The biggest regret
So this marks the month of something last year that if I knew would happen.......I would TOTALLY run into a wall to knock some sense into the head.
Last year, my then boyfriend texted me on the phone about how he was having family problems and was on the verge of becoming homeless and this, that and the other so as any THEN girlfriend would do, try to cheer him up. So I spend roughly a good $600 to go see him and buy him lunch just to get him out the house a bit. Totally thought our relationship was on "okay".
Next month comes and texts become less and less then he has the nerve to break up with me stating that "He lost interest in me". Knowing good and well that my trip cost my arm and leg. Like that sacrifice on my part meant absolutely nothing to him. I can understand if a person "loses interest" in you but SO SOON??? RIGHT AFTER THEY DO SOMETHING DRASTIC TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY? You couldn't have just a little bit of sympathy before you decide to cut them off completely?
So the "complaint" is, why does love if that's even a thing make crazy people do stupid stuff. And by this sentence, I mean, why would someone go so far for nothing at all? Or something they're not really sure off?
Last year, my then boyfriend texted me on the phone about how he was having family problems and was on the verge of becoming homeless and this, that and the other so as any THEN girlfriend would do, try to cheer him up. So I spend roughly a good $600 to go see him and buy him lunch just to get him out the house a bit. Totally thought our relationship was on "okay".
Next month comes and texts become less and less then he has the nerve to break up with me stating that "He lost interest in me". Knowing good and well that my trip cost my arm and leg. Like that sacrifice on my part meant absolutely nothing to him. I can understand if a person "loses interest" in you but SO SOON??? RIGHT AFTER THEY DO SOMETHING DRASTIC TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY? You couldn't have just a little bit of sympathy before you decide to cut them off completely?
So the "complaint" is, why does love if that's even a thing make crazy people do stupid stuff. And by this sentence, I mean, why would someone go so far for nothing at all? Or something they're not really sure off?
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That sounds really shitty to have to go through, I'm sorry~ 
I hope you can find someone much worth your time and affections in the future. c:
I hope you can find someone much worth your time and affections in the future. c:
I know and thank you. I hate to say there's always one to show what your limits are and boy did I find it.
Unrequited love. The pain never ends.
It was a crappy relationship you regretted.
We live, learn, and move on. What have you learned from this?
We live, learn, and move on. What have you learned from this?
If someone isn't willing to listen to you on how to prevent something then don't waste your time on them.
A fair lesson. And do you feel you are a stronger, wiser person now?
In a sense but, sort of lost my willingness to help people which I hate.
That's fair.
So what if he broke up with you after you came to visit him? Is that how you act toward everyone in your life? The moment they are no longer your friend or dating you, you regret the things you did for them? That's petty. Really petty.
You need to remember that you chose to do those things. You also assumed that your relationship was alright. Perhaps he spend time with you and just realized how little he felt for you anymore. Perhaps the stress of his situation made him not want a girlfriend anymore. Sometimes surviving life is just more important than a relationship. So unless he sat down and explained why he broke up with you, I don't think you should make an ass out of yourself by assuming any more than you already have.
"And by this sentence, I mean, why would someone go so far for nothing at all?"
Yep and if you were a good, genuine person then you wouldn't demand "something" in return for trying to cheer him up. Breaking up sucks but being an irate crybaby about it just makes you look like the fool.
Instead of whining about how much you spent in monetary values, think about someone other than yourself for a moment and consider that even if he broke up with you that it could've made him feel a bit better that you tried to take his mind off of his struggles.
You need to remember that you chose to do those things. You also assumed that your relationship was alright. Perhaps he spend time with you and just realized how little he felt for you anymore. Perhaps the stress of his situation made him not want a girlfriend anymore. Sometimes surviving life is just more important than a relationship. So unless he sat down and explained why he broke up with you, I don't think you should make an ass out of yourself by assuming any more than you already have.
"And by this sentence, I mean, why would someone go so far for nothing at all?"
Yep and if you were a good, genuine person then you wouldn't demand "something" in return for trying to cheer him up. Breaking up sucks but being an irate crybaby about it just makes you look like the fool.
Instead of whining about how much you spent in monetary values, think about someone other than yourself for a moment and consider that even if he broke up with you that it could've made him feel a bit better that you tried to take his mind off of his struggles.
While I agree with most everything you've said, in the end, the place where the regret and bitterness comes from is just hurt. OP might be stating monetary values explicitly, but no doubt this complaint is more about the time and feelings she invested rather than the dollars.
Love is blind sometimes, and even when you're willing to give everything to another, that person might not feel the want to reciprocate. And yes, that's on you. But it still sucks, and OP has every right to feel hurt and expel exasperation over the situation. A lot of it is frustration with one's self for being so gullible/easy/giving after all. I can very much relate with OP in that aspect. The key is just to keep living and learning - to not bring the same issues into a new relationship.
summerpho3nix If you really did give this much into the relationship only to have this dude bitch out and be a coward about it, most likely he didn't deserve your time in the first place. That said, mull over what decisions you made with him and how you would do it differently. Perhaps be a little more cautious in the future. Don't let one failed experience keep you from trusting and giving though, because closing in and shutting out does nothing to help you in the long run. And always remember to take some time and invest in yourself (:
Love is blind sometimes, and even when you're willing to give everything to another, that person might not feel the want to reciprocate. And yes, that's on you. But it still sucks, and OP has every right to feel hurt and expel exasperation over the situation. A lot of it is frustration with one's self for being so gullible/easy/giving after all. I can very much relate with OP in that aspect. The key is just to keep living and learning - to not bring the same issues into a new relationship.
summerpho3nix If you really did give this much into the relationship only to have this dude bitch out and be a coward about it, most likely he didn't deserve your time in the first place. That said, mull over what decisions you made with him and how you would do it differently. Perhaps be a little more cautious in the future. Don't let one failed experience keep you from trusting and giving though, because closing in and shutting out does nothing to help you in the long run. And always remember to take some time and invest in yourself (:
Haha, thank you for the kind words. 
I kind of know that for the future it may be difficult because of this. I do enjoy helping people but I have a hard time limiting myself.
At first I felt like I didn't want to help anyone at all anymore because I wouldn't know if I was being taken advantage of or not. But that just showed I was letting fear get the best of me.
But that is good advice that from time to time I have to take care of myself also. ^^ I just need to remember that.
I kind of know that for the future it may be difficult because of this. I do enjoy helping people but I have a hard time limiting myself. At first I felt like I didn't want to help anyone at all anymore because I wouldn't know if I was being taken advantage of or not. But that just showed I was letting fear get the best of me.
But that is good advice that from time to time I have to take care of myself also. ^^ I just need to remember that.
You're very welcome (:
And yes, it's very good to realize it's really just fear that holds us back from doing the things we want. Taking charge of your own life is all about accepting that fear and pushing through despite it. It sure helps if you're confident and loving to yourself!
And yes, it's very good to realize it's really just fear that holds us back from doing the things we want. Taking charge of your own life is all about accepting that fear and pushing through despite it. It sure helps if you're confident and loving to yourself!
It would have been nice if he told me everything that was happening before I went down there. I don't regret helping people at all.
The only reason I feel going down there was wasted because I had no idea he pretty much broke up with me and I was in the dark about the whole thing.
So I thought I was helping him when really I was hurting myself and I let him take advantage of that.
The one thing that ticked me off about this whole thing is HE wasn't the one who told me it was over. A month later a mutual friend told me he decided to break up so I had to annoy the hell out of the friend talk to him and for him to tell me "Oh I lost interest in you a long time ago."
So I don't even know when the whole thing was over ;before I went down there, after? Sure I can say "I was helping a friend" but he doesn't even treat me like that. After the trip and me being inexperienced about relationships, the only time he would bother to even contact me was when he needed something which he would sweet talk me. So I would think that he's feeling better and at least we're at the "friendship level".
I mean we were "friends" before the relationship or I thought. Makes you think differently when he starts calling you "bitch" and says "fuck her" to his other friends.
So I know all of it was in vain because during the whole relationship I tried to encourage him with the job search, have him vent to me whenever needed, sat through with his depression, handled his anger problems and what have you and the trip was the last resort. It's after all I went through with him, it meant absolutely nothing.
The only reason I feel going down there was wasted because I had no idea he pretty much broke up with me and I was in the dark about the whole thing.
So I thought I was helping him when really I was hurting myself and I let him take advantage of that.
The one thing that ticked me off about this whole thing is HE wasn't the one who told me it was over. A month later a mutual friend told me he decided to break up so I had to annoy the hell out of the friend talk to him and for him to tell me "Oh I lost interest in you a long time ago."
So I don't even know when the whole thing was over ;before I went down there, after? Sure I can say "I was helping a friend" but he doesn't even treat me like that. After the trip and me being inexperienced about relationships, the only time he would bother to even contact me was when he needed something which he would sweet talk me. So I would think that he's feeling better and at least we're at the "friendship level".
I mean we were "friends" before the relationship or I thought. Makes you think differently when he starts calling you "bitch" and says "fuck her" to his other friends.
So I know all of it was in vain because during the whole relationship I tried to encourage him with the job search, have him vent to me whenever needed, sat through with his depression, handled his anger problems and what have you and the trip was the last resort. It's after all I went through with him, it meant absolutely nothing.
Was this an online relationship?
online relationship isn't the problem. if you wanna blame relationship being online, would it solve miscommunication? no. would it solve trust? no. to communicate is to get the message across, to have trust is something that doesn't require face to face to earn and it doesn't require face to face to find someone not trust worthy, if you are bad at character judging then it wouldn't matter even if you do see their face. online off line all the same. this relationship lack of progression regardless. additionally with the attitude you've been giving, about she making her self look like an ass, maybe its necessary. maybe it give her clarity after a rant to the public. maybe someone will say something to her to enlighten her.
I've been in both. I know for a fact that sometimes online relationships are problematic for people who have trouble communicating. I've seen it countless times. Which means that she should focus on local relationships and communication before she thinks about dating someone online. Not everyone can communicate as well when they are staring into a screen, unable to read physical cues, and don't get to share even parts everyday life together.
Trust is entirely based upon whom she is dating and whether or not they are worthy of that trust. Both in local relationships and online. That point is moot here.
"online relationships are problematic for (people who have trouble communicating)"
that's your problem, not being online the problem.
" unable to read physical cues" if you insist all online relationship are texting only? could be phone, could be web cam etc. also online relationship don't remain online forever. it has progression . if your relationship isn't progressing, its not the problem of being online, its problem between the 2 behind the screen and their decision making. cant read physical cues? find another method. focus on tone, attitude tendencies, plans, directions..etc
relationship being online "can" be problematic, its not "the" problem of relationships nor its the op's problem where she clearly stated she went down to see him face to face, then she mentioned she lived close by for several months. were she able to pick up cues? she probably did. did she ignore them? seem so.
point of me pointing out trust because I do sense trust being an issue in her relationship. and im not talking about cheating. she believed in him or trusted him that he is still willing to progress with her, at the same time she was actually doubtful. that is a problem here.
that's your problem, not being online the problem.
" unable to read physical cues" if you insist all online relationship are texting only? could be phone, could be web cam etc. also online relationship don't remain online forever. it has progression . if your relationship isn't progressing, its not the problem of being online, its problem between the 2 behind the screen and their decision making. cant read physical cues? find another method. focus on tone, attitude tendencies, plans, directions..etc
relationship being online "can" be problematic, its not "the" problem of relationships nor its the op's problem where she clearly stated she went down to see him face to face, then she mentioned she lived close by for several months. were she able to pick up cues? she probably did. did she ignore them? seem so.
point of me pointing out trust because I do sense trust being an issue in her relationship. and im not talking about cheating. she believed in him or trusted him that he is still willing to progress with her, at the same time she was actually doubtful. that is a problem here.
If all you're going to do is argue then go ahead and shove your words up your ass. I am not interested in hearing the protests of a child.View all replies
No we did meet before the whole thing even started.
So yes, it still was essentially an online relationship.
I suppose you can say it was towards the end of it. What of it?
You need to step away from online relationships until you have the ability to properly communicate in a relationship. Majority of the problems you spoke about could have been fixed with proper communication.
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