You really weren't that great of a 'friend' anyway
Typically on dA if I get to be pals with you, I'll follow you on social media elsewhere (usually FB because tumblr and twitter is just too much for me to handle at times lol). So, I'm buddies on FB with several deviant frands and it's been just a jolly good time until recently that is. A certain person who I met on dA about 5 years ago and I mostly connected through FB because he was on that site more frequently decided it would be a good idea to block me on FB and dA. Let me preface this person's, for lack of a better term, immaturity, with the following:
Now, I try to be as helpful as I can to the people I call "friends" but to say that this person was depressing to talk to is an understatement.
Not only was this person depressed, but they would resent everything I would say if I happened to be having an alright day (which isn't frequent, I've been having a helluva year) to the point of basically saying "I'm jealous of you, but I would rather not better myself because I'm too lazy to do that. I'd much rather bitch about my shitty existence instead, it's far easier."
But ya know, everyone has fits from time to time and I would simply distance myself from this person until they were lucid or I felt up to talking again. When we did have cordial convos it was literally about nothing. This person would message me memes or reaction photos they found funny and be angry if I didn't find it funny or reply with some stupid internety bullshit as well. I love me some memes and I'm fairly silly and lighthearted as well, but damn. Enough is enough sometimes. I'd like to actually have an intelligent conversation sometimes. And this person was the type who made crude and sexual jokes (always out of turn) all the damn time.
Today they posted a status on FB complaining about an artist on dA who apparently had no "sense of humor." The image he commented on was of a succubus character, a sketch but a very well drafted one and not necessarily "erotic" just mildly sensual. This person apparently commented along the lines of "nicely done" followed with a link to a reaction image of a teenage boy being hit in face with gigantic pendulous breasts projecting from a computer monitor. The artist was less than thrilled and after making her thoughts known to this person (who copied and pasted her remarks in their status) promptly blocked this person. Apparently, my 'friend' had been a repeat offender of this behavior with this artist, but somehow in their mind thought that shit was funny.
So what did I do? I said that I would've been upset at them as well, that the added reaction image was unnecessary when words would've worked just as well and that dA is NOT 4chan or FB. You really shouldn't joke around when talking about people's artwork, it's in poor taste.
And so this person blocked me on both places.
I'm actually not upset that they are no longer in my life, That person was not someone I even needed to be speaking with on a regular basis. And to be completely honest, the only reason I didn't break it off sooner was because I was concerned it would negatively affect the depression and anxiety this person suffers from.
I am however complaining that it's hilarious that people complain about butthurt internet users and then turn around and do the exact same thing.
Now, I try to be as helpful as I can to the people I call "friends" but to say that this person was depressing to talk to is an understatement.
Not only was this person depressed, but they would resent everything I would say if I happened to be having an alright day (which isn't frequent, I've been having a helluva year) to the point of basically saying "I'm jealous of you, but I would rather not better myself because I'm too lazy to do that. I'd much rather bitch about my shitty existence instead, it's far easier."
But ya know, everyone has fits from time to time and I would simply distance myself from this person until they were lucid or I felt up to talking again. When we did have cordial convos it was literally about nothing. This person would message me memes or reaction photos they found funny and be angry if I didn't find it funny or reply with some stupid internety bullshit as well. I love me some memes and I'm fairly silly and lighthearted as well, but damn. Enough is enough sometimes. I'd like to actually have an intelligent conversation sometimes. And this person was the type who made crude and sexual jokes (always out of turn) all the damn time.
Today they posted a status on FB complaining about an artist on dA who apparently had no "sense of humor." The image he commented on was of a succubus character, a sketch but a very well drafted one and not necessarily "erotic" just mildly sensual. This person apparently commented along the lines of "nicely done" followed with a link to a reaction image of a teenage boy being hit in face with gigantic pendulous breasts projecting from a computer monitor. The artist was less than thrilled and after making her thoughts known to this person (who copied and pasted her remarks in their status) promptly blocked this person. Apparently, my 'friend' had been a repeat offender of this behavior with this artist, but somehow in their mind thought that shit was funny.
So what did I do? I said that I would've been upset at them as well, that the added reaction image was unnecessary when words would've worked just as well and that dA is NOT 4chan or FB. You really shouldn't joke around when talking about people's artwork, it's in poor taste.
And so this person blocked me on both places.
I'm actually not upset that they are no longer in my life, That person was not someone I even needed to be speaking with on a regular basis. And to be completely honest, the only reason I didn't break it off sooner was because I was concerned it would negatively affect the depression and anxiety this person suffers from.
I am however complaining that it's hilarious that people complain about butthurt internet users and then turn around and do the exact same thing.
Comments87
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY29dS… *sorry, couldn't resist
no but seriously, sounds like you're better off distancing yourself.
no but seriously, sounds like you're better off distancing yourself.
I'm totally gonna start using that from now on XD oh but yes, I've been a ton happier since this all went down, I didn't realize what a buzzkill this person was!
Did you state your boundaries? Or let them know to get help? I think you can only do what's best for you.
Yes, and it was to no avail with this person so I say good riddance. I've been in a much better overall mood since we're no longer talking and I have no desire to open the line of communication ever again.
Sometimes you just have to keep moving forward and forget some people. It sucks. 
It does, given this person was one of my first dA friends. But, I know that I'm not losing anything by no long speaking with them 
it feels good actually
it feels good actually
As much as I love your art, I can't take your depressing whiny journals and forum posts. Like... this person acted like a bitch, yeah, but to say that anyone who is depressed is just 'lazy' because they won't pick themselves up says to me that YOU were the shitty friend here. Maybe you've had a crappy year, but if you understood the first thing about depression, you'd know that 'picking yourself up' is the hardest damn thing.
You say you're not upset, but Jesus... for someone who wasn't upset you sure as hell had a lot to say about it. If it wasn't bothering you, why bother posting such a long rant about it?
You say you're not upset, but Jesus... for someone who wasn't upset you sure as hell had a lot to say about it. If it wasn't bothering you, why bother posting such a long rant about it?
Beg your pardon? I have clinical depression honey. This past year was very difficult for me and apart from 3 journals I've never "whined" about anything on DA to anyone. Not to mention, I did not speak to this person often because of HIS shitty attitude. He would whine about his life, not having a job etc then tell me yep he was more comfy feeling sorry for himself. I felt bad for him that's why I didn't break it off sooner. I tried encouraging him because I HAVE DEPRESSION MYSELF. I know exactly what it feels like to not live anymore, you are preaching to the choir. This was a bad relationship and he was not satisfied unless everyone around him was either pissed or depressed too and In sorry but that is NOT a friend. In all my depression never once have I demanded my friends be in a perpetually shitty mood just because I was. That is the most selfish thing ever and has NOTHING to do with depression. That I straight up selfishness and self pity.
I agree with you on most of this here. I have had serious suicidal depression since childhood and scars to prove it (IDK if I'm allowed to call it "clinical", since my conservative parents' solution was more "buck up and deal with it" than "talk to a doctor about treatment"), and I totally know what it feels like to just go comatose and emotionally numb because you feel completely helpless and alone.
That being said, "depression" is not an excuse you get to use to wash your hands clean of everything you say and do. IT AFFECTS YOU, YES. But it doesn't wipe your brain clean of any and all decision-making powers or rationality. Sometimes depression truly does get you to a point where you just cannot get the motivation to give it 110%...but, the thing about depression is that it has its ups and downs (this is why it hits us so hard when it hits us---because it wouldn't feel so overbearing if it was our constant state of being). And it really is (in part) our responsibility to utilize those functioning moments to work hard and be the best we can be. We have a much heavier load to bear than the average person, but are still capable of rising above it and reaching our potential, even if the roadblocks slow us down a bit.
So yeah, I agree with you. There is a huge difference between somebody acting like a hard-ass drill sergeant telling you to "shape up", and somebody who understands the depression trying to reach out a hand and gently lead you out of it to a point where you are able to function. And it's not that person's fault if you decide to slap away that helping hand and wallow in your own self pity, pulling them into yours.
That being said, "depression" is not an excuse you get to use to wash your hands clean of everything you say and do. IT AFFECTS YOU, YES. But it doesn't wipe your brain clean of any and all decision-making powers or rationality. Sometimes depression truly does get you to a point where you just cannot get the motivation to give it 110%...but, the thing about depression is that it has its ups and downs (this is why it hits us so hard when it hits us---because it wouldn't feel so overbearing if it was our constant state of being). And it really is (in part) our responsibility to utilize those functioning moments to work hard and be the best we can be. We have a much heavier load to bear than the average person, but are still capable of rising above it and reaching our potential, even if the roadblocks slow us down a bit.
So yeah, I agree with you. There is a huge difference between somebody acting like a hard-ass drill sergeant telling you to "shape up", and somebody who understands the depression trying to reach out a hand and gently lead you out of it to a point where you are able to function. And it's not that person's fault if you decide to slap away that helping hand and wallow in your own self pity, pulling them into yours.
Yes, exactly. I'm the last person to tell someone to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps because we all have problems and need each other. However, the only person who can get you out of a pit is yourself (which is what makes depression so terrible in the first place. I have another friend who struggles with depression and hopelessness from time to time and the difference between him and the other person is that he is interested in rising above it, the other person was completely satisfied and comfortable in that state as terrible as it was. If I would even begin to mention something nice I was doing in my life he would actually say "I don't want to hear about your life, I honestly don't care." That was not the depression talking, that was just being an asshole. He was only happy with me if I was feeling sorry for him (or upset myself about something in my own life), or talking about something he brought up (usually something pointless like a meme that wasn't even funny). As someone who is dealing with depression among other things, I find it repellent to demand that someone feel as shitty as you do. I would never wish this on anyone. OH! So because someone's depression didn't manifest in the same way as yours that makes theirs less valid. Yup. Makes perfect sense.
You clearly did not read anything here and I really do not feel like going into further detail because the entire issue is black and white.
No, you just feel entitled and justified and the issue is NEVER black and white. It's entirely grey. You cannot hope to understand fully what is going on in someone else's mind, so you've shunned them for it. Maybe they did act shitty, but that doesn't mean you're in the right.
I've shunned them? Are...are we talking about the same thing? This person blocked me for not agreeing with them. What in the hell are you on about? I was nothing but accepting of that person hence the reason I went through that hell for so damn long.
I'm being completely frank about our relationship here which you by the way, know nothing about beyond what I wrote in this thread. Take your own advice before climbing up on the pulpit.
I'm being completely frank about our relationship here which you by the way, know nothing about beyond what I wrote in this thread. Take your own advice before climbing up on the pulpit.
Oh my goodness, this person does not know what they are talking about — my sister also suffers from depression and she thinks they same way you do (be strong and do something about it you know?)
"OH! So because someone's depression didn't manifest in the same way as yours that makes theirs less valid. Yup. Makes perfect sense."
Isn't that... what they are doing to you? xD
"OH! So because someone's depression didn't manifest in the same way as yours that makes theirs less valid. Yup. Makes perfect sense."
Isn't that... what they are doing to you? xD
You know you can unwatch journals, right?
I already tried that and it kept resetting to watching them.
Also if you don't want to watch me feel free to unwatch. I seriously do not care.
God, I have been there SO many times. You stay "friends" with someone cuz their life sucks, and you feel sorry for them...but their personality is so irredeemably awful that you reach the breaking point, and you no longer care what anyone thinks.
I've had that with several people, including my mother.
I've had that with several people, including my mother.
Our lives were fairly similar in a few ways, especially with depression so I felt the need to try to help him through it, but the thing is at the end of the day with anxiety and depression you have to get to a place where you're ready to fight it. He did not. But that's not what made me pissed at him durin the time we on speaking terms, it was that he was outside of the depression, just a very negative and mean person. The only reason I didn't end up blocking him first was because I was concerned about what effect that would have on his depression and anxiety, not because I was really trying to salvage anything relationship wise. I found out a little over a year ago he was a shitty friend so, no love lost for me. I do hope he gets better though. I have the utmost compassion for people battling mental issues because I have depression and anxiety disorders as well. I don't shout it from the rooftops because it's unnecessary, but they exist so I totally understand the struggle.
Yeah, that's about how it went down with me.
The two first people who come to my mind are both people I met at a two-year college I lived at. It was a tiny school where you couldn't avoid anybody. And I LIVED there, with these people. One was mentally ill; the other was extreme physically handicapped, and I think mentally a little bit too. I wound up just having to give them the silent treatment because I couldn't handle being their "friend" and simply avoiding them wasn't an option.
Now I am very cautious around people with disabilities or people who just seem off, until I get to know them. A lot of them are fine people who make great friends. But I've learned that "friend" is a commitment that shouldn't be taken lightly.
The two first people who come to my mind are both people I met at a two-year college I lived at. It was a tiny school where you couldn't avoid anybody. And I LIVED there, with these people. One was mentally ill; the other was extreme physically handicapped, and I think mentally a little bit too. I wound up just having to give them the silent treatment because I couldn't handle being their "friend" and simply avoiding them wasn't an option.
Now I am very cautious around people with disabilities or people who just seem off, until I get to know them. A lot of them are fine people who make great friends. But I've learned that "friend" is a commitment that shouldn't be taken lightly.