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September 20, 2008
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Replies: 57

I have a boner and it won't go away...

:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
I tried everything from masturbating to looking at pictures of things that wouldn't make even the sickest fuck horny...I'm getting desperate. What do I do?
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Devious Comments

:iconephetat:
ephetat Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
i don't know, how soft is your bed?

and there's always autofellatio!
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
It's as soft as a fat chicks left side roll is. It gets sweaty, too...I don't know. Maybe I should get a new one. You really think that would fix this? I might just go for the "autofellatio" it sounds so much less expensive.
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:iconephetat:
ephetat Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
actually, autofellatio is the process of sucking your own appendage.

otherwise i'd still suggest masturbation, or taking a nap. it might distract your brain and the rest of your body into recalling the vast legions of blood molecules from your phallic regions!

as a last resort you could always go see a doctor -- or someone who you think might help, as long as you wear a slightly sheepish expression...
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
Oh, I know. I'm just pretty cheap. That's all I meant. :D And, okay...napping. You're not the first person to suggest this. And even from other threads, too. The chances!
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:iconreverthex:
ReVerthex Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008  Professional Digital Artist
Ask the 40 year old virgin.
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
I tried. He changed his web page and e-mail address...I guess I needed an answer and he didn't have it. Figured I'd go to you guys next.
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:iconnovus-ordo:
Novus-Ordo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
Pray and hopefully God will Purify you of this. If that doesn't work, then Satan has gotten too deep in your head and you should find a Priest to help you cast him out and show you the Way.

This is what happens when you are too unPure. The Bible tried to warn you...
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:iconalibahulimud:
AliBahulimud Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008   Photographer
You are just joking, right?
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
I blame Viagra, not the Devil. D:
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:iconnovus-ordo:
Novus-Ordo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
Viagra is a tool of the devil, its wrong to make a pill that fills you with so much sin!
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:iconbabytrippah:
babytrippah Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
Mmm I don't believe in the devil. And I don't see how Viagra would be a tool of the devil, it's supposed to help you...And how is sex and that sin? Sex is a natural occurance, dude. It's as natural as the birds and the bees :)
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
...It fills your penis with blood, though. Not sins. I mean, I learned this in sex ed and I read the back of the bottle. <_< Can't blame the red guy down there for everything, you know?
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:iconnovus-ordo:
Novus-Ordo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
Yeah but he's the one who made you take the pill that filled you with blood and so its his fault.

And haven't you ever heard of bloodlust?
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:iconreverthex:
ReVerthex Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008  Professional Digital Artist
Ye it gives + 40% DPS and drains 15HP per sec for 9sec.
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:iconnovus-ordo:
Novus-Ordo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
???
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:iconburningled:
Burningled Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
That's a spell in warcraft, lol XD.
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
He didn't make me do it...I made myself do it. D: I made myself take the pills and get a boner! It's my fault! Blame me and my sex-hungry cravings! I AM A MONSTER! A sexual monster! Ow...my penis....
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:iconnovus-ordo:
Novus-Ordo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
See God is punishing you for doing it. And if you took the pill, then why did you have to make yourself do it? Its Satan pretending to be you so you don't fight back.
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:iconslyfox190:
SlyFox190 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
...Now that you mentioned it. I did do it infront of a mirror...I don't think it's just 'cause there was in the bathroom, that's way too obvious. Maybe you're on to something!
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(1 Reply)
:iconadrenalineflash:
AdrenalineFlash Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
I have a 4 year old son, would you like to meet him?
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:iconnovus-ordo:
Novus-Ordo Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
You shouldn't give innocent children Viagara!!!

I'll pray for him and hope God changes you.
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:iconadrenalineflash:
AdrenalineFlash Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
You know you want this fine, moist child.
:iconpedobearplz:
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:iconbananasplit1:
Bananasplit1 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2008
I think he's trying to say that viagra gave him the ability to have a son =)
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