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February 7, 2013
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Valentines Sexy-ness

:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Last year I went all out for my husband on Valentines day. Personally, I am not big into holidays or birthdays. I just don't see the point in them. My husband, however, loves special occasions so I try my best to be a happy camper and be enthusiastic about them.

For Valentines day, I decorated our living room in candles and put on a fireplace video on the tv (corny, I know, but he likes corny things). I named it the "Lovers Lounge" area as an attempt to have a "get away" without being able to actually leave due to financial and time constraints. For this room I created a playlist of our favorite songs and, when he came home, we danced to them in the living room. We always danced while we were dating. We danced during cleanup of dishes after dinner, at stressful moments between going to school, on anniversaries, etc. so I thought it would be sweet. He loved it.

After a bit of dancing we left the music on, blew out the candles and moved on to the "Cupid's Cafe" set up in the kitchen with more candles, sparkling cider (we don't drink alcohol) and eggplant Parisian that I learned how to make since I knew he liked it. I bough him creme brulee for desert and hid it for after dinner. On the table I had some chocolate cake from earlier that week which he assumed was for desert. He isn't particularly fond of cake but was going to go for it after dinner was finished until I pulled out the creme brulee from the fridge. He was thrilled at yet another surprise for the night. He was extremely impressed at how much work I'd gone to so far to surprise him for the night.

After eating dinner, we went to the bedroom that was sectioned off with draped sheets from the ceiling so that only the bed and nightstand were visible when walking in. It was a "spa" area that had towels set out on the bed with his favorite candies on top. There were candles here too and relaxing music to replace our favorite songs playlist. I knew he would be stressed from going to work all day (I thankfully had the day off to set all of this up) so I gave him a hand,arm, shoulder, calf and feet massage. Afterward we ended up watching some romantic comedy and calling it a night.


This year my husband told me it is his turn to go all out for valentines day. He got me flowers last year and wanted to try his hand at "surprising" me this year. After telling me that this year is "all about me" I find out that he wants to buy me lingerie. :facepalm: I'm not interested in lingerie or in sex on Valentines day (though I'm not opposed to the sexy_act, per se, I'm just not a big fan on planned sex). I can get sex any time and have enough sexy-time outfits to last me a while. I hardly ever use the three I have (seriously) and am not interested in expanding my collection. We've talked about how I don't like to wear them often because it feels, to me, that it is a huge build up until the clothes come off. Once my outfits are exposed I'm instantly turned off. I feel (and I really don't mind if you don't feel the same) that lingerie focuses more on lust and how my body looks in a hot outfit than about our relationship and love we have for each other.

:icontealdeerplz: My husband wants to buy me lingerie for valentines day and all I want are flowers and a cute note of love (or something else that is sweet).
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Devious Comments

:icongenerallulz:
GeNeRaLLuLz Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013
Sex is the best
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:iconbohobella:
bohobella Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Maybe you're overthinking the concept of frilly panties waaaaaay too much. Besides, the lingerie isn't for you, it's for him. That if anything about be what annoys me about it, but I certainly wouldn't reject the gift either since obviously that's what he wants most of all for valentine's day.

I also really don't get how you can be upset over expecting sex on Valentine's Day if you're in a couple that actively and extravagantly celebrates v-day. That's like, one of a handful of days of the year where you can feel safe knowing there'll be sex to be had. 
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
If it is a day that is "for me" (his words, not mine) then he shouldn't get something that he knows I don't want. It is also not just "frilly panties" but something a bit more extreme that I'm not comfortable with.

Plus, if I'm in a relationship that has sex regularly, why should I feel obligated to engage in sex on a specific day of the year that is "romantic"? I don't enjoy expected sex (my husband usually doesn't either). It really is about personal preferences.
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:iconkafine:
kafine Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013   General Artist
I have the reverse issue! I really enjoy nice lingerie but my partner doesn't care two ways about it and doesn't really understand why I might like to be treated with it some birthday...

But anyway. I think you're going to have to be frank about it.

It's okay for him to buy himself the present of something he'd paticularly like to see you in, but he should be honest about it if that's what he's doing. Pretending that it's "about you" while ignoring your preferences is making it look like more of a dick move than it needed to be.
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:iconforeverteatime:
ForeverTeaTime Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah that sounds like a good complaint...
"It's all about you this year, so here have a present that I like but you don't really. :D"
Anyway, maybe you should try to express to him that you'd prefer just getting flowers or a sweet card? I mean it sounds a bit like a classic boy/girl misunderstanding and it seems those are best solved by simply talking to each other in a honest but calm way.
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:iconsewlolita:
SewLolita Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013   General Artist
I've had the 'expensive sexi undies' issue... that and jewelery are my biggest 'uh, whut?' moments... I find both uncomfortable (I don't wear undies, and 99% of jewelery gets in my way and itches... and most of the rest is ugly and/or boring ) ... jewelery is one thing, when its from people who I'm not super close to i appreciate that they got me something... but when its from someone who i'm going out with and KNOWS its not my thing, its just... frustrating.... and upgrades to 'downright dickish' if they act like i then owe them something... *grins* plus, sexii undies are less a gift and more of a 'i dress you up and then sex you' thing -_- not.. the best.. implications...
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:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Professional
Flowery lingerie?
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ha ha. No. There are links posted somewhere. It isn't my style, to say the least.
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:iconreicheru-ketsueki:
Reicheru-Ketsueki Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
he should've done both
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:iconsynapticboomstick:
SynapticBoomstick Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well technically he did put a lot of thought into it, if only in a downward direction.:iconhurrhurrplz:
If my valentine surprised me with a massage this year I'd be eternally greatful. I'm on physical therapy this month and it hurts like a bastard. :stare:
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Physical therapy is my least favorite thing to do. Thankfully I don't have to do it anymore. I hope you don't have to do it for too long.
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:iconsynapticboomstick:
SynapticBoomstick Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Only for a few weeks.
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
That's good.
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:iconwyntry:
Wyntry Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
So, I'll try to do my best to be non-opinionated as possible on this.
First, amazing work on last year. Sounds like you spoiled him rotten. Lol.

Now to the point.... (I am hoping I read everything right....)
Are you sure that he wasn't asking you to wear the lingerie as an idea to spice up things in the relationship?

(I know sometimes that is necessary, because sex isn't always the focus. Sometimes clothing has to be sexy to show off the beauty behind it. One can get used to the same clothing. Now, I know obviously this doesn't mean he has to jump from sexy dresses straight to underwear, but we, as men, do think with the wrong head from time to time.)

(And yes, I am saying he doesn't have to sacrifice your comfort for the desires of his...well, you know.)

I am going to do my best not to defend him, being it seems like a natural response coming from a guy. But I don't want to bash the guy, either.

I am thick headed, hell, I do stupid things all the time. But sometimes subtle hints and reminders help me get to what she wants.
I don't know your complete situation being I don't know you. You could be a mother, like my gf, or a student, you could work all the time. I have no idea of the situation, but I hope this helps.
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for your opinion. It was helpful.

"Are you sure that he wasn't asking you to wear the lingerie as an idea to spice up things in the relationship? " this is fairly accurate.
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:iconwyntry:
Wyntry Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Best thing to do is talk it out and be open. As long as both of you are honest and willing to talk it out, it should get any confusion understood.
But glad it helped.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Writer
(And yes, I am saying he doesn't have to sacrifice your comfort for the desires of his...well, you know.)

How, exactly, is her comfort one of his sacrifices?
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:iconwyntry:
Wyntry Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
I think you read that wrong.

I said he does NOT have to sacrifice her comfort for his horny-ness. In other words, he should try to stay in the grounds of what she is comfortable with.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
No, I didn't read it wrong.

The sentence says "He does not have to sacrifice her comfort." When it should read: "She does not have to sacrifice her comfort."

Her comfort is not his sacrifice to make.

What I am saying doesn't actually have to do so much with the point the poster is making. What I'm saying is that the poster thinks of this sacrifice as belonging to the man, which kind of hints at his own mental view of men/women, viewing the women subconsciously as property of the man--at least that's what his text suggests.
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:iconwyntry:
Wyntry Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
First of all, I do not think of anything belonging to anyone. Especially when it comes to anyone being property.
the emphasis was on HER comfort.
I believe men and women, when it comes to being in a relationship, as being equals. there has to be a constant push and pull, give and take. Can't be a one sided thing to work.
Anyway, my apologies if anything I said seemed sexist. It was not the intent.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Student Writer
I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about the other poster.
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:icontrampire:
Trampire Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Decorating a room and naming it sounds real corny! Sorry!
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Which is why I said it was corny. :thumbsup:
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:icontrampire:
Trampire Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
It is.
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:iconsauti-alamisi:
Sauti-Alamisi Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sigh, Valentines Day. All I got for my life was candy on this day from school, since I'm just in 9th grade. But I guess no happiness from candy this year because it's High School. :saddummy:

I'm forever alone. I'm not blonde haired or American. :iconforeveraloneplz:

Anyways, just tell him you have no interest in sex, lingerie clothing, or anything like that. It sometimes works, but if it doesn't, I don't know what to tell you.

Random Fact: Average babies are born in November when their parents have sex on Valentines day.
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
My friends and I still gave out stupid cards and candy in high school. Keep your hopes up.

As for me :[link]
(A summery of how all this worked out.)


And, while I doubt I'll be having much sex or much of anything on Valentines at this point, I'm still on birth control so I should have been fine if we did do the deed.
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
For those of you who may check back and see whatever came of all of this:

I was blunt and spoke my mind (again). I told him that they either were 1. too sexy (aka too slutty) or 2 would not fit my bust. He said I needed to change my mind on them and get that idea (that they were slutty) out of my head. He didn't see (or try to see) my point of view. I tried to make a compromise of something sheer and sexy but still girly (similar to this [link] but with a bit more pizazz and completely sheer material). He disliked the idea, called me picky and called off Valentines all together.

Happy Valentines day everyone! Oh and double joy for me since I have my birthday two days before Valentines day too. Since I'm "never pleased" (even thought I've been BEGGING him to romance me with candles, dinner, dancing, flowers, ANYTHING for a few months. He keeps crying that I keep shutting him down but usually I only shut him down during 1. finals, 2.midterms, 3.homework that is DUE THE NEXT DAY. Timing is something he should have looked into a bit closer but he fails to understand that when I try to explain why those nights aren't the right nights to have tried.), he is also talking of canceling all of my birthday plans. I may just get dinner, one present, a song and then he's off to bed. Yay me. He even suggested that perhaps I should just make my own dinner since he probably couldn't even do it right. FANTASTIC!


Thanks to those who have tried to offer suggestions, help and those who have been understanding.
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:iconk-koji:
K-Koji Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
He's acting like a selfish, controlling man-child whose throwing a tantrum because you had the audacity to want something different than him.
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
He usually doesn't do this but we have sworn off using lingerie in the past because of these antics.
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:iconk-koji:
K-Koji Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Well I hope things work out and you have a great birthday :hug:
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh wow, if I was holding back before, now I'm completely confident in calling him an asshole. He has zero consideration for you and your feelings. How you managed to last 4 years is beyond me. I read this story out to my boyfriend and the first thing he jokingly said was "Castration!" and added that your husband is a selfish cock.
It seems to me that your whole relationship consisted of him telling his demands and you conforming. And now that you objected, he suddenly overreacts like a little bitch, who is used to always getting his way.:roll:
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
We're pretty good at sharing and compromising. Lingerie is just a subject we don't talk about.


This link may help a bit: [link]
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
If he thinks he could pull this kind of shit off, she probably gave him reasons to think he could long before this big fail repeatedly. :/
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
He has never had reasons to think that he could bring things like this to the table. I told him I'd be open to finding more lingerie thinking it would just be a bra and panty set or a babydoll set. When I saw what he wanted, he was shut down and would have been in the past if he had tried that then.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sadly, one of the other things my boyfriend said is that she sounds like a pushover, so it's no surprise that guy is acting this way towards her. That guy thinks his behavior is acceptable and because she doesn't say anything against, he feels like he can continue with this shit. What a spoiled child this man is.:no:
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I can honestly say (and so can my teachers and my family) that I've never been and never will be a pushover. I'm extremely opinionated and don't let crap (such as trashy lingerie) be pushed on me.

I work on compromising because I know that I have a hard time doing that. This is something that I can't compromise on.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
The thing is you don't have to compromise all the time. Reciprocation is key to a successful relationship. If you keep compromising and he does nothing, you'll only end up being miserable.:saddummy:
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I hardly ever compromise since I have a hard time doing so. He compromises for me all the time so I was attempting compromise this time.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You shouldn't compromise at the expense of your own comfort. Sure, do stuff for him that you may dislike or downright hate, but only if you're willing and because you know it'll make him happy, NOT because you're being pressured into it.:nod:
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(1 Reply)
:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
A grown man understands what he's doing regardless of it being tolerated. :/
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've known some "grown men", who acted like complete dickheads and sincerely thought they weren't doing anything wrong.:hmm:
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
Or so they'd like you to think.
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
You know what that bitch is actually doing btw?
Because people don't care that much about lingerie and having sex on a certain day.
He's trying to guilt trip you and pressure you into having his way.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That's what I thought, when I read OP's comment. He's being a gigantic asshole. "If I can't get MY way, then I'll cancel it all together and make it out to be YOUR fault."

I didn't want to say anything insulting about him to OP, because we have no idea what their relationship was, but now I'm more than willing to speak out about how much of a prick he is.
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:iconk-koji:
K-Koji Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
And he's not only cancelling Valentines Day, he's cancelling her birthday plans as an added punishment that she spoke her mind.
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:iconalzircon:
alzircon Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know, right? What a fucking manipulative selfish asshole.:shakefist:
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I think I'll be pointing this out tonight. Manipulative indeed. F
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:iconcherylblanche:
CherylBlanche Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Yep, you married an asshole. I don't think he really cares about you, and you're already married so it's a bit late to find out...
I imagine you don't even want to consider leaving him at least, but it really doesn't seem like he cares.
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:iconsophiegreenly:
SophieGreenly Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
[link]


I'm pretty sure he does care about me. Lingerie is just something we don't talk about for a reason. The link may help explain things. He gets weird and defensive (and STUPID) when his feelings are hurt. With time I'm sure he'll feel like the idiot he was.
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:iconkinrift:
Kinrift Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
Sounds a bit of a dickhead. :shrug:
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