Coffee Shops


American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
I have and wish to rant about coffee shops.

For those who are not fermiliar: a coffee shop is basically like the bar from STAR WARS, only the aliens of choice here are hipsters, goths, emos, businessmen, artists, gay people, college students, young people on dates, people reading bad poetry, and one random hobo who decided to use one couch for kip. In other words, liberals. 

I hate coffee shops cuz the people who shop there are snobs. They wear bright colors, often in trendy fashions, and they have those dumb hipster glasses which are too big and often missing lenses. They have weird colored hair, and often talk about things like comic books, career paths, and "gay rites." All the while thinking they are just average joe, middle class people, just killing time with coffee. But they're not, they're the elite snots of America. They're spoiled, bratty, well-off, middle class twats, who think they are better than honest hard working Americans like me. 

A real American, who works for a living, don't got no three bucks to blow on fancy coffee treats every other week. I'm a down-to-earth redneck, who drinks straight beer every week end bar hopping, like a bad ass. Coffee addicts are too pussy for the real deal, so they flash around their wealth that they earned sucking tax money from hard workers like yours truly, by buying coffee at coffee shops. And when they're done they probably go home to watch crude cartoons that mock Christianity, post some liberal propoganda on the interweb, and go to bed to endage in sodomy with partners of the same sex. 

I know it's a trivial thing to complain about, coffee shops. But it really does make me sick, watching those pro-gay, liberal pervs pour all that white creamy stuff into that coffee; penetrating it with that long, thick, metal-hard spoon; then stirring, slowly at first, but slowly getting faster, and faster, until the cream just totally takes over, exploding into an explosion of blinding ecstasy and bliss. Chugging it in large gulps, as they swallow non stop, gripping that rock-hard coffee mug with their firm, young fingers. 

Predictably, they don't allow fire arms in these commie coffee shops either. 

:icontealdeerplz: Coffee shops = hipsters = liberals = sodomy.

BONUS COMPLAINT: I recently watched a wild west movie about two cow boys on a mountain, and was very offended by the implied sodomy. 
Comments136
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TheRoyalCrownJewel's avatar
Well, another troll shot down.
Zigholtul88's avatar
All aboard the sodomy caboose!

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American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
Sodomy and caboose...two words that go very well together 
Zigholtul88's avatar
So which one was your favorite?
American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
Percy is my favorite caboose (or is he an engine? I get them comfused) 
Zigholtul88's avatar
So do I mate. So do I.
LizzyChrome's avatar
LizzyChrome's avatar
I won't say anything, for fear of exposing your clever and brilliant trolling which has fooled so many. 
American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
Stop calling me a troll I'm not one
Katcam007's avatar
Starbucks is overpriced and mediocre. Their iced coffee is nearly flavorless and too cold to be enjoyed.

Dairy Queen has better frozen coffee and it is slightly cheaper, despite being an establishment meant for ice-cream.

Plus, Dairy Queen is a place devoid of hipsters.
American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
Your avatar kind of reminds me of a hipster though 
Katcam007's avatar
So your implying all hipsters are pussies?

I wouldn't be surprise because they are. But not all pussies are hipsters though.
American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
Cats are the choice pets of liberals because they don't work, are snobs, and are bad luck
Katcam007's avatar
:lol: Too bad you deactivated.
ImperialNokhtis's avatar
You're right all the dumb ass-obese-back-hick-and-or-cheap-ass-soccer-mom-weirdoes-rolling down the window to a cloud of weed smoke go to Dunkin Donuts for expensive rip off coffee that they think they're getting a good deal on because it's slightly cheaper than other places all the while supporting the ripping off and mistreatment of it's workers.
American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
gvcci-hvcci's avatar
I can't even drink coffee :crying: 
American-Sock-Puppet's avatar
Your avatar is oddly sexual in more ways than one. Your user name doesn't help matters. 
ImperialNokhtis's avatar
sensitive to caffeine or hate the taste?
e-c-h's avatar
this post was way too seckshulHillbilly Emoticon 
e-c-h's avatar
Mr. Puppet, according to your avatar, you are one of my favorite muppets.