completely understanding about LGBT. There's always going to be a few bigots, and there's always going to be those people that just don't get it. Personally, I'd tell anyone that's not a friend/close friend who asks one of three things:
A)I've come out of a dodgy relationship and I'm not looking for love
B)I already have a boyfriend/girlfriend (delete which is applicable. You've said FtM, but I don't know what you look like. If people are going to assume you're straight and you look like a lovely lady, then go with the boyfriend option)
C)'so, what are you looking for in a man?' "Not you."
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:lol: Alright. thanks for the advice.
Reply
:iconrandomrobskii:
RandomRobskii Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Student Filmographer
If I'm honest, I think you should go with whatever feels right for you. :nod:
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ok.
Reply
:iconsiegeonthorstadt:
siegeonthorstadt Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
when they ask always say yore attracted to women, so they leave you alone. when you want a man in particular you can go to him and tell so, and save a world of rumour.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
OK.
Reply
:iconcujjo:
Cujjo Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I would probably say that you need to do whatever feels right for you. I know that it is a worthless advice, but it is the truth. I don't know where you live, but some countries are much less understanding with such things than others. One more advice that I can give you is to be flexible. You do not need to decide right now what you want to tell every person you meet. Probably you will know, given on the situation, what is the right thing to do.

Just tell me if there is something more I can do for you. :heart:
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's fine. This country is pretty open to LGBT but occasionally you still meet a pretty nasty bigot ._. so still you should take caution. I already had one bigot before discriminate against me merely for saying I supported my gay cousin, I didn't even have to say what my sexuality was for them to get nasty on me.
Reply
:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
Do what you feel comfortable with. I basically only told my friends about my sexuality, and it is no business of anyone else.
Reply
:iconvanhir:
Vanhir Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Out of interest, what IS your sexuality? :stare:
Reply
:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Sadist. I get sexual satisfaction form hurting women.
Don't worry, only with their permission and in safe way.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Indeed. Again as I noted the title is a reference to that. I hate how people say it isn't anyone's business yet so many people casually ask question related to your sexuality its hard to keep it your business ._.
Reply
:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
I don't mind if they ask, it is their right. But it is your right not to answer. Don't let it bother you.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
ok ;3;
Reply
:icondutchconnaisseur:
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
You don't have to answer to people :)
Reply
:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You can tell them it's none of their business? Considering you have to work with them makes it a bit harder, considering there is assloads of discrimination against transgender/LGBT people. If these people are actually friends, I'd say maybe admit to being trans and looking for a girl and not a dude, but at the same time, they don't really come across as being friends.
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I see :o. I try not to resort to telling people its none of their business because a lot of people take that as me flipping out on them for no reason D: I'm still trying to figure out how to say that without it coming off as mad.
Reply
:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, people always seem to get that idea. But honestly, it really is hardly any of their business if they aren't even friends. Asking once, maybe, but asking a lot is kinda a bit much for acquaintances or just coworkers.
Reply
:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Do the people asking you if you have a boyfriend knows that you are transgender?
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
no, obviously if they did they probably would double think that comment ._.
Reply
:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Well that's the thing. Unless people know that you're trans, they'll always assume that you're just a cis woman and that you "should" have/want a boyfriend.

(My boyfriend is FtM and it took him a long time to get people he came out to to realise that he's a straight man, not a lesbian. And people still have issues getting it.)
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:c This is all true. I really wish I could just be open about it without people getting judgmental.
Reply
:iconpink-anthony:
pink-anthony Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It's hard, and especially when it's something you can't help... :hug:
Reply
:iconstopandthink97:
StopAndThink97 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Why explain it? Love is love. There should really be no label to it. :shrug:
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
._. actually labels exist to explain something not limit it. So yeah there should be labels just their use should be to best explain something rather then make assumptions about it.

For example if someone says they're bisexual that means "attracted to both sexes". It doesn't mean you're equally attracted to both or want to fuck both at the same time. Its a matter of people understanding the meaning behind the word bisexual rather then a matter of getting rid of that word despite it actually having an important purpose.

Not everyone can go "love is love" and honestly fall in love with anyone no matter their sex or gender and people should respect that and people should be capable of saying what they are attracted to without something crying "baw labels r bad!".
Reply
:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
:nod:
Reply
:iconlady-asami:
Lady-Asami Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012
I honestly feel that you shouldn't worry about how other people think of how you explain it. If you find it'd be easier to tell them the whole reason instead of just a shortened version, I fully believe you should do that. But I'm one of those people that really has no tolerance or patience for people who aren't tolerant themselves. >.<

I was actually lucky enough to find someone who feels the same way I do. The both of us are female, but feel we're male. It's difficult to say we're FtM though because the both of us are uncomfortable with the idea of surgery. We kind of just wish a magical fairy would come around and grant our wishes. XD But because of that, no one takes us seriously. We even get family members constantly saying, "But you're not a boy. So stop it." I'm also extremely feminine and love "girly" things, so people often respond with "You're too girly to be a guy."
....And this has turned into a mini rant about myself. I'm sorry. XD
Reply
:icongalacticgoat:
GalacticGoat Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
S'ok. I've had people be like "I thought you were transgender" when they found out I like My little Pony... even though a lot of guys like that show :dead:. Seriously people are backwards ass with transgenderism. They assume unless you're a super macho person with a vagina or a super girly person witha dick you can't obviously be transgender. Also transgender people don't necessarily need to want surgery :U so you can still be transgender even if you don't want that.

Also ok, thanks for the advice :3
Reply
:iconlady-asami:
Lady-Asami Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
Yeah, it's difficult to communicate that with some people. =/
I know, but it's hard to get people to take me seriously because of that though. Don't know why.

Hope it helps. =3
Reply
:iconhorsesnhurricanes:
Horsesnhurricanes Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
I hate when others pry into such personal issues - it's no business of their own, but far too many people are quite insistent on doing it.

The course of action that I would take in this situation, is to remind them that it's really none of their business, that's a personal issue, and they should stop bringing it up. "I know you're curious, but it's a complicated and personal issue that I would rather not discuss." If they realise that their questions are leading to annoyance, one would hope they would let it go.

Unless they're assholes, of course - in which case thermite and/or a sharpened pick-axe would come in rather handy to carry the message across. :saddummy:
Reply
Add a Comment: