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November 16, 2009
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Ever feel like no one wants to be around you?

:iconcotovatre:
Cotovatre Nov 16, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've been feeling really cut-off from my friends lately, new and lifelong alike. I understand college is stressful if you take it seriously, that people change, and so on, but it really sucks when you begin to feel lonely.

I have always been an endearing, honest, loyal, and all-around great friend, someone who is always willing to do something with anyone who asks, but lately I've felt like everyone is shutting me out of their life. Friends that I used to hang out with don't contact me anymore, or when I ask them if the want to hang out, they usually decline. It's also becoming a trend for people to make plans with me and then "silently" bail out, as in I'll be sitting around waiting for them and they never show up. I'm a pretty patient, forgiving person when it comes to that sort of stuff, but the fact that it's become consistent is what's bothering me.

Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there, or maybe I'm over-analyzing everything when they're all probably just coincidences. I have no idea. All I know is, my friends are hurting my feelings perhaps without knowing they are, and what they're doing hasn't seemed like a big enough problem to confront them about until now (It's never the same person).

So on top of having parents who find solace in solitude and thus can't give me ANY advice on how to deal with being lonely, having maybe one or two friends who have the courage to apologize for not meeting up with me, etc., and being single, there's really nothing else that could possibly make my situation better....oh, I mean WORSE.

I spend my nights alone doing what lonely people do (study, play video games, watch the same movies over and over, sleep) because either no one has responded to my texts or voicemails when they're at home OR they're working, and for a really social person, it's REALLY easy to begin taking these things personally...whether I want to or not.

So what the heck is going on? What can I do to put up with this crap, since I really don't see how it can be "fixed"? Can anyone relate, and if so, how did/are you dealing with it?
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:iconryoko-mitsirughi:
ryoko-mitsirughi Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
It tends to happen to some people...I know what you mean. It's like because you are such a great friend...that people only rely on you or want to be around you when they need a shoulder to cry on, but when you need them they just kind of shrug it off. I figure friends like that need to be confronted and if things don't improve then it's better not to have friends like that.
What I found works out good, is instead of sitting at home waiting for people or just playing video games and stuff, I go out and do things that don't really require a group of people. Go to a cafe and study there, that way you can actually be out in a new setting and sometimes you meet some great people. Maybe that will help you meet some people that will actually want to be your friends for you. I find that there are some crafting classes around where I live so it allows you to work on something you love, or learn something new, and if you want to make more friends then usually there will be more people there. Personally I find it's funner to coordinate volunteer projects for the community or go talk to old people in a retirement home...I am weird but usually old people want to talk to you because they are lonely too. Sorry I am sort of ranting..I am having the hardest time forming words and sentences as I want them to be...It's just one of those days.
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:iconcotovatre:
Cotovatre Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Awww...no, your suggestions are great! I never would have thought about visiting old people..hehehe. That sounds like a really good thing to do for someone else as well as me. :)
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:iconryoko-mitsirughi:
ryoko-mitsirughi Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
It's really fun to do, though I found that some retirement homes won't allow you to visit any senior citizen in their care unless you are family or a health care worker, also some only let you go if you get a pass to do so. I would try and talk to a manager and see if you could volunteer your time just to sit and talk with the seniors about anything they wish to, like how those high schoolers do for that program which I think is called 'adopt-a-grandparent' or something like that. With how things are now they are making it a bit difficult to get in but not too much. A lot of the old people I talk to don't have their family visiting them or they are put there because they don't have any family so it really does help them. It's one of those things that--if you choose to do--when you are old and are looking back, you most definitely won't regret.
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:iconcotovatre:
Cotovatre Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That really sounds like such a rewarding experience... :love:
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:iconryoko-mitsirughi:
ryoko-mitsirughi Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
It is. =^.^=
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:iconxario1:
Xario1 Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I used to have somewhat of the same problem of keeping friends.
Although, my experince was kinda different. My friends would either move away about a year or two after I met them, or we would grow apart.
But, that was when I was in high school =P

I have learned some things though. If your friends are in college and they seem to ignore you, part of that could be becuase they are usually too busy with college.
I also learned that having friends in the same neighborhood, or somewhat close by, really helps. And having trustworthy friends who will let you get to know them helps, although having a similar or the same hobby helps too.

Honestly, I can't say that I have had the same friend experience as you, becuase I just got out of high school earlier this year =P
But during high school, I made friends who are older and younger than me. Since some of my younger friends are still in high school, they have more time to hang out. But, sometimes I don't, becuase I have college that gets in the way of that.

Although those friends of mine have more time on their hands, they usually don't text or call me unless they want something from me =P
So, what I usually do is sometimes I go by their house and ask them if they want to hang out. They usually say yes, unless they actually are busy, but it's real easy for us becuase we usually just stay at their house or go to my house, and play video games and stuff =P

Or, if going to their house doesn't work, or if their not in the same neighborhood, then you should try joining a club at the college that you go to, that you think would be fun, and then you could start socializing with people, starting with small-talk. (that's what happened with my in the games club at my college) But, if there's not a club that seems in your taste at your college, you could try starting a new one.

This is probably the best advice I can give you.
Thank you for reading
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:iconcotovatre:
Cotovatre Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's the best advice I've received! :D Thanks so much for taking the time and effort to type all that out...it means a lot and I'll for sure look into trying clubs out!
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:iconxario1:
Xario1 Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome ^_^
...honestly, I don't really know how to share my thoughts any other way ^^;
I usually use a lot of details so people can understand what I'm saying. But once when I did that, like with my last journal post(and the next deviation that I will be posting), and one of my friends was like, "Sheesh! That's a lot to read!"
I'm somewhat of a philosopher, psychologist, and a Christian. So, I have a lot of thoughts in my head. That's why I've been thinking about making a book someday.

...sorry if I'm rambling ^^;
Like I said, I like to include a lot of details...
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:iconcotovatre:
Cotovatre Nov 21, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Writing a book is a fantastic way to get all those great thoughts on paper! :D I wish you luck with that! :hug: (And don't worry, I didn't think you were rambling. My responses to some threads can be just as long and academically complicated). :meow:
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:iconxario1:
Xario1 Nov 22, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks =D
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