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February 19, 2013
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Replies: 216

My boggle is flabberghasted.

:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2013  Student Writer
Everyone, I have just been enlightened: it is more difficult and traumatic for a man to keep his dick in his pants when he sees a beautiful woman than it is for a woman during pregnancy or PMS.

Irrational mood swings and the crippling wrenching of your stomach, the taste of partially digested midnight pickles and icecream as you go through yet another phase of morning sickness, they are absolutely nothing compared to the physical and emotional pain that men experience on an everyday basis every time they look at a beautiful woman.

It is so obvious to me now why Muslim countries keep their women covered and submissive! Clearly this is the only just and right way to live, to spare men the agony, the fierce internal conflict that ensues when a beautiful woman subliminally suggests sex to him, tempts him, with her wicked, womanly ways.

Men possess no social intelligence what so ever; this is a trait that is beneath them. As such, in this matriarchal hell we've built, they have no way to flirt since their only avenues have been warped in to the demon terms of 'sexual assault' and 'harassment'. A man flirt with words or body language? Pish-posh! That is beneath consideration!

This is all the fault of all women, and all men have these same problems! There are no men capable of flirting! They are all a lie.

Oh, and only women can have low self-esteem and act in the way that "nice guys" are described to act in. Men are above that sort of thing.

All this has recently been revealed to me and I am basking in the light of these eternal truths.

/satire

[link]

In all seriousness though, what the fuck? Is this guy a troll? Can someone tell me, please, that this guy is a troll? Please? I need to believe he is a troll. :stare:
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Devious Comments

:iconsabhira:
Sabhira Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I think my boggle is flabberghasted too.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2013  Student Writer
:lol:
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:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Dear Jesus, this is the second of your satire threads I've read. Loving it lady. (You are female right? Too lazy to check)
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Writer
Yes, I am a lady. And thank you. :)
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:iconronin201:
Ronin201 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
I think someone needs to relieve him of his man card. he is a sad, misguided individual who knows nothing about how a guy is supposed to act around a woman if he wants to pursue romantic relations with her

and...and I think he may be serious, considering his replies... :iconmotherofgodmemeplz:
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:iconwesmeadow:
Wesmeadow Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Student Digital Artist
What are you talking about, Chuck Norris and myself hands out the man cards to the rest of you. :D j/k

I read and hear all the time on how women have it worst than men, how we men keep women down in life, how horrible us men are with women.

My attempt was to show that it is not the case at all.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
I'm afraid he may be serious.
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:iconronin201:
Ronin201 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013
I think he is
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Writer
I think so too.
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:iconwalkingren:
WalkingRen Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
I feel like any Guy Vs Girl debate will end in fail, because no one has really lived both =P
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
I think participating in such a debate is pretty dumb on it's own. People are individuals. The genders may be different but they don't completely define who you are. One is not better than the other.
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:iconwalkingren:
WalkingRen Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
You're only saying that because you're a giiirRL :iconteheplz:

But yeah I agree, and even if there was a victor what do you win?
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
Bragging rights, I guess?
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:iconwalkingren:
WalkingRen Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
:shrug:
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:iconsaints-fan-12:
saints-fan-12 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Why in God's name would he even post bullcrap like that? I'd love to slap some sense in him.
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:iconwesmeadow:
Wesmeadow Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Way to show how much sense you have there...with threatening of violence..

Not a good idea.
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:iconsaints-fan-12:
saints-fan-12 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I have a valid reason for this comment, he's disowning the only mate he has, women are used for reproduction. Therefore, with women being treated as objects, there will be less reproduction. I'm just going to go.
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:iconwesmeadow:
Wesmeadow Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I do not view women as live stock, they are human beings.

When it comes down to it, I want a relationship with a woman, I want more than just sex, I want someone that I will never feel is unattractive, that I can age with and still fall in love with all over again at age 90 with her.

When I go tactless on my wording or when people take what I state and twist it way out of original concept, it misguides to my true feelings and nature.

Women tell me that they do not need me. (making myself feel worthless)
Women tell me that I have it better than them and know nothing of true pain, like I am an inanimate object without feelings.
Women have sexually abused myself with unwanted hit on touching. (treating myself as meat)
Women have broken my heart over and over again in very cruel ways.

Yet in my insanity, even with my hate of it all, I deep down love them and my awkward passion seeks some way to connect with them on some sort of level. It ends up making myself feel like I have no fighting chance to prove myself as a man! :(
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:iconsaints-fan-12:
saints-fan-12 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nor do I. That's what he said not me. For women like you just described, I'm terribly sorry I can't help you. Most men think of it as weak if they connect with women on the same level, in reality it's the sweetest thing a guy can do.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
Either he's a troll or he honestly believes it.
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:iconsaints-fan-12:
saints-fan-12 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Let's just hope he's a troll
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
What a strange, sad individual. He appears to be under the impression that he's some sort of messiah for the male population, like he's going to lead them to the promise land of beer, football, and free boob groping.
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:iconk-koji:
K-Koji Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
He's a lone voice, a beacon of hope for all "nice guys" who suffer in silence under a constant onslaught of female-driven male oppression.

lol I really hope he's a troll. I fear he's not though.
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Either way, he's still fun to point and laugh at.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
:lol:

It seems so.
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
I can't help but wonder if he's one of those individuals who thinks gay sex isn't really sex because it's anal.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Student Writer
It could very well be. He gave me the Christian vibe in another thread.
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:iconh-irsch:
h-irsch Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I don't even want to be male at the moment.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
This guy is just that bad? :stare:
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:icongogo-t-w:
GoGo-T-W Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013   Traditional Artist
Just seeing "friendzone" from that guy makes me think troll/sockpuppet.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Writer
That could be. It seems it's been a troll issue lately.
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:iconsynapticboomstick:
SynapticBoomstick Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:lol: That's why we men dream at night. It's to make up for the reality that is the waking world. The commute is already socially awkward enough as it is with everyone squashed together, I couldn't imagine a mass dry-humping breaking out in the car as our poor reptile brains snapped under the oppressive onslaught of feminine temptation.
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:iconwhatonearth:
whatonearth Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:lol:
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
:XD:
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Writer
:lol:
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:iconjeweledscarab:
JeweledScarab Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
It's like he read the Cracked article about how society is teaching men to hate women and decided it was justifying his stupid rather than tearing it down.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Writer
Probably.
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:iconcamera-wielding-fool:
Camera-wielding-fool Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
man, i wrote out this big long comment replying to his "HEERZ A LIST OF THE HORRORS US MENZ GO THRU IN LIFE THAT IS 100% EXCLUSIVE TO PENIS OWNERS!!!!!!" comment, but i hit something on my keyboard and went back a page. :( Probably for the best, though...I don't need to have his shit showing up in my inbox. :stare:
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Writer
Awww. :(

I would've read it.
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:iconmapper3:
mapper3 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student General Artist
:iconfacepalmplz:
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:iconsingagainsoon:
singagainsoon Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't believe there are people who actually believe that. I really hope he isn't serious :stare:
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Student Writer
This man desperately needs a time machine.
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:iconsingagainsoon:
singagainsoon Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconlaplz: quite right.~
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:iconjames--steele:
James--Steele Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Holy shit, just read his OP thoroughly. Women are bitches for not letting him randomly sexually assault them? :wtf:
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013
Yes, and furthermore, apparently all men believe this.
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:iconjames--steele:
James--Steele Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well, I guess I'm not a man. :laughing:
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Join the club. I'm not either. This is a major revelation to me and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
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:iconjames--steele:
James--Steele Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'll have to swing by my local bookstore to find the updated "Being a Man: A Set of Guidelines Version 27.03" :lmao:
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:iconlobosabio:
LoboSabio Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
You mean I'll have to buy another one?
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:iconjames--steele:
James--Steele Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Unfortunately. Though it only updates once every 16 years. (if only it didn't cost $400 each time :saddummy:)
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