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February 20, 2013
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What I thought would be an all-nighter...

:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
turned out to be actually quite easy to finish.

Here i am, with 3 empty mugs that were filled with coffee, and a completed assignment for my screenwriting class. I finished the assignment about an hour ago, and there is still no sign of sleepiness. (in case you were curious, i completed a log line, a beat sheet, and the first 5 pages of the script.)

It's the perfect storm of late-night shenanigans, except for the fact that my brother's asleep and i must not wake him and his smelly beard.

but that is not the complaint.

the complaint regards a massive pink dildo.

I found it in my front yard when i walked back from visiting the local 7-11. It looked like last night's rain was enough to uncover this thing.

too many questions. who the fuck buried this thing? Did they dig the hole with the dildo itself? Why here? Was it a murder weapon? Should i leave it there? What if someone visits and sees it? what does that say about the guy who lives there? WHO NEEDS A 2 INCH THICK DILDO IN THE FIRST PLACE?

tl;dr: my balls smell like pickles, and i don't know what to think about this.
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Devious Comments

:iconfixmeknow:
FixMeKnow Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
I've been reading all the comments that the 3 Stooges have left in your thread and now I've forgotten what you were complaining about.

Dammit.
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013
The three stooges :icongo-on-plz:
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
you should create a thread about forgetting a complaint.
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:iconladydeven:
LadyDeven Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Get some cardboard and make a sign.

Something fun, like "UR MUM DROPPED SOMETHING!"

It's time for shenangins I say!
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
SHENANIGANS?

I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.
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:iconladydeven:
LadyDeven Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Shenanigans are always the best way to go.
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:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
............. I think maybe you should pick it up with a paper towel and throw it away XD On another note, I'm not sure I want to know how one can possibly USE a dildo that size.
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
I've been told that the female organ can hold two male ones quite comfortably.
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:iconhorrificsensation:
HorrificSensation Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
yeah i agree maybe if its some loose bitch lol
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:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Maybe if she's loose :stare: As a female myself, I say that would hurt a LOT, at least for me.
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
And what have you stuck up your vagina today, miłady? :meow:
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:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
NOTHING. (Why today specifically?)
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Because.

How about all-time?
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:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Not ALL the time obviously. Occasional tampons, hygiene, and such.
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:iconmisterturtle:
MisterTurtle Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Any penises?
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(1 Reply)
:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
Maybe as a murder weapon?
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
The same way someone can insert a fist in certain orifices?
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:iconkittythenekoalien:
KittyTheNekoAlien Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
(Oooooooow?)
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
I'm not elaborating, I'm sorry.
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
=( Aww.. Why not?
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
Because the universe as you know it, might collapse!
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Ah okay. That's some serious shit. I guess it's okay then. =)

I already got send waaay too many links to shota that involved fisting at my Gul0 account anyway.. >_> I don't really need to know more..
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
Yes, it does tend to get "shitty" :bucktooth:
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(1 Reply)
:iconazza9:
Azza9 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
I believe I can solve this case! *puts on Sherlock Holmes hat*

Do any of your neighbors have a dog that constantly escapes, a Houdini Hound you might say!

Maybe after one of your neighbors had a rather messy masturbatory experience it rendered the self sexing aid looking somewhat like a butchers bone...
You neighbor possibly failed to place it back in it's appropriate place.
The dog upon finding it was compelled by instinct to take this "bone" and as it was not hungry decided to bury it for safe keeping.

But this time the dog for some reason could not hide it's bulbous bounty and decided to hide it's prize outside his confines leading him to your front lawn!
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
great deducing skills, but you failed to say "Elementary, my dear Watson."

9/10; would hire again.
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Did you measure it to know that it was 2 inches thick?
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
i whipped out my junk, and measured it to have half my girth.

just kidding; i kinda eyeballed it, really. it's more-or-less 2 inches thick, methinks.
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
:giggle:
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Yes, with his ass. :lol:
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Thought so. :giggle: He much have a lot of experience to be able to tell the exact size that way.
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Are you implying something :giggle:?
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
I'm totally innocent. I'm not implying anything.
:icontransparentplz::iconhaloplz:
:iconangelwingleftplz::iconsadistskunk::iconangelwingrightplz:
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
That's the spirit :iconheavenlyplz:
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:iconsadistskunk:
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
:iconspiritplz: Is it a creepy spirit?
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:iconpuzzledheartbox:
PuzzledHeartBox Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013
"Creepy spirit thingy, why you in Sookie's bathroom?"
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(1 Reply)
:iconpakaku:
Pakaku Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Draw very angry alien creatures. It helps.
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
i tried, but lately, i've only been able to draw pickles with testicles attached.
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:iconvanhir:
Vanhir Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
To answer all of your questions at once; me.
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
i could just tell by your icon that you'd need to dispose of a 2 inch thick dildo.
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:iconvanhir:
Vanhir Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have needs. :(
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
WE ALL DO.
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:iconvanhir:
Vanhir Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well, now you know what to do then. :eyes:
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
stop having needs?
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:iconvanhir:
Vanhir Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Tchh, fuck that. :stare:
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:iconblackvragor:
blackvragor Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
~LudwigvanKickass2 This isn't even your thread, but I swear to god it seems like it is.
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:iconludwigvankickass2:
LudwigvanKickass2 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Bitch, this is my party and I can cry if I want to.
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:iconblackvragor:
blackvragor Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Get out of here, you're bumming everyone out.
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:iconludwigvankickass2:
LudwigvanKickass2 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
I might look like a filthy dejected hobo, but I'm not.
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:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Filmographer
he's very passionate about them pickle-balls.
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:icontrampire:
Trampire Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Take the sleeping pills!!
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