My dad's suffering from a hip infection. If the doctors hadn't caught it when they did, he wouldn't be alive today. Even though the surgeon took care of it (and well, at that), some moron in the OR injected my dad with an antibiotic that he was allergic to. I still don't know why we didn't sue; because of the assistant's recklessness, he's been on crutches since May, since the antibiotic irritated the infection all over again. He was originally going to get a hip replacement this month, but that's been pushed back. I hope it doesn't get pushed back again; he feels so helpless. Must of my summer's been about taking care of the house, since only my mom is able to d the work, and I'm okay with that.
When it comes to her, though, that's a different story. My mom's lost a lot of respect from me in the last two years, and that's mainly due to the fact that she started hitting me when I was seventeen (I'm nineteen). It tended to be over trivial matters, i.e. not liking my tone, anger over the fact I couldn't get a prom date (I eventually got one at the last minute, but that's not the point), and frustration over me not being the popular girl/center of attention in my school for all four of my high school years. Granted, she was under a lot of stress at the time, since both her parents and her brother died within less than a year, but that was no reason for her to strike me over such matters.
I just can't see eye-to-eye with her at all. She wants me to be what she wants (probably because I'm the only child), and either ignores/makes fun of me when I try to talk to her about my problems, or waves my accomplishments around like a trophy when she's talking to her friends or sister. To be honest, I feel like a wind-up doll, one that has to be on tenterhooks whenever she's home. When I was moving back in to college, she asked me if I had missed it during the summer. I told her since the beginning of summer break, and when she didn't believe me, I told her I was dead serious.
Any improvement? The tenseness in your household reminds me of my years in high school.
My mother and I had drastically different personalities. She was all about keeping up appearances, I was quite comfortable with my self-image and others'. She judged others entire personalities by a few actions, even if she did not know them that well. She enjoyed doing EVERYTHING with the family, I liked us going to our own friends from time to time; she'd even freak if my father went to hang out with the neighbors "too much." Curfew was arbitrary and depended on her moods. She coddled me too, not teaching me some valuable life-lessons that could have benefited me once I moved out and went to college 4 hours away. Tried to keep control of me while I was away, even doing stuff like going through all my bags and private things when I visited home, then denying it.
Despite all the grating disagreements, her terminal skin cancer brought us closer together. I was there when she passed away, and it kind of fucked with my head a bit. Never saw a human die in front of me, and the first one for me to see was my mother. I found it touching, because I was late to the hospice that day and was the only person there for her at her passing. It was...oddly intimate. Kind of a weird parallel to our relationship, seeing as she told me previously that on the night of my birth, she was alone in the hospital room when I came out, because her labor was too quick for the nurses or my father [who was out of the room getting water] to come in and help.
I kept to myself when at home most of the time, almost lonely. My sister is non-verbal autistic, so despite her and I being 22 months apart in age, I didn't really have a constant sibling playmate. I feel like having two vastly different children--intellectually speaking--is what made my parental relationship awkward.
My dad and I have grown extremely close since my mother died. I enjoy going home to visit him every so often right now. He's opened his shell, seeing as we're fellow geeks and drinkers. I enjoy going out for a beer with him sometimes, even though he's approaching 60.
You'll find that as life's unexpected changes come into your life with the onset of adulthood, your relationships with various people close to you change. With your parents and siblings, it's often for the better. You're more mature, and your parents see that you've become an actual, individual adult. I sincerely hope your home life improves. As I found out the hard way, not everyone will be there for you years from now.
My family is really affectionate, and is very academic on my father's side. I've always been sheltered throughout my entire life, and my family is the sort of family that wants their children to be the best at whatever, so I basically was the kid that did drama school, scouts, exploring, music, three different types of dance, swimming, and tuition. Now they're really liberal and don't mind me doing anything; they even encourage me to go out and party, but because of their method of bringing me up beforehand I don't really know how to party the way that most teenagers do now, even if I was reasonably popular at the school I just left.
My mother often drinks a bit and is quite tipsy, but it never really causes any problems. We play pranks on each other a lot and can joke around, but I can't really tell her about my problems. My father and I don't get along because he has habits that annoy me. I adore my brother and would do anything for him, but I'm not sure he believes it. I often get blamed for pretty much everything. My mother occasionally gets incredibly angry and flips out over the littlest of things. She yells and I've been hit a few (many) times but it's nothing major.
I have read some replies below. What we see/feel are only from our perspective. Sometimes we don't know enough of our parents' burdens to fully understand what they are going through. However, there are some who are just... fucked up.
I had my own slice of life. Locked in a dark room with 4 walls(no windows) for 3 days without food & water. It was a dark time. Not literally haha.
But you got to know, it's very easy to be blinded by a problem that we take the rest of life for granted. For instance, you have a roof above your head and your stomach is filled. When you grow older(don't take this the wrong way), you will find that money doesn't come easy; Long hours with a measly pay. It is barely sufficient for you and you have a family to support. It is really not easy... [Try working 12 hours a day and returning home to take care of house chores for every day of the week.]
That said, everyone, ok maybe not everyone, goes through a rough time at some point in their life. Is it reasonable to say "hey, I have been through worse shit!"? How do we compare pain?
At the end of it all, we bite our lips, crawl into bed and hiding beneath the covers, crying ourselves to sleep, with a small shimmering hope that tomorrow would bring about a small miracle. That struggle alone is strength.
I don't know what pain some of you guys have went through to have decided to totally isolate from your parents. For some of us, do you remember at preschool, we would wait anxiously at the school gate, eyes darting out to find a familiar car that would bring us home. Adults stepping out of their vehicles and your peers run into the warm arms of their parents, while you push your head a little further, hoping that soon someone will come for you? As you look on to your peers' smiles and laughter, how they tell their parents about the day they had... you can't help but feel down, staring at your sneakers as you give the pebble a kick.
That feeling. Is what our parents will feel and reminiscence/regret, every time they past through such a scene.
A recent incident that happened to me, I was talking to this elderly gentleman at his house. As topics drift past along with time, we were on the topic of family. His eyes were soaked with tears as he recounted his son's marriage. He had lost contact with his son when his son was 20(He wasn't a good father, by his own words). One fine day, at the road junction, he chanced upon his son with an unfamiliar woman and a small child holding both their hands. He tried calling out to them, but his son brushed him aside and hurried his family to their car, before returning to tell him to leave them alone...
I really don't know what you guys parents have done so I will not comment on it. It was just a painful sight to see the elder cover his face with his hands as he sobbed uncontrollably.
But ya, people really do change. Some do. Age mellows a person and loneliness grips the heart.
My family's like that. I used to live with just my mom and my sister. Now I have a stepdad. My mom and him married quickly, and after 3 years it's gone downhill like Avalanche (a very steep skiing slope). Stepdad slammed a door so hard it cracked/dented a part of the wall! Every time I try to tell my mom my feelings she "doesn't want to hear it". I feel like my mom doesn't like me, even though she loves me, she doesn't LIKE me. It's all really sad, but I try to feel good and wonderful. I hope sharing my home life will help you (and, er, me, too, honestly).
well, i will admit, i have it easy compared to some people in the world. yet, at the same time, life for me isn't always easy. my father takes drugs such as pot and cocaine, and i'm not allowed to legally see him until i'm 18 years old. he almost killed my mother by leaving here at a bus station. my mother has short and long term memory loss, and is mentally handi-capped, so she could have easily been killed. my uncle somehow heard about it and picked her up. i live in another state now. i live with my aunt and uncle now and i feel so distant from them...... yet i'm lucky because i don't get beaten, i have clothes, food, clean water, a warm house. they DO love me, just they have a hard time showing it.
when i feel down and start thinking about the past, i pray to Jehovah. i'm a Jehovah's witness. you may not be. that's okay. you can pray to god. or just pray to yourself. keep thinking positively, and i'm sure that the solution to your obstacles will become clear enough in due time. don't give up, and try to always think on the bright side of things.
I used to feel like murdering my own sister in a gruesome way just to torment my stepmom. Now that I work, it's gotten better with everyone, my parents don't have so many guts to pick on me when I pass off half of my pay to support the monthly rent/household expenses.
My problems are practical now. I can't rent my own apartment, as my pay is just not enough to keep one up alone, and I have noone to move together with, as most of my friends are younger and still attending University for years.
I don't see my Mum anymore as she's left (again) I don't think i'll ever see her again which i'm ok about. I wish her good health, but she was never really my mum and she's left me and my dad emotionally scarred. My brother is a thief, wife beater (she's divorced him thank fully) and is horrible to his children. My sister for me is the worst she can say wicked things and i'm always watching out the window to see if she'll turn up. When we were younger she used to threaten to stab me in my sleep, that i was adopted (i'm not) and i used to have to barricade myself in the bathroom all night. My mum used to watch as she'd beat me up. It's just me and my Dad in the house now and we're plodding along, getting better. I don't miss my mum at all. I just feel relief.
away time is back
:D! This time I've
got 1500pts to give
away c:The last
giveaway was really
well received so I'm
doing another! After
the way the last one
panned out, one
thing I would like
to remind you guys
of is to PLEASE
PLEASE follow the
guidelines so you
can be properly...
Guess what guys! I'm
reopening my stores
(Etsy and Storenvy)
and commissions, I
can finally announce
that I'm getting
married and I need
to save as much as
possible for the big
day, July 27th.
before anyone asks,
the wedding is not
been planning it for
a long time...
weeks theme of
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More