i live a comfortable life but i am not happy (long post with alot of swear words, jesus christ)
ok this forum promised me "Pure love and caring for those deviants in need of real life help." so dont bite my ass guys i am gonna spill the beans I AM BEING GENUINE HERE
before you run your bullet on me and bark about how "ungrateful" i am, let me announce that most of you will agree that money/stuff don't equate happiness (money can help distract us but i prefer to face my problems and FIX them)
let me TLDR for you:
1. i am a well-off comfortable prick
2. i want a meaningful life
3. what i plan to do long-term and short-term for the meaningfulness of my life
4. two obstacles that i feel i have no control over
see i am kind of like this guy: [link]
except i am still in highschool, living in a comfortable richass suburb full of pretentious bastards, and ready to kill myself any minute even after laughing in front of TV watching stephen colbert show.
i get to watch movies, eat alot of good shit, have gadgets and play wii all the time and all that great shit that all the third world country kids dream about. good time.
so why do i want to kill myself? its more than being a spoilt prick. it's not because i want MORE cool gadgets, in fact, i never even asked for all these cool shit to be thrown my direction.
i simply want a meaningful life. but it seems like having a sense of purpose for myself is too much to ask for since everyone else suggests as if me watching the next top-hit movie will suddenly cure me of my desire for meaningfulness or something.
for the long term, i plan to enroll in college (dunno what major, i have bad grades btw) and become an artist, or some missionary or some cool shit, and maybe go to the south america and help those poor people infested with maggots or some.. other amazonian bugs.
and for the short term, my meaninglessness problem must be fixed NOW. i am SO SICK of school, the pressure, and the constant motion, i NEED some change even for a little while.
i am constantly pressured to "get out of home" and go to college right after highschool even though i do not know what i want to major in. i am majoring in art because it seems like the most plausible for a shitty-GPA person like me, and i dont even have the time to finish my portfolio to enroll college right after highschool anyway (nor do i want to enroll right after school).
pressure pressure pressure
this is what has been bothering me:
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
i have been living for myself. sure, i can say "Hey I need to go to college in order to earn money, how can i help others if i dont have money"
and then go to college and do all these conventional shit while speaking as if i have some greater cause for all this, but that's what everyone else says too, and then they all live for themselves at the end even when they have the money to help people.
what i want to do is take a year off before college and join a charity organization, do something helpful and different while i am still young, you know? I feel like i'll find a sense of security in that.
Maybe I can do some soul searching and find my distinct purpose in life fuck idk. i dont want to be like everyone else and "sleepwalk" through life, get depressed about how "unhappy" i am and then drug myself with a bunch of cool gadgets and other material shit in order to forget how miserable i am.
i have obstacles though. my first obstacle are my strict conventional parents who get too scared to do anything unconventional. they're like the typical middle/upperclass people who get scared of challenges and rather play safe with everything.
so they want me to enroll in college right after school just like all my other family members. they dont give shit about any "soul searching" or some higher purpose. they just bark about my shitty grades and try to stir me toward things that probably won't help me get higher grades anyway, like tutors and this SAT prep tutor whose house smells like vagina.
i mean i love my parents but they're just not helping.
my second obstacle, as much as i hate to admit, is my depression (i steal antidepressants to deal with this)
who knows where it came from? all that matters is that its there and i am not in the position to find a qualified therapist or anyone because my parents dont agree with this kind of thing anyway.
my "depression" is kind of taking control over everything and i dont feel as motivated to help myself nor do i have the stamina. i think my depression is based on both situational and biological things, but definitely not something i can control.
and at the same time, people telling me how "lazy" i am and my parents barking about my shitty grades wont help me suddenly get up and do what i should do. is like trying to do a marathon on bloody legs. who the hell can run fine and dandy on bloody legs?
along with my depression, i am fuckin lonely. i have friends ok, but not any CLOSE friends who i actually express my feelings to because most of them "just dont understand" (they said this) or they dont want to deal with my shit, obviously. its like, i rather have someone listen to me and be like a wise old owl who gives good life advice rather than have sex with me. i am THAT lonely.
look i am at the second level from the pit: [link]
before you run your bullet on me and bark about how "ungrateful" i am, let me announce that most of you will agree that money/stuff don't equate happiness (money can help distract us but i prefer to face my problems and FIX them)
let me TLDR for you:
1. i am a well-off comfortable prick
2. i want a meaningful life
3. what i plan to do long-term and short-term for the meaningfulness of my life
4. two obstacles that i feel i have no control over
see i am kind of like this guy: [link]
except i am still in highschool, living in a comfortable richass suburb full of pretentious bastards, and ready to kill myself any minute even after laughing in front of TV watching stephen colbert show.
i get to watch movies, eat alot of good shit, have gadgets and play wii all the time and all that great shit that all the third world country kids dream about. good time.
so why do i want to kill myself? its more than being a spoilt prick. it's not because i want MORE cool gadgets, in fact, i never even asked for all these cool shit to be thrown my direction.
i simply want a meaningful life. but it seems like having a sense of purpose for myself is too much to ask for since everyone else suggests as if me watching the next top-hit movie will suddenly cure me of my desire for meaningfulness or something.
for the long term, i plan to enroll in college (dunno what major, i have bad grades btw) and become an artist, or some missionary or some cool shit, and maybe go to the south america and help those poor people infested with maggots or some.. other amazonian bugs.
and for the short term, my meaninglessness problem must be fixed NOW. i am SO SICK of school, the pressure, and the constant motion, i NEED some change even for a little while.
i am constantly pressured to "get out of home" and go to college right after highschool even though i do not know what i want to major in. i am majoring in art because it seems like the most plausible for a shitty-GPA person like me, and i dont even have the time to finish my portfolio to enroll college right after highschool anyway (nor do i want to enroll right after school).
pressure pressure pressure
this is what has been bothering me:
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
i have been living for myself. sure, i can say "Hey I need to go to college in order to earn money, how can i help others if i dont have money"
and then go to college and do all these conventional shit while speaking as if i have some greater cause for all this, but that's what everyone else says too, and then they all live for themselves at the end even when they have the money to help people.
what i want to do is take a year off before college and join a charity organization, do something helpful and different while i am still young, you know? I feel like i'll find a sense of security in that.
Maybe I can do some soul searching and find my distinct purpose in life fuck idk. i dont want to be like everyone else and "sleepwalk" through life, get depressed about how "unhappy" i am and then drug myself with a bunch of cool gadgets and other material shit in order to forget how miserable i am.
i have obstacles though. my first obstacle are my strict conventional parents who get too scared to do anything unconventional. they're like the typical middle/upperclass people who get scared of challenges and rather play safe with everything.
so they want me to enroll in college right after school just like all my other family members. they dont give shit about any "soul searching" or some higher purpose. they just bark about my shitty grades and try to stir me toward things that probably won't help me get higher grades anyway, like tutors and this SAT prep tutor whose house smells like vagina.
i mean i love my parents but they're just not helping.
my second obstacle, as much as i hate to admit, is my depression (i steal antidepressants to deal with this
)who knows where it came from? all that matters is that its there and i am not in the position to find a qualified therapist or anyone because my parents dont agree with this kind of thing anyway.
my "depression" is kind of taking control over everything and i dont feel as motivated to help myself nor do i have the stamina. i think my depression is based on both situational and biological things, but definitely not something i can control.
and at the same time, people telling me how "lazy" i am and my parents barking about my shitty grades wont help me suddenly get up and do what i should do. is like trying to do a marathon on bloody legs. who the hell can run fine and dandy on bloody legs?
along with my depression, i am fuckin lonely. i have friends ok, but not any CLOSE friends who i actually express my feelings to because most of them "just dont understand" (they said this) or they dont want to deal with my shit, obviously. its like, i rather have someone listen to me and be like a wise old owl who gives good life advice rather than have sex with me. i am THAT lonely.
look i am at the second level from the pit: [link]
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I think that, if you really want a year out of school and join some charity thing, you should, but only if you really, really want to, if you feel you can't stand the normal routine of life anymore. Sometimes, a person just needs a step outside the line.
However, I would consider this: as someone else has already said, many people have a lot of trouble getting back to school. You should ask yourself: can I trust myself for actually going back? My advice would be: don't do anything yet before you have a diploma and have done some serious searching of what college you want to go to later. If you know where to go, it'll be easier to actually sign in, than when you still have to figure out what to do when the year's half-way through (where I live, you have to sign in pretty early, like December already sometimes).
Also note that you can get extremely lazy for not actually doing stuff for a year. Yes, you can have a job and all, but you have to try to keep yourself busy. If you want to join a charity thing, you should research first and figure out which you want to join, before you actually say: I'm gonna take the year off. It's funny how people sometimes get ideas, but when it comes right to it, they somehow fail at pushing through. You don't want this to happen, so don't let it happen.
As for the friends-thing - if you do go to college right away, you'll meet a lot of new people, who knows, maybe some close friends too.
Just really think this through, if you actually choose to take the year off, make sure you have considered all sides, make sure the only thing you'd perhaps regret is the fact you lost a year of time.
However, I would consider this: as someone else has already said, many people have a lot of trouble getting back to school. You should ask yourself: can I trust myself for actually going back? My advice would be: don't do anything yet before you have a diploma and have done some serious searching of what college you want to go to later. If you know where to go, it'll be easier to actually sign in, than when you still have to figure out what to do when the year's half-way through (where I live, you have to sign in pretty early, like December already sometimes).
Also note that you can get extremely lazy for not actually doing stuff for a year. Yes, you can have a job and all, but you have to try to keep yourself busy. If you want to join a charity thing, you should research first and figure out which you want to join, before you actually say: I'm gonna take the year off. It's funny how people sometimes get ideas, but when it comes right to it, they somehow fail at pushing through. You don't want this to happen, so don't let it happen.
As for the friends-thing - if you do go to college right away, you'll meet a lot of new people, who knows, maybe some close friends too.
Just really think this through, if you actually choose to take the year off, make sure you have considered all sides, make sure the only thing you'd perhaps regret is the fact you lost a year of time.
thanks
friends really arent my concern btw
there's already two strong local charities i am looking at but dunno how safe it is to take a year off
friends really arent my concern btw
there's already two strong local charities i am looking at but dunno how safe it is to take a year off
What we have here, Bubba, is an Affliction of Affluence. Imagine this scenario. You are seated at the head of a long table and it is covered with a massive amount of food. You did not buy any of it. You did not prepare any of it. Guess what? You are not expected to eat all of it. There are people in the shadows that are hungry. Don't deprive yourself, but share. break free from the burden of having too much by "Casting Your Bread Unto the waters." Get outside of your world and see another. When you don't have to strive to serve yourself, you have the opportunity to serve others. It doesn't take much Ya' know. Some of the food (dollars) you don't want, to contribute to a food bank, a soup kitchen or a Mission. Some of the toys that no longer divert you donated to a woman's shelter for their children. You don't have to give everything away. But, If you have more than you need. Why not share? I KNOW that it sounds stupid to say that giving shit away can make you feel better. But it does. Give it a shot.
surprise, i am already giving alot of things away that i dont need.
i am talking about what i should do with my year, college right away or college later
i am talking about what i should do with my year, college right away or college later
I've worked with a lot of young people in retail that are taking a Gap year, before going on to school. Many come back for summer jobs and holidays. Most indicate that they did benefit from being exposed to a routine of work and responsibility. The most consistent thing that they remark is that they feel more mature than those that went from high school directly to college.
"is that they feel more mature than those that went from high school directly to college."
yeah thats what i really crave. i feel like if i just go on with what everyone else is doing just because thats what everyone else suggests, i might lose something. plus i dont want to waste six figures of money on something and then later go "oh whoops this isnt what i wanted time to take a U-turn"
yeah thats what i really crave. i feel like if i just go on with what everyone else is doing just because thats what everyone else suggests, i might lose something. plus i dont want to waste six figures of money on something and then later go "oh whoops this isnt what i wanted time to take a U-turn"
My belief is that having things material or not doesn't bring happiness. You may be looking for the wrong things. Instead of looking for things to make yourself happy, look for happiness itself. Everything can make you happy if you so desire.
Furthermore, my belief is that one should only life his life for himself, not for others. If you want to help others, that's great, but you should only do that because it makes you happy, not for some ultimate goal.
From all I know, if you will do things just to make others happy (and not to make yourself happy), It won't make you happy and you'll find out most are ungrateful, don't want it or may even get angry at you. And, in the long turn it can have very negative influence on both sides.
This doesn't mean you should be egoistic and inconsiderate doing whatever you wish. You should of course still consider other people and their happiness when you act, just keep your own happiness as your uppermost goal.
Furthermore, my belief is that one should only life his life for himself, not for others. If you want to help others, that's great, but you should only do that because it makes you happy, not for some ultimate goal.
From all I know, if you will do things just to make others happy (and not to make yourself happy), It won't make you happy and you'll find out most are ungrateful, don't want it or may even get angry at you. And, in the long turn it can have very negative influence on both sides.
This doesn't mean you should be egoistic and inconsiderate doing whatever you wish. You should of course still consider other people and their happiness when you act, just keep your own happiness as your uppermost goal.
i believe happiness can only be achieved by doing things
i know this because i can almost get anything anyone can have but i am still not content
whats wrong with doing something for an ultimate goal? its not the act of helping someone itself that makes me happy. its whether or not what i do will actually have an impact on someone, and tbh, i have that urge to throw myself out there and do something RIGHT NOW and not wait until i graduate from college or something (because i am sure i'll be even busier after that)
i am thinking about working for a local charity or something and taking short courses in a community college within a year but no, my parents are like "son we dont want you going to a stupid community college" and like "local charity is a waste of time you should first earn money and go and live for yourself first"
UGGHSFFJG
i know this because i can almost get anything anyone can have but i am still not content
whats wrong with doing something for an ultimate goal? its not the act of helping someone itself that makes me happy. its whether or not what i do will actually have an impact on someone, and tbh, i have that urge to throw myself out there and do something RIGHT NOW and not wait until i graduate from college or something (because i am sure i'll be even busier after that)
i am thinking about working for a local charity or something and taking short courses in a community college within a year but no, my parents are like "son we dont want you going to a stupid community college" and like "local charity is a waste of time you should first earn money and go and live for yourself first"
UGGHSFFJG
My point, you should simply do what makes you happy
I'm glad to see a kind soul who has truly tasted life and wants meaning in such of helping others and in turn live on his memories in others. I really urge you to give your best try friend in the social aims you are dreaming of. It could help people such as the people of pulau ubin!
well you have to sort of have a purpose and vision for your life. even if you just drift where the wind blows. if the "drifting" is your purpose for life, then you'll be comfortable with that.
so what is is you want?
do you want to be rich? do you want to have just enough for what you need?
do you want to have power and influence over people? do you want to blend in and not stick out?
do you want to fuck a lot of bitches? do you want just one person in your life to truly love?
do you want to help other people or just help yourself? do you want to improve the world or are you content to watch it burn?
do you feel like you have a lot of potential that is going to waste? if so what are you going to do about it?
do you just want to get high?
why are you here? because your parents fucked, obviously. but what are you going to do about it now that you're here? right now you're not doing a goddamn thing. and it's because you have so many options open to you that you're blinded by the possibilities. if you were born a poor farmer's son and all you had to look forward to was farming, would you be happier? that is, if you didn't have so many choices and decisions to make, if everything was decided for you, would you be happier?
i recommend you do some volunteer work for a charity you respect.
so what is is you want?
do you want to be rich? do you want to have just enough for what you need?
do you want to have power and influence over people? do you want to blend in and not stick out?
do you want to fuck a lot of bitches? do you want just one person in your life to truly love?
do you want to help other people or just help yourself? do you want to improve the world or are you content to watch it burn?
do you feel like you have a lot of potential that is going to waste? if so what are you going to do about it?
do you just want to get high?
why are you here? because your parents fucked, obviously. but what are you going to do about it now that you're here? right now you're not doing a goddamn thing. and it's because you have so many options open to you that you're blinded by the possibilities. if you were born a poor farmer's son and all you had to look forward to was farming, would you be happier? that is, if you didn't have so many choices and decisions to make, if everything was decided for you, would you be happier?
i recommend you do some volunteer work for a charity you respect.
"i recommend you do some volunteer work for a charity you respect."
nice way to write so much without reading what i wrote.
nice way to write so much without reading what i wrote.
well you're just kicking around, bullshitting, thinking that that would be a nice thing to do, but not actually doing anything.
you're not going to go down to the amazon by the end of the summer and start pulling boros out of people's necks so you might as well do some stuff with a local organization while you get your shit together.
you're not going to go down to the amazon by the end of the summer and start pulling boros out of people's necks so you might as well do some stuff with a local organization while you get your shit together.
locals are what i am already researching
great. well i don't really see any requests for help in your post. i hope it helped to write all this down and get your thoughts together. try taking some psychedelic drugs
wow just run along woman
lol, i don't know what you wanted anyone to say. sounds like you've got it all figured out.
![[link]](https://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.pateo.com/images/maslowmaster4ts.gif){kind=link}
Life has no meaning except the meaning you give it.
You're under eighteen? I don't discount your feelings or thoughts because of this, but it would be naive to assume you won't have greater options and more freedom once you're over 18, move out, have a job of your own and are supporting yourself financially. Things change.
Anyways, if you desire meaning, create meaning.
You're under eighteen? I don't discount your feelings or thoughts because of this, but it would be naive to assume you won't have greater options and more freedom once you're over 18, move out, have a job of your own and are supporting yourself financially. Things change.
Anyways, if you desire meaning, create meaning.
jesus christ its not my age that matters what matters is i have to look forward to college (or not) soon (i skipped two grades)
I HAVE A GOAL I WANT TO ACHIEVE UGH i wrote a whole paragraph on this:
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
or just dont post at all seriously
I HAVE A GOAL I WANT TO ACHIEVE UGH i wrote a whole paragraph on this:
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
"Do things for yourself and they die with you - do things for others and you live forever - Pure & Simple."
or just dont post at all seriously
Apparently it is.
I know what gave my life meaning, it was my family. I don't know if that will help you, but family and friends can give you all the meaning that you need.
to be honest i feel pretty rejected by my family
Do you have many friends? I don't really... but I keep getting lectured on how healthy having lots of friends is. Just having someone to care about who cares about you is doing a lot. 