Maybe you're overthinking the concept of frilly panties waaaaaay too much. Besides, the lingerie isn't for you, it's for him. That if anything about be what annoys me about it, but I certainly wouldn't reject the gift either since obviously that's what he wants most of all for valentine's day.
I also really don't get how you can be upset over expecting sex on Valentine's Day if you're in a couple that actively and extravagantly celebrates v-day. That's like, one of a handful of days of the year where you can feel safe knowing there'll be sex to be had.
If it is a day that is "for me" (his words, not mine) then he shouldn't get something that he knows I don't want. It is also not just "frilly panties" but something a bit more extreme that I'm not comfortable with.
Plus, if I'm in a relationship that has sex regularly, why should I feel obligated to engage in sex on a specific day of the year that is "romantic"? I don't enjoy expected sex (my husband usually doesn't either). It really is about personal preferences.
I have the reverse issue! I really enjoy nice lingerie but my partner doesn't care two ways about it and doesn't really understand why I might like to be treated with it some birthday...
But anyway. I think you're going to have to be frank about it.
It's okay for him to buy himself the present of something he'd paticularly like to see you in, but he should be honest about it if that's what he's doing. Pretending that it's "about you" while ignoring your preferences is making it look like more of a dick move than it needed to be.
Yeah that sounds like a good complaint... "It's all about you this year, so here have a present that I like but you don't really. " Anyway, maybe you should try to express to him that you'd prefer just getting flowers or a sweet card? I mean it sounds a bit like a classic boy/girl misunderstanding and it seems those are best solved by simply talking to each other in a honest but calm way.
I've had the 'expensive sexi undies' issue... that and jewelery are my biggest 'uh, whut?' moments... I find both uncomfortable (I don't wear undies, and 99% of jewelery gets in my way and itches... and most of the rest is ugly and/or boring ) ... jewelery is one thing, when its from people who I'm not super close to i appreciate that they got me something... but when its from someone who i'm going out with and KNOWS its not my thing, its just... frustrating.... and upgrades to 'downright dickish' if they act like i then owe them something... *grins* plus, sexii undies are less a gift and more of a 'i dress you up and then sex you' thing -_- not.. the best.. implications...
Well technically he did put a lot of thought into it, if only in a downward direction. If my valentine surprised me with a massage this year I'd be eternally greatful. I'm on physical therapy this month and it hurts like a bastard.