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August 16, 2012


Replies: 66

Porn = Cheating?

OhHeyItsYou Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
Last night I was browsing through my Patner's web history. It seems that she was looking at porn. Should I worry about this? Is this considered cheating? I'm worried that she might be attracted to others rather then me.....

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Devious Comments

Nightshade255 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
watch porn WITH her.

Best of both worlds.
LanaXx Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
I personally see things a bit differently than most of the comments I have read. My boyfriend and I both don't watch pornography. We decided not to do that, in order to fully only enjoy each other. I am not saying this is the right way to go about it, every relationship is different, I do though believe that not watching pornography has advantages.

One of the advantages is that, I believe, it contribuates to my boyfriend and me having a great sex life together. I believe, without being certain, that not being constantly stimulated by pornography makes performance in real life better. This is what I have experienced personally, at least.

Also, I found that by just focusing on my boyfriend and not constantly talking about being turned on by other people, and not watching pornography, I have come to a point where I really only get turned on by my boyfriend. Because what I associate with sex is him.

Besides, I feel like, we live in the 21. Century. Most of us don't need a mate to survive, we are fine on our own. That means we chose to be with someone because we want to be with them. Since no such thing as life or death is holding us together, I find it very romantic and meaningfull and empowering to the relationship to tell one another you are together because you only want each other. And to show that by only focusing on each other sexually, by for instance, not watching pornography and not talking about your fetishes for other people with each other.

I know this is probably not for everyone, and I truly respect that, and do not think it is wrong at all.
LanaXx Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
As for it being cheating or not, that is always up to the people in the relationship to decide, in my opinion :)there is no universal answer
prosaix Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012
Well... you're on deviantart...
SpazzinCat Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
MyPetWussy Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012
She is attracted to others. Why don't you just be grateful she isn't out screwing them and quit being a nosy ass?
sbarr12 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Why do you think that?
CedarWoods Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't think it's cheating. I think porn is degrading to women, but it's not cheating. I don't know about gay male porn though. Whatever the case, it's not cheating. Also, it's healthy for your partner to be attracted to other people.

Plus, I think that it's wrong to go snooping through someone else's web history, but I have no control over what other people do.

If you find yourself having feelings of attraction for someone else, be honest with your partner.
If you're lucky, maybe you'll get involved in a threesome.

monsterunderbed20 Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
listen to me, porn is not cheating. and it is nothing to worry about.
i watch porn with my boy friend and with out him.
its a arousal that people have. its just like any other kinda fetish out there,
ur partner i promise u is just as attracted to you as ever. and probably more so then most the people on the tapes.
i went through my mans laptop and was shocked at the amount of porn on his computer. its normal.
try watchiing some of the porn and see what hes really into. maybe eve take ideas from the tapes thats what i do.
SqueezeBoxx Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Student General Artist
Watching porn isn't cheating. My boyfriend watches porn now and then and if I'm honest, sometimes I even find myself venturing on to those sites - it has nothing to do with being attracted to other people but instead just experimenting and being comfortable with your own sexuality - Personally, I think it's quite healthy (if it's not too frequent a habit).

You might feel more comfortable with it if you were to watch it with her and maybe experience it together - then you might get a real insight in to what's going on.

Or if you feel so strongly against it, you should speak to her about it but I am sure you have nothing to worry about :) Chin up.
erarosaimmortal21 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
Watching porn isn't cheating.
SapphiraTheMongoose Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
Not at all! Think of it like viewing fetishes; she's not looking at it because she doesn't love or want you, it's just a tool she uses to get off! Just seeing these people as "sex objects" instead of people, that's what porn is! A quick way to stimulate your nerves and relax and nothing more. ^^
Cujjo Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ofcourse watching porn isn't cheating, atleast not according to me (And I guess most people). However, if you really do consider it as cheating, you might should have told her earlier.
Besides, why where you checking her web history? It isn't really fair, it is kind of like reading someones diary. Did you look for something specific or are you just over protective/very jelous?

My best advice for you is to speak with her about this. She might (= Probably) get angry but it is better to take the discussion now, rather than later. Good luck!
BrunoMonsterberg Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Student General Artist
Do you look at porn?

And don't worry. It's just porn. If she was attracted to someone entirely, then yes, worry. But you probably won't. You're partner cares for you and just uses porn as a venue for something. What, I don't know.
psaply Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
Are you sure she wasn't just browsing the Daily Deviations?
Milasery Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
SapphiraTheMongoose Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
Zetikla Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student Writer
Idk I dont really feel like it was "cheating" but thats my viewpoint only so meh
Numb3r34 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
Of course she's attracted to people other then you. Hell, you're attracted to people other than her. Do you expect her to be any less human?

As for the porn thing, don't miss the opportunity for you and your girl to start watching porn together.
Svataben Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
No, porn is not cheating.
2ndecho Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012
I believe there was a survey that was intended to be for men who did not view porn. They could not find enough men who to participate to justify the grant money they wanted. Point is: very few adult men don't view porn at some point in their lives. Many, many view it regularly. If it's normal for men, it's normal for women.

Porn is like fantasizing, except you're using some visual help. If you stay in a relationship long enough, you will start fantasizing about other people, whether it's celebrities or imaginary people or what not. As long as the fantasies are not about someone you know personally, it's probably healthier to indulge such fantasies than not to.

In other words, if I were a guy, I'd much rather date a woman who watched porn than one who was against it. It would mean we could probably have fun watching some together. If you've been married for 15 years, being able to do that is very helpful for keeping your sex life interesting.
divine--apathia Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Porn is not addictive. Porn is not unhealthy. Porn is not twisting anything. Porn isn't necessarily cheating or taking anything away from a relationship (Anyone who says otherwise is uneducated)

However, you obviously do not feel comfortable with it, you need to talk to your partner.
Capilair Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
what the heck dude why are you looking through your girlfriends web history? thats some intense space-invading
Honey-Songs Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012   Digital Artist
It's not cheating. it's just watching sex. not actually having it LOL
Kiryuin-Satsuki Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
Just about everyone does it. If they say they dont then they definitively do
So no its not cheating. Maybe she was just feeling in the mood and needed some relief
Ericldj Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
Shouldn't porn stop from cheating? it sure relieves me from doing anything.
SpookyInk Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Most guys like watching porn for the sexual nature.
Not because they fantasize about the women or wanting their girlfriends to be like them.

I don't care if my boyfriend of 6 years watches porn for the reasons I said above. He told me they aren't "people" but merely sexual objects.
MercuryShine Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
It's simply watching two or more people have sex. It's not like you want to join in or would at the opportunity. It's not like you can have any sort of contact with these people. If she was having video chats or swapping pictures with other guys that she can have actual contact with that's a little hairy, but watching two unknown people have sex isn't a big deal. To expect absolute monogamy in every single aspect is absurd.
Keltzar Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
Do you consider it a breach of privacy to have been looking through her web history?
freecie1 Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
It depends on if she was attracted to the people or the actions.
HerrLinde Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2012
only you decide if this is cheating or not.
If you feel like you can allow him to watch porn, then it's not cheating.
However if you don't feel comfortable with him watching porn, don't go straight to making accusations! Explain him how you feel.
Communication is key here. Listen to how he feels and why he does it. Who knows? Maybe this could be the start of a more open dialogue in your relationship.
2lazy2talk Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
instead of being worried, you could ask her at what time she watches it, so you can join :lol:
Bake-a-saur Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
The definition of cheating to me would be: your partner being physically or emotionally intimate with another while being attached to

Seeing as how porn is just on the screen or on paper, it's technically not.

It can become a problem if your partner has become addicted to it, and causing your intimacy to dwindle.
DutchConnaisseur Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
It is up to you if you consider it cheating. I wouldn't. On the other hand, all my gf's knew about my porn, and some enjoyed watching it with me.
My advice: between you two be more open about your sexual desires and needs.
John--Vincent Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012   Traditional Artist
Wether this is cheating or not is up to you to judge. Do you feel that she is putting the love for someone else above you? Do you get deeply hurt by her doing this? Discuss with her and decide where the line goes.
John--Vincent Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012   Traditional Artist
Or well... no, it's not cheating, but you have to judge wether you think it's okay for her to do this in a relationship with you or not.
adoraboo Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
Porn =/= Cheating

If the porn is about a wife having sex with a next door neighbour or about general cheating then I could see it being a fetish, therefore a concern. If it is just plain porn with no cheating involved within the video/images, I wouldn't bother concerning yourself over it.
TurkEvulture Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
If you don't like it, then be very overt with your girlfriend and tell her you're upset.
Kalinka-Shadows Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
I watch porn WITH my spouse.
OniricSkull Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Is simple, talk to your partner and define if it is comfortable or uncomfortable for you two to be allowed to watch porn. It is cheating only if you already agreed that you are not going to watch porn while you are a couple. Now if it makes you feel bad that she is watching porn talk to her about it tell her how you feel. Communication is the pillar of any relationship.
anthonyc1 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
To be worried if she is attracted to others, usually a person finds more than just one person attractive. as long as she isn't going out with anyone else and gives her love to you and to give your love to her all is well. Porn is just porn... It's not like she's talking to anyone or getting it on with anybody.
Gashu-Monsata Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Well... watching porn isn't cheating. I would perhaps say it would be a form of cheating if she were to go onto online chat rooms/video chat rooms with strippers and sexy talk and junk. I myself would still be a little bothered though because I'm an insecure bastard :lol:

Talk to her about it though. You can figure out a compromise that works for both of you :)
KingStephenArthur Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student Photographer
No not cheating, maybe you should watch the porn that she was viewing and take notes and surprise her next time you are gettin it on! "oh honey, where did you learn that?!" hahah!!
ThatGuyPsy Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Professional Interface Designer
Well, durr, of course she's going to be attracted to people other than you; That's just human nature. But is looking at porn cheating? No.
pyrohmstr Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Professional Artist
To be fair, that other post is a little different in context.

First off, you shouldn't be stalking through her web history without her permission/knowledge. It would be one thing if you shared a computer and you just found it, but you say it like you actively went looking. You have no right or reason to invade her privacy.

Second, porn really doesn't count as cheating for most people. You should have a conversation with her about the boundaries you both agree on for the relationship. However, you need to realize that what she does is really up to her, and you really should just be ok with that. If what she wants and what you want are just vastly different then, I'm sorry to say, maybe it's just not meant to be.

Finally, porn is just a thing on the internet. There are a lot of reasons that someone might go to a porn site. It could have been an accident. Curiosity. Maybe she just really likes watching other people fuck. It has nothing to do with your relationship though. You know what, she might be attracted to people other than you. I would bet all the money that you also find other people attractive. Your relationship should, hopefully, have more to it than just finding each other attractive. I would hope anyway. It doesn't have to, don't get me wrong, but I have a feeling from what you've written that it does.
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I personally believe that viewing porn is cheating.
OhHeyItsYou Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
I feel the same, could you give some insight?
Euterpe-The-Egret Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Additionally, "Although pornography use often starts out as a youthful curiosity about sex, in most cases it develops into a way of escaping certain emotions and stressors. Looking at pornography can even be used to self-medicate depression and anxiety and to self-soothe loneliness or poor self-esteem. "

I feel that helping my partner is a job that I need to do. I would feel betrayed if he went to porn to deal with his problems instead of coming to me.
OhHeyItsYou Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012
Thank you for all of that insight. I will talk to her to see if has anything going on!
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