A very important skill you learn working retail.
That is to make sure your brain to mouth filter properly functions.
Customer: "What do I want?"
What I wanted to say: "When I was six years old, I was hit on the head and as a result, suffered brain damage that caused me to grow up without my psychic abilities. Please tell me what you want with your mouth"
What I actually said: "Please look over our menu."
Customer: "You're out of Cherry Coke"
What I wanted to say: "Are you sure you should be pursuing a university degree? university requires a lot of reading. Judging by the fact that you have just placed your cup underneath a sign that quite clearly reads, 'Out of Order' that you cannot read."
What I actually said: "The Cherry Coke is out of order."
Customer: "You need to have a deal going - these $10 lunches are killing me."
What I wanted to say: "You could start by looking at the menu and selecting an alternative that is cheaper, such as not ordering one of our most expensive subs on the menu. From then on, you can order a six inch rather than a footlong sub. Skip over the things that give you an additional charge like extra meat, bacon, and cheese, and you could then go into the SHRINE of the SILVER MONKEY! Get past the veggies without ordering avocado and then try deciding not to order additional cookies for your lunch. Go to the register, and then not upsize your drink to a large which adds on an additional charge, or even not order sides at all. Pick up the sandwich and then walk out and take your ridiculous lack of human logic elsewhere."
What I actually said: "I don't control the deals."
Customer: "I would like to use this coupon" *holds up a Silver Mine Coupon*
What I wanted to say:
THIS. IS. SUBWAY!!!!
What I actually said: "We don't accept those coupons here - those are for Silver Mine."
Customer: "Your soda fountain is broken"
What I wanted to say: "You have to put your cup UNDER the spigot to receive soda. No wonder people find it hard to believe in human evolution, since the laws of natural selection state you should have offed yourself before you reached reproductive age."
What I actually said: "You have to put your cup under the spigot."
Customer: "Uh, I forgot"
What I wanted to say: "Oh wow! you cannot remember what you JUST ORDERED."
What I actually said: "What did this person order? They forgot."
Customer: "Chicken."
What I wanted to say: "Oh my freaking god we have several kinds of chicken sandwiches you idiot."
What I actually said: "Which kind?"
Customer: *takes out a $100 bill to pay for a $0.59 order*
What I wanted to say: "As a construction worker who is apparently paid in $50s and $100s as opposed to a check, would assume that you would know more than anyone else that stores do not accept bills that are above a $20, and that you should probably walk to the bank to break that $100 down into something that you can use. Why do they pay you all in $50s and $100 bills anyway? And why oh WHY do you pay for an order LESS THAN A DOLLAR with a HUNDRED?!?"
What I actually said: "We cannot take that - we don't accept bills over $20."
Customer: "I want white cheese please."
What I wanted to say: "oh my freaking god all of the cheeses are white you idiot."
What I actually said: "Which kind?"
Customer: "Why is my sub so expensive?"
What I wanted to say: "Maybe it's because you ordered a footlong? Then you asked for Double Meat, which adds $3 to the charge? Then you asked for bacon? Then you spaced out when we warned you that would be an additional charge? You would know this if you actually read the bloody menu rather than order what you see on the commercials."
What I actually said: "You ordered double meat and bacon which are all additional charges."
Customer: "What do I want?"
What I wanted to say: "When I was six years old, I was hit on the head and as a result, suffered brain damage that caused me to grow up without my psychic abilities. Please tell me what you want with your mouth"
What I actually said: "Please look over our menu."
Customer: "You're out of Cherry Coke"
What I wanted to say: "Are you sure you should be pursuing a university degree? university requires a lot of reading. Judging by the fact that you have just placed your cup underneath a sign that quite clearly reads, 'Out of Order' that you cannot read."
What I actually said: "The Cherry Coke is out of order."
Customer: "You need to have a deal going - these $10 lunches are killing me."
What I wanted to say: "You could start by looking at the menu and selecting an alternative that is cheaper, such as not ordering one of our most expensive subs on the menu. From then on, you can order a six inch rather than a footlong sub. Skip over the things that give you an additional charge like extra meat, bacon, and cheese, and you could then go into the SHRINE of the SILVER MONKEY! Get past the veggies without ordering avocado and then try deciding not to order additional cookies for your lunch. Go to the register, and then not upsize your drink to a large which adds on an additional charge, or even not order sides at all. Pick up the sandwich and then walk out and take your ridiculous lack of human logic elsewhere."
What I actually said: "I don't control the deals."
Customer: "I would like to use this coupon" *holds up a Silver Mine Coupon*
What I wanted to say:
THIS. IS. SUBWAY!!!! What I actually said: "We don't accept those coupons here - those are for Silver Mine."
Customer: "Your soda fountain is broken"
What I wanted to say: "You have to put your cup UNDER the spigot to receive soda. No wonder people find it hard to believe in human evolution, since the laws of natural selection state you should have offed yourself before you reached reproductive age."
What I actually said: "You have to put your cup under the spigot."
Customer: "Uh, I forgot"
What I wanted to say: "Oh wow! you cannot remember what you JUST ORDERED."
What I actually said: "What did this person order? They forgot."
Customer: "Chicken."
What I wanted to say: "Oh my freaking god we have several kinds of chicken sandwiches you idiot."
What I actually said: "Which kind?"
Customer: *takes out a $100 bill to pay for a $0.59 order*
What I wanted to say: "As a construction worker who is apparently paid in $50s and $100s as opposed to a check, would assume that you would know more than anyone else that stores do not accept bills that are above a $20, and that you should probably walk to the bank to break that $100 down into something that you can use. Why do they pay you all in $50s and $100 bills anyway? And why oh WHY do you pay for an order LESS THAN A DOLLAR with a HUNDRED?!?"
What I actually said: "We cannot take that - we don't accept bills over $20."
Customer: "I want white cheese please."
What I wanted to say: "oh my freaking god all of the cheeses are white you idiot."
What I actually said: "Which kind?"
Customer: "Why is my sub so expensive?"
What I wanted to say: "Maybe it's because you ordered a footlong? Then you asked for Double Meat, which adds $3 to the charge? Then you asked for bacon? Then you spaced out when we warned you that would be an additional charge? You would know this if you actually read the bloody menu rather than order what you see on the commercials."
What I actually said: "You ordered double meat and bacon which are all additional charges."
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Give me a sandwich.
And god forbid someone pays with an $100 at the beginning of the day. Like, thanks, now I have no change in my drawer. Fml.
I see the Chicken Fetish Club(TM) and the Big Bill Bastards(TM) are still going strong. Slightly off topic, but Nawmal (new Xtranormal program) needs to hurry their asses up and finish so we can get some more Subway videos out there with our stories.
I know, right? X_X
I had a really dumb customer today who wanted clearance items even cheaper because she claimed her relative "bought a pair JUST like these, like EXACTLY" and they were "WAY CHEAPER." Uhm, show me a receipt then as proof, for one. You could claim anything was cheaper, that doesn't mean we have to give you stuff cheaper, show us some actual proof that it was cheaper than the COMPUTER tells us. 
Also it was most likely NOT the same item exactly, you yourself claimed it was a different size. It was plus size, while the other item your relative bought was size medium. Clearance works like this- we receive items in at different times, in different colors, in different styles, and in different sizes, and sometimes (I know this is difficult to understand), different brands, and usually depending on any of these circumstances, the ticket price is going to be different, and therefore, the eventual clearance price. It's not that hard. But I guess it is, because she acted like a total toddler and yelled at two cashiers who then came running to me to tell the customer that she can't decide the prices of things. Like it's already like ten bucks, you can't dish out ten bucks on pajamas??? Lady please. 
Also it was most likely NOT the same item exactly, you yourself claimed it was a different size. It was plus size, while the other item your relative bought was size medium. Clearance works like this- we receive items in at different times, in different colors, in different styles, and in different sizes, and sometimes (I know this is difficult to understand), different brands, and usually depending on any of these circumstances, the ticket price is going to be different, and therefore, the eventual clearance price. It's not that hard. But I guess it is, because she acted like a total toddler and yelled at two cashiers who then came running to me to tell the customer that she can't decide the prices of things. Like it's already like ten bucks, you can't dish out ten bucks on pajamas??? Lady please. 
I learned if I want to buy something I need to bring enough cash or a credit card, unlike a customer I had yesterday.
Customer: I want a big silver ring!
Me: Okay, here are our rings.
*We look at a bunch of rings, she finds one she likes. It's the wrong size so I measure her and fill out a resizing envelope.*
Me: Your total is $194.
Customer: I only have $25.
Me: We accept credit and debit cards, too.
Customer: I don't have any of those.
Me:
I told her how much the ring would cost long before we got to the cash register and she never said a thing. She was middle aged so she should have been able to grasp this idea decades ago.
Customer: I want a big silver ring!
Me: Okay, here are our rings.
*We look at a bunch of rings, she finds one she likes. It's the wrong size so I measure her and fill out a resizing envelope.*
Me: Your total is $194.
Customer: I only have $25.
Me: We accept credit and debit cards, too.
Customer: I don't have any of those.
Me:
I told her how much the ring would cost long before we got to the cash register and she never said a thing. She was middle aged so she should have been able to grasp this idea decades ago.
The world is not getting stupider.. your getting smarter!
about 200 times a day this occurs:
customer: "duuuuh... I need change for the carpark...duuhhh."
me: "The car park machine takes notes and gives change."
what customer does:- picks up a pack of chewing gum with a smug look like they are a fucking genius. slams it down and buys gum.
What I does:- Gives a five and two £2 coins change. I giggle silently to myself cause the car park won't take £2 coins.
This world is populated by idiots.
customer: "duuuuh... I need change for the carpark...duuhhh."
me: "The car park machine takes notes and gives change."
what customer does:- picks up a pack of chewing gum with a smug look like they are a fucking genius. slams it down and buys gum.
What I does:- Gives a five and two £2 coins change. I giggle silently to myself cause the car park won't take £2 coins.
This world is populated by idiots.
I don't know if Subway workers like me or not. I just want white bread with literally just turkey. They always look at me like I'm trying to pull one on them or something.
When I worked at Subway I loved customers like you! The reason for the look of shock was because the majority of Subway customers had obnoxious orders or were OCD picky about the stupidest shit. When easy orders like yours came up it was like that mythical coin ship appearing in Super Mario 3.
You should check out the people we get at Dollar Tree.
There's one right next to my college and I can confirm, a lot of morons go there..
lol I work one near my college as well. Yeah, it fucking sucks
Many moms bringing their little kids there.
I really wonder if some of the dumb fuck customers are really that stupid or they're just messing with us.
Now I want Subway.
Every time I go to subway I get the exact same thing. You would love me for being so boring
Let's get real here.
There were some dumbass kids who couldn't do the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. None of these fuckers would stand a chance in there.
There were some dumbass kids who couldn't do the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. None of these fuckers would stand a chance in there.
That was always funny to watch!
Kinda!
That was always embarrassing to watch... 
It's THREE pieces! You CANNOT fuck this up!
