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Posted: June 11, 2012

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I want to die

~littlesad Jun 11, 2012

I don't know how to start this, but I feel like I want to die.
This isn't anything new to me, I've felt like this many times, but I'm tired of life, tired of feeling like this all the time. I mean, we all have our good and bad times, but this feeling just keeps coming back. I don't want to go trough all this.

I don't really have anyone to talk to and I can't really even talk to anyone. I had someone who I could talk to and we'd talk everyday, but he dumped me like a month ago (I kinda deserved that, I admit it!). Now, I just feel really empty and I don't even eat anymore. I feel pretty sick if I do. I just stay inside my room, because I'm afraid to leave it. I only go out to go to work, to take some photos and sometimes to go to the grocery store. My co-worker was little worried when I didn't eat anything at work (I eat only at work nowdays), but I can't make myself tell him that I'm thinking about killing myself. I can't really say that to anyone. Also, I have a little crush on that co-worker, so I don't really even want him to know.

I'm just really... down. I don't know what to do. I try to justify suicide to myself. I keep thinking about how people would react if I'd die, how I'd kill myself and what would my suicide note say. I don't believe there is anything for me in the future and I'm afraid of it.

What am I supposed to do? What should I do? Is there anything to do to feel better? To get this feeling away for good?

(The text is little confusing, I'm sorry about it. My head is just little messed up and I don't know how to explain this.)

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!Fonscripta Aug 20, 2012

First of all, I'm very sorry for you to hear this, and I hope you just find the strength to fight back against your dark feelings.
You must try to think of different solutions than killing yourself, and I think you already thought about that, but keep thinking.
And I don't know if you believe in something, like life after dead, or if you believe in nothing at all, wich makes your situation even more difficault for yourself. But think of it, dead isn't a way out.
What helped for me when I was sometimes down was to think: I go on untill it really gets bad.
And I noticed that trough whatever I had to go, things could always be worse than it already is.
You must also know that no life is perfect, no life is always happy. There are always days, weeks or years that you feel very sad/bad/down and that is just a part of life. It's very logical to think of being dead, so you won't feel all these terrible feelings anymore. But think of what you all might miss in this life! The feelings that you have now is just a period, once it's over you wil meet a time of happiness en laughter. Maybe in the future you're married with the co-worker you were talking about. Maybe you will have children, how beautiful is that, do you really want to miss al that? Don't you want to fight for a better future?
You do, I know you want to do that, you must. Clear your mind, it's not bad to think, not at all. It's not bad to think of dead and how people will react, it's just a part of the mind. But don't let it take you over. You still decide how you feel and how you want to go trough life, and you have to work for that. Keep thinking of all the good memories you have, and if not, keep thinking of the good things that might happen.

Also, I know that none of my words can help you to feel better. Only you can help yourself to feel better. Fight and wait, fight and wait and you'll see that life cán be so beautiful, but just not always!

*ElaineSeleneStock Aug 19, 2012 Student Photographer

I've been there, I've tried suicide and I had a moment of shock and clarity. After a suicide attempt they tried to kick me out of the art school I attend. That brought me to reality. There are more important things than my self absorbing misery. Find a reason to live! Find something to devote yourself to. A hobby, a relationship, something meaningful. And obsess over it.

Its been 4 years for me and finally I'm getting over it. Things WILL get better! I promise! If you need to talk to someone who's been there - done that you can note me. Good luck!

~PokemonStarVersion Aug 19, 2012

Just ignore yoyp. Put him on your block list and report him.

~littlesad Aug 20, 2012

The account is deactivated.

!yoyp Aug 19, 2012

Good, go die.

~DariaDzyuba Aug 13, 2012 Student Traditional Artist

Hey friend! You dont need to think about it because you're significant to someone! You're special in this world, believe me. Some people make the world special just be being in it. That is not worth wasting time worrying about problems, you're alive so why dont try something interesting in your life? You said your co-worker was worried, see, someone is worried about you, it means that you're important!

Go out with your family or friends or make new ones, listen to your favourite songs, watch cool movies, read something interesting and say to your problems: "fuck it! Im special and I believe in myself!" Remember shit happens.

Stand up for what you believe in, even if you're standing alone!

You have to be yourself. Be very honest about who you are. And if people like you, that's fine. If they don't, their loss.

~GarnetLilith Aug 4, 2012

So, you're from Finland, right?
On kulunu nyt 6 vuotta siitä kun melkein hyppäsin sillalta, 2 vuotta siitä kun vihdoin pystyin kertomaan siitä jollekulle ja kirjoitin esseen koulussa jolloin jouduin psykiatrille. Ajatukseni olivat muka normaaleja koulukiusatulle nuorelle. Mutta vieläkin se tuska palaa samanlaisena miten sulla ja tekis mieli jättää kaikki lopullisesti. Joten ymmärrän hyvin tunteitasi ja toivon voivani auttaa, jos vain annat. Aina kun haluan kuolla, kuuntelen musiikkia joka muistuttaa hyvistä ajoista ihan pikkuskidinä ja kirjoitan koneelle ajatukseni purkaakseni kaiken. Se on helpompaa kuin toisille puhuminen, mutta aina on hyvä puhua henkilölle joka on kokenut saman. Itselläni ei sellaista ollut ja kaikki tuntuivat liian tärkeiltä enkä voinut jakaa asiaa, mutta opettelin elämään päivän kerrallaan ja tekemään joka päivä jotain mistä tykkään. Manga ja anime auttoivat unohtamaan kaiken hetkeksi, joten saatoin viettää 24/7 lukien. Nykyäänkään en pelkää kuolemaa ja uhrautuisin rakkaitteni puolesta koska vain.

Anteeksi tuosta vuodatuksesta, mutta yritän vain sanoa että et ole yksin ja voit aina pistää viestiä jos siltä tuntuu. Ota päivä kerrallaan ja yritä löytää lapsuuden ilo.

~littlesad Aug 13, 2012

On mullaki ollu jonkinnäköisiä selvitymiskeinoja, mutta joko ne ei sopinu lastiksen ohjaajille aina jostain syystä ja nyt ne on aika paljolti menettäny sen vaikutuksen. Saahan tyyliin piirtäminen ja kirjottaminen ajatukset pois siitä pahasta olosta, mutta ei kokonaan ja sitten se paha olo palaa. Suurin osa tästä pahasta olosta on lastiksen syytä, heti kun pääsen pois täältä, ni oon kuin eri ihminen. Töissä oon iloinen ja ahkera, lastiksessa oon masentunut ja istun vaan huoneessani. Itsetunto raahaa lattialla, mutta töissä tunnen itseni paljon varmemmaksi ja teen asioita mitä en olisi ikinä uskaltanut tehdä pari vuotta sitten tai mikä tuottaisi vaikeuksia jos en olisi töissä. En tiedä tekeekö se haalari mulle jotain, mutta pitäisin sitä 24/7 jos voisin.

~GarnetLilith Aug 13, 2012

Paikan ilmapiirillä on paljon vaikutusta ja luultavasti et halua olla lastiksessa, mikä saa pohtimaan kaikkea mitä ei pitäisi. Töissä sulla on vähemmän aikaa miettiä asioita ja tunnet olevasi hyödyksi ja siten luonnollisesti olet tyytyväinen. Sinun pitäs alkaa ajattelemaan yksin ollessas asioita jotka johtivat töiden saantiin, siellä hyvin pärjäämiseen ja kaikkeen siihen mitä olet siellä ollessasi tehnyt ja olemaan iloinen että olet tarpeeksi hyvä sinne, etkä ole sitä alinta sakkia joka ei osaa tehä mitään vaikka käestä pitäen näytettäs. En oikein muuta osaa sanoa kuin että ole tyytyväinen että olet olemassa ja että olet ainutlaatuinen, tärkeä ihminen muille ympärillä olevillesi

Nauti elämän pienistä asioista ja jokaisesta hyvästä teosta jonka olet tehnyt. Käy rohkeasti juttelemassa muille ihmisille tai ala harrastamaan jotain uutta, mitä olet aina halunnut tehä. Ja jos lastiksen ohjaajat näkisivät sinut töissä iloisena, he olisivat ylpeitä sinusta.

~FeralTao Aug 2, 2012

Society's fairly cold today and it's not likely the world is going to give you much joy in your life unless you find it yourself. If the outside is disappointing, search inwards. I'm sure that if you take a serious, long, good look inside yourself you will find something worthwhile and truly likeable. If it's not obvious at first sight, it doesn't mean that it's not there, it only means you should look longer and better. In the end, only you decide what's worthwhile for you and if you have trouble finding meaning within yourself, perhaps immersing yourself in the things you like will help you bring it out.

Should it all turn out to be too hard, perhaps it would be a good idea to adress a professional to help you along, but in the end only you can feel your life. Just some friendly words along the way and best wishes.

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