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January 17, 2013
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This complaint is about shit

:iconcleverzed:
Cleverzed Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If you do not want to read about feces then by all means do not proceed.


I really fucking wish my intestines would schedule themselves better. There is 8 hours in a day that I am at work and maybe 6 hours that I am asleep. That leaves a good solid 10 hours of free time during which shitting is welcome to happen. But, nope, it never fails, every day I go to work, start in on job.. doing job stuff, fuck yeah, making moneys, awesome - bowels decide "WELP time for shit."

Shitting is meant to be a leisurely activity. Read some magazine or the back of mouthwash bottle if that's all that happens to be in arm's reach.. play some tetris or someshit, etc. etc. And I dunno if it's just me, but when I have to shit at work or in any other situation that the amount of free time is limited, if you try and hurry, it just fucking doesn't work. The shit progresses to that section of bowels right above your asshole and then your intestine goes "fuck man I dunno about this, all this pressure is making me nervous, maybe we should hold onto this one for a while more" and then it just... STOPS ITS GODDAMN PERISTALSIS. You're left with some shit sitting right in your goddamn rectum and intestines are not doing a goddamn thing to move it anywhere.

I don't enjoy this, my guts don't enjoy this, why the fuck they don't just shit at a time that is more convenient is fucking mystery to me.


Anti-complaint - I am buying a car again fuck yeah.
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Devious Comments

:iconatlantech:
Atlantech Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
play tetris with your shit :nod:
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:iconjonnyaltezza:
JonnyAltezza Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
As people have said said, change your diet. Eat high fiber foods in the morning such as beans and try some peanuts, peanut butter or other high fiber snacks a lunch. You'll be shitting in the evening in no time as long as you have a bit of exercise early in the day and plenty of water. Keep a bottle of water by your side all day at work and work on getting through it by the time you make your journey home. If all else fails have a SMALL glass of prune juice every evening when you get home. Also, try to get through at least two litters of water a day and cut back on coffee.

Being an opiate addict has thought me many things but beating life threatening constipation is may be my most valued. Also, here's a tip. Never eat fiber if you are taking opiates or are dehydrated to any degree, trust me on that.
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:iconoevrlord:
OEVRLORD Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You just need to force a scheduled time, and eventually your bowels will be like, "Oh, okay. This is a good time then?"
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:iconmidnalovez:
midnalovez Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
ugh I was waiting for the bus today and then I felt DAT feeling in my gut...
"FUCK YOU I WAS JUST INSIDE THE SCHOOL AND YOU HAVE TO ACT UP WHILE IM OUTSIDE?!?!"
Half an hour later after coming out of the bathroom it felt like there was fire ants stabbing me with flaming mini knives and/or I felt like I ate 1000 ghost peppers
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:iconzodiacgal:
zodiacgal Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Change yer diet?
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:icondezenerate:
Dezenerate Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
I have this problem only when tests are around (being a student instead of a worker). :B
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:iconemopizza:
EmoPizza Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013   Traditional Artist
:la: Consider changing your eating schedule and maybe your poopy time will change too.
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:iconnosvertu:
Nosvertu Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
My bowels do whatever the goddamn I want, because I have clenching/pushing POWER. I, uh, also have hemmies, but it's the price to pay for such CONTROL.
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:iconcorvalian:
Corvalian Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013
eat less fiber
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Your mind is not in tune with your body. :meditation:

My body listens to me quite well, I have to say.. unless I've eaten something wrong, then all shit flies... quite literally sometimes. :O
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