My girlfriend and pot smoking
I've been in love with my girl for the longest time, and we started dating about six months ago. We are very very much in love blah blah blah blah etc etc.
The problem is that she smokes pot now and again. Well, actually, that's not the problem. The real issue is that I have a problem with it, and I don't know why. I was well aware that she used marijuana recreationally before we started dating, and that didn't matter at all to me. Because, really, it's her decision. She enjoys, and it doesn't affect me in any way. Just because I don't do it (I never have) doesn't mean she should stop, right?
And that's what I think when I reflect on her pot-smoking, but when she calls me and says "Hey, I'm going to go do... you know, that thing that you don't approve of. I'll call you around midnight. Sound good, babe?", I just get this really sick feeling in my gut. I tell her to go have fun with her friends. Later she calls me, high, and says "Hey, lover. I got stoned in a closet with a bunch of people I don't know. Ha ha." That just makes me feel really sick, but I don't say anything because I understand that it is her choice, and who am I to say what she should and shouldn't do?
She never pressures me to try it or anything, and the times when she tokes up are few and far between. But when she does, it just makes me writhe in revulsion. What's the matter? Why do I have such a problem with this?
The problem is that she smokes pot now and again. Well, actually, that's not the problem. The real issue is that I have a problem with it, and I don't know why. I was well aware that she used marijuana recreationally before we started dating, and that didn't matter at all to me. Because, really, it's her decision. She enjoys, and it doesn't affect me in any way. Just because I don't do it (I never have) doesn't mean she should stop, right?
And that's what I think when I reflect on her pot-smoking, but when she calls me and says "Hey, I'm going to go do... you know, that thing that you don't approve of. I'll call you around midnight. Sound good, babe?", I just get this really sick feeling in my gut. I tell her to go have fun with her friends. Later she calls me, high, and says "Hey, lover. I got stoned in a closet with a bunch of people I don't know. Ha ha." That just makes me feel really sick, but I don't say anything because I understand that it is her choice, and who am I to say what she should and shouldn't do?
She never pressures me to try it or anything, and the times when she tokes up are few and far between. But when she does, it just makes me writhe in revulsion. What's the matter? Why do I have such a problem with this?
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You grew up believing smoking pot was wrong much of your life, and... well, you may have had a change of mind, but something still feels off.
Trust me. When I was going out with my ex, it would drive me batshit insane when she talked about planning on smoking pot later on in the day. It's something that takes a long while to get used to, especially if you grew up thinking all drugs are bad.
Trust me. When I was going out with my ex, it would drive me batshit insane when she talked about planning on smoking pot later on in the day. It's something that takes a long while to get used to, especially if you grew up thinking all drugs are bad.
My first question when I read this was - does she have her own pot to smoke or is she hanging out with strangers in closets in order to get the pot? If it's option 2, that would raise a huge red flag for me on its own.
Anyway, sounds like it's not so much the smoking pot part that you have the problem with but the way that she's doing it. Drinking or doing drugs with people who you don't know can be a little skeevy. If she was just sitting at home, toking up a little and watching some TV - would that bother you the same way? If she's going out w/ friends, trolloping around town and getting high then she's putting herself at a much higher risk of getting caught or in some kind of trouble. It's fine to smoke pot but it needs to be done with at least some semblance of responsibility and self-respect.
Anyway, sounds like it's not so much the smoking pot part that you have the problem with but the way that she's doing it. Drinking or doing drugs with people who you don't know can be a little skeevy. If she was just sitting at home, toking up a little and watching some TV - would that bother you the same way? If she's going out w/ friends, trolloping around town and getting high then she's putting herself at a much higher risk of getting caught or in some kind of trouble. It's fine to smoke pot but it needs to be done with at least some semblance of responsibility and self-respect.
I'll paraphrase something from comedian Louis C.K.- you are just dating. You aren't married or have kids. You can call her up, yell FUCK YOU, and hang up. And you're done with it. Move on.
Yeah yeah, you LOVE her. Well you can't get past this thing and if she respected you she would at least have the decency not to engage in the practice with a bunch of strangers without you. Cause we all know what that leads to. Your gf getting double teamed by two pot heads. Been there. Done that. No thank you. JK man listen, there is a balance here somewhere. You obviously feel like every guy would feel if their girl friend had a hobby you couldn't attend with her so she seeks out the company of other people, sometimes of the male gender. You get that sickening feeling because you expect the worse. Well....good. That means you aren't stupid. Ask her if she can keep it to just the company of her own friends, people you both trust. If not then dump that user before a cop pulls you guys over and you find yourself in JAIL, man! JAIL! Is that what you want??
Yeah yeah, you LOVE her. Well you can't get past this thing and if she respected you she would at least have the decency not to engage in the practice with a bunch of strangers without you. Cause we all know what that leads to. Your gf getting double teamed by two pot heads. Been there. Done that. No thank you. JK man listen, there is a balance here somewhere. You obviously feel like every guy would feel if their girl friend had a hobby you couldn't attend with her so she seeks out the company of other people, sometimes of the male gender. You get that sickening feeling because you expect the worse. Well....good. That means you aren't stupid. Ask her if she can keep it to just the company of her own friends, people you both trust. If not then dump that user before a cop pulls you guys over and you find yourself in JAIL, man! JAIL! Is that what you want??
Fuck you. At least you have someone.
Oh, I'm not complaining. I'm extremely lucky to have someone in my life. Especially her.
I used to have a problem with my the girlfriend taking ketamine. I was DEAD against it, and made her feel bad. In retrospect, I think it wasn't so much any righteous concern for her health so much as the idea that it was some kind of threat to the security of our relationship, which I had projected onto the drug and the quite separate friendship group that she did the group with. It did transpire that she was shagging one of them 
. Anyways, later on, after our relationship, I got into said drug for a bit and she never stopped humorously pointing this fact out.
. Anyways, later on, after our relationship, I got into said drug for a bit and she never stopped humorously pointing this fact out.Wow, she sounds like a bitch.
I completely understand how you feel. My bf smokes pot as well. And no matter how much i try to tell him that is bad and he should stop he still does it behind my back. And to top it off his father does it as well as a portion of his family. And it bothers me. I told him i use to. But i stopped because there's a time and point for everything. Pot fucks up your brain. Makes you forget things. But like you said. it's her choice. His choice. I love him to death even though im sure he's aware that he's hurting me. But she should respect your wishes when you ask her to stop. If she doesn't then maybe it wasn't meant to be? Not to sound harsh.
Truth is...IT IS AFFECTING YOU....the thing about love is if she loves you she'd do anything not to hurt you as I am sure you would do the same....talk to her about your feelings...try to resolve this....I'm against pot myself since I've noticed that it leads people down a path nowhere......why do people have to me stoned/drugged out of their mind to enjoy life? Aside from that you have to decide if this fault is worth breaking up over or if she is worth it despite this fault which later on could be a problem (if you are planning a future imagine her pregnant and wanting to get stoned and so on.) It's all about what you feel is worth it. The thing I don't understand about these situations is why these types of people really have good people that love them and those people stand by them through a lot of misery...there are plenty of non-pot smoking girls out there who could be just as nice as her....this just makes me feel sad for you since you shouldn't have to deal with this.
Smoke with her.
Try to get her to stop, it helps you and her.
Sounds like she's being an idiot about HOW and WITH WHOM she smokes pot. Have a talk with her about at least trying to do it in a semi-safe environment.
Show her this thread, it seems to express your thoughts on the matter rather well without showing offense, rudeness or disrespect.
Or express to her how you feel alike how you've told us.
Or express to her how you feel alike how you've told us.
I understand your pain.
You are anti-drug. Good for you. She is not helping herself but only hurting herself. Make her choose it, or you. If she chooses it...then you are better off without her.
This will lead to other things harder drug related or not drug related at all and if she puts bullshit before her 'love' then she doesn't love you how lovers should love.
Good luck in your journey.
You are anti-drug. Good for you. She is not helping herself but only hurting herself. Make her choose it, or you. If she chooses it...then you are better off without her.
This will lead to other things harder drug related or not drug related at all and if she puts bullshit before her 'love' then she doesn't love you how lovers should love.
Good luck in your journey.
Just because she occasionally smokes doesn't mean anything. I've smoked pot many times and I'm not about to go try coke or heroin.
That's a reflection of character.
Not all people are so strong.
Not all people are so strong.
there's nothing strong about me this sense. I smoked, it was fun, that was all. Maybe I just have better things to do, so drugs aren't the only things I can do for fun.
exactly right, good sir.
"will lead to other things harder drug related" How so? Me, my friends any my workmates are proof that that is a fallacy.
She could do much worse than smoking a bit of weed, she could be an alco or a deck a day smoker.
She could do much worse than smoking a bit of weed, she could be an alco or a deck a day smoker.
that's taking light from the point in order to establish your point which is completely irrelevant.
My point must be as irrelevant as yours, then.
then what are we doing here? lol
I'm here because I thought it constructive to give my opinion and converse/debate it with others.
It seems you're here to give you opinion, dismiss everyone else's and not debate anything that could possibly lead to a slightly new perspective.
It seems you're here to give you opinion, dismiss everyone else's and not debate anything that could possibly lead to a slightly new perspective.
or maybe, if the OP can't put his love before his hang-ups, he doesn't love her how lovers should love.