Valentines Sexy-ness
Last year I went all out for my husband on Valentines day. Personally, I am not big into holidays or birthdays. I just don't see the point in them. My husband, however, loves special occasions so I try my best to be a happy camper and be enthusiastic about them.
For Valentines day, I decorated our living room in candles and put on a fireplace video on the tv (corny, I know, but he likes corny things). I named it the "Lovers Lounge" area as an attempt to have a "get away" without being able to actually leave due to financial and time constraints. For this room I created a playlist of our favorite songs and, when he came home, we danced to them in the living room. We always danced while we were dating. We danced during cleanup of dishes after dinner, at stressful moments between going to school, on anniversaries, etc. so I thought it would be sweet. He loved it.
After a bit of dancing we left the music on, blew out the candles and moved on to the "Cupid's Cafe" set up in the kitchen with more candles, sparkling cider (we don't drink alcohol) and eggplant Parisian that I learned how to make since I knew he liked it. I bough him creme brulee for desert and hid it for after dinner. On the table I had some chocolate cake from earlier that week which he assumed was for desert. He isn't particularly fond of cake but was going to go for it after dinner was finished until I pulled out the creme brulee from the fridge. He was thrilled at yet another surprise for the night. He was extremely impressed at how much work I'd gone to so far to surprise him for the night.
After eating dinner, we went to the bedroom that was sectioned off with draped sheets from the ceiling so that only the bed and nightstand were visible when walking in. It was a "spa" area that had towels set out on the bed with his favorite candies on top. There were candles here too and relaxing music to replace our favorite songs playlist. I knew he would be stressed from going to work all day (I thankfully had the day off to set all of this up) so I gave him a hand,arm, shoulder, calf and feet massage. Afterward we ended up watching some romantic comedy and calling it a night.
This year my husband told me it is his turn to go all out for valentines day. He got me flowers last year and wanted to try his hand at "surprising" me this year. After telling me that this year is "all about me" I find out that he wants to buy me lingerie.
I'm not interested in lingerie or in sex on Valentines day (though I'm not opposed to the sexy_act, per se, I'm just not a big fan on planned sex). I can get sex any time and have enough sexy-time outfits to last me a while. I hardly ever use the three I have (seriously) and am not interested in expanding my collection. We've talked about how I don't like to wear them often because it feels, to me, that it is a huge build up until the clothes come off. Once my outfits are exposed I'm instantly turned off. I feel (and I really don't mind if you don't feel the same) that lingerie focuses more on lust and how my body looks in a hot outfit than about our relationship and love we have for each other.
My husband wants to buy me lingerie for valentines day and all I want are flowers and a cute note of love (or something else that is sweet).
For Valentines day, I decorated our living room in candles and put on a fireplace video on the tv (corny, I know, but he likes corny things). I named it the "Lovers Lounge" area as an attempt to have a "get away" without being able to actually leave due to financial and time constraints. For this room I created a playlist of our favorite songs and, when he came home, we danced to them in the living room. We always danced while we were dating. We danced during cleanup of dishes after dinner, at stressful moments between going to school, on anniversaries, etc. so I thought it would be sweet. He loved it.
After a bit of dancing we left the music on, blew out the candles and moved on to the "Cupid's Cafe" set up in the kitchen with more candles, sparkling cider (we don't drink alcohol) and eggplant Parisian that I learned how to make since I knew he liked it. I bough him creme brulee for desert and hid it for after dinner. On the table I had some chocolate cake from earlier that week which he assumed was for desert. He isn't particularly fond of cake but was going to go for it after dinner was finished until I pulled out the creme brulee from the fridge. He was thrilled at yet another surprise for the night. He was extremely impressed at how much work I'd gone to so far to surprise him for the night.
After eating dinner, we went to the bedroom that was sectioned off with draped sheets from the ceiling so that only the bed and nightstand were visible when walking in. It was a "spa" area that had towels set out on the bed with his favorite candies on top. There were candles here too and relaxing music to replace our favorite songs playlist. I knew he would be stressed from going to work all day (I thankfully had the day off to set all of this up) so I gave him a hand,arm, shoulder, calf and feet massage. Afterward we ended up watching some romantic comedy and calling it a night.
This year my husband told me it is his turn to go all out for valentines day. He got me flowers last year and wanted to try his hand at "surprising" me this year. After telling me that this year is "all about me" I find out that he wants to buy me lingerie.
I'm not interested in lingerie or in sex on Valentines day (though I'm not opposed to the sexy_act, per se, I'm just not a big fan on planned sex). I can get sex any time and have enough sexy-time outfits to last me a while. I hardly ever use the three I have (seriously) and am not interested in expanding my collection. We've talked about how I don't like to wear them often because it feels, to me, that it is a huge build up until the clothes come off. Once my outfits are exposed I'm instantly turned off. I feel (and I really don't mind if you don't feel the same) that lingerie focuses more on lust and how my body looks in a hot outfit than about our relationship and love we have for each other. My husband wants to buy me lingerie for valentines day and all I want are flowers and a cute note of love (or something else that is sweet).Comments271
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Sex is the best
Maybe you're overthinking the concept of frilly panties waaaaaay too much. Besides, the lingerie isn't for you, it's for him. That if anything about be what annoys me about it, but I certainly wouldn't reject the gift either since obviously that's what he wants most of all for valentine's day.
I also really don't get how you can be upset over expecting sex on Valentine's Day if you're in a couple that actively and extravagantly celebrates v-day. That's like, one of a handful of days of the year where you can feel safe knowing there'll be sex to be had.
If it is a day that is "for me" (his words, not mine) then he shouldn't get something that he knows I don't want. It is also not just "frilly panties" but something a bit more extreme that I'm not comfortable with.
Plus, if I'm in a relationship that has sex regularly, why should I feel obligated to engage in sex on a specific day of the year that is "romantic"? I don't enjoy expected sex (my husband usually doesn't either). It really is about personal preferences.
Plus, if I'm in a relationship that has sex regularly, why should I feel obligated to engage in sex on a specific day of the year that is "romantic"? I don't enjoy expected sex (my husband usually doesn't either). It really is about personal preferences.
I have the reverse issue! I really enjoy nice lingerie but my partner doesn't care two ways about it and doesn't really understand why I might like to be treated with it some birthday...
But anyway. I think you're going to have to be frank about it.
It's okay for him to buy himself the present of something he'd paticularly like to see you in, but he should be honest about it if that's what he's doing. Pretending that it's "about you" while ignoring your preferences is making it look like more of a dick move than it needed to be.
But anyway. I think you're going to have to be frank about it.
It's okay for him to buy himself the present of something he'd paticularly like to see you in, but he should be honest about it if that's what he's doing. Pretending that it's "about you" while ignoring your preferences is making it look like more of a dick move than it needed to be.
Yeah that sounds like a good complaint...
"It's all about you this year, so here have a present that I like but you don't really.
"
Anyway, maybe you should try to express to him that you'd prefer just getting flowers or a sweet card? I mean it sounds a bit like a classic boy/girl misunderstanding and it seems those are best solved by simply talking to each other in a honest but calm way.
"It's all about you this year, so here have a present that I like but you don't really.
"Anyway, maybe you should try to express to him that you'd prefer just getting flowers or a sweet card? I mean it sounds a bit like a classic boy/girl misunderstanding and it seems those are best solved by simply talking to each other in a honest but calm way.
I've had the 'expensive sexi undies' issue... that and jewelery are my biggest 'uh, whut?' moments... I find both uncomfortable (I don't wear undies, and 99% of jewelery gets in my way and itches... and most of the rest is ugly and/or boring ) ... jewelery is one thing, when its from people who I'm not super close to i appreciate that they got me something... but when its from someone who i'm going out with and KNOWS its not my thing, its just... frustrating.... and upgrades to 'downright dickish' if they act like i then owe them something... *grins* plus, sexii undies are less a gift and more of a 'i dress you up and then sex you' thing -_- not.. the best.. implications...
Flowery lingerie?
Ha ha. No. There are links posted somewhere. It isn't my style, to say the least.
he should've done both
Well technically he did put a lot of thought into it, if only in a downward direction.
If my valentine surprised me with a massage this year I'd be eternally greatful. I'm on physical therapy this month and it hurts like a bastard.
If my valentine surprised me with a massage this year I'd be eternally greatful. I'm on physical therapy this month and it hurts like a bastard.
Physical therapy is my least favorite thing to do. Thankfully I don't have to do it anymore. I hope you don't have to do it for too long.
Only for a few weeks.
That's good.
So, I'll try to do my best to be non-opinionated as possible on this.
First, amazing work on last year. Sounds like you spoiled him rotten. Lol.
Now to the point.... (I am hoping I read everything right....)
Are you sure that he wasn't asking you to wear the lingerie as an idea to spice up things in the relationship?
(I know sometimes that is necessary, because sex isn't always the focus. Sometimes clothing has to be sexy to show off the beauty behind it. One can get used to the same clothing. Now, I know obviously this doesn't mean he has to jump from sexy dresses straight to underwear, but we, as men, do think with the wrong head from time to time.)
(And yes, I am saying he doesn't have to sacrifice your comfort for the desires of his...well, you know.)
I am going to do my best not to defend him, being it seems like a natural response coming from a guy. But I don't want to bash the guy, either.
I am thick headed, hell, I do stupid things all the time. But sometimes subtle hints and reminders help me get to what she wants.
I don't know your complete situation being I don't know you. You could be a mother, like my gf, or a student, you could work all the time. I have no idea of the situation, but I hope this helps.
First, amazing work on last year. Sounds like you spoiled him rotten. Lol.
Now to the point.... (I am hoping I read everything right....)
Are you sure that he wasn't asking you to wear the lingerie as an idea to spice up things in the relationship?
(I know sometimes that is necessary, because sex isn't always the focus. Sometimes clothing has to be sexy to show off the beauty behind it. One can get used to the same clothing. Now, I know obviously this doesn't mean he has to jump from sexy dresses straight to underwear, but we, as men, do think with the wrong head from time to time.)
(And yes, I am saying he doesn't have to sacrifice your comfort for the desires of his...well, you know.)
I am going to do my best not to defend him, being it seems like a natural response coming from a guy. But I don't want to bash the guy, either.
I am thick headed, hell, I do stupid things all the time. But sometimes subtle hints and reminders help me get to what she wants.
I don't know your complete situation being I don't know you. You could be a mother, like my gf, or a student, you could work all the time. I have no idea of the situation, but I hope this helps.
Thank you for your opinion. It was helpful.
"Are you sure that he wasn't asking you to wear the lingerie as an idea to spice up things in the relationship? " this is fairly accurate.
"Are you sure that he wasn't asking you to wear the lingerie as an idea to spice up things in the relationship? " this is fairly accurate.
Best thing to do is talk it out and be open. As long as both of you are honest and willing to talk it out, it should get any confusion understood.
But glad it helped.
But glad it helped.
(And yes, I am saying he doesn't have to sacrifice your comfort for the desires of his...well, you know.)
How, exactly, is her comfort one of his sacrifices?
How, exactly, is her comfort one of his sacrifices?
I think you read that wrong.
I said he does NOT have to sacrifice her comfort for his horny-ness. In other words, he should try to stay in the grounds of what she is comfortable with.
I said he does NOT have to sacrifice her comfort for his horny-ness. In other words, he should try to stay in the grounds of what she is comfortable with.
No, I didn't read it wrong.
The sentence says "He does not have to sacrifice her comfort." When it should read: "She does not have to sacrifice her comfort."
Her comfort is not his sacrifice to make.
What I am saying doesn't actually have to do so much with the point the poster is making. What I'm saying is that the poster thinks of this sacrifice as belonging to the man, which kind of hints at his own mental view of men/women, viewing the women subconsciously as property of the man--at least that's what his text suggests.
The sentence says "He does not have to sacrifice her comfort." When it should read: "She does not have to sacrifice her comfort."
Her comfort is not his sacrifice to make.
What I am saying doesn't actually have to do so much with the point the poster is making. What I'm saying is that the poster thinks of this sacrifice as belonging to the man, which kind of hints at his own mental view of men/women, viewing the women subconsciously as property of the man--at least that's what his text suggests.
First of all, I do not think of anything belonging to anyone. Especially when it comes to anyone being property.
the emphasis was on HER comfort.
I believe men and women, when it comes to being in a relationship, as being equals. there has to be a constant push and pull, give and take. Can't be a one sided thing to work.
Anyway, my apologies if anything I said seemed sexist. It was not the intent.
the emphasis was on HER comfort.
I believe men and women, when it comes to being in a relationship, as being equals. there has to be a constant push and pull, give and take. Can't be a one sided thing to work.
Anyway, my apologies if anything I said seemed sexist. It was not the intent.
I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about the other poster.
Decorating a room and naming it sounds real corny! Sorry!
Which is why I said it was corny. 
It is.