You Are Soooo Not Getting a Job
Now presented, more ways to fail completely at gaining employment!
1) Fail to read the job description.
We've had a ton of resumes in for a field crew position lately. It's posted up on the job board as Legal Survey Assistant, because we need assistants to our field crews while they're out there measuring land. The various tasks are clearly there in the description field of the posting, which includes being outside in all weather, lots of heavy lifting, walking, that kind of thing.
So I don't wanna see on your cover letter than you have paralegal experience or law office experience. I don't wanna see that you worked for the kind of survey group that involved asking people their favourite brand of soap. This tells me that you're a completely oblivious moron who has no idea what they're applying for.
2) Fail to understand how emailing resumes works.
When you email in a resume for a job, you should attached a full cover letter, the resume itself, and then write a brief, one paragraph summary in the email message itself. Hundreds of resumes came in over the last couple weeks, and tons of them have no email message at all. This tells me you have no concept of email etiquette.
3) Fail to understand how email works
One of the emailed resumes had at least 50 other companies in the CC field. If you're gonna spam your resume, at least learn how to use BCC. But really, don't spam your resume. Your resume and cover letter are supposed to be customized for the job you're applying to. This tells me you don't care.
4) Fail to understand how language works
At least a solid quarter of the resumes coming in have been in another language. The job posting was in english. No mention was made of needing to know other languages. There's no indication anywhere that anyone here understands languages aside from english. What. The. Fuck. This tells me nothing, because I blatantly don't understand the reasoning here. One guy on his resume had english listed as something he spoke fluently. So why was his cover letter/resume in french? Do you not understand that if you want a job, we kinda need to understand your application?
1) Fail to read the job description.
We've had a ton of resumes in for a field crew position lately. It's posted up on the job board as Legal Survey Assistant, because we need assistants to our field crews while they're out there measuring land. The various tasks are clearly there in the description field of the posting, which includes being outside in all weather, lots of heavy lifting, walking, that kind of thing.
So I don't wanna see on your cover letter than you have paralegal experience or law office experience. I don't wanna see that you worked for the kind of survey group that involved asking people their favourite brand of soap. This tells me that you're a completely oblivious moron who has no idea what they're applying for.
2) Fail to understand how emailing resumes works.
When you email in a resume for a job, you should attached a full cover letter, the resume itself, and then write a brief, one paragraph summary in the email message itself. Hundreds of resumes came in over the last couple weeks, and tons of them have no email message at all. This tells me you have no concept of email etiquette.
3) Fail to understand how email works
One of the emailed resumes had at least 50 other companies in the CC field. If you're gonna spam your resume, at least learn how to use BCC. But really, don't spam your resume. Your resume and cover letter are supposed to be customized for the job you're applying to. This tells me you don't care.
4) Fail to understand how language works
At least a solid quarter of the resumes coming in have been in another language. The job posting was in english. No mention was made of needing to know other languages. There's no indication anywhere that anyone here understands languages aside from english. What. The. Fuck. This tells me nothing, because I blatantly don't understand the reasoning here. One guy on his resume had english listed as something he spoke fluently. So why was his cover letter/resume in french? Do you not understand that if you want a job, we kinda need to understand your application?
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People just don't understands, that showing that you did at least some research about the company they're applying for and taking a little time to customize their resumes/ letters for the specific job and making a tiny-weeny letter who is presenting themselves and how they would be usefull for the company can raise your chances by alot.
But people are lazy they're just slapping thier same ol'cv into everyone's faces everywhere and hoping to have a decent job.
too lazy to do stuff ? fine go work at Mc donalds.
But people are lazy they're just slapping thier same ol'cv into everyone's faces everywhere and hoping to have a decent job.
too lazy to do stuff ? fine go work at Mc donalds.
I guess this is why those automated applications exist, but damn if they aren't annoying for everyone else.
*Taking notes*
My aunt once sent an 8 page resume in for a job. I laughed when she was confident she was going to get the job.
Can't tell her than 2 pages is pushing it, let alone fucking 8 pages.
Can't tell her than 2 pages is pushing it, let alone fucking 8 pages.
Seriously. People who have been in a particular industry for decades MIGHT get away with three pages. Possibly. 8 pages is a novel, seriously.
Yeeeaahhh. She thinks she's right about everything, so trying to point out to her that that many pages will just go in the trash is pointless. So I just sit back and laugh as she does stupid shit over and over again.
(Unless in the cover letter you can BRIEFLY explain why you feel the experience you are putting forward relates to the job.)
"I don't wanna see on your cover letter than you have paralegal experience or law office experience."
What's wrong with that? Just because they worked in those fields doesn't mean they can't work on something unrelated, especially if no extensive experience of the role is needed- it doesn't seem to need a genius to learn.
"If you're gonna spam your resume, at least learn how to use BCC. But really, don't spam your resume. Your resume and cover letter are supposed to be customized for the job you're applying to. This tells me you don't care."
I'm not going to write 50 different cover letters for the same role. Changing the firm's name and maybe a few sentences as nescessary is enough.
The thing is that people who are from other countries apply to the jobs this way. If you're in countries where it's normal for the whole staff to be of one immigrant nationality (like in Cyprus 90% of staff will be Romanian or Bulgarian everywhere), it's to be expected. When people who travel around are looking for a new job they are used to this kind of culture of employment.
What's wrong with that? Just because they worked in those fields doesn't mean they can't work on something unrelated, especially if no extensive experience of the role is needed- it doesn't seem to need a genius to learn.
"If you're gonna spam your resume, at least learn how to use BCC. But really, don't spam your resume. Your resume and cover letter are supposed to be customized for the job you're applying to. This tells me you don't care."
I'm not going to write 50 different cover letters for the same role. Changing the firm's name and maybe a few sentences as nescessary is enough.
The thing is that people who are from other countries apply to the jobs this way. If you're in countries where it's normal for the whole staff to be of one immigrant nationality (like in Cyprus 90% of staff will be Romanian or Bulgarian everywhere), it's to be expected. When people who travel around are looking for a new job they are used to this kind of culture of employment.
Those things go in your resume. Your cover letter tells me why you're fit for THIS job. Law experience won't help you carry stuff. Do you seriously not know the difference between the two?
Then send 50 different emails. Or fail to get a job. Lazyness is a pretty good reason not to hire you.
If you're gonna apply for jobs outside your country, it's your job to know how to do it. If you can't be bothered to spend three minutes searching for basic examples of job applications in Canada, you probably can't be bothered to do your job properly.
Then send 50 different emails. Or fail to get a job. Lazyness is a pretty good reason not to hire you.
If you're gonna apply for jobs outside your country, it's your job to know how to do it. If you can't be bothered to spend three minutes searching for basic examples of job applications in Canada, you probably can't be bothered to do your job properly.
"Do you seriously not know the difference between the two?"
Sorry, but I feel like you're attacking me personally right now. And I still don't see why it's such a big deal if they have experience in the office, it's not like it means they can't carry stuff.
It won't make much difference if you're applying for the same position to 50 different companies. It's not about being lazy, but the fact alone that most employers treat their workers like shit anyway, so why bother so much? If they are going to hire you it will be for your experience, skills or w/e, not for if you bothered to send individual emails. And this I know because I worked for a cruise (Costa, Seachefs etc) staff training & recruitment company. People did this all the time and it never really bothers the employers because they know what the industry looks like. Even the best workers do this, it's normal. Fuck, I've done it and I never ever had a problem getting jobs anywhere I went.
People have different mentalities in different countries. Some don't understand that in other countries and continents things look differently. Many who apply from abroad haven't even been outside of their country.
Sorry, but I feel like you're attacking me personally right now. And I still don't see why it's such a big deal if they have experience in the office, it's not like it means they can't carry stuff.
It won't make much difference if you're applying for the same position to 50 different companies. It's not about being lazy, but the fact alone that most employers treat their workers like shit anyway, so why bother so much? If they are going to hire you it will be for your experience, skills or w/e, not for if you bothered to send individual emails. And this I know because I worked for a cruise (Costa, Seachefs etc) staff training & recruitment company. People did this all the time and it never really bothers the employers because they know what the industry looks like. Even the best workers do this, it's normal. Fuck, I've done it and I never ever had a problem getting jobs anywhere I went.
People have different mentalities in different countries. Some don't understand that in other countries and continents things look differently. Many who apply from abroad haven't even been outside of their country.
Yes but if I'm looking for someone to carry stuff, you blathering on about office experience tells me nothing about why I should hire you to carry stuff. You use a cover letter to sell yourself. It's frustrating to talk to you when you apparently don't know what a cover letter is.
Most employers do not treat their employees badly. Just the big corporation types like Walmart. And even not all of them. Costco was the best job I ever had.
If you're applying to my country from another country, it's your responsibility to spend three fucking seconds googling how. You don't have to come here to find out how jobs work here.
Most employers do not treat their employees badly. Just the big corporation types like Walmart. And even not all of them. Costco was the best job I ever had.
If you're applying to my country from another country, it's your responsibility to spend three fucking seconds googling how. You don't have to come here to find out how jobs work here.
Wait, so the email doesn't count as the cover letter? 
No one told me this ever.
If you're attaching a cover letter and then also writing them about why you're applying in e-mail, I don't understand what they're supposed to stay differently?
No one told me this ever.If you're attaching a cover letter and then also writing them about why you're applying in e-mail, I don't understand what they're supposed to stay differently?
It can, if that's how you want to do it. If you prefer the formatting of a text doc for your cover letter though, there should still be something in the email.
No no I'd prefer the cover letter in a PDF so it has my letterhead. 
but what should I say in the email then?
but what should I say in the email then?Just a couple sentences. Good morning, I am writing to apply for [job] with [company]. Further to that, I have attached a cover letter and resume for your review. Thank you for your time. That kinda thing. Just a basic greeting.
okay. 
so what are your top two elite pro tips for actually getting a job
Care. It really just comes down to caring about it. Read about the job. Learn about the company. Write and edit and re-write your cover letter and resume until it's amazing. Research preferred formats and wording.
Put in the work and it'll pay off.
Put in the work and it'll pay off.
Oh yeah sure... And this way one application would take hours on end. Coming home tired after work, then just spend hours looking for a job and then hours tailoring the resume and cover letter and familiarising myself with the company. This way one can apply for 2-3 jobs a week to be realistic... The job market is just overly competitive and I`m so sick of it... 2-3 applications a week will leave one with such a low chance of actually getting hired... The expectations are just ridiculous...
Quality over quantity. Wouldn't you rather only have to put in a few resumes?
I was expecting it to be about mohawks, weird hair colors, alternative clothing and tattoos.
Number one and three just makes me think these people think getting a job is like getting a job in the sims. You punch a few buttons on your keyboard, and then a car comes to pick you up and then you're just kinda "at work". Who cares what you do there? Who cares if even you yourself know what you do there? You're just "at work". And then you get money so you can go buy a new iPhone
Number one and three just makes me think these people think getting a job is like getting a job in the sims. You punch a few buttons on your keyboard, and then a car comes to pick you up and then you're just kinda "at work". Who cares what you do there? Who cares if even you yourself know what you do there? You're just "at work". And then you get money so you can go buy a new iPhone
That Sims example is so perfect it made me cry.
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.Nah. I mean, those things will definitely make it harder to find work but it depends on the type of work really.