Whether you're a real troll or an internet-naive person, I'll give you some attention which is possibly TL;DR to you. Don't worry, I'll know if you TL;DR-ed by your reply, if you do.
You can't expect watchers to look at your profile the moment you make an account. You must make yourself known, make a reputation and frankly, a complaint thread such as this is giving me the impression you are impatient, full of yourself and someone who doesn't really want to work hard for something he wants (I've seen your gallery). Is that the kind of reputation you want? Maybe you're even 13 but that's speculation already. When I first came to dA, I didn't wade in the forums much and after 2 years, I saw there was a forum for the purpose of welcoming new deviants. Have you swung by that place yet? Maybe you should so people will know you exist and welcome you appropriately. Maybe some people will even be your watchers.
The one thing I see wrong with your 'works,' if you call them that, is because it's not referencing international popculture (or at least the popculture that is known by about 90% of dA users). Attempt to dabble in popular fandoms because that's an easy way to get the attention of a certain audience. If making 9gag/4chan reference posters is your thing, use more known fandoms and characters.
You should definitely give it more time. If you don't upload any more works, you should learn to wait until you die. Why, you might ask? "I don't understand" you might say. Well, tell me, do you like watching a statue for so many years, waiting and hoping to see it move but you know it won't? That's what I mean. You have to be active. Watchers watch other people because they wait on new works by these people. Upload more of your works, share thumbnails in the thumbshare forums, ask people for critique, join contests, hold contests, etc. BE ACTIVE. That will get you watchers.
I promise, if you hold a raffle for 100 points or something like that, and have a requirement that people should watch you, you'll have about 10-15 watchers within 24 hours.
TL;DR Do more stuff here, make yourself known. If you're still impatient in the next 5 minutes after attempting to read this, deactivate your dA account, make a 9gag/4chan/tumblr account and wallow in your temporary fame there.
I'm sorry for sounding abrasive. It got me mildly annoyed that you're a new member and are sick of not having enough watchers.
I should've realized that I was like that once. After a while, I realized that I shouldn't my breath about it (meaning to say, when I started not to expect watchers and just focused on improving my work because I thought that I would get noticed if I improve myself more or upload more of my stuff). When I finally did get watchers, I knew they were legitimately watching me for my work and not because I was popular (and 1/4 of them are people I know and have interacted with IRL so, haha that helps too).
Remember: Watchers have the option of calling you their friend too. So be the friend you'd like to have.