Recently I discovered that I was still not over my insecure side.
What I'm trying to tell is that when I was growing up I was bullied a lot, both at home and in school, so I had no real place to feel secure and I couldn't trust anyone.

I've been trying to working on it, but I find it hard to trust people still. It's been better but it's still there.

Not long ago I began to study once again, this time to become a full-fledged lorry/truck driver.
The class is nice, but there is one know-it-all, and sometimes he annoys me.
I should also mention that I don't hear that good anymore (I have myself to blame for listening to my mp3-player with loud audio in the past).
That and I have to travel to school by bus and train and it takes around 1 hour and 30 minutes, and then the walk from the train station to the school takes roughly 15 minutes.

That being said, I have been allowed to come in later because the teacher doesn't want me to get up in the middle of the night, just to be on time. I can take another bus so I'm only 5-10 minutes late, depending if the train and bus keeps their time schedules.

Anyway, that also means that when I get to the classroom, it's already full and I have to take a seat in the back.
Which also results into me not always hearing, especially if the teacher asked a question and someone on the front row kind of mumbled the answer.
When that happened I asked what was being said loud to the teacher, and this know-it-all turns around and tells me the answer before the teacher can tell me, and he said it in a way that made me feel like he treated me like an idiot for not knowing.

Though the said fact he told me was something I already knew, because it is important fact to know. It's just that I didn't hear the answer from the front row, if I had I wouldn't have asked.

Later that day we had to load a truck with load and secure it. It was a challenge, and I'm not very familiar with the lashing strap because I use them way too rarely.
The securing part went okay, but it was when we were done and had to pack the lashing straps when things went awry.

The teacher had shown us how to do it and I was happily trying to follow it and I managed with my first lashing strap, but when I got to my second it didn't want to go as smoothly as the first so I struggled a bit with it.
Before I knew it the know-it-all told me to give it to him and he finished it, and when he did that I felt very uneasy and like he treated me like an idiot again even though he might only have wanted to help me.

I left to seek some refuge, some place to calm down. I was surprised that I could still feel that way, being down and very very sad.
I was in the toilet so I collected myself and told myself that I was ridiculous because I'm an adult now, not some teenager anymore.

Back to the class I went, after washing my face of any evidence of being down.
Everyone was standing around the lorry/truck watching as three people were trying to secure a new load.
I stood next to the crowd, and one of the teachers jokingly said they had to talk to me.
They were not being serious, the joke around a lot, one teacher even does a lot of sex jokes, which can be annoying at times.

I was not responding much because I was still not feeling well. I felt like a crystal glass.
Things went on, and the teacher with the sex jokes were trying to joke with me, I ignored him because I didn't want to talk with anyone because I knew I would break down if I did.

The first teacher whom had told me that they needed to talk with me put his hand on my shoulder and told me that I looked down.
When he placed that hand and said that it was like the crystal glass broke and released the dam.

I quickly turned around and walked away because I don't want to create a scene, so I went to the kitchen to try collect myself again.
When I had almost succeeded, I was drinking water and taking calming breaths and looking out of the window.

The third teacher (whom I think looks a bit angry because of his wrinkles on his face) came into the kitchen, and of course when he saw me he asked what's wrong.
I lost it again, and he was letting me cry into his shoulder while patting my shoulder and back, (just writing this part again made me cry just thinking about it.)

That also made me a bit depressed, because my own dad never treated me like that. Anyway the "angry" teacher was very nice, and I ended up stopping the dam, taking a glass of water and sitting down at the table and talking about anything.
Mostly where I was from and about the train/bus ride to school etc.

It was during this situation that I realised - the know-it-all had only tried to help me, but I was offended and hurt.

I realised that the worst bully is myself.

I thought I was over feeling like I felt that day, but apparently not, and to be honest I don't like it.
I can take a lot (the sex jokes) but apparently I couldn't take help from the know-it-all.

Right now I have no idea what more to tell you, other than if there's someone else out there with insecurities who have experienced with this and can tell me some tips how to handle it without releasing the dam.

I want some help to become a stronger person mentally, and hopefully lose more of my insecurities and so on.