As for your fist complaint, I completely agree. I feel it's quite selfish actually, i mean, what happens if they actually commit suicide and then who's left to pick up the pieces and mourn their stupid deaths? Their family and friends, it's selfish it's idiotic. And as for your second complaint, i sit by a girl in maths and all she does is talk about how her life's going to hell and all these things that are happening in her life. Basically i just want to pull my hair out and scream who the fuck cares? People are self centred and annoying, you've just got to learn to deal.
Mhm. I mean, okay, so your life seems to be worthless enough to you to end it, but then you're just going to make everyone else feel depressed also when you're dead. ;-; Really, life might suck, but getting help, even if not right away and it's hard, is much better option I think. >.>
Urgh yes. Like last week this girl was talking about all sorts of ways to have her friend (who sits next to me and her >.>) can just ask [her friend]'s boyfriend if he was wanting to dumb [her friend]. Seriously, if you're so dang nosey if he's going to dump her, I hope he dumps her for the sake of not being stuck with someone like that as a GF.
I know where you're comin' from. There's one aspect of this that really bothers me.
If you're suicidal, I think getting in a long-term relationship or marriage or having kids is really an awful idea. Don't make people depend on you if you don't even think you're willing to stay around. I think there are people who will rarely if ever think about suicide, and then there are those that consider it all the time, and plenty inbetween. And if you're not in that stable place, you're being kinda selfish because if things don't go well, your partner is going to be really sad or alone, your family won't be able to function, your kids will miss a big part of their lives, etc.
I think even the same thing with dating - don't be surprised if your partner doesn't want to date someone who might kill themselves. It doesn't just say that you don't care about you, but you don't give a fuck about how your partner feels, you only care about your feelings. And if it's that unbearable, break up instead of being offended if they break up with you. An exception to that is if you're seeking out help and your partner knows and is trying to help and understand and all. If they're aware, great, they're aware of the risk. That's a lot better than keeping stuff from who you're with. I think two people dating could really help them both be happier and less likely to consider suicide. (:
On the smaller end of the scale - I don't like people who constantly put themselves down or post depressing stuff all the time. It's not attractive or cute - a lot of it might be realistic and things we all think about, but if you hate yourself and focus a lot on the bad parts of yourself, instead of staying positive and happy, it seems like there's no pleasing and no confidence and they're just never going to be happy or comfortable or anything. Kinda hard to put this part into words, but people being so negative really does bother me, and if you tell them then they just feel worse, and the childish ones will get mad at you for disliking that.
There's a difference between 'feeling depressed' and 'depression' which something a lot of people don't quite understand. They seem to think the moment they feel low and glum, they have depression but the reality is they're just sad or disappointed about something. Yes, you can feel depressed; by definition 'Depressed' means " In a state of general unhappiness or despondency". However, having actual 'depression' isn't exactly the same as this. Being someone who suffers from manic depression I can say that from experience having Depression is not just a 'I'm sad' feeling... it's a literal 'there's no reason to live, I break everything I touch, everyone hates me, what do I do' feeling-- and more often than just every once and a while, too.
I think one of the problems is that we as a society throw words around so easily: "I can't get the new iPhone, ugh, I'm sooooo depressed :c" or "I can't get the new "Assassin's Creed" game, I'm so depressed". Depression isn't just being sad, it's being really, really, really, sad for a long long time. It's being sad even when in good, fun, and happy situations or among great and loving/lovable people. Depression is a mental imbalance, not a phase. People who have depression don't just wake up one day and all of a sudden feel better, their change and progress is subtle and often difficult. Some cannot even manage it without the aid of a pill of therapy.
Teens: Let me tell you something about teenagers-- They'll be depressed even when someone tries to 'understand' them or 'help' them. It's how the brain works. It's not really societies fault, it's biology. Things are changing in your body, you're traversing from child to adult during your teenage years and the world becomes a bigger and sometimes scarier place. You learn that lives aren't lived out like fairy tales, people can be cruel, mean, and sadistic. You also start to learn more about yourself. The main reason teenagers have this problem with 'hating' themselves and feeling depressed is because they think too much on things that don't matter. "That girl thinks I'm ugly" "My butt is too big (or small)" "My hair isn't straight enough" "I'm so fat" "I'm so ugly" "I" "I" "I".... The truth of it is as you get older you slowly begin to not care as much about what other people think because your brain adjusts and you come to realize 'this is who I am, and I can only change so much before I can't change anything else. The world can accept me for who I am' and stop focusing on the little things. Still, some people never 'grow up' and they focus on the little things like looks, size, and other trivial things. To them these things matter! But to the general public they don't. Teens see the world focused on them, every one is always looking at them, studying them, judging them, but the reality is...they're not. Not unless you give them a reason to. Bright pink hair, 18 piercings, 40 tattoos all over-- these are things that WILL make people look at you, it's just fact. If you're average then people have no reason to look, judge, or study you. But teens don't think this way. Oh, some do but a lot don't. Your boyfriend dumps you and immediately "LIFE SUCKS, I'M HORRIBLE! NO BODY LOVES ME!" -- it's it any wonder teens have issues with feeling sad/worthless/depressed? But 'feeling' these things isn't enough to determine 'depression'. For that you actually have to be diagnosed (sound cynical but hey, I had to and everyone else had to sooo).
As for this whole 'suicide' talk -- depression isn't the root cause of suicide. Sorry, but depression doesn't really lead people to kill themselves. Not very often. Suicide is often the end result of other situations where, although involved to a degree, depression isn't the majoring factor. If you're 'sadness' is so intense that you are willing and ready to end your life then you need to go to the hospital or a friends house immediately. Although I'm willing to be 90% of the cases where people (particularly teens and young adults) are saying "I'm going to kill myself" are pleas for attention and comfort. Why? Because the world is so callous these days that someone asking for 'comfort' or 'love' during stressful, saddening, depressing, upsetting times is seen as weak or lazy. 'Little things' to us are big things to them but we don't see that and we ignore them in their time of need. Only EXTREME cases are looked over and held in regard while the little ones are overlooked and disregarded as nothing more than annoyance. So, what does someone who is seeking comfort do in that kind of situation? Simple, push a more extreme outcome should their needs not be met. Again, it's not society, it's just how the brain works. We're social creatures and we NEED other people to feel comfortable and secure. When we're ignored or left alone for too long strange things happen to us, to our brain.
Some people cannot control it, others can. Those than cannot should seek the aid of those that can help, and those that can should seek to comfort those that cannot.
idk... I'm naturally an (annoyingly..) cheerful person nearly all the time, but there have been a few things in my life (I don't mean 'wah parents won't buy me stuff and my BF dumped meee' trivial shit, but the type of thing that the psych I had to see said that, fucked up as I was , I was pretty sane 'considering all that' ... though, it still could have been WAY worse ) that made me seriously depressed... i can say that some things are so bad that it becomes impossible to even imagine being happy, especially when they're constant, and you're too young to have the experience to know that that stuff is not how life normally is, especially when (due to age preventing employment, moving out, etc) the person is powerless to get out of the situation...optimism is VERY hard to develop, when your experience of life thus far has been, metaphorically speaking, much like being locked in a room of steaming turds, with only a vague concept that its possible to get to turd-free places
Then, there are chemical imbalances and mental disorders, which usually have not been diagnosed at that age. Some things mean that your body is physically incapable of producing happiness related chemicals... so 'enjoyable' activities are ...blah at best... (even if there are not currently other things happening that are enough of a big deal that attempting to 'have fun' is a trivial and pointless 'drop in the ocean' effort) and can be VERY isolating, when the person can't really relate to others in their peer group, either because of the very different way they think and feel, or underlying circumstances that cause them to feel that way.
A lot of the time, those types of people, once they're in a better situation, and underlying medical conditions are solved, are normal or cheerful- in my own example, off my meds I am moody, prone to halucinations, insta-rage, despair, or 'paranoid and feckin nuts', but on them ...well, even though I'm not sane or normal, I chose to think of myself as a happy, optimistic person with some mental health issues, rather than a depressive cyninal psycho temporarily passing as sane by dint of being heavily medicated (even though both are equally true )... because a decade later I still find life with no-one going psycho at me for no reason, nothing to be scared of, and a few good friends, to be a source of profound joy, which is more than enough to help me deal with all the little dramas and stress that I imagine happens to everyone who's trying to acheive anything, and by this point I know the difference between legitimate misery (which I can mostly do something about) and '...take yer meds, the crazy's starting to show', even though to me, they feel the same *laughs* But, that's only because I've had time to figure this out and learn to deal with it... which is maybe why younger people, who haven't had as much time to figure stuff out, often deal way worse with situations, than they would a few years later with a bit more life experience.
*shrugs* though, there ARE just annoying people with no real problems who can't deal with shit... I guess the problem there is taking 'everything going perfectly' as a base point, rather than 'welp, it could all be a LOT worse'
GalacticGoatFeatured By OwnerFeb 3, 2013Hobbyist General Artist
Depression=/= feeling depressed. Everyone feels depressed to some agree some days, having depression is a complete inability to get out of that feeling regardless of what is going on in their lives at the times due to almost certainly a chemical imbalances of the brain.
Telling a person with depression to "get happy" is about as effective as telling a paralyzed man to "stop being so lazy and walk like a normal person". Not only is it unbelievably ignorant that's not how illness works.
Same goes with suicidal tendency, while those aren't necessarily related to depression its a common symptom of an array of mental illnesses. Its rare a person in good mental health wants to kill or harm themselves. Once again telling a suicidal person to "just deal because life will get better" is about as logical as getting mad at a one armed man for not holding his hockey stick correctly. Suicidal tendencies are often related to those chemical imbalances mentioned above, it doesn't matter if that person is a motherfucking Disney World they still feel like dying is a best course of action.
A lot of these people due to the fact those chemical imbalances kinda make you completely irrational believe the world would be better if they died and therefore their death is actually a sacrifice for the good of humanity. They're very much the opposite of selfish.
The best course of action when you meet a person that's either depressed or suicidal, even if it turns out they're faking it, is to get them help. Because if they aren't actually suicidal they probably have other mental issues that need addressing and if they are suicidal simply a chance of environment, medication and lifestyle change may be all they need to become healthy again.
Anyway, I agree with you in some ways. My uncle committed suicide a few years ago and it emotionally effected our entire family, especially his wife. It is not fair to do this to your loved ones. The aftermath is awful and cruel.
Secondly, I suffer from depression and take medication for it. I know what its like to think of ending your life. However, I do not believe I could ever do it. I still do see the brighter things in life and do my best to be positive. There are other alternatives than suicide.
What bugs me (and I believe it has been mentioned in the comments) are people who do it for attention. I know some people are going to get angry at me for saying this because it is a mental illness, but I do believe that some people do it strictly for the thrill of getting a reaction. There was a girl at my high school, years ago, who would go around and SHOW people her cut wrist. That kind of thing bothers me.
Two people close to me attempted it and it's completely understandable why they did so. They only way I won't take someone seriously about cutting or attempting suicide is if they're doing it for attention. If it's the real deal, they can have sympathy from me.
The situation with the girl who won't shut up, punch her. Don't give me excuses, just do it.
For some people life isn't a basket full of roses. I self harm, and i believe I have reason to, but I try not to take it to an extreme. I guess its one way for people to let anger out, I have serious anger issues.
As many people have said, it's hard to understand depression if you haven't been there and experienced it first hand. It really isn't a matter of thinking happy thoughts, depression is an illness and needs to be treated as such. Unfortunately, self-harm and suicide can come with it. For many self-harm can become addictive, as cutting or scratching and so on and so forth releases endorphins. The physical pain helps soothe the mental and emotional pain.
As much as I can see you're trying to be empathetic, treating the matter with disgust helps no one. It is a condition. Happy thoughts won't cure it.
I personally suck at being empathetic/sympathetic, so that's my own problem here. >.> That's not really important for this discussion though.
I have gotten lots of varying replies to this, and they're really informative. ;3; I've learned a lot of things I never would've thought would have been related.
I personally wouldn't understand self harm because I hate feeling physical pain, and wouldn't understand how someone could get addicted to self-harm. Everyone really has a different view on life though, and I guess my disgust is really a lack of understanding, as I would never want to do such things. I always feel terrible though, as people who self-harm always feels like I distance myself from them since it's something I don't agree with. It puts me in a terrible dilemma when a good friend tells me they self harm, as I'm just as bad at trying to seek help for them as they are seeking it for themselves. ;_;
The majority of the population will enter depression some time in their lives.
But I have to agree with you, why would you want to hurt yourself or commit suicide? Personally, I think it's a plea for attention - what better way to get people to listen to you than if you were to threaten to take your own life?
Maybe I just think this because I have this thing about pain. Even a tiny papercut will allow me to write a tragedy to rival that of Shakespeare's.
I used to self-harm years ago. The idea I had behind it was channeling a lot of pain and anger I couldn't release any other way. Every time I did it, it was almost like a high. But it was horrible and destructive and quitting was the best thing I ever did for myself. It's just not worth it.
I just think it's best for people to get their asses off the computer and find a psychologist IRL rather than sit around on forums or whatever all day trying to seek "help." Personally I've gone through some shit but I know how to at least help myself
I could go into details but you know. I have a counsellor/best friend/boyfriend to tell all that to (not to mention I'd probably offend.)
getting help is not that easy. there are all kinds of stigmas attached to mental health, in that "you're doing it for attention!" "your problems aren't THAT bad!" "other people have it worse!" "medication is for quitters!" and "you just need to cheer up!" are things you hear from all sorts of people. people who do not have depression can't imagine how awful it is. not to mention, medication and therapists are expensive. if you don't have insurance, you're fucked. even if you have insurance, sometimes it's not covered. so you're still fucked.
basically, if you talk about it, you're an attention whore. if you don't talk about it, everyone gets upset you were "hiding it" from them. if you're not on medication, it's pushed on you, and when you ARE on medication, people tell you you should be able to handle things on your own.
shit like your post only perpetuates the stigmas. thumbs up great job A+ in empathy do you want a gold star
I just think you don't have the maturity or knowledge to be empathetic about situations like this yet, but more than likely as you get older and meet more people you'll at least be able to understand on a logical level why some people do these things.
You don't sound like an insensitive bitch, you just sound painfully young. It's fine though, we all were once.
I really don't know what's going on with people's lives, but why hurt and kill yourself?
<I'm not saying I live a tragic life, but it's not all peachy, but cutting yourself and wanting to die really is a pessimistic way of thinking.
That's the thing though. Depression as an illness, tend to work against common sense. Their life can be, even from their own perspective, almost perfect. Yet they still feel like they don't want/deserve to live. Their rational thoughts have been replaced with the melancholy that for whatever reason has entered their life.
Said feeling is something a normal person cannot really comprehend. The feeling of helplessness, self hatred, sorrow or whatever the individual may feel, can become so strong that anything that can relieve them of that feeling is a reasonable resort. That may trigger a psychosis that makes them cut/hurt themselvesm as it is one of the easiest ways out. The wounds will trigger an instant adrenaline surge that will put them at the very least to not feeling anything. For the people who suffer through such a psychosis, it is a relief beyond belief.
In short, you cannot treat a person suffering from depression as a rationable human being. You have to understand that their illness has long gone relieved them of their logic or the power to act upon it. If you have a friend that you suspect to suffer from depression, you must get them help any way you can.
I've cut before, and it's a way of coping with emotional pain by physical pain. It's hard to have gone through something horrible and not being able to sufficiently vent to anyone else. It's an impulse. Sometimes talking isn't enough and it's easier just to have pain. Much, much easier. I don't think anyone who hasn't attempted suicide or anyone who hasn't cut doesn't quite understand the sort of relief it brings.
Of course everyone has depression, some more than others, and it hurts other people, and whoever says that it's selfish is right. I understand that. But sometimes you fall into a pit and all you want to do is kill the pain while still hurting. I'm pretty sure that's how I'd describe it. It is giving in, but it's a type of "knee buckling" sort of thing. You fall and you feel like you can't get up. You need something that you can't quite understand.
what makes me angry are the people that do it because "it makes me seem edgy" or "Justin Beiber smokes weed so I'm going to cut to make him stop."
It's a serious issue, and whenever someone tells you about it, it's a cry for help. Maybe it's just for attention. Either way, they need something that they lack and should get help about it. And whoever they tell should be supportive, understanding, and willing to give them what they need, which is help from someone who understands and can actually help, whether it be attention or not.
I don't think anyone who's never been in a similar situation can understand that (and most of them have the exact same questions as you). I've never been suicidal, even when going through the worst kinda crap, I just told myself I'm not a quitter (and honestly contrary to popular believ being an atheist definitely pushes me the no-kill way).
Simplest way to put it: everyone experiences stuff differently, and have different tresholds for pain/depression/etc. It's true you always have a choice but choosing between utterly awful and even more awful is never a real choice to make.
Mercury-CroweFeatured By OwnerFeb 2, 2013Professional Artisan Crafter
It's like this-
Think about someone in a burning building. They have no way out except a window down 20 stories. Do they jump and die when they fall, or do they burn to death?
Suicide is EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
Your life is the burning building and it will kill you unless you kill yourself.
Or, that's how it feels. Normally that's not true, normally if you work at it you can put the fire out. But it requires intervention. Calling the fire department, as it were, which is hard for people to do since that involves actually going to some emergency service and asking for help.
At the same time, isn't the fire brigade the metaphor for the friends, family, doctors etc, that help the person in the burning building? It's not that hard to ask for help when you're in that sort of position, is it?
Mercury-CroweFeatured By OwnerFeb 2, 2013Professional Artisan Crafter
Apparently for some people it is. Particularly when others don't take you seriously.
You'd be surprised. I tried to get help for YEARS, it took me getting to the point where I was actually about to kill myself and had to go to the hospital for anybody to take me seriously- and I'm not just talking about friends and family, before I got ordered into a mental health clinic I'd been there literally one week before and been turned away because I was 'fine'.
Yes it is. Extremely so in many cases. Depression warps your perception of reality. Often they feel guilt over their seemingly unexplained feelings and their shame prevents them from seeking help. This feeling can be so strong that they will do everything to seem fine, even when they are on the brink of suicide. It's one of the reasons it's so hard to identify a depressed person.
Allura-DarkelfFeatured By OwnerFeb 2, 2013Student General Artist
It depends on how those people would react to the person asking for help. If the fire brigade doesn't believe that there's a fire, they're not going to help, even if it's right in front of their noses. That's why 2/3 of the people who suffer from depression never get treated. People don't take it seriously. You've got teens cutting for Beiber, and saying they're going to commit suicide over their boyfriend dumping them. It's getting hard to discern the fakers from the people who need help the most. Doctors and parents can chalk it up to hormones, and friends can think they're joking or just wanting attention. It's not so easy asking for help when you're afraid no one will believe or care.
You'll never know if they'll believe or care if you keep it all silent. People aren't mind readers. I think there should be bigger awareness on depression, it's more widespread than we probably think.
For the record, if one of my friends told me they were in a bad place, there's not a doubt in my mind that I'd do everything possible to help. I'd like to think people would know when they're dealing with an attention seeker and a legitimate case.
Allura-DarkelfFeatured By OwnerFeb 2, 2013Student General Artist
You are right that it's hard to tell if they'll believe you or not. But it's that overwhelming fear that keeps people silent. Is that the case for everyone? Of course not. It's a psychological fear that they'll be shunned. If they can overcome that fear, and find just one person that will take them seriously and who will do everything they possibly can, then their chance of getting the help they need increases, even if it's just by a small bit.
There is a group that's trying to spread awareness about depression and suicide. To Write Love On Her Arms. It's trying to show people that this is a rel thing, and that it's not just for attention or because of hormones or whatever stupid excuse society comes up with. Here's the link if you're interested. [link]
I understand your sentiments for when some think they are cool and edgy. And I know you are mainly refering to the attention whores, but your sentence "I really don't know what's going on with people's lives, but why hurt and kill yourself? I'm not saying I live a tragic life, but it's not all peachy, but cutting yourself and wanting to die really is a pessimistic way of thinking" bothers me
And I can understand where you come from, not experiencing it. And it might be hard to explain a little, but I'd like to at least attempt and describe and speak from what i have felt, though I am not sure it is the same as others have felt. Others feel free to correct me on this: you feel worthless. you want to feel better, but you can't. You make every effort to make yourself smile, you do your favorite things, but it's hollow. You might enjoy it for a bit, but it just feels empty and that hollow feeling remains there because you know you usually enjoy this but you just don't feel it at all. But you want to feel better and you keep trying to make yourself happy. You keep repeating the things you love the most. But you still feel empty. There's no joy in it. You're idly cycling through the actions, thinking "I can do this, I can beat it this time." And sometimes, it works.
But theres a point. Where you just feel worse, that no matter how much positive thinking, Every step you take is meaningless, every breath is wasted, every time you feel yourself doing an action in your favorite activity, be your legs pumping from running or your thumbs hitting the plastic buttons on the game controller, you aren't really there. There's a disconnect.
And no matter how much you know you mean to people, no matter what you got to do, it does not matter. It doesnt matter how much you try to pull yourself out. No matter how many times you tell yourself "I can beat this" your words become just as hollow as you feel. And you start to suffocate in this hollow void, a shell of how happy you were before. You feel truly stuck, at the bottom of a pit, and you want to lie down and never, ever move again.
I think this is the point where a lot of others want to die/harm, because that is where the thoughts come for me. You try to fight them as long as you can, but at this point, you are drowning. And sometimes you can help it, and you can break through it. But sometimes the current has you so strong you NEED help. And not every time there is someone to help you out of it, especially in some cases when it hits really bad.
For those that are only stating it for the attention... yeah, they can go fuck themselves. But for those that are legitimately depressed, can't help it, or are compulsive about it, I genuinely hope they find the help that they need :C
I just hate that people look down on depression because of these teens that think their hook ups, not getting their way, etc. is the end of the world . It's embarrassing, to say the least.
Unfortunately my own depression is chemical. My body fails to produce certain chemicals in the right quantity, causing the depression. 'Thinking happy' or anything like that doesn't help. It's irrational, I know it is, but that doesn't make me any less upset. Suicidal thoughts are the result of being tired of it. Tired of feeling sad and not knowing why, some people would just rather be dead than have to go every day not knowing what their mood is going to be like. My brain will have me happy and then all it takes is one comment taken the wrong way to have me in my dorm room thinking over everything I've ever done wrong, convincing me I'll have to flunk out of school and move back in with my mother, I'll be in debt until I die, no one would care if I was gone, etc. Even if I know none of it is true, I can't convince myself that it won't happen. -shrug- It's not like that for everyone, but that's how it is for me. I take medication and need to see a therapist, but the medication doesn't fix it and my form of depression simply gets worse over time. Sometimes dying seems like the easy way out.
Because brains are weird and everyone's is different
Sometimes when I'm really stressed out and I'm driving I contemplate, for the briefest of moments, crashing and killing myself. I don't actually want to, but it pops up. I imagine suicide is that feeling amplified due to an extremely terrible situation