We were dating for two and a half years, and engaged for 5 months when he sent me a text saying we needed to talk. He said he found someone else in one of his classes. He'd never spoken to her before, but he heard one of her oral essays and felt a real connection with her. He told me we could continue to date until they became serious. Then, he would have to dump me so he wouldn't be a two-timer. when I told him that was unacceptable, he asked if we could still have sex, and if I'd take care of him the way I always had.

When I asked him about our engagement, he said that the proposal and all of our months of planning were just a big joke to him. he didn't know I had taken it seriously. he later told me that it would be nearly impossible for anyone to love me, given my personality.

the night we broke up, he texted me hundreds of times. He begged me to make him feel better for dumping me. Of course, I did the best I could. He wanted us to be friends, but it was just so difficult. i cried for months, I even lost the ability to walk or speak for a week and a half. when I tried to explain how much he meant to me, and that I was hurting; all of the sacrifices I had made so we could be together; he said I was just trying to make him feel guilty. I just needed him to understand the fact I needed space. I didn't want him to hurt. I just wanted him to understand what I was going through.

In the months following our break up, he started stalking my journals, Deviant Art and Facebook accounts. He'd text me, telling me how I was a liar and saying I needed to change or delete my posts. I did delete most of them. I explained to him that it was inappropriate to be so possessive when he's the one who dumped me. He got angry and defensive.

He even offered to train me so that I would not trick anyone else into accidentally loving me someday.

I'm not saying that I was right and he was wrong; that I didn't make mistakes, too. We all do. I was incredibly rude to him when he bought me a Christmas present that year. I was jealous because he'd had me pick out his new girlfriend's and he wasn't even going to buy me anything. i confronted him about it and he bought me something out of guilt. He never bought me another present, or did another kind thing for me.

I still get him something for his birthday, Christmas and Easter and I'm always there to cheer him up when he's feeling down. Sometimes, it does bother me that he'll never be there for me, but it's my life. It's my choice. I understand that.

Recently, he contacted me and asked me to make a print for his home. He wanted it to be a pair of lovers in a dark, sad situation. I cried for a week.

At this point, it's not even about loving him or not loving him. It's about recovering from the deep-rooted idea that I am, and forever will be, impossible to love. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any help would be sincerely appreciated.